Since You Keep Your Black Daughters Living As Unprotected Prey In Black Neighborhoods, You Should At Least Train Them In Parkour And Free Running

Here’s a video of an 11-year old girl from Spain doing parkour. [Thankfully, she has the sense to have a spotter present to catch her when she has trouble with some of her acrobatics.]


There are practical considerations about parkour and free running skills.

If you still have your little girl living in a Black residential area:

  • which means she’s living among the LEGIONS of African-American male pedophiles and gang rapists that live in Black residential areas

then she needs to be fit and skilled enough to run fast, and vault over fences, park benches, and other physical objects (like the Spanish girl in the video).


Years ago before I had my own blog, I started warning African-American women to run for their lives and flee Black residential areas in the US. Almost four years ago, as a commenter on another blog, I said that we are 1.5 steps away from Rwanda. “Rwanda” has arrived among those African-Americans who persist in living in Black residential areas.

Despite the bad-faith denial and lies spoken by the “things aren’t so bad that we need to evacuate Black neighborhoods” type of African-Americans, the pandemic of sexual molestation, rape, and gang rape among African-Americans continues to ravage increasing numbers of victims:


At this point, it’s obvious there will be an ever-increasing number of atrocities inflicted on the (mostly Black) women and girls who live or pass through Black residential areas. And since this is obvious, any Black parent who keeps their daughter living within African-American Rwanda zones is a negligent parent.


If you’re one of these negligent Black parents who insist upon keeping your baby girl living among the savage Black male brutes—who run wild in Black residential areas—and their equally depraved Black female enablers, then at minimum you need to make sure she’s fit. Fit and skilled enough to run fast and vault over objects like the Spanish girl in the video.

If you’re still living in a Black residential area, then you also need to get fit enough to run for your life. You also need to drop whatever Oppositional Defiant Disorder-based attitude you might have about the police. After all, White Male-Dominated Law Enforcement Is The Only Thing Standing Between You And Mass Rape In Black Neighborhoods. The life you save by dropping this knee-jerk, anti-police attitude might be your own.


Let’s stay on point with this conversation. I’m talking about:

Functional fitness training in parkour and free running skills that could help unprotected Black girls (and women) living in Black residential areas get away from the first Black male rapist. It appears that what happens in a number of these situations is that the first Black male monster catches and traps the girl, and then that Black male monster starts phoning his Black male monster-friends to come join him in raping the girl.

If the girl can avoid being physically caught by the first Black male monster, then perhaps she’ll be able to avoid being raped and gang raped.

The sheer negligence of those African-American parents who keep their daughters living in Black male-gang-rapist-infested Black residential areas. At this point, nobody can honestly “play the nut role” and fail to know that large numbers of African-American males are inclined to engage in rape and gang rape. Or that large numbers of African-American female zombies will support Black male rapists and gang rapists.

I’m not interested in the empty, meaningless handwringing that is the typical response to these atrocities. We already know that the masses of African-American adults are not going to lift a finger to protect Black girls who are trapped living within Black residential areas.

Since these Black girls WON’T be protected by the Black adults around them, then it would be helpful for these girls to be trained how to run and vault over objects. Maybe that sort of training could be added to their Girl Scout, church-based, and (zombie) “community”-based, programs. So the helpless, defenseless girls can increase their odds of being able to escape the large numbers of Black male monsters in Black residential areas who will try to rape them.


There’s no one technique or method that would apply to any and all scenarios.

My issue is that African-Americans almost never discuss practical ideas about these scenarios. Either we go into lengthy discussions about various sociological and ideological constructs. Or we do some empty venting about how horrible the Black male monsters are. Or we do some empty handwringing.

I’m trying to foster a conversation about some PRACTICAL ideas that sane African-Americans can present to the “orphaned” Black girls in their orbit. Orphaned for all practical purposes because there are NO adults in their families who are acting responsibly to protect them.

In terms of the parkour, I’m also thinking of the ability to vault over chairs and tables to run out of a room that one finds oneself trapped in. I’m thinking about the ability to run away effectively in general.

Since we know Black girls are NOT going to be protected, what sorts of training or ideas can we—as sane African-American adults—present to the orphaned Black girls in our orbit?

March 13, 2011   137 Comments

Don’t Stop Short, Tell The WHOLE Truth—It’ll Set You Free

This is a follow-up to For All Practical Purposes, Most Self-Proclaimed Good Black Men™ = Pookie And Ray-Ray. We’ve been discussing the post, For My Critics: If You Have A Better Solution Bring It from Von’s Black Consciousness; the conversation over there about the post, and the implications of both. At first, I was going to write a separate essay, but I think that you—the readers—have explained various angles the best.


A reader named Muse said,

Even though I’m not around thugs or criminals in my circle or environment, it doesn’t mean I don’t encounter DBRs. I think the career-orientated/ professional DBRs are more dangerous because their dysfunctional thinking and behavior isn’t that obvious to the naked eye. As a woman you have to be on guard and pay close attention to their behavior to spot the non-thug DBR Negro. These individuals cover up their degenerate behavior with their degrees and careers. They have a complex and entitlement issues as Von mentioned in her post, which translates to the poor treatment of Black women. These guys are also the same types to defend the obvious DBR and put blame solely on women for the issues impacting the “community.”

These awful individuals take advantage of the numbers working against black women and use that to exploit the good women they do encounter. Black women are jumping through hoops and compromising their integrity just to be with these men without any reciprocity. In fact these gainfully employed pseudo-nice guys are kicking back and enjoying their harem of Black women catering to their every need. Sadly so many black women are so desperate for the IBM (Ideal Black Man) on paper, that they give these pseudo-nice guys a pass because of their education and careers even if they are being treated like garbage. I’ve told my male friends and associates countless times that if they use women as sperm dumpsters they are no better than the Pookie and Ray-Rays.

The black women who manage exchange nuptials with these pseudo-nice guys aren’t in a better position. Now they have to maintain their super woman status. Not only do these women have to have a high power career and bring home the bacon, they also have to play the role of the housewife, sex goddess, and super wife. These women experience the double burden that many feminists write about. They have to maintain careers and the household without much support. I’ve actually spoken to friends who married these types of men and looking back most of them regret getting married to these losers.

On paper and to the outside world they look like the power couple having the Barrack and Michelle fantasy but behind closed doors they are suffering because they are alone in their marriage. In fact some of these women are also dealing with unfaithful husbands. These Negros who grew up with nothing suddenly think that just because they have their degrees and fancy job titles they can do whatever they want, even if it means disrespecting their wives. Many of them have women on the side and its expected behavior as long as he comes home to the wife.

As a disclaimer not all professional black men act like this however I can’t begin to tell you how many of these pseudo-nice guys have hit on me during happy hour or tried to make me their mistress at professional conferences. Luckily I have too much self-respect and ego to be someone’s side chick. This brings me to the point that women have to look beyond job titles and credentials when evaluating a mate. It takes patience and discipline but at the end you will thank yourself for having high standards for your life.

A reader named Oshun/Aphrodite said,

I think Pookie and Nice Guy™ take up for one another. They work hand in hand in destroying BW. They look out for one another and fuel each other. They have a code/contract. As long as Nice Guy™ doesn’t actually throw salt in Pookie’s game (like stopping him or protecting women from him) Nice Guy™ is allowed to use him in order to run his own brand of game on women. And as much as Nice Guy claims to hate Pookie – they never rat them out. They always jump on the women who were naive or vulnerable after the fact. After the damage has been done.

A reader named Joyous Nerd said,

Wow, powerful commentary here, Von really knocked it out of the park. Of course Good Black Men are not going to step in and stop Pookie and Jaquarvius…. those low class BM are creating the wonderful life that these middle class men are savoring!

