Britain Reveals The Dead-End Future For “Black Love” In The US—48% Of West Indian Black Men In The UK Are In Relationships With Nonblack Women

Instead of the usual handwringing that African-American women do about these issues, let’s look at some trend lines in terms of our own interests as Sojourners.


African-American women who are Black Love Dead-Enders are doomed. The trend lines don’t favor their delusions or delusional slogans about “Black love.” As I mentioned in an early post,

Mark my words: The “Black women as martyrs” recruiters will keep demanding that you martyr yourself no matter what happens. They will continue making these demands until the final demise of the African-American collective. They will repeat the same slogans as African-Americans continue becoming more deeply entrenched in permanent underclass status, and overall disintegration.

They will keep making these demands of you even after the African-American out of wedlock birthrate reaches 90-95 percent. The 1965 Moynihan Report warned about the rising illegitimacy rate among African-Americans. Most of our people didn’t heed the warning. Instead, we recited angry slogans in response.

They will keep making these demands of you even after the African-American male interracial relationship rate approaches 50 percent and beyond. For those of you who think this can’t or won’t happen, I would refer you to the current example of the Caribbean Black male population in the United Kingdom. West Indian Black men’s interracial relationship rate in the UK has reached 48 percent. (See the BBC story from January 19, 2009, The Mixed Race March in Britain.)

In fact, the UK situation is a sneak preview of how African-American men will continue their singular focus on seeking their own individual bliss while the deceived masses of Black women in the U.S. keep trying to uphold “Black love” and the “Black family” . . . all by themselves.

In the US, this “Black love” and “Black marriage” talk is a dead end. As I said in that same post,

There won’t be any collective solution to what has been called “Black Marital Mogadishu” in the United States because 50% of the participants needed for any Black marriage—Black men—benefit from the current absence of marriage among African-Americans. Black men generally like things the way they are right now.

The collapse of the African-American family is not about a lack of jobs. It’s about African-American men generally being content with the collapse of the African-American family. Black men will complain about the aftershocks created by the mass absence of marriage among African-Americans, such as the legions of fatherless, violent Black male criminals. But other than that, they’re content with the status quo.

Anybody who thinks that this behavior is driven by a lack of opportunity should examine the collective behavior of the African-American men who do have “good” educations and jobs. Since so many Black men in that category are not marrying at all, or they’re not marrying Black women, there’s no reason to assume that Black women would gain from African-American men having more opportunities. I learned that just by watching the behavior of the Black men that went to college and law school with me. There’s usually little to no return on that investment (creating opportunities for African-American men) flowing back to any Black woman at all.

If you look at their mass behavior and not their rhetoric, it’s clear that most African-American men don’t value marriage, and are not concerned about the now-dead “Black family.” African-American men like the status quo situation of their mass refusal to marry the Black women they have sex with and impregnate. From outward appearances, most African-American men are happy with a lifetime of sleeping around without the commitments or responsibilities of marriage.

If you look at their mass behavior, it’s also clear that African-American men are also not particularly concerned about the children they produce.

These “save the dead Black family” discussions are not even a blip on most African-American men’s radar . . . unless Black women start talking about solutions that don’t include continuing to wait around for African-American men—such as interracial marriage and a focus on dating non-African-American Black men (for those Black women who must have a Black man as their husband).

Incidentally, African-American men have long known that Black love is dead. Sometimes, usually while arguing another point, they admit this fact. I recently came across the post In Defense of Muslim Men and Islam from Imam Isa Mateen,

Muslim men are the largest and perhaps only group of men in the Black community that still marry Black women. For the most part, marriage in the Black community, particularly among the 20- 30 yr old, is dead! While there are some Christians or others who still marry – the main group that still regularly marries are the Muslims.

Yes, there are problems with the marriages. But those problems did not come from Islam. They come from our being raised in a non Islamic and anti Islamic environment, where we learned anti Islamic ways, customs, attitudes, habits, and Euro centric thought patterns.

Islam combats the negative, self destructive mores of America and seeks to replace them with clean, respectful relationships. Some of us have cleaned up more than others.

We expect Euro centric Christians and Euro centric, Christianized negroes to attack Islam with their tongues. But it has become fashionable now for our so called Black nationalist brethren to stretch forth their tongues against Muslims as well.

I say “so-called” Black nationalists because one must question the motives of those who attack the Muslims when the Muslims have been a historical ally to Blacks. Not the racist, stand offish, wanna-be White Arab/ Pakistani / Bangladeshi/ immigrants who sell swine, lottery tickets, cigarettes, drug paraphernalia , alcohol and fake halal meat to our people. It is the Imam Jamil Al- Amins and Malik El- Shabazzs (Malcolm X), that have been the friends of the Black community. It is the countless Black Muslims that are community leaders and mediators that have been friends to the Black community. To attack such people is a divide and conquer strategy that should be rather transparent.

