Reader-Inspired Course Corrections From YMB

The willingness to listen with humility, to accept correction, and to engage in self-correction are qualities that I value. In that spirit, I’ve decided to imitate one of my favorite bloggers, Fabius Maximus, by doing an ongoing series of posts documenting instances (as they occur) where readers have either corrected my misconceptions or pointed out blind spots in my thinking. As I’ve always stressed, I’m definitely not any sort of guru, and I learn a lot from listening to the readers. Here’s the most recent reader-inspired course correction in my thinking―a reader named YMB pointed out something I had missed.

During a recent post, I said,

WHEN YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE DOING SOMETHING, THAT’S A CLUE THAT WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING IS NOT A GOOD IDEA

Here and at the previous blog, we’ve discussed a number of self-defeating behaviors that only African-American women engage in on a mass level:

. . . African-American women are alone on this planet in characterizing all romantic interest from men outside their racial group as a negative “fetish.” As I said during this post,

Faith, blog host of Acts Of Faith In Love And Life, is currently having an extremely important conversation. She’s raising points that need to be repeated among African-American women and girls who want to live well. And among those African-American women who want to maximize the odds of their future children living well. She asks the question, Are Asian Woman Trophy Wives, Or Just Smart At Picking Quality Husbands?

I would answer “both.” Yes, non-Asian men have stereotypes about Asian women. However, Asian women are shrewd enough to work those stereotypes to their individual (and indirectly to their collective) advantage! This is a lesson that more African-American women need to learn. We’re so preoccupied with issues of political correctness that we cut our own throats in terms of maximizing our marriage options. Nobody else operates like this. Certainly not Black men, including the many Pan-African Black male activists who talked “Black” this and that, and married White women. Including that scholar-hero of the ultra-Black, “Blacker than thou” crowd,

Cheikh Anta Diop (yep the very one considered one of the greatest African historians of the 20th century a senegalese) married Louise Marie Maes, a French woman in 1953 in Paris.

Many African-American women worry about nonblack men having a so-called “fetish” with the traits that these men find attractive. Let’s think about this for a moment. We’re actually bothered and offended when a nonblack man finds our West African-derived skin tones, features, and hair textures attractive. Why is it called a “fetish” if a nonblack man is able to appreciate Black women’s beauty? Meanwhile, we live among a collective of African-American men who are open about their hatred of those same West African complexions, features and hair textures in women! [See statements by creatures such as Yung Berg, NeYo, and so on. See statements and actions by countless other African-American men.]

And instead of calling these Black men the anti-Black racists that they are, we water down the language we use to describe what these racist Black males refer to as their “preferences.” So, there’s a post that asks, Does Hip Hop Like Light Skinned Girls Too Much? I need not say much more about how that question is being framed. It’s sort of like asking, “Does the Klan like white sheets and hoods too much?” In both cases, phrasing the question and the so-called “preference” that way deliberately misses the point.

Back to “fetishes.” Does it still count as a so-called “fetish” when the nonblack man is willing and eager to make a particular Black woman his wife first, and then the mother of his children? This type of “fetish” seems so much more respectful of the woman involved than a male who never offers marriage, and is willing to see his children by that woman born out of wedlock.

Instead of screening, dating, and possibly marrying nonblack men who might have a so-called “fetish” about their undiluted West African features that operates FOR them, many African-American women restrict themselves to dating Black men who have openly-declared fetishes that operate AGAINST them. How crazy is that?

YMB MENTIONED AN IMPORTANT POINT THAT I MISSED ABOUT THE ORIGIN OF BLACK WOMEN’S “FETISH” PARANOIA ABOUT NONBLACK MEN APPRECIATING THEIR BEAUTY

During this same conversation, YMB said:

I don’t think that BW concocted the whole “fetish” and “exotic” paranoia, although I think the lack of belief of our own worth and beauty is why so many BW have bought into that mindset. We are the only race of women that castigates rather than celebrates their uniqueness.

The “fetish” tactic was thought up by WW in an effort to tar and stifle WM’s noted interest in AW. The difference being that when AW were presented with this, they rejected it wholesale as a ploy to paint genuine attraction to non-white women as freakish and wrong and to block WM from elevating AW to the same status as WW. Meanwhile BW got the same message and thought, “he likes my kinky hair, brown skin, and African features– how unnatural!”