Without low rent thugs creating hellish conditions for black women and black children, BW would never be so desperate and willing to tolerate abuse, cheating and a whole host of other foolishness. The shortage is what gives Good Black Man the ability to have a harem till he crumbles of old age. If those bums weren’t so incomparably degenerate, the Good Black Men would still miss the mark by miles compared to functional men of other races.

I said,

My thing is that, until I read Von’s post, I hadn’t really taken note of how heavily invested most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ are in scapegoating underclass Pookie and Ray-Ray—while doing NOTHING to check Pookie’s and Ray-Ray’s destructive behavior. Pookie and Ray-Ray aren’t the only (or even the majority of) AA males who are actively engaging in destructive, anti-family formation, anti-life behaviors. Most of these self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ are the SAME as Pookie and Ray-Ray in terms of being irresponsible womanizers.

Also just the SAME as Pookie and Ray-Ray, most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ are always care-RECIPIENTS from BW and never care-PROVIDERS to Black women. Often, including never providing active, material care to their own Black mothers and other Black female relatives who have supported their aspirations over the years.

I also hadn’t made the connection between this scapegoating and the fact that most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ measure themselves and their manhood (such as it is) by what Pookie and Ray-Ray are doing or not doing; *not* by what mostly functional, nonblack men are doing. The mind boggles.

. . . The distinction I make isn’t about a man being racially “Black.” It’s about how dysfunctional the masses of (mostly fatherless) modern African-American males are at this point. I would tell a marriage-minded BW to bypass the vast majority of AA males.

. . . There are a handful of BM like Victor, Black SeaGoat, and others who will be stern and firm in confronting and chastising destructive BM. But these real men only constitute approximately 2% of the AA male population. There are just too few of them for them to be able to affect the tidal wave of AA male mutants. Like “Saigon,” the microscopic numbers of protective and provider BM have been overrun.


A reader named AK said,

I’ll never forget Khadija when you talked about your BM lawyer acquaintance who thought he was goin’ round town straight up ballin’ with a little black book as thick as a Bible until he had a stroke and then NOBODY had time for him anymore, and he had OOW kids from his escapades, you said, who I’m sure he expects them to show up now or soon even though he never wanted to show up for them. Just because he’s a lawyer black people would swear up and down that he was a Good Black Man (TM), especially the black women.

That’s a shame about this acquaintance left high and dry after such a debilitation but if he’d have lived life a bit differently and with more accountability, he’d have support in his situation and not have to go through it all alone. Oh well! I hope he has plenty of savings left over for himself that he hasn’t squandered on too many trinkets, or on bad investments, or anything.

I said,

Many of the unmarried, professional AA male bedhoppers’ basic game plan is that they’ll marry a much-younger BW church lady when they feel themselves getting close to old age for real. They figure that when they hit their early 50s, then they’ll marry a 30-something or younger AA church lady. That way, they’ll have a younger wife ready and prepped to take care of them once they become truly elderly and sickly.

Where my BM attorney acquaintance messed up is that he had the stroke before he had identified or started dating a much younger BW church girl to take care of him when he got old and sickly. Of course, he didn’t expect anything like that to happen. He figured he had more time to sleep around (he was around his mid- to late 40s when he had the stroke). It turned out that he had waited too long to start looking for a church girl to take care of him in his future old age and poor health. If he had timed it better, then he probably would have gotten over the hump.

And since he had the stroke while he has still in obvious player mode, none of his jumpoffs wanted to be bothered with taking care of his rear end. None of the women he was sleeping with were actual girlfriends. So, they didn’t feel any obligation to help him.

A reader named Lisa99 said,

The BW church girl racket is another thing on my long list of complaints about the traditional AA Christian church.

So I know a BW, 35, never married, who is getting married next June. She talks about how she was so glad she waited on “God’s timing” and didn’t force things on her own, etc. A pastor introduced her to her future husband and within three months they were engaged. There wasn’t any formal proposal (which is not necessarily a big deal, but keep reading), but he just brought up the fact that he wanted to marry her and they just kinda fell into an engagement.

Now… I later learn that this man is 49, previously married, been divorced for about 6-7 years. Don’t know about kids. I know nothing about this man and he could be wonderful. But it’s rather fishy to me how quickly he made a move on a younger (but never-married and ready) BW church girl… as if he was on that plan of making sure he found a “good churchgoing woman” right at the time he realized he was too old to keep bedhopping.

And now, the woman is so excited talking about what God delivered her and folks at the church are using this story as an example of God answering prayers. Now I don’t necessarily believe that God is in the matchmaking business, but if so, I find it hard to believe that this 35-year-old, never-married woman’s pre-ordained destiny is a divorced man darn near 50 years old…

I just smiled when I heard the story and wished the woman well.

In reply, I said,

What’s fishy to me is how so many AA women—especially AA church women—choose to be blind and dumb about this obvious behavior pattern. How do they not notice that these breaking-down/broke down BM players only come to them when they sense they’re coming to the point when they’ll need somebody to physically take care of them? What happened to these church girls’ pet phrase about being “unequally yoked”?

You said, ” I find it hard to believe that this 35-year-old, never-married woman’s pre-ordained destiny is a divorced man darn near 50 years old… “

Me too. I’m just disgusted at how the AA church (and mosque) serve up BW for exploitation. And then call this “God’s will.” Somehow, God doesn’t will that type of bs for any other ethnic group or race of women in the US!


A reader named Monique said,

I totally cosign onto this post and several of the comments written thus far. I believe that the “Good Black Man” moniker is an oxymoron; truly decent, good black men of character simply do not exist. There may be a few who do right by their own woman or child, but the vast majority do not check, condemn or reign in the outrageous behavior of the Ray Rays and Pookies within the defunct BC. Therefore, those BM who claim to be “good” still are not acting in a protective role for the masses of BW and Black children, they are only taking care (albeit minimally) their own.

Additionally, your comment about BM measuring themselves against the lowest common denominator (i.e., the pookies and thugs) instead of functioning, healthy men in the global village has always baffled me. Indeed it’s baffling to me that most AA choose to emulate utter foolishness and pass it off as “culture.” It appears to me that BM simply do not want to do better, they simply do not want to put in the work to make themselves competitive in this world. It is apparent from their actions that being nothing more than entertainers (coons are more apropos), athletes, “rappers” and mandingo stud muffins is fine by them.

If BW want a more abundant life, we will HAVE to date and marry quality men from the global village and leave Ray Ray and Pookie to their own demise.

That’s the bottom line. The current cultural protocol is for African-American women to stop short of saying this last part out loud. We can’t afford to keep doing this. We can’t afford to keep coming up with elaborate and unlikely alternative answers all in the name of avoiding the obvious solution of interracial marriage for Black women.

Concerns were raised about the pattern that many online Black conversations take. Specifically the pattern of stopping short, and advocating anything except the common-sense, natural solution of Black women doing what large numbers of Asian women have done to improve their circumstances: marry from among the dominant population—marry White men.

Faith, blog host of Acts of Faith in Love & Life said,

Good points which is why the post, the source material and the insane response in the comment section took the central point into a confused mess. I saw a few distinct caveats though.

1) The idea of the women raising kids alone is a problem.
2) Are all of these abandoned women supposed to remain so?
3) The inevitable conclusion that women must stop limiting themselves by race is not seriously encouraged when we know that is going to be best option and AA women need to date/marry out.
4) There’s still an undercurrent of pain and disappointment expressed and I think hoping for the BM to ‘come to his senses’ so they can all come together.
That “black love” trap! It was why some of the male detractors immediately tried to block the idea of interracial dating for BW.

While I think Von’s conversation was beneficial and may appeal to a certain audience some of the key elements that would address the “conclusion” aspect as BW finally move on to the next phase of their lives (if they want the highest quality) cannot be ignored.