. . . A Muslim brother will marry a sister with five, six or seven kids without blinking an eye! That brother will pay tuition, feed, clothe and play with these fatherless children just like their own. Often these children suffer from severe emotional and psychological trauma from their fatherless condition which causes them to act out. The Muslim man will struggle to teach morals and discipline to children that have been left behind by some worthless negro – who’s probably a fake Black nationalist!

. . . Quietly, because Muslims tend to be quiet people, millions of Black children are being raised by Black Muslim men who sometimes lose their lives or their freedom protecting the woman from her crazy-behind, no account baby -daddy.

Remember that the next time some loud mouth, you-tube revolutionary, fake Black nationalist attacks Islam.

Now, what Imam Mateen is saying is true . . . as far as it goes. But there are several critical observations that were glossed over as “problems with the marriages.” It’s beyond the scope of this post to get too far off into this, but I’ll mention a few of the major problems among Sunni (“orthodox”) African-American Muslims. First, yes it’s true that Sunni Muslim Black men do frequently marry Black women. The problem is the word “frequently.” Sunni Muslim Black men often marry with the intention of divorcing the woman in a matter of days, and then moving on to the next “wife.” Basically, these men have a series of religious-ceremony-only “marriages” in order to make their promiscuity religiously “legal.” [If you’re bored and in the mood to wade through oceans of insanity, read this thread where nuts are justifying these temporary “marriages.”]

Second, there is the mass phenomenon of African-American Sunni Muslim males flying off to Morocco to purchase Arab wives. This practice is so widespread that another Sunni Black man blogger felt the need to address that behavior pattern in this post. Then there are the Black male wife-beaters who are attracted to Islam because they like what they hear from Ike Turner Imams who give fake religious justification for abusing women. Imam Mateen has bravely confronted Black male members of what he calls the “wife beater cult”. Then there are Sunni Muslim Black men like Tariq Nelson (who, if I remember correctly, has a nonblack wife) who advocate what he calls “the new passing” as the solution to anti-Black racism from nonblack immigrant Muslims.

Obviously, African-American Islam is not any kind of “Black love” paradise. And neither is the Nation of Islam. Min. Ishmael Muhammad (one of Elijah Muhammad’s many illegitimate children) has a nonblack wife.


I said the following during a recent conversation,

Those of us who are serious about living well need to get clear of “Black female-Black Love Dead-Enders.” If sojourners feel like they’re being subjected to hateration right now, just wait—you haven’t seen anything yet. When the BF-Black Love Dead-Enders:

(1) read the results of the latest US Census report (which will document that AA males are on the path to catching up with their British West Indian BM “cousins” in terms of IRR—thank God for that!*),

(2) watch increasing numbers of Sojourners move on into abundant life with husbands from the global village,

(3) and finally let it sink into their heads that NOBODY is coming to their rescue . . .

WATCH OUT! The BF-Black Love Dead-Enders will vent an explosion of hateration toward the sojourners who escaped.

*Why do I say “Thank God!” that AA males’ interracial relationship rates are steadily catching up with those of West Indian BM in the UK? Because a leopard doesn’t change its spots! It’s better for AA males to take their issues and collective damage to nonblack women who can better withstand that damage. Nonblack women are more likely to have supportive family networks that support them when their AA male boyfriends, husbands, and baby daddies abandon them and their children. Leopards don’t change their spots.

Apparently, Caribbean-British BM in the UK have many of the same deficits as AA males. The results of many Caribbean-British BM’s unions with WW in the UK have been thoroughly documented. From the British Journal of Social Work:

SUMMARY It is now well documented that the majority of mixed-parentage children who enter the public care system in Britain have a white biological mother and a black African Caribbean father. This paper explores some of the underlying factors which increase the vulnerability of mixed-parentage children. The situation of white single mothers is examined in the context of ‘race’, class, gender and location in British society. Empirical findings from two recent research studies provide a profile of white single mothers and their children in receipt of social work help and assistance. Areas for further discussion are raised within this framework.

(emphasis added)

Anyone who has been involved in child welfare in the US has observed similar patterns. It’s quite clear that, regardless of the mother’s race, a HUGE disproportionate percentage of American children in foster care are BM’s children.

The bottom line is that the masses of AA men DON’T do any better by nonblack women and the children they have with these women than what they do with BW and children. The vast majority of AA men CAN’T build or sustain wholesome families. So, it’s best that they take their deficits to some other type of woman.