She’s right. This “fetish” talk was originally a weapon that White women forged to block Asian women’s access to marrying quality, “Alpha” White men. It was a real-world example of attempted “inception.” Asian women were smart and self-confident enough to turn that “fetish” idea to their own individual and collective advantage. Only African-American women (and similarly situated Western Black women) were mentally beaten down and silly enough to get caught in that worrying about a “fetish” snare. It’s yet another example of how easy it is for outsiders to successfully perform “inception” on African-Americans. As I mentioned during this post,

The pity is that, unlike in the movie, most African-Americans don’t have to be drugged to be vulnerable to inception. Simply hearing somebody else say something is enough to influence most of us.

ONE SAFEGUARD AGAINST INCEPTION IS TO ALWAYS ASK “CUI BONO?”

More African-American women must learn to constantly ask themselves the question: “Cui bono?” ["Who benefits?"]

Who benefits from the suggestion or argument that Person X is giving me? Now, it is possible to have win-win situations where Person X benefits along with Person Y with whom they’re speaking. But most African-American women are not presented with win-win sort of advice or political arguments. Usually it’s I Win, And You (African-American woman) Lose advice. Most African-American women are surrounded by people who are operating a zero-sum game—people who win when that Black woman loses.

So, we need to learn to constantly ask ourselves, “Cui bono?”

  • Who benefits from things (including my actions) remaining the same?
  • Who benefits from me making a change of some sort?
  • Who benefits from the arguments that are being presented to me?
  • Who benefits from the course of action being advocated?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PONDERED “CUI BONO”?

I’d like to hear from the audience about the most recent examples in which you thought through the question “Cui bono?” My most recent incident was during a previous conversation when I discussed the case of Ms. Kelley Williams-Bolar and said,

Non-African-American outsiders (such as the libertarians) who give verbal support to thieves like this woman usually have some sort of ideological axe to grind. They wouldn’t support this woman stealing the benefit of their property taxes. They don’t want this woman or her daughter reaping the benefit of the taxes they paid into their personal school districts. White libertarians verbally support this woman because they want to destroy the unions. They are supporting this woman’s thievery only as a means to an end (destroying unions).

Cultivating critical thinking skills can mean the difference between abundant life and a needlessly diminished life.

ADDENDUM

I forgot to mention the following:

IF THERE’S SOMETHING YOU WANT ME TO RETHINK, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME SOME INFORMATION IN SUPPORT OF YOUR VIEWS

As you can see, at times I make course corrections in my views in response to readers’ input. I’ve never been in training to be Joseph Stalin. I prefer to focus the conversations on our own thought processes and actions, since those things are under our direct control as individuals. So, I’d rather not spend a lot of time rehashing what “they” (whoever “they” might be) are doing to “us.”

However, I am inviting audience members to use this and future Reader-Inspired Course Correction posts to raise other points (of disagreement or otherwise) that you want me to rethink and reconsider. This ties into my overall policy about dissent: I have no problem with dissent about the means that are suggested for achieving the goal of lifestyle optimization for African-American women and girls. However, I refuse to engage in lengthy discussions with people who are opposed to the very goal of lifestyle optimization for African-American women and girls. Of course, there’s no guarantee that I’ll change my mind; but I will consider all information that’s put forth.

PLEASE ALSO CONSIDER THIS AN “OPEN FORUM” OPPORTUNITY

This invitation doesn’t only include points of disagreement. Feel welcome to bring up issues you’d like to discuss that I haven’t talked about. Please consider these Reader-Inspired Course Correction posts as “open forum” posts.

February 6, 2011   228 Comments

Don’t Stop Short, Tell The WHOLE Truth—It’ll Set You Free

This is a follow-up to For All Practical Purposes, Most Self-Proclaimed Good Black Men™ = Pookie And Ray-Ray. We’ve been discussing the post, For My Critics: If You Have A Better Solution Bring It from Von’s Black Consciousness; the conversation over there about the post, and the implications of both. At first, I was going to write a separate essay, but I think that you—the readers—have explained various angles the best.

GOOD BLACK MEN™ HAVE A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH POOKIE AND RAY-RAY

A reader named Muse said,

Even though I’m not around thugs or criminals in my circle or environment, it doesn’t mean I don’t encounter DBRs. I think the career-orientated/ professional DBRs are more dangerous because their dysfunctional thinking and behavior isn’t that obvious to the naked eye. As a woman you have to be on guard and pay close attention to their behavior to spot the non-thug DBR Negro. These individuals cover up their degenerate behavior with their degrees and careers. They have a complex and entitlement issues as Von mentioned in her post, which translates to the poor treatment of Black women. These guys are also the same types to defend the obvious DBR and put blame solely on women for the issues impacting the “community.”