A reader from the UK named Foxy Cleopatra said,

I think Von is spot on with her observations, however, knowing the way several bw choose to think, some may interpret it the wrong way. What I benefit from the example used with the Umoja women is that they saw the situation and got away from all the nonsense and made their lives better on their own terms, irrespective of what ‘their’ men thought of it. There is however, the danger that some silly bw (who constantly lurk on these empowerment sites) may then literally take this to mean that since these so-called ‘good black men’ aren’t really ever going to show up and sweep them off their feet, they should then forget about actually having a quality man in their lives and instead just build communities with themselves and remain single for the rest of their lives.

Yes bw should find like minded pple and form communities but I find it hard to believe that for the masses of black women, marriage is not something that they desire (irrespective of whether or not they already have kids oow or not). In the grand scale of things, bw should forget about this nonsensical IBM fantasy and hedge their bets with finding worthy men in the global village.

In reply to Faith’s comment, I said,


I also noticed the “caveats” you mentioned. That’s why I’ve decided to do a Part 2 to this post. Any plan that revolves around AA women remaining without competent, effective men providers is a bad plan. I see those sorts of ideas as emergency/crisis way stations. Way stations to bridge the gap between being immersed in the radioactive AA scene and transitioning to join the outer, global village.

Focused Purpose, blog host of the Focused Purpose blog said,

. . . it seems that folks are afraid or simply refuse to mention the obvious date out common sense conclusion. or at least call it right out in no uncertain terms. it takes a lot of courage to do this. i know when i was all “power to the people” railing on white folks for their mistreatment of bm, it took a long minute to fix my mouth to call it. and BOY! did it hurt initially. it is the final acknowledgment of the death. honestly, i felt angry with those that were freely proclaiming to the world that all was lost. . .

In reply, I said,

I agree. I felt the same way in the past. I now realize that I was still looking at the situation through the distorting lens of the AA cultural Oppositional Defiant Disorder that we have going in terms of Whites. In order for AA women and girls to survive and thrive, we MUST drop this Oppositional Defiant Disorder attitude toward WM. AA women must learn how to comfortably socialize in the global village.


When the sorts of conversations like the one from Von’s blog occur, the most many participants will concede is that perhaps . . . just maybe . . . African-American women should kinda, sorta think about dating and marrying non-African-American Black men, and other men of color. That’s a false solution for a number of reasons. First of all, many men of color are just as colorist and downright racist as African-American men. I made the following reply comment at another blog about the patterns I’ve observed,

I would say that it’s not either/or, it’s both/and.

On the one hand, everything else being roughly equal (the woman’s comportment, looks, etc.) BW are “held to a different standard than white and Asian women and men do not put as much energy into pursuing us.” That’s just reality at this point. BW can either deal with it and keep moving forward; or give up.

On the other hand, NO other ethnic group of women other than African-American women are running around publicly and loudly declaring that they would never date outside their race. Other women also haven’t bought into the Sista Soldiering, lack of femininity, “mean mug” facial expressions, etc. on a massive scale like AA women.

Most of the BW bloggers that I’m aware of who support BWIR have talked about ALL of these variables. For example, Evia has talked about the overall social reality that quality WM are in a position to be able to pick from a wide range of women. So WM have no incentive to chase after unapproachable-acting BW. She’s also emphasized that there are numerically more WM in the US than other types of men. Halima has, on more than one occasion, emphasized the current generation of adult BW will have to face the extra hurdles of being trailblazers in terms of IR marriage.

For my part, I’ve repeatedly told AA women to stop assuming that there’s automatically some Kumbaya thing in operation with other people of color. In the employment context, I’ve repeatedly said that AAs are more likely to be hired by White “gatekeepers” than other POC gatekeepers.

I believe the same overall pattern applies to AA women and IR marriage context. The marriage odds are better for AA women and WM than with other men of color. Among the various categories of WM, the marriage odds are better for AA women with European-born WM as opposed to American-born WM. However, even in terms of American WM, I’ve noticed a significant change in the past 20-25 years. More American WM are willing to approach BW for dating than they were 2 decades ago. Before, WM would look at and notice BW, but it was rare for them to approach BW and ask them out for a date.

Other people of color tend to be as racist and colorstruck as AA males. Some of these cultures are racist and colorstruck among themselves. South Asians (East Indians and Pakistanis) are extremely bad with this even among themselves. Skin color is one of the features they prominently mention in the marriage ads they place in their own publications. I’ve seen them do this on a routine basis in ads in immigrant Muslim publications. Since these people do this among themselves, they’re really not into the idea of courting and marrying BW.

In terms of seeking a quality husband among other men of color, a BW has the worst overall odds with Asian men. What I’ve seen of East Asians up close (I’m speaking of mostly Koreans, but also some Chinese and Japanese) is that they are xenophobic among themselves. Folks’ parents from these 3 nationalities will react badly when their child marries an Asian person from one of the other 2 groups. Even though Asians from these 3 groups look very similar to each other in terms of features and complexions. [Unlike Thais, Filipinos and others who are often much darker.] So again, if these people are acting like this among themselves, then no—they’re not really looking to marry BW.

I’m speaking in generalities. There are always individual outliers among any group of people. To sum up, the odds a darker-skinned, West African-featured, IR-dating BW finding a quality husband are much better with WM than with men of color.

Unless an individual BW really has a thing for Asian men, I would not recommend that marriage-minded BW invest much time or energy into trying to date Asian men. The odds of that panning out into marriage are low.

Foxy Cleopatra had this to say from the UK (if I remember correctly, she’s African—she can correct me if I’m wrong :-)),

To the second part of my comment, there are some observations I have made concerning a lot of ‘formerly black nationalist’ bw and I think the earlier this issue is addressed, the better. Some of these women still maintain a lot of the black love fantasies and so in advising AA women to date out, tell them to date other non-AA bm. I believe that this is very very risky for several reasons which I will outline in my next comment.

. . . The reasons are as follows:

1. For any black woman living in the US, your best options for dating out are wm. That is just a fact. Whether it has to do with numbers, availability, access etc.

2. For non-AA bm, I will address Caribbean-origin bm and African bm separately. For Caribbean bm, it is an absolute and bold faced LIE that their mating habits are any different from that of AA males. For those of them residing in the Caribbean, the ‘white is right’ mentality is, dare I say even more blatantly exhibited. The MAIN reason why the IR rate among them may seem lower is because as a proportion, black pple there are more than in the US and non-blacks are less, so therefore, there is less of an opportunity. Also, a lot of the black men one sees in America that may just be assumed to be AA are actually of Caribbean origin. So a lot of these dbrbm are themselves non-AA.

3. Looking at Black Caribbean British males, their abandonment of ‘their’ women is even more dire! Forget about their dating habits, the good proportion of them do not even want bw anywhere in their surroundings. The same nonsense (black on black crime, high prison population, low educational achievement etc) exists among black males here in the UK. The prevalence of rape against women (of various races) residing in predominantly black areas is shocking and even more disgusting is the black ‘communities’ reaction towards it. These gang rapes are most generally committed by black and mixed race males (of both Caribbean and African origin).

4. As for African men, where do I even start. I think this is the most dangerous situation because of the very high number of ‘boardroom thugs’/’ray-rays in a suit’ that a lot of AA women will fall for it. Let me break it down. A lot of AA women see several successful African men choosing to marry bw and begin to cheer them. However, one needs to understand the way a lot of these men think. I cannot count the number of times that I have heard an African man say that if he didn’t marry a woman from his country or another African woman, he may as well just marry a non-black woman.

Most of the African men I know who are married to women who are not from their home country or another African country are married to white women from the eastern bloc (of European countries) or to Asian women from developing countries. For some reason, a lot of these African men have gotten this notion that they have this stream of AA women waiting for them and are more than willing to take advantage of it, and unfortunately, i am seeing several AA women falling for it!