Anyhoo, when the BF Black Love Dead-Enders who are counting on AA males to “do better” finally wake up from their delusion … there’ll be an implosion among these women. That’s why the rest of us need to get FAR AWAY from these women right now—before they realize that they’ve doomed themselves with their Black Love delusions.

Like many other Sojourners, I’ve had the experience of getting deeply angry stares from some deeply angry Black women when I’m out and about with Mr. White Man. As more of these Black women who have been suffering while waiting for a nonexistent Black prince realize they’ve been left behind, their reactions will only get more extreme. Sojourners, get clear of these “nuthin’ but a Black man”-type of Black women. Now.


Evia, blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine said the following during a conversation at the previous blog,

Khadija, I had never heard of Van Jones either until I heard bw talking about him a few days ago, saying he was being attacked by “de evil wm.” The second I heard what his position was, I would have bet a very huge amount of money that he either dated non-bw exclusively or that he was married to a non-bw.

There IS a pattern here, yet so many bm think they’re duping others by claiming they just “fell in love” with a non-bw. Well, they actually are duping the masses of AA women, but no one else. So many gaslighted bw will go around like zombies saying, “Well, love is just love” or “You can’t help who you love,” when it comes to AA men. That’s another form of bm protection. I mean, if that’s TRUE and bm can’t help who THEY love, then why is it that so many AA women obviously can stop themselves from loving wm?

PREDICTION: I want any bw reading this to just know that virtually ANY bm who she knows who is upwardly-mobile IS on his way to a non-bw if it’s at all possible. He may be your son, your brother, cousin, young man at your church, but IF he’s upwardly mobile, he more than likely is going to share his upward mobility with a non-bw. I’m not talking about those “struggling” or defeated bm; I’m talking about the ones who more than likely are going to do okay.

Knowing this, you, as an AA woman, need to decide how much you’re willing to invest in creating a non-bw’s comfortable lifestyle because whatever you do to help him, he’s going to share it with her–if it’s within his environment to do so.

It’s not the non-bw’s fault though; it’s mainly bw’s fault for not demanding reciprocity from bm and for continuing to invest in the well-being of others while her own daughters perish.

You may not care about that, but don’t act surprised about any of this because it doesn’t make bw look smart–since other folks can clearly see the pattern. If you haven’t seen this pattern, ask yourself why you haven’t.

This is not about bw’s “attitude” and nothing to do with bw having “too much education,” or any of the usual excuses that AA males give.

These males PREFER non-bw, which is their prerogative as long as they don’t get any investment, support, or protection from bw. That’s the critical piece here: the MONEY TRAIL. Bw–GET SHREWD! Always follow the money trail! Do not invest in lifting up a bm unless he knows there are strings attached and only if you’re going to be able to collect.

If we were to look into this man’s past, we would see where it was mainly countless bw’s time, energy, money, guidance, and protection that put him in his position. We definitely know that it wasn’t any other group of women who lifted him up. . . .

Ladies, now that you’re back from various Christmas gatherings with your (biological) relatives, this is a good time to take stock. Are you investing resources into a Black male nephew, cousin, or anybody else who is on his way to giving those same resources to a nonblack woman? If so, why are you investing in someone who will never invest in any Black woman (usually including his own Black mother)?

A reader named Zoopath recently mentioned taking stock of various folks’ “body of work” relative to supporting Black women,

. . . I make it my business to know the “body of work re: AAW” of any person or organization before I support it. That litmus test has really culled the herd of entities that I feel obligated to support. It’s amazing (in a sad way) how many people expect us to be civil rights mules. . .

Your resources are a terrible thing to waste. Don’t waste them on non-reciprocating people.


There are two main points here:

  • Get clear of the “nuthin’ but a Black man”-type of Black women before they wake up and explode; and
  • Take a fresh look at your resource trail, and cut off any flow going toward non-reciprocating people.


In a comment to this post, a reader named Xai perfectly summed up my second point about our personal resource trails. She said,

@[Another Reader]
I am heartened to hear of your housecleaning of the black males in your immediate circle. I know and have been told that I am very radical in my stance regarding black males. It’s just that I am perplexed, something doesn’t add up. We all know of the huge number of dbrbm yet I always hear black women making exceptions for the males in their families. Can’t be true!

So I ask that black women bring vetting to a personal level. Before vetting males as potential suitors, we must vet the males in our families and jettison those that are found wanting. I too, have had hideous family drama such that I have jettisoned my 4 brothers. None of them ever brought home a black hued woman, only the lightest females they could find, all while continually bashing black women. When they fell on hard times, guess who they expected to bail them out?