These awful individuals take advantage of the numbers working against black women and use that to exploit the good women they do encounter. Black women are jumping through hoops and compromising their integrity just to be with these men without any reciprocity. In fact these gainfully employed pseudo-nice guys are kicking back and enjoying their harem of Black women catering to their every need. Sadly so many black women are so desperate for the IBM (Ideal Black Man) on paper, that they give these pseudo-nice guys a pass because of their education and careers even if they are being treated like garbage. I’ve told my male friends and associates countless times that if they use women as sperm dumpsters they are no better than the Pookie and Ray-Rays.

The black women who manage exchange nuptials with these pseudo-nice guys aren’t in a better position. Now they have to maintain their super woman status. Not only do these women have to have a high power career and bring home the bacon, they also have to play the role of the housewife, sex goddess, and super wife. These women experience the double burden that many feminists write about. They have to maintain careers and the household without much support. I’ve actually spoken to friends who married these types of men and looking back most of them regret getting married to these losers.

On paper and to the outside world they look like the power couple having the Barrack and Michelle fantasy but behind closed doors they are suffering because they are alone in their marriage. In fact some of these women are also dealing with unfaithful husbands. These Negros who grew up with nothing suddenly think that just because they have their degrees and fancy job titles they can do whatever they want, even if it means disrespecting their wives. Many of them have women on the side and its expected behavior as long as he comes home to the wife.

As a disclaimer not all professional black men act like this however I can’t begin to tell you how many of these pseudo-nice guys have hit on me during happy hour or tried to make me their mistress at professional conferences. Luckily I have too much self-respect and ego to be someone’s side chick. This brings me to the point that women have to look beyond job titles and credentials when evaluating a mate. It takes patience and discipline but at the end you will thank yourself for having high standards for your life.

A reader named Oshun/Aphrodite said,

I think Pookie and Nice Guy™ take up for one another. They work hand in hand in destroying BW. They look out for one another and fuel each other. They have a code/contract. As long as Nice Guy™ doesn’t actually throw salt in Pookie’s game (like stopping him or protecting women from him) Nice Guy™ is allowed to use him in order to run his own brand of game on women. And as much as Nice Guy claims to hate Pookie – they never rat them out. They always jump on the women who were naive or vulnerable after the fact. After the damage has been done.

A reader named Joyous Nerd said,

Wow, powerful commentary here, Von really knocked it out of the park. Of course Good Black Men are not going to step in and stop Pookie and Jaquarvius…. those low class BM are creating the wonderful life that these middle class men are savoring!

Without low rent thugs creating hellish conditions for black women and black children, BW would never be so desperate and willing to tolerate abuse, cheating and a whole host of other foolishness. The shortage is what gives Good Black Man the ability to have a harem till he crumbles of old age. If those bums weren’t so incomparably degenerate, the Good Black Men would still miss the mark by miles compared to functional men of other races.

I said,

My thing is that, until I read Von’s post, I hadn’t really taken note of how heavily invested most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ are in scapegoating underclass Pookie and Ray-Ray—while doing NOTHING to check Pookie’s and Ray-Ray’s destructive behavior. Pookie and Ray-Ray aren’t the only (or even the majority of) AA males who are actively engaging in destructive, anti-family formation, anti-life behaviors. Most of these self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ are the SAME as Pookie and Ray-Ray in terms of being irresponsible womanizers.

Also just the SAME as Pookie and Ray-Ray, most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ are always care-RECIPIENTS from BW and never care-PROVIDERS to Black women. Often, including never providing active, material care to their own Black mothers and other Black female relatives who have supported their aspirations over the years.

I also hadn’t made the connection between this scapegoating and the fact that most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ measure themselves and their manhood (such as it is) by what Pookie and Ray-Ray are doing or not doing; *not* by what mostly functional, nonblack men are doing. The mind boggles.

. . . The distinction I make isn’t about a man being racially “Black.” It’s about how dysfunctional the masses of (mostly fatherless) modern African-American males are at this point. I would tell a marriage-minded BW to bypass the vast majority of AA males.

. . . There are a handful of BM like Victor, Black SeaGoat, and others who will be stern and firm in confronting and chastising destructive BM. But these real men only constitute approximately 2% of the AA male population. There are just too few of them for them to be able to affect the tidal wave of AA male mutants. Like “Saigon,” the microscopic numbers of protective and provider BM have been overrun.