Don’t get me wrong, there are several good African men but most of those you see in the west (and so will meet) do not take long to develop these same pathetic mentalities themselves. The only thing I have noticed is that they are not as vocal as say AA and Caribbean men but once you actually begin to engage in conversation with a lot (and to be honest most) of them, you will be utterly disgusted at the kinds of things you hear.

I think the issue is that just because these males may take care of their kids and get married on a much more frequent scale than AA males, some women would refer to them as being ‘good/desirable/catches’. If these men were en masse, so responsible, lets keep it real, the African continent would not be in the state it presently is in right now. As much as I didn’t like it the first time I heard it, I have to be honest and agree with Evia, by and large, bm the world over are a conquered men.

All of the above is the second reason this “maybe it’s okay for African-American women to expand their dating pool only large enough to also include other men of color” suggestion is a false solution. By eliminating quality White men from their marriage pool, African-American women are eliminating the largest group of men in the US! And eliminating the group of nonblack men who are most likely to marry Black women! How crazy and self-defeating is that?

Bottom line: If we’re serious about wanting a reasonable chance for (a wholesome) marriage—and if we want the same thing for our daughters—then we’ll have to include American White men in our dating and marriage pool. We’re also going to have to drop some of our habitual cultural mindsets. Starting with the knee-jerk oppositional stance many of us take with White men. I said,

. . . Sadly, “Saigon” has fallen. At this point, there’s not much other than suffering and death for BW within the AA collective and its social environments.

So, we need to send our Black girls out into the outer nonblack global village to find their future husbands. This means we need to groom and orient the Black girls and young BW in our lives toward entry into the outer society. AA girls and women know how to work in the outer world. But they haven’t been raised to successfully socialize in the outer world. AA women have been programmed to shun socializing in the outer world. This must change if we want the AA girls who come behind us to have fulfilling lives.
For many of us, this means dropping the cultural Oppositional Defiant Disorder-type of attitude that many AAs automatically take toward the outer, nonblack—especially White—world.

“Saigon” (what used to be a semi-functioning AA community) has been completely overrun by deranged, destructive new-school AA mutants. It’s gone. It won’t be coming back. Those of us who are survivors are going to have to adapt to life in the outer world. This means dropping a lot of the knee-jerk oppositional, and anti-White attitudes that made sense during earlier eras, but now only serve to keep AA women imprisoned in all-AA social and physical hell pits.

African-American women are the only group of people on this planet who worry about “Black love” to their own detriment. Black men have never let “Black love” or any other ideology stop them from dating and marrying White or other nonblack women. Overall, Black men have not reciprocated Black women’s sense of obligation to the Black community. Judging from outward actions and words, most Black men are not concerned about building Black marriages and Black families. Only Black women seem to be preoccupied with “Black love” and “the Black family.”

Were the following (and countless other) Black men worried about “Black love”?

Amiri Baraka, Charles Barkley, Harry Belafonte, Billy Blanks, Julian Bond, Taye Diggs, Father Divine, Frederick Douglass, Julius Erving (Dr. J), Frantz Fanon, Marvin Gaye, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Gregory Hines, Rick James, James Earl Jones, Quincy Jones, Van Jones, Reginald Lewis, Thurgood Marshall, Major Owens, Sidney Poitier, Adam Clayton Powell, Prince, Richard Pryor, Lou Rawls, Lionel Richie, Dennis Rodman, Seal, Russell Simmons, O.J. Simpson, Wesley Snipes, Clarence Thomas, Melvin Van Peebles, Ben Vereen, Herschel Walker, Walter White, John Edgar Wideman, Billy Dee Williams, Montel Williams.

No, these Black men (and many others) didn’t let worries about “Black love” limit their lives. Since Black men don’t let worries about “Black love” stop them from doing whatever is best for themselves, there is no sense in so many African-American women worrying about “Black love” to their detriment. In fact, to do so is foolish. This behavior by African-American women is uniquely foolish.

Other women of color, including African women, have never limited their marriage options out of a misguided and unreciprocated sense of loyalty. African-American women are the only women of color who go around publicly saying that they won’t date outside their race. No other group of women on this planet engages in this behavior. Not African women. Not Latina women. Not Asian women. Not Arab women.

African-American women are alone on this planet in foolishly limiting their marriage options.

Any African-American woman who is serious about optimizing her lifestyle to include marriage is going to have to start focusing on quality instead of race and ethnicity.

*Audience Note* I learned so much from mostly listening during Part 1, that I’m going to do the same here. Please feel free to talk among yourselves.

November 30, 2010   75 Comments

For All Practical Purposes, Most Self-Proclaimed Good Black Men™ = Pookie And Ray-Ray

The willingness to listen with humility, to accept correction, and to engage in self-correction are qualities that I value. In that spirit, I’ve decided to imitate one of my favorite bloggers, Fabius Maximus, by doing an ongoing series of posts documenting instances (as they occur) where readers (or other people) have either corrected my misconceptions or pointed out blind spots in my thinking. As I’ve always stressed, I’m definitely not any sort of guru, and I learn a lot from listening to the readers and other bloggers. Here’s the most recent course correction in my thinking.


Following post links from What About Our Daughters to Black Voices ultimately led me to the post, For My Critics: If You Have A Better Solution Bring It from Von’s Black Consciousness, where among other things she said (I lightly edited the profanity),

At some point in time black men checked the f*ck out! People reading this can deny if they want, but there is a reason why states are studying the plight of black men. There is a reason why Bill Cosby is telling black women they will have to leave black men behind ( here). There is a reason I keep receiving emails from BLACK MEN reading, “I feel sorry for young black women.” There is a reason my original blog ruffled some feathers. Be HONEST with YOURSELF about it. Black women cannot count on black men at all period…for the most part we are on our own. If this were not true do you honestly think we would see the above statistics?

But wait…what about those “good” black men?

What about them? Where the hell are they when the “bad” black men are f*cking up the community? Where the hell are they when sh*t is popping off and black women and children are dodging bullets in the neighborhood or trying to protect themselves from rape or some other bullsh*t? Where the hell are these so-called good black men when their female counterparts are seeking marriage? I’ll tell you where MOST of the so-called good black men are: They are off somewhere taking advantage of their position sexing up every damn woman (and possibly man) they come in contact with ( here and here).

Most of the so-called good black men are wolves in sheep’s clothing. On paper they look real nice/appealing, but once you dig a little deeper you realize just how whorish and trifling they are. They are no better than the Pookies and Ray-Rays they try to pull rank over. More often than not these so-called good black men have a little money, a decent job, and some education. This is the MAIN reason they walk around feeling special. However, instead of being stand up men (or REAL good men) and seeking a wife, they take advantage of their low numbers and the high number of single black women. So, I say F*CK THEM. I can’t see myself being allies with these so-called good black men because I don’t respect or trust them.

Finding a true stand up black man is like finding a needle in a haystack. Great if you find one (I count my blessing daily) not the end of the world if you don’t find one (my life will keep moving with or without a man…I love my soon to be husband dearly but I’m not going to lay down and die if things go south). I got nothing but love for the REAL “good” black men who are handling their business (that includes actually being faithful, loving ONE woman, and making her your wife), but let’s not act like those individuals are the majority or even half of the African American male population. There aren’t enough of these men to go around. These individuals cannot take up the slack for all the other f*cked up black men. Black folks need to concede to this reality (which helps my case).

(emphasis added)

She’s right. As discussed in this post, White male-dominated law enforcement personnel are the only organized group of male protectors that African-American women and children have. Self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ assume no responsibility whatsoever for the safety of Black women and children within Black residential areas.