Some of the questions we should ask ourselves about our sons/brothers etc is: What is the color and caliber of the women they bring home or associate with? What are the characteristics of the women they revere? Are they there to support/help the women of your family? Do they form relationships with women who look like you? Have they produced children? Are they caring for those children financially and emotionally? How do they treat women in general? Is there a difference in treatment based on hue?

This isn’t rocket science! The truth starts at home, if we refuse to see the bs in our own homes how can we steer clear of it in the real world? It’s time for utter, brutal truth in 2011.

Xai is absolutely right. The truth starts at home. Vetting starts at home.

December 26, 2010   124 Comments

“Good Luck And Fine Quality For 10,000 Years”


Recently, I’ve been paying close attention to the overheard conversations of the African-Americans I randomly encounter at work, in restaurants, in stores, walking down the streets.

I’m rediscovering why I usually tune out such things.

When did we become so uncompromisingly . . . small? When did we become satisfied with living LOW- and NO-impact lives? On one level, I suppose that this is to be expected from people who are barely making ends meet. What’s the excuse for members of the so-called “talented tenth”?

Our thoughts are . . . small.
Our dreams are even smaller.
There is no ambition.
There are no grand visions of making a lasting mark during one’s life.

What happened to us?

I look at this and contrast it with examples of other people who made marks that have endured for generations. People who had long-term, grand visions. Visions that were “built to last.”

The next time you see a bottle of Kikkoman soy sauce, please be aware that this family-owned Japanese company has existed for 17 generations. Kikkoman started as a small, regional soy sauce business in 1630, using a recipe invented by the widow of one of the samurai of Prince Hideyori. The firm began exporting soy sauce in 1868. Centuries of Success: Lessons From the World’s Most Enduring Family Businesses, pg. 27.

The next time you see a Kikkoman bottle, please be aware that the characters for the brand name “Kikkoman” can be translated as “good luck and fine quality for 10,000 years.” That’s quite an ambitious vision for one’s business! The Mogi family also carefully considered the values that they wanted to pass on to future generations of the family and family business.

In the late 1700s or early 1800s the Mogis established a family constitution institutionalizing their cooperative effort to concentrate talent and experience in shoyu [soy sauce] manufacture at Noda. Among other things the short document noted:

‘Sincerity first and profits will follow. Neglect neither . . . Avoid luxury and cultivate simplicity and earnestness . . . Attend to your health. Eat simple foods no different than those taken by your employees . . . Twice a year call a family meeting; praise family members according to their character and not according to their profits.’

From the Soy Info Center site.


Sometimes African-Americans get so caught up in our insular “Black issues” that we forget we’re part of what has been called The Great Conversation that started during the dawn of human history. For the most part, as individuals and as a collective, African-Americans are content to be nameless “extras” on the global stage. Our thoughts about our legacy generally only extend to becoming (or supporting somebody else in becoming) “the first Black X.” Frankly, this is pathetic and reflects slavery- and segregation-era programming. Why aim to be “the first Black X” when you could be The First X? Why aspire to be “the largest Black X” when you could be “the largest X”?


I also notice that many African-Americans have a comic-book sort of view about what constitutes an accomplishment. So many times, we only recognize the extremely narrow range of achievements that have been labeled as accomplishments as accomplishments. Things such as holding certain types of job titles, political offices, and so on (astronaut, mayor, c/rap “artist”). Meanwhile, there are countless other fields that are ripe for innovation. There are countless other possibilities for making heroic accomplishments. During The Art Of Stealth, Part 5: Cultivating Personal Character As A Weapon And Shield, I discussed the contrast between some African-American writers who were whining at a conference and some White writers who were blazing trails by using the strategy of podcasting their books,

What I found most striking—and not in a good way—is what I DIDN’T see in this news story:

I didn’t see any mention made of any of these AA writers taking the innovative steps that others have taken to create consumer awareness and demand for their fiction. Such as the strategy of doing (free or paid) podcasting of their novels to develop a base of readers and more importantly, book-buyers. At the earlier blog, I did a post about a (WM) science fiction/thriller author who did this (Scott Sigler).

There’s also an interview at Editor Unleashed with another (WM) author (crime novelist Seth Harwood) who used this strategy to generate exposure for his work. Another fiction writer who podcasted his work is the (WM) thriller writer, J.C. Hutchins, who wrote the 7th Son trilogy.

Note: These men didn’t just whip up a novel and toss it out there without some sort of plan for growing an audience for their work. In 2 of these cases, they used (iTunes) podcasting to create a VERIFIABLE audience for their fiction, and later leveraged these verifiable numbers into book contracts.