THE BLACK MEN IN THEIR LATE 40s AND EARLY 50s WHO START DATING AND THEN MARRY YOUNGER BLACK CHURCH WOMEN AREN’T REDEEMED—THEY’RE LOOKING FOR A NURSE FOR THEIR OLD AGE

A reader named AK said,

I’ll never forget Khadija when you talked about your BM lawyer acquaintance who thought he was goin’ round town straight up ballin’ with a little black book as thick as a Bible until he had a stroke and then NOBODY had time for him anymore, and he had OOW kids from his escapades, you said, who I’m sure he expects them to show up now or soon even though he never wanted to show up for them. Just because he’s a lawyer black people would swear up and down that he was a Good Black Man (TM), especially the black women.

That’s a shame about this acquaintance left high and dry after such a debilitation but if he’d have lived life a bit differently and with more accountability, he’d have support in his situation and not have to go through it all alone. Oh well! I hope he has plenty of savings left over for himself that he hasn’t squandered on too many trinkets, or on bad investments, or anything.

I said,

Many of the unmarried, professional AA male bedhoppers’ basic game plan is that they’ll marry a much-younger BW church lady when they feel themselves getting close to old age for real. They figure that when they hit their early 50s, then they’ll marry a 30-something or younger AA church lady. That way, they’ll have a younger wife ready and prepped to take care of them once they become truly elderly and sickly.

Where my BM attorney acquaintance messed up is that he had the stroke before he had identified or started dating a much younger BW church girl to take care of him when he got old and sickly. Of course, he didn’t expect anything like that to happen. He figured he had more time to sleep around (he was around his mid- to late 40s when he had the stroke). It turned out that he had waited too long to start looking for a church girl to take care of him in his future old age and poor health. If he had timed it better, then he probably would have gotten over the hump.

And since he had the stroke while he has still in obvious player mode, none of his jumpoffs wanted to be bothered with taking care of his rear end. None of the women he was sleeping with were actual girlfriends. So, they didn’t feel any obligation to help him.

A reader named Lisa99 said,

The BW church girl racket is another thing on my long list of complaints about the traditional AA Christian church.

So I know a BW, 35, never married, who is getting married next June. She talks about how she was so glad she waited on “God’s timing” and didn’t force things on her own, etc. A pastor introduced her to her future husband and within three months they were engaged. There wasn’t any formal proposal (which is not necessarily a big deal, but keep reading), but he just brought up the fact that he wanted to marry her and they just kinda fell into an engagement.

Now… I later learn that this man is 49, previously married, been divorced for about 6-7 years. Don’t know about kids. I know nothing about this man and he could be wonderful. But it’s rather fishy to me how quickly he made a move on a younger (but never-married and ready) BW church girl… as if he was on that plan of making sure he found a “good churchgoing woman” right at the time he realized he was too old to keep bedhopping.

And now, the woman is so excited talking about what God delivered her and folks at the church are using this story as an example of God answering prayers. Now I don’t necessarily believe that God is in the matchmaking business, but if so, I find it hard to believe that this 35-year-old, never-married woman’s pre-ordained destiny is a divorced man darn near 50 years old…

I just smiled when I heard the story and wished the woman well.

In reply, I said,

What’s fishy to me is how so many AA women—especially AA church women—choose to be blind and dumb about this obvious behavior pattern. How do they not notice that these breaking-down/broke down BM players only come to them when they sense they’re coming to the point when they’ll need somebody to physically take care of them? What happened to these church girls’ pet phrase about being “unequally yoked”?

You said, ” I find it hard to believe that this 35-year-old, never-married woman’s pre-ordained destiny is a divorced man darn near 50 years old… “

Me too. I’m just disgusted at how the AA church (and mosque) serve up BW for exploitation. And then call this “God’s will.” Somehow, God doesn’t will that type of bs for any other ethnic group or race of women in the US!

THE OBVIOUS, COMMON-SENSE SOLUTION IS FOR MORE AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN TO MARRY OUT—SPECIFICALLY TO WHITE MEN. WE NEED TO STOP MINCING WORDS ABOUT THIS.

A reader named Monique said,

I totally cosign onto this post and several of the comments written thus far. I believe that the “Good Black Man” moniker is an oxymoron; truly decent, good black men of character simply do not exist. There may be a few who do right by their own woman or child, but the vast majority do not check, condemn or reign in the outrageous behavior of the Ray Rays and Pookies within the defunct BC. Therefore, those BM who claim to be “good” still are not acting in a protective role for the masses of BW and Black children, they are only taking care (albeit minimally) their own.