Self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ also like to pretend that underclass African-American male “Pookies” and “Ray-Rays” are the primary, if not only, source of the majority out of wedlock child rate within the African-American collective. They’re not. And that most of the African-American males who abandon their children fit Pookie’s and Ray-Ray’s profile. They don’t. At least not from what I saw while doing defense rotations in my area’s child support courtrooms. The educated, working Good Black Men™ that I represented in those cases ALSO did not want to recognize or financially support their children. I talked about the horrors Black women in particular often go through in oow paternity cases in the post, You Betta Recognize That It’s FAR Better To Be A Divorced Mother Than A Never-Married Mother With Out Of Wedlock Children.

At any rate, until I read Von’s post, I hadn’t realized the extent to which Good Black Men™ like to heap all their collective failures as men onto underclass Pookie and Ray-Ray. Their scapegoating of Pookie and Ray-Ray also ties into these so-called Good Black Men’s™ thinly veiled envy of Pookie and Ray-Ray. It’s all extremely toxic, and reminds me of an exchange I had with a defective, most likely fatherless Black male reader during a recent post:

[Defective, Most-Likely Fatherless, Black Male Reader,]

I’m not surprised that you provided a “teachable moment.” I was hoping that you wouldn’t veer off into reading your own issues into what was being said; but I wasn’t holding my breath in that hope.

You had to work overtime…work your fingers to the bone…to get everything that’s been said so far ALL twisted around into your statement, “Character, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t matter when it comes to men.”

Let me say what my original, unedited response was to your first statement:

From your very first questions, you sound like a fatherless man who has never thought to plan for his woman’s (and/or future children’s) physical safety. I had originally said this in my first response, but I deleted that part. I wanted to see what you would ultimately say. Well, now I know.

On top of sounding like a fatherless man who wasn’t raised to be a protector or provider, you sound angry at the very idea that anybody might expect that from you. With more than a dash of self-professed, fake “Nice Guy™” thrown into the mix. Added with what sounds like your (really quite curious) envy of BM drug dealers and thugs. All in all, you’ve worked very hard to make several amazingly inaccurate distortions about what’s been said so far.

(1) Why in the world do you assume that BM drug dealers and thugs are “protectors and providers” for their women? Who ever told you that? A drug dealer or thug? Ummm…no, that’s NOT how most AA male drug dealers and thugs I’ve enountered roll.

As someone who has represented many drug dealers and thugs over the years, you’re making a LOT of false assumptions about the nature of drug dealers and thugs. The BM drug dealer and thug are among the first males who will use women and children as human shields if something breaks out. You didn’t catch the reference to the “New Jack City” maneuver of using women and children as human shields? Drug dealers and thugs are the ones who do that sort of maneuver. Who else could you possibly have thought I was talking about when I said,

To the ultimate life-and-death sort of things. The woman should know—without being having to be told—that any physical attacker would have to get through the man in order to get at her or their children. Not the “New Jack City” maneuver of using women and children as human shields. Not the modern “runs without looking to see what’s happening with his date” male. Not the modern “I don’t know what to do” male who’s stands around confused when some other male verbally assaults the woman he’s with; or when some other mess breaks out. [At minimum, quickly get the woman safely away from the predator/problem.]

AA male drug dealers and thugs are also prone to be among the first to run off without checking to see what happened to their dates/women. You give BM drug dealers and thugs a lot of credit for “heart” that they generally DON’T have. It’s amazing to see a self-professed “Nice Guy™” praise them so.

I will also note that my negative impressions of drug dealers and thugs are not new. What I’ve seen of them in my professional life only confirms the extremely negative view I had of them as a teenage girl. And I wasn’t the only teenage AA girl during high school who hated drug dealers and thugs. Most of the other AA girls I knew hated them too…but I guess AA young women like that don’t count…only the Black female knuckleheads who aren’t repulsed by criminals “register” in the minds of self-professed “Nice Guys™” like you.

(2) You’re also assuming that BM drug dealers and thugs actually provide for their women and children. That’s an interesting assumption that’s NOT borne out by what I saw while doing some rotations—defending men in paternity and child support cases—in Chicago’s child support courtrooms. From what I saw, the bulk of such individuals spend the lion’s share of whatever money flows through their hands on THEMSELVES.

(3) Who said anything about wanting a man with a “penchant for irresponsibility and violence” or a man who’s prone to gunplay? Sir, that’s YOU saying that. NOBODY ELSE said anything even remotely like that. Let me repeat what I did say:

(a)I mentioned how men who are protectors think through and PLAN what they might do if something happens when their women and children are around. I said,

Let me mention a disturbing trend about modern BM and the above life-and-death scenarios. I can count on less than one hand (and this includes my ex) the number of modern BM who have taken the time to think through what they would do if some life-and-death emergency situation breaks out while they’re with their lady.

(b)I also mentioned planning in terms of fire, and other general emergencies. I said,

And the local E2 disaster in Chicago was a perfect example of NON-protective, new-school AA males. I recall noticing during the tv news reports from outside the nightclub that it was the physically largest AA males who were wedged in the doors—they had trampled over other people (including stepping over, one might assume, their dates for the night to get to the doors).

. . . On another note, all of this has brought back memories of how my Dad had us practice evacuating the house in case of fire when I was small. We also practiced getting in and out of the car quickly (no fooling around for me and my brother) when a code word was given.

(c)I mentioned how men who are protectors pay attention to what’s going on in their physical environment. I said,

I also notice that many modern BM do not appear to be paying attention to the physical environment and who’s in it while they’re out with their ladies.

One of the benefits of working with a lot of cops and prison guards over the years is that I’ve learned how to notice who’s quietly scanning the environment. Cops and prison guards know how to pay close attention to what’s going on around them in the environment without obviously looking like they’re watching. They also know how to do this while holding totally unrelated conversations, etc.

I’m not saying that anybody should be paranoid. But, a PROTECTIVE man is as quietly and unobtrusively observant as most cops. Old-school BM and modern BM who were raised by old-school BM are quietly vigilant like most cops when their women and children are around. I feel a lot safer with men like that around.

Sir, how in the world did you interpret any of this as referring to drug dealers and thugs? Like I said, you had to work your fingers to the bone to take a reference that compared protective men to POLICE OFFICERS and interpret it as praise of drug dealers and thugs. That was absolutely dishonest on your part.

(4)I mentioned how a protective man will, at minimum, quickly get the woman AWAY from the predator/problem. NOT stand around confused because he doesn’t know what to do. I said,

Not the modern “I don’t know what to do” male who’s stands around confused when some other male verbally assaults the woman he’s with; or when some other mess breaks out. [At minimum, quickly get the woman safely away from the predator/problem.]

Sir, it’s not anybody else’s fault—including the BM drug dealers and thugs you apparently choose to envy—that you haven’t mentally prepared yourself to be a competent protector or provider. NONE of the above descriptions of what protective men do revolves around gunplay. I’d say that at least 90%-plus of the protective behaviors I described above are MENTAL actions; and are the result of a man:


2-paying attention (which often prevents one from getting caught in various negative situations in the first place), and

3-having the conscious desire and intention of being a good protector and provider for his woman and children.

None of which seems to describe you. You’re more focused on how much you envy and apparently feel inferior to BM drug dealers and thugs—who are equally unprepared to be competent protectors and providers. I wasn’t really thinking about this angle before reading your dishonest comment, but now that I think about it: The majority of the BM I’ve known who are good protectors and providers are genuinely NICE MEN—GENTLEMEN—and FAMILY MEN. Not dishonest, fake “Nice Guys™” with entitlement issues and unresolved high school envy of drug dealers and thugs.

Sir, I don’t like it when people waste other conversation participants’ time by operating in total bad faith; which is what you’ve done. Based on some of your earlier unpublished comments you’ve submitted here, I was initially hesitant to let you participate in this conversation. But you’ve settled the question for me. You’re not welcome to participate in any of the conversations here.