Now, I’m not saying that the podcasting one’s novel (freebie or paid) method always works—after all, we’re probably only hearing about the success stories with this technique. My point is that when I read news stories about (and essays by) AA authors I DON’T hear any of them brainstorming creative ideas like podcasting for generating exposure and consumer awareness of their work. Instead, I hear whining and waiting for White publishers and other White entities to make it happen for them.

The other thing that I believe AA novelists should factor in their plans is the sort of fiction they’re writing.

It seems to me that it’s probably easier to use the above sort of consumer awareness building/reader-building techniques when you’re writing in genres that have a subculture of voracious, book-hungry readers—such as science fiction and romance. The so-called “street lit” peddlers have created a genre that has a subculture of readers who are hungry for that trash.

Unfortunately, I haven’t read or heard many serious, legitimate AA writers do any sort of strategizing about any of the above. The one “strategy” seems to consist of whining about and to Whites in the industry.

During that conversation, a reader named Nathalie described the itsy-bitsy visions on display at a Black literary conference she attended,

I just attended a black literary conference. It was frustrating an depressing to see what they focused on, but my takeaway is that therein lies plenty of opportunity if you can do what the whiners and the complacent are not; meet unmet demands and find your willing-to-pay audience and make them raving, buying fans. I heard a lot of complaining (from established, published authors) about why don’t (mostly white) mass market book buyers/sellers prioritize, set-aside space for and promote their work… {sigh}. When one whining author did share a marketing idea novel to the discussion that he and other authors were implementing collectively, another African America panelist jumped in to say why they would be met with resistance and failure. It was funny because it was an idea that I had been contemplating and had already expanded on to include even more avenues and was wondering why more authors didn’t do the same.

And when I asked how to find an established, industry-wide respected up-to-date African American bestseller and recommended reading list for a VERY specific multi-million dollar market genre under discussion, the panel went blank, flatlined and the MC recommended I put that in “my google” on “my internet.” {Eye Roll}. When I asked for recommendations for contemporary work within a high demand subcategory within the genre, but beyond the heavily “woe is me, let my people go downtrodden African American” aspect that dominates the genre, I was met with “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout Willis” stares & shrugs.

It seemed like the black conference panelists and audience were waiting for white people to prioritize them, and felt it was owed them. The discrimination they faced seemed to overwhelm their powers of discernment. The power brokers in the room–most of them white–kept giving away the “secret”: create work with consumer demand we can’t ignore, and then we’ll probably pay attention to you. The second “secret” was: when facing insurmountable yet unspecified resistance, get white people with authority and clout within the industry to vouch for you, both in word and in writing (a “secret” that has another “secret” key lying within). They admitted that the authors would still face barriers, including racial bias, as well as all the other barriers everyone in the industry is subject to, but that ultimately paying customers/money talks so loud that it could get anyone, including them, a seat at the table.

What struck me as a missing element from the skill set in the room was course corrective resilience. People have taken resilience to mean the ability to endure more of the same while continuing to do more of the same–which is actually a variation on insanity. Given what I saw it strikes me that we need to expand our understanding and practice of resilience to include rational, ongoing course corrections in which nothing is sacred and everything is up for scrutiny and revision with success in mind.

What strikes me as missing from these preaching to the similarly suffering choir conferences, is identifying what’s important, examples of success and lessons learned and creative problem solving where there are problems and barriers.

This is what so many of us reduce ourselves to—looking for somebody else to make a spot for us. It doesn’t have to be like that. We can make great and lasting contributions of our own. To any field of human endeavor that we choose.


I found out about the following video from this post at The Sovereign Man blog. As he explains,

In the video below, Rosling charts a moving 200-year history of the wealth and life expectancy of 200 countries. In just 4-minutes, he shows that the gap between developing countries and developed countries is actually rather small, and that places like Shanghai, Taiwan, South Korea, and Singapore have already caught up with the west.

Two of the things that I thought of immediately when watching this video were-

1) The catastrophic long-term effects of government-organized folly (war, central planning, currency debasement, etc.) are very clear when watching the progression of his data set;

2) It’s incredible how fast developing nations can catch up with the west; technology, productivity, and a high savings rate are key drivers, and those are the critical ingredients to look for when assessing the long-term growth capacity of any economy.

Now, I don’t have to remind anyone which group of nations continue to cluster in the poorest and sickest quadrant of the graph. Even though it’s not covered in this video, I also don’t have to tell anybody where the African-American collective is clustered relative to the rest of the American population. Finally, I don’t have to describe what direction the African-American collective is headed. We can already see what our collective folly has created for us—an increasingly entrenched underclass status in the US. By “folly,” I mean our majority out of wedlock birth rate (oow), the single parenting that is the predictable result of oow, low innovation rate, low business formation rate, our undeclared and permanent boycott of visibly Black-owned businesses, and so on.


I will note that most African-Americans are not involved in the activities the Sovereign Man blog host mentioned that enabled specific nonwestern nations to catch up with the West. However, this does not have to apply to you as an individual. The same way specific Asian countries pulled away from others who are stuck closer to the sick and poor corner of the graph, you can also pull away from the downward trend of the African-American collective. Their most likely unhappy fate does not have to be your fate. The first step is to expand your vision for yourself and your legacy:

  • Are the effects of your choices “built to last”?
  • Will the effects of any of your choices endure?
  • Are you building anything that is intended to last?
  • What impact will your actions have on life 17 generations from now?

December 14, 2010   43 Comments

“When You Should Not Adapt In Place” by Sharon Astyk

Please take the time to read and carefully consider the points Sharon Astyk raises in this post. For many African-American women and their children, where they are living and what they’re doing is not viable in any long-term sense.

This applies on many different levels. For example, I know that with each year that passes, I’m becoming less tolerant of subzero Midwestern winters (even though I’m originally from Chicago). I also know that heating and other subzero weather-related costs will continue to rise. I won’t want to spend that kind of money on staying warm when I’m a senior citizen. So, I know I need to make some adjustments to my lifestyle—such as moving to an area that’s more livable year-round—while: (1) I’m still young enough to do so fairly easily; (2) before anything happens that forces me to make those kind of major adjustments; and (3) before anything happens that makes these desired adjustments impossible. The point is to get as optimally situated as possible for the long run.


December 11, 2010   59 Comments

From The Real News Network: “How Dems Allowed the Tea Party to Rebrand the GOP”

First, watch this video:

More at The Real News

Read the post Polarization and hot rhetoric conceal two similar political parties. Will we ever notice? from the Fabius Maximus blog.

Read the post Full Circle—Back to Sharecropping.


November 1, 2010   37 Comments

A Very Short History Of Human Survival, And How It Relates To The Black Women’s Empowerment Movement


During a recent conversation, I had the following exchange with Evia (blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine).
I said,


You said, “Khadija, I would think that by now there would be a bunch of books out there breaking it down to men that even though a woman may make as much money/more money than her man, the typical woman is still going to purr more with a man who makes her feel safer and more secure.”

So many modern, fatherless AA males are so far out of touch with HUMAN norms (such as the above), that I’m beginning to doubt that any book-based explanations can break through their constellation of dysfunctions. I’m beginning to think that normal human male thought patterns and behavior can only be learned through intensive modeling; AND social rewards/punishments being administered by healthy men.

You said, “Women, in general, are wired to want to be safe and secure just like men, in general, are wired to be sex hunters. In line with that, women, in general, are also wired to want the type of man who can best help them to feather the nest. I realize that some women haven’t accepted that men are sex hunters, but many men also seemingly can’t grasp that women are wired to gravitate toward men who make them feel more safe and secure. That’s our basic wiring that’s been embedded during the last 50,000 years.”

Similar to the feigned “confusion” of many AA women NWNW (No Wedding, No Womb) opponents, I’m not entirely convinced that defective males genuinely don’t know this. These men live in a Western society where they see the effects of WM protecting and providing for WW and White children all around them. If nothing else, they saw WM PROTECT Taylor Swift from any further aggressive behavior from Kanye West.

I get the feeling that it’s a combination of not wanting to know this, coupled with the inner knowledge that they’re incompetent to meet this standard in their current frame of mind. So, these failed men pretend not to know that protecting and providing are HUMAN male norms.

You said, “Anyway, SOME of us bw greatly prefer men who can flex their brain rather than their biceps. And if a man can flex his brain the majority of the time, he can PLAN to avoid many pitfalls/traps in life and won’t even need to flex his biceps barely at all.”

Well, duh, as you know—that’s what normal human women who are from normal, CIVILIZED environments generally want in a man. Normal, sensible women from civilized environments want the sort of man you described when you said, “These brainier men who are able to fluidly negotiate the customs of civilized society and secure a comfortable life is the type of man that I will encourage upwardly mobile bw to set their sights on. Many underexposed bw think of this type of man as weak or wimpy, or lacking in swagger, but that’s due to the underexposure of these women socially and their lack of knowledge in many ways. Many of these men know how to be assertive when necessary because they’ve seen it modeled.”

Evia, I must admit that I find it extremely difficult to comprehend some of the bizarre conversations that go on among AAs about relationships and childrearing. The bizarre practices that we’ve normalized (oow, weekend-fathering, telephone-based fathering, etc.) are so far removed from basic human norms that it’s breathtaking. The nonsense spouted by the BW who are in opposition to NWNW was one example.