And before I forget, Lefemmenoir started off her comment by saying,

I absolutely LOVE nice guys, as a matter-of-fact, I won’t date a guy unless I am sure that he is a nice guy (I am also partial to Nerds, but that is a topic for another day)….Now to change gears a bit, I must say that most guys who call themselves a “nice guy” probably aren’t. I have run into many a self-professed nice guy, only to discover that they are “nothing nice”, ok? This has become a “brand” if you will that toxic men like to wrap themselves in to appear more “human” or “human-like”, in hopes of getting a woman to let her guard down.

And I started off my reply to her by saying,


I’ve always adored genuinely nice guys and nerds-with-basic-social-skills (I’ve never been into guys with Asperger’s syndrome). The thing is that, as you noted, most of the men who make a point of calling themselves “nice guys” usually AREN’T.

Being a genuinely nice person involves having good character. That, plus the affection we both stated in favor of nerds leaves NO room for drug dealers and thugs. I’m amazed at how hard you had to work to get this all twisted around into basically the opposite of what we said.

Good luck, God bless, and Goodbye.


  • African-American men’s ongoing failures and DBR (damaged beyond repair) behavior are the greatest and the most successful “recruiting sergeants” ever for spreading the BWE (Black women’s empowerment) message.
  • African-American males are inadvertently proving the truth of the BWE analysis of African-American women’s situation by their behavior.
  • By their ongoing, mass refusal to protect and provide for Black women and children, African-American men in general are burning their bridges with ever-increasing numbers of African-American women. Including the nationalist Black women who previously felt politically obligated to support them. I used to be a Black Nationalist, until I realized that Black men had checked out of that (and everything else Black-related) decades ago.
  • People’s reading comprehension drops significantly when they encounter a message they don’t like. Von had to repeatedly tell (mis)readers that she wasn’t talking about Black women “leaving” Black men because there aren’t any Black men around to be left. As she emphasized, Black men have already checked out.
  • With ONE exception, the Black men who commented had no alternative solutions to offer. All most of the Black male commenters cared about was deflecting responsibility off of Black men, and in particular off of Good Black Men.™ The one gentleman who did offer a solution had a plan that revolved around more (empty) talk. No proposed action.

For me, the main take-away point from reading Black men’s comments during that and so many other Black conversations is If You Really Want To Help Black Girls, Marry One Of This Planet’s Dominant, Alpha-Men.


Another example of insight gained from listening with humility: Until reading Von’s post, I also hadn’t made the connection between this scapegoating and the fact that most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ measure themselves and their manhood (such as it is) by what Pookie and Ray-Ray are doing or not doing; not by what mostly functional, nonblack men are doing. The mind boggles.

November 28, 2010   98 Comments

You Betta Recognize That It’s FAR Better To Be A Divorced Mother Than A Never-Married Mother With Out Of Wedlock Children

Welcome to the sixth installment of an ongoing series of You Betta Recognize posts. A recent conversation raised a number of points that can’t be emphasized enough to young African-American women and girls. Especially those young Black women and girls who are at risk of being confused by the Fantasy Island arguments raised by the crabs-in-a-barrel, unwed Baby Mama Mafia who had their children out of wedlock (oow). Instead of wanting future generations of African-American girls to have better lives, Baby Mama Mafia members want to see other young Black women fall into that same trap of unnecessary hardships. Deborrah Cooper talked about this in her video, Crabs in a Barrel: Baby Mommas That Want Others To Suffer Too. She told the plain truth!

If you know any naive young African-American women, please send them to this post so they can hear some details the Baby Mama Mafia won’t tell them.


The Horrors Of OOW Paternity Cases
While responding to a reader named Hodan, I said,


You said, “I agree, marriage is a beautiful union, even if 50% of the people get a divorce, at least they were married once.”

I’m always annoyed to hear AA slaves who are busy breeding throngs of oow children talk this mess about divorce. What they pretend not to understand is that even in cases of divorce, women and children are automatically protected simply because of the original marriage!

For just one example, in my jurisdiction, the children born to a woman during the course of a marriage are legally PRESUMED to be her husband’s children. He’s legally presumed to be their father. And it’s on the husband to produce evidence that the child is not his! This means that the husband is automatically assumed to be responsible for the financial support of any children born to his wife during his marriage.

For women seeking child support, that’s a huge difference. There’s a big difference between a married woman and her children benefiting from the legal presumption that the husband is the father; as opposed to an unmarried woman having a greater risk of being subjected to interrogatories (legal questionnaires) and depositions (being questioned under oath) about the dates and other details of her sexual encounters with the man she claims is her baby daddy.

In the past, I’ve defended men in oow paternity cases, and have done opposing depositions of unmarried women who had oow babies. I found those proceedings to be extremely unpleasant for everybody involved. I do my best to fulfill my duty to zealously defend my clients. All of them. For me, worst of all with those paternity cases was when I subpoenaed the diaries of those baby mamas who kept them—and then had to read through those diaries. Just in case there were references to other alleged sexual partners during the period of the oow child’s conception. {skin crawling at the memory}

THIS type of experience is what women set themselves up for when they have  oow babies, and then try to get child support from an unwilling baby daddy.

Marriage confers a baseline level of dignified treatment to women involved in various processes, including the mechanics of breaking up (aka divorce) when there are children. There’s nothing dignified about some woman with an oow child having to answer detailed questions about her sexual practices and history in order to have an unwilling man legally found to be her baby daddy. That’s not cute, nice, or liberated. AA slaves need to stop tripping as if they don’t understand the many benefits of legal marriage.

A reader named Zoopath replied,

Subpoenaed diaries??? WTH?? I am just flabbergasted, I had no idea that the court system actually went there. What’s the diary going to have in it that a cheek swab wouldn’t? No, that is not cute, liberated or nice. Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this? None of the NWNW [No Wedding, No Womb] detractors sang the praises of having strangers going all up and through your diary and other private matters.

I said,


{mirthless chuckling at your horrified reaction—yes, women—and the people who love any individual woman including her Daddy, brothers, and other relatives and friends—SHOULD be horrified by these details}

You said, “Subpoenaed diaries??? WTH?? I am just flabbergasted, I had no idea that the court system actually went there.”

Why wouldn’t the court system go there? A paternity suit is a lawsuit. Just like any other lawsuit over any other topic.

You said, “What’s the diary going to have in it that a cheek swab wouldn’t?”

This gets back to the “paternity suits are lawsuits just like any other lawsuit” reality. In every case (whether it’s criminal or civil), the litigants are entitled to engage in what’s called “discovery.” In basic terms, “discovery” means finding out everything that’s potentially relevant to the topic of the lawsuit. The whole purpose of discovery is so that there won’t be any totally surprise witnesses, testimony, or documentary evidence at any trial. The purpose is to prevent TV-style, trial by ambush situations.

So, even before any paternity test results are back—and even after the purported results are in—the parties can file questionnaires that have to be answered by the opposing litigant. Part of the questionnaire process is to demand that the opposing party turn over papers or any other documents that might have some bearing on the topic of the lawsuit.

The parties can also conduct depositions (pre-trial questioning under oath) of opposing parties and their witnesses.

In my jurisdiction, when the numbers on the paternity test results (referred to as the “combined paternity index”) are greater than a certain number, then there’s a presumption of paternity. [I can’t quote the current threshold number because it’s been over a decade since I defended a paternity case—the threshold number might have changed since then.]

However, be that as it may, the unwilling man is still entitled to a trial process and the benefit of all the mechanics involved in a trial. Which means that he’s entitled to engage in “discovery.”

A paternity suit is a lawsuit like any other lawsuit. In any lawsuit, the lawyers are going to spend a LOT of time and energy finding out ALL the specific details involved in the topic of the lawsuit.