I’ll also never forget another example a couple of years back at a Black-love/Black unity blog. A AA male commenter stated that he felt BW were being “programmed” to artificially want marriage; and asked somebody to explain what “real” value marriage has.

I asked him to do the following thought experiment. To picture himself becoming homeless as a result of a Katrina-like emergency, or something that lasted longer such as The Great Depression. I asked him, among the following list of persons, who would be most likely to feel some obligation to help him and take him in during such an emergency? And who would be most likely to feel obligated to help him over the long run?

1-Total strangers?
3-Work acquaintances?
5-His jumpoff’s parents and extended family members?
6-His casual girlfriend’s parents and extended family members?
7-His baby mama’s parents and extended family members?
8-His wife’s parents and extended family members?

He didn’t have an answer. Over the years, I’ve been amazed by the numbers of AAs who don’t see the obvious connection between the mass AA refusal to form families and problems like homelessness among AAs, etc. We seem to expect others to create and fund endless government programs to accommodate our dysfunctions. It’s crazy. All of these various dysfunction-subsidizing programs need to be cut off. This would serve to get folks’ thinking in alignment with reality.

The bottom line: Any AA woman who wants a good and decent life MUST step OUT of the toxic, savage, all-AA social environment and go amongst other people who are much more likely to model normal, human behaviors and interactions.

In response, Evia said,

Khadija, that simpleton AA man got an entire slab of history-of-the-human-race education in that one question you asked him. LOL!!!!!! You actually made a lot of headway towards civilizing that man with that one question. Questions are often more powerful than the answers.

. . . [in terms of various dysfunction-subsidizing programs, she said] Yep, it would be better to just cut the cord and that is happening. Even if these folks were my own children, I would say the same thing. I would not want my children crawling around deformed. It’s disgusting. It reminds me of a laboratory scene where there are all of these partially developed fetuses floating around tethered by umbilical cords to a monster.

Well, our departed sister, Octavia Butler really called it when she wrote her series of “Parable of the Sower” novels. Of course, she called them fiction, but she KNEW they weren’t. She knew. And just like she knew, and just like we know, many others also know, and they’re PLANNING for the solution. However, I’m convinced that the reason they allow it to go on to this extent is because they want to be sure that their own people know that when and as they enact the solution, the liberals and other tenderhearted folks among them will know that there was no other choice.

She’s right.


The underlying purpose of various Black Women’s Empowerment (BWE) bloggers’ essays is to encourage and help more African-American women get their expectations and behavior back into alignment with human norms. The formula for human survival and success is not complicated; it’s actually very simple. On a patriarchal planet, women and their children rise or fall based on the caliber of men they select as mates and fathers for their children. If a woman selects a non-protective, non-providing man, she and her children will suffer. For generations. If a woman selects a man who is a capable protector and provider, she and her children will thrive. For generations. This is the bottom line to what BWE bloggers have been saying all along.

Settling for a man who won’t marry you, and who won’t ensure that his children are born within the bounds of marriage leads to suffering, and ultimately death for the woman involved and her illegitimate children. This collective settling for the inferior situation of out of wedlock childbearing (oow) and the single parenting that is the predictable result of oow is the root cause of why African-Americans are becoming a permanent underclass in the US. The “grasshoppers” can continue to pretend not to know this if they want to, but any African-American woman who wants a good life for herself and her children needs to “recognize.” Pronto. Time is running out.


Philosopher John Stuart Mill said, “Every great movement must experience three stages: ridicule, discussion, adoption.” The BWE movement is firmly at the discussion stage, and I see the beginnings of various forms and levels of adoption.

There’s been a major shift in the conversations among African-American women since I first started paying attention to these issues approximately three years ago. At that point, any Black woman who questioned or challenged the current demeaning status quo of how Black women are treated among the African-American collective was relentlessly stalked, attacked, and ridiculed. The concerns being raised by such pioneers (African-American men’s escalating violence and atrocities against Black women and girls; Black men’s racist colorism against Black women; African-American women being programmed to be self-martyring “mules,” and so on) were dismissed and rejected out of hand. Both by heavily Black-male-identified Black women, and by various categories of sexist African-American men. That was then.

This is now. Now, the conversations have changed. Various life-enhancing ideas have spread among African-American women. Through the cumulative effects of our work, various Black women bloggers have gradually forced a change in the conversations. Christelyn’s recent No Wedding, No Womb initiative kicked the door wide open, and forced a blast of fresh air into the stale atmosphere of mass African-American acceptance of oow. Various African-Americans who like the current status quo, and would prefer to keep any questions about it off the table, have been forced to talk about these issues.

As a result, increasing numbers of African-American women are thinking that just maybe they do deserve to have a similar range of life options (such as being protected and provided for in the context of marriage) as every other ethnic group of women on this planet. These women are beginning to question and reject various status quo-supporting behaviors such as “Sister Soldiering.” Praise God!


BWE bloggers are at the dangerous intersection of resistance against some deeply entrenched pathologies:

  • The general, overall sexist harassment of women online. See the Washington Post story “Sexual Threats Stifle Some Female Bloggers.”
  • The African-American cultural bias of defining “Black people’s interests” solely in terms of what’s best for Black men, without any consideration of the impact on Black women and children.

Whenever a Black woman openly resists and rejects the above two things, she will face hysterical belligerence from Internet Ike Turners, and their supporting chorus of heavily male-identified Ikettes (who are similar to the Arab and Afghan women who support the so-called “honor killings” of other women).

Well, as the proponents of abundant life for African-American women and girls have changed the dynamics of Black women’s online conversations, the opponents of abundant life for Black women and girls have shifted their responses. At first, those who are opposed to abundant life for Black women and girls tried to bully the pioneers into silence with stalking, threats and coordinated online attacks. That failed. The various BWE bloggers persevered in their efforts.

Trying To Separate “Good” BWE Bloggers From “Bad” BWE Bloggers. One current Internet Ike Turner and Ikette strategy is to try to redefine various BWE bloggers into separate, conflicting categories. Previously, the Internet Ike Turners and Ikettes defined all BWE bloggers as “bitter,” “extreme,” and “divisive.” These are some of the Ikes’ and Ikettes’ favorite buzzwords. They’ve now decided that some BWE bloggers are “moderate,” “reasonable” and “sincere.” While others are still “bad.”

This little trick is a repeat of what White racists did during the Civil Rights Movement. White segregationists tried to characterize and position some African-American organizers as “good, moderate” Negro leaders, and other ones as “bad, divisive” Negro leaders. [Incidentally, I hope to remain firmly in the “bad” category. I believe that God does not like people who are lukewarm about issues such as justice and human dignity.]

White segregationists failed with this strategy during the 1960s. The Internet Ikes and Ikettes are failing with this strategy right now.

Hoping That Making False Claims of “Infighting” Will Lead to Actual Infighting Among BWE Bloggers. Another Internet Ike Turner and Ikette talking point is to loudly proclaim the existence of non-existent “infighting” among various BWE bloggers. This is another strategy from the White segregationists’ handbook. Like the previous strategy, it’s a cheap, transparent ploy to try to pit various BWE bloggers against each other. White segregationists failed with this strategy in the 1960s. The Internet Ikes and Ikettes are failing with this strategy right now.

BWE ideas continue to spread, and increasing numbers of African-American women are quietly deciding to stop:

And instead to seek abundant life for themselves. The same way African-American men freely seek abundant life for themselves without factoring in how this affects the already-dead African-American collective.


The Internet Ike Turners’ and Ikettes’ tactics will continue to morph as the BWE message continues to spread. As increasing numbers of individual Black women decide to seek abundant life and go wherever their dreams lead them, the Internet Ike Turners and Ikettes will start claiming that they always supported the goal of abundant life for Black women! So, you’ll see them start to concede various points that they previously denied. They’ll ultimately concede that:

  • Black women are as entitled as any other race of women to be provided for and protected.
  • Black women and children deserve the protections granted by marriage and legitimacy.
  • There is a problem with African-American men and their racist colorism against Black women.

They’ll ultimately concede these (and other) points. But they’ll also say that they disagree with the means used by BWE bloggers to solve these problems. The Ikes and Ikettes want the current status quo to continue. They want African-American women to stay in place, and remain available to continue serving as unreciprocated mules to prop up the African-American collective. They don’t want African-American women to imitate the moves Black men make to seek abundant life. Moves such as dating and marrying whoever they want, without factoring in race. Such as moving out of Black residential areas as soon as they can afford to do so. Such as doing whatever works best for them, without considering how their choices affect the so-called community. Which is their right.

Ultimately, as the BWE message continues to spread, the Ikes and Ikettes will falsely claim to support portions of the BWE platform. But they’ll want Black women to keep doing what has already failed—hanging around waiting for Black men to do their part. Like the other failed ploys used by Ikes and Ikettes, this also won’t work. As increasing numbers of African-American women watch other Black women live in abundance, there’s no going back to voluntary, unnecessary deprivation and suffering. Freedom is contagious!

October 15, 2010   108 Comments