So, to put it in blunt terms, when a baby mama wants to have legal responsibilities IMPOSED on an unwilling potential baby daddy, then detailed information about the following circumstances surrounding the birth of that oow child becomes relevant:

1-Who else the baby mama was screwing during the period of conception;

2-Her stated (or not) use of birth control during the period of conception;

3-The frequency of the sex she claims she had with the unwilling alleged baby daddy during the period of conception;

4(a)-What she told other people (if anything) about other men who might also potentially be her oow child’s biological father;

4(b)-What she might have said in her own diaries/journals about other men who might also potentially be her oow child’s biological father;

5-And other unsavory topics concerningthe baby mama’s activities during the period of conception (criminal activities such as prostitution? drug use? party-hearty-ing?).

You said, “No, that is not cute, liberated or nice.”

NO, it’s not. It’s all quite degrading. But them’s the breaks when a woman chooses to give birth OUTSIDE the protections of marriage.

You said, “Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this? None of the NWNW detractors sang the praises of having strangers going all up and through your diary and other private matters.”

I can think of several reasons, including:

1-Dishonesty. From what I’ve seen, the NWNW detractors are fundamentally dishonest. Anybody who’s pretending not to know that there are almost uniformly negative consequences to oow is a LIAR.

2-Embarassment. How many women are going to talk about the nitty-gritty details of being put through some mess like what I described above?

3-Luck. Some baby mamas are lucky in that their baby daddies never show up to court to quibble about the proceedings. So court orders are entered without his participation or active resistance. Or they’re lucky in that their baby daddy has a lawyer that isn’t all that diligent or thorough.


And let me add that it’s usually the most naive women who are most emotionally battered by the court experience of having legal fatherhood imposed on an unwilling AA Negro male. Dishonest women generally don’t document their lies in diaries or journals. Or they’ll lie and claim not to write any diaries at all when they do keep diaries.

I’m thinking back to this one pathetic plaintiff whose diary was filled with pleas to Jesus to make the unwilling AA Negro male care about their baby…{skin crawling at the memory}

[And from what I saw while doing rotations in the local paternity/child support courtrooms, it was mostly AA Negro males who wanted to fight the hardest to try to escape legal responsibility for their children. Including the AA males who were shacked up with their baby mama before, during and after the pregnancy in question.

In fact, I had one AA Negro male client who *cough* allegedly *cough* paid some other AA Negro male to take the paternity test for him. So then I had to defend him against a criminal contempt of court charge. During the trial of this new charge, I ended up doing an extensive cross examination of the Chicago Police Department fingerprint analyst who examined the fingerprints and photos taken of the man, err…the male client…*cough* who had showed up at the lab for the paternity test. That particular client was found not guilty of criminal contempt of court.

Men from other ethnic groups were much more likely to happily claim their children. Many Mexican men didn’t want a paternity test when it was offered to them. In general, something had to be really wrong with a Mexican woman for the man to accept having a paternity test done. With White men it was 50/50, it could go either way in terms of them asking for a paternity test. Unlike so many AA Negro males, they usually stopped resisting being legally found to be the biological father after the test results were in.]


A reader named Oshun/Aphrodite mentioned,

There is a woman who was shacked up and I can recall 2 incidents in the past year where she staunchly defended her decision – not that anyone ever attacked her directly- only the concept of having a family via co-habitation.

Well her co-habiting male partner died recently. They have two young children together. A three year old and a one year old.

The guy had an ok job, but now she is begging for money to bury this man and take care of other expenses as she didn’t work and I can only assume that they are now in some kind of financial storm.

I said,

But of course she and her oow babies are now in the middle of a financial sh*tstorm. That’s exactly what she set herself AND her babies up for when she decided to shack and have oow.

Too bad, so sad. Reality does not wait for anybody to purchase a clue before it starts impacting their life. I hope the other women and young girls in her orbit are taking careful notes about how this woman foolishly put herself AND her babies in a vulnerable spot by shacking and oow.

A reader named Magenta said,

I can’t even keep count of all the OOW horror stories that involve a woman (and her children) being left in financial ruin after her live in baby daddy dies unexpectedly.

You have already covered how an OOW mother has to “prove” that the baby daddy really is the father during CS proceedings. The same applies for death benefits. The baby mama usually gets a very rude awakening that she or her children are not entitled to anything and that any retirement, pension, insurance will most likely go to her deceased baby daddy’s next of kin (his mother, sister, etc).

I have always found it peculiar that OOW proponents do not talk about these stories. I guess like you say, they are too embarrassed to do so.

It has also been a suspicion of mine that the reason why so many BW get caught up in “Kemba Smith” situations is because they do not have the protections that spousal privilege provides. Look at all the WW wives of serial killers who have NEVER been to jail. Look at all the mob wives who got off scott free. Yet it seems the girlfriends and baby mamas of drug dealers are always getting caught up?

I have been so furious with NWNW opponents. They know good and well that marriage provides a host of protections when it comes to inheritance, property rights, spousal privilege, etc.

I said,

I’ve never directly dealt with death benefits, but I would expect them to operate as you described—the unwed baby mama has a much harder way to go (than a wife does) to get her hands on the dead baby daddy’s benefit money.

. . . I would guess that it’s a combination of marital privilege AND WM’s basic orientation to function as THE Main/Sole Breadwinner for their families.

From what I’ve observed of serious WM criminals (WM who are busy being Mr. Crystal Meth Man and Mr. Oxycontin Dealer), it appears that they carry over this same “I’M the main breadwinner” mentality to their criminal activities.

So, from what I can tell, these WM criminals are less likely to have their women heavily participating in their criminal activities. Unlike AA Negro males who expect BW to do heavy lifting in general, and to be heavily involved in being the breadwinner for the couple/family unit. All of which puts the foolish, mulish BW at greater risk when she’s involved with a BM criminal.

. . . I hear you [about the No Wedding, No Womb detractors]. They either play dumb and pretend not to be aware of these realities; or lie and claim to know of so many exceptions to the rules. It’s outrageous. Now, I expected the Baby Mama Mafia to be shrill in their self-justifications of their own oow mess. But as the NWNW organizer and others have stated, NWNW isn’t about those women who’ve already messed up and had oow. It’s about showing young AA women and girls a better way. A better way that will prevent them from having to surrender their life dreams.

What I find sickening is that these grown-a**, crabs in a barrel, baby mamas are willing and eager to see young BW and girls fall into the same traps that they fell into! So, they deliberately cloud the issue and spread all these lies about how the real world operates. All the while KNOWING that young BW and girls are reading these conversations online. That’s downright EVIL. And I firmly believe that these lying heifers are going to have to answer for that in the afterlife.

A (law student) reader named Robynne said,

True – and if the man died intestate (without a will), all his property will revert to his blood relatives. So right off the bat she ain’t getting nothing (unless she lives in one of the 12 (or 4?) states where common law marriage is recognized, and even then, there is no guarantee because you have to meet a whole bunch of requirements to qualify…) Since he was not married to the mother, there is no legal presumption that he is the father of the children. If the elements establishing paternity aren’t apparent, callous relatives of the man who do not care for the children could plausibly fight the devolution of property to children on the basis that he was not really the father. It’s just a real mess. Seriously, people – especially bw – really need to start thinking. Women of other groups seem to understand this pretty well.

. . . Lol, sorry, I did not read Magenta’s comment before I posted. What she stated is essentially what I said. Yes, if the baby mamma was married, his property upon death would revert to her. Even if he had a will cutting her off completely, every single state has in place laws guaranteeing such wives dower or an elective share (usually one-third of the deceased spouse’s estate), so no matter what she won’t be completely cut off. This is yet another benefit of marriage that the NWNW opponents gaily ignore.

Author Roslyn Holcomb said,

And that’s where the stupid comes in. As a widow she would be entitled to collect his Social Security when she reaches retirement age. This is where white women make out like a bandit–they work less than any other group, and live longer. And because they marry they collect Social Security at the significantly higher male rate instead of the peanuts women usually earn. Her children are also entitled to survivor’s benefits. This would be automatic had she been married, now she has to prove paternity.

A reader named Pioneer Valley Woman (blog host of Episcopalienne) said,

Ah yes, I have taught this in my women’s history class. Read the Uniform Parentage Act–it is easy to find on the web. It explains all Khadija is talking  about. A father is a man married to a woman who has given birth or a single man who has acknowledged paternity. The cases Khadija is talking about fits in here. If a woman is a baby-mama, she can only put in the father’s name if he agrees to it. So what happens when he refuses to? Thus, the litigation.

If no daddy’s is named, he is an “unknown.” Is that how the baby mamas want their children to go throughout life, the first official document that records the birth lists the father as “unknown”????? Think of who sees that document–schools, passport agencies and so forth–what are they going to think of in looking at you–having a baby by an “unknown…?” He could be any random dude anywhere…

The baby mamas really need to stop tripping….

Finally, a reader named Lisa99 mentioned,

More to add to that… from what I remember, you only had to have been married to the man for 10 years to qualify for said benefits.

So, I could marry a man with a reasonable income and he could divorce me on the first day after our 10th anniversary and I would STILL be entitled to social security in my retirement based on HIS earnings.

I am getting married soon and even though I do okay for myself, my future husband makes almost 50% more than I do! So if we stay married for just 10 years (although I’m hoping for a lifetime, of course), then I’m guaranteed to be much better off financially in my retirement than I would be alone.

THIS needs to be the answer to the folks who say, “Well, since 50% of all couples divorce, you have a good chance of being a single mother anyway.” First, the 50% rate has never been proven accurate (that’s a topic for another thread), but even if I do divorce, I’m still much better off (financially and legally) as a divorced single mother than I am as a never married mother of OOW children.

What Lisa99 said is the bottom line that everybody except African-Americans seems to understand.

You help protect your children’s futures by making sure that you’re married when you give birth to them!

October 31, 2010   96 Comments

If You Really Want To Help Black Girls, Marry One Of This Planet’s Dominant, Alpha-Men

Welcome to the fifth installment of an ongoing series of You Betta Recognize posts. Faith, blog host of Acts Of Faith In Love And Life, is currently having an extremely important conversation. She’s raising points that need to be repeated among African-American women and girls who want to live well. And among those African-American women who want to maximize the odds of their future children living well. She asks the question, Are Asian Woman Trophy Wives, Or Just Smart At Picking Quality Husbands?

I would answer “both.” Yes, non-Asian men have stereotypes about Asian women. However, Asian women are shrewd enough to work those stereotypes to their individual (and indirectly to their collective) advantage! This is a lesson that more African-American women need to learn. We’re so preoccupied with issues of political correctness that we cut our own throats in terms of maximizing our marriage options. Nobody else operates like this. Certainly not Black men, including the many Pan-African Black male activists who talked “Black” this and that, and married White women. Including that scholar-hero of the ultra-Black, “Blacker than thou” crowd,

Cheikh Anta Diop (yep the very one considered one of the greatest African historians of the 20th century a senegalese) married Louise Marie Maes, a French woman in 1953 in Paris.

Many African-American women worry about nonblack men having a so-called “fetish” with the traits that these men find attractive. Let’s think about this for a moment. We’re actually bothered and offended when a nonblack man finds our West African-derived skin tones, features, and hair textures attractive. Why is it called a “fetish” if a nonblack man is able to appreciate Black women’s beauty? Meanwhile, we live among a collective of African-American men who are open about their hatred of those same West African complexions, features and hair textures in women! [See statements by creatures such as Yung Berg, NeYo, and so on. See statements and actions by countless other African-American men.]

And instead of calling these Black men the anti-Black racists that they are, we water down the language we use to describe what these racist Black males refer to as their “preferences.” So, there’s a post that asks, Does Hip Hop Like Light Skinned Girls Too Much? I need not say much more about how that question is being framed. It’s sort of like asking, “Does the Klan like white sheets and hoods too much?” In both cases, phrasing the question and the so-called “preference” that way deliberately misses the point.

Back to “fetishes.” Does it still count as a so-called “fetish” when the nonblack man is willing and eager to make a particular Black woman his wife first, and then the mother of his children? This type of “fetish” seems so much more respectful of the woman involved than a male who never offers marriage, and is willing to see his children by that woman born out of wedlock.

Instead of screening, dating, and possibly marrying nonblack men who might have a so-called “fetish” about their undiluted West African features that operates FOR them, many African-American women restrict themselves to dating Black men who have openly-declared fetishes that operate AGAINST them. How crazy is that?

At the end of the day, what Black men think, say, or do does not matter. It only matters to those Black women who are foolish enough to restrict themselves to dating Black men. Black men are not the dominant men on this planet. In every multiracial society on this planet, Black men are collectively dominated by the men from other races in those societies.

African-American women focusing their attention on Black men and their “preferences” has not, and will not, accomplish anything of value for Black women and their children. The long-term solution to the collective challenges facing African-American women is for individual Black women to marry quality men. To marry whichever man who is willing—and best positioned—to ensure that they and their children live well. Without discriminating against quality White men. This is what Asian women did. And this is how Asian women have greatly improved their collective life opportunities over the past fifty years. This came up during an earlier conversation where I said,


Finally, the long-term, permanent solution to the twin problems of: (1) African-American women’s negative public image and (2) the harmful public slander of Black women by Black men will only come about as more African-American women marry more of the most powerful, dominant men. For a very long time leading up to right now, White men have been the most powerful, dominant, Alpha men on this planet. It’s reasonable to expect them to remain the planet’s most powerful, Alpha men for the foreseeable future.

This is the strategy that Asian women quietly and successfully carried out. These women did this to better their own individual circumstances, but it had the positive side effect of bettering their collective image. As increasing numbers of quality, prominent, powerful White men started marrying Asian women, suddenly Asian women started being perceived as increasingly desirable and attractive by other types of men.

Asian women weren’t always considered desirable by large numbers of non-Asian men. That shift in mass perception came about because of more Asian women marrying prominent, powerful, Alpha-male, White men.

I would add that the common assumption was that such women were among the Asian prostitutes that hang around US Army bases in Japan, Korea, South Vietnam, Thailand, the Philippines, and so on. And many of them were! Asian women indirectly turned that mass negative perception totally around. One Asian bride—married to a prominent, powerful, Alpha male, White husband—at a time. African-American women can do the same thing.


This is because most men of color on this planet take their cues in assessing women’s desirability from White men. In terms of raw power, White men are the dominant men on this planet. Whatever White men feel is desirable, other men will follow their lead and buy into that belief.

African-American males are generally followers on this planet. They are not the dominant, Alpha males on this planet who get to decide which groups of women are considered attractive. Black men take their lead from the dominant White men. Whoever the dominant White men feel is attractive (White women and Asian women in general, and individual Black women), many Black men will follow their lead and parrot whatever these dominant White men say about these women. For example, I didn’t start hearing many African-American men saying that the dark-skinned Mrs. Obama is attractive until after the White media and White men were publicly talking about how she’s glamorous and reminiscent of Jacqueline Kennedy.

When more dominant, powerful, Alpha-male White men marry Black women, then Black men will stop slandering Black women. Either out of their habit of taking their cues from White men, or out of fear of offending this emerging critical mass of White men who view Black women attractive and desirable.

More and more individual African-American women living well by being married to quality men is the long-term solution to most of African-American women’s collective problems.

If you really want to help the African-American girls coming behind you, set a good example for them by marrying a quality husband from among this planet’s dominant Alpha men.

October 27, 2010   97 Comments