Additionally, your comment about BM measuring themselves against the lowest common denominator (i.e., the pookies and thugs) instead of functioning, healthy men in the global village has always baffled me. Indeed it’s baffling to me that most AA choose to emulate utter foolishness and pass it off as “culture.” It appears to me that BM simply do not want to do better, they simply do not want to put in the work to make themselves competitive in this world. It is apparent from their actions that being nothing more than entertainers (coons are more apropos), athletes, “rappers” and mandingo stud muffins is fine by them.

If BW want a more abundant life, we will HAVE to date and marry quality men from the global village and leave Ray Ray and Pookie to their own demise.

That’s the bottom line. The current cultural protocol is for African-American women to stop short of saying this last part out loud. We can’t afford to keep doing this. We can’t afford to keep coming up with elaborate and unlikely alternative answers all in the name of avoiding the obvious solution of interracial marriage for Black women.

Concerns were raised about the pattern that many online Black conversations take. Specifically the pattern of stopping short, and advocating anything except the common-sense, natural solution of Black women doing what large numbers of Asian women have done to improve their circumstances: marry from among the dominant population—marry White men.

Faith, blog host of Acts of Faith in Love & Life said,

Good points which is why the post, the source material and the insane response in the comment section took the central point into a confused mess. I saw a few distinct caveats though.

1) The idea of the women raising kids alone is a problem.
2) Are all of these abandoned women supposed to remain so?
3) The inevitable conclusion that women must stop limiting themselves by race is not seriously encouraged when we know that is going to be best option and AA women need to date/marry out.
4) There’s still an undercurrent of pain and disappointment expressed and I think hoping for the BM to ‘come to his senses’ so they can all come together.
That “black love” trap! It was why some of the male detractors immediately tried to block the idea of interracial dating for BW.

While I think Von’s conversation was beneficial and may appeal to a certain audience some of the key elements that would address the “conclusion” aspect as BW finally move on to the next phase of their lives (if they want the highest quality) cannot be ignored.

A reader from the UK named Foxy Cleopatra said,

I think Von is spot on with her observations, however, knowing the way several bw choose to think, some may interpret it the wrong way. What I benefit from the example used with the Umoja women is that they saw the situation and got away from all the nonsense and made their lives better on their own terms, irrespective of what ‘their’ men thought of it. There is however, the danger that some silly bw (who constantly lurk on these empowerment sites) may then literally take this to mean that since these so-called ‘good black men’ aren’t really ever going to show up and sweep them off their feet, they should then forget about actually having a quality man in their lives and instead just build communities with themselves and remain single for the rest of their lives.

Yes bw should find like minded pple and form communities but I find it hard to believe that for the masses of black women, marriage is not something that they desire (irrespective of whether or not they already have kids oow or not). In the grand scale of things, bw should forget about this nonsensical IBM fantasy and hedge their bets with finding worthy men in the global village.

In reply to Faith’s comment, I said,

Faith,

I also noticed the “caveats” you mentioned. That’s why I’ve decided to do a Part 2 to this post. Any plan that revolves around AA women remaining without competent, effective men providers is a bad plan. I see those sorts of ideas as emergency/crisis way stations. Way stations to bridge the gap between being immersed in the radioactive AA scene and transitioning to join the outer, global village.

Focused Purpose, blog host of the Focused Purpose blog said,

. . . it seems that folks are afraid or simply refuse to mention the obvious date out common sense conclusion. or at least call it right out in no uncertain terms. it takes a lot of courage to do this. i know when i was all “power to the people” railing on white folks for their mistreatment of bm, it took a long minute to fix my mouth to call it. and BOY! did it hurt initially. it is the final acknowledgment of the death. honestly, i felt angry with those that were freely proclaiming to the world that all was lost. . .

In reply, I said,

I agree. I felt the same way in the past. I now realize that I was still looking at the situation through the distorting lens of the AA cultural Oppositional Defiant Disorder that we have going in terms of Whites. In order for AA women and girls to survive and thrive, we MUST drop this Oppositional Defiant Disorder attitude toward WM. AA women must learn how to comfortably socialize in the global village.

IF AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN WANT TO HAVE A REASONABLE OPPORTUNITY FOR WHOLESOME MARRIAGE, WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO DROP OUR KNEE-JERK GRUDGE AGAINST WHITE MEN

When the sorts of conversations like the one from Von’s blog occur, the most many participants will concede is that perhaps . . . just maybe . . . African-American women should kinda, sorta think about dating and marrying non-African-American Black men, and other men of color. That’s a false solution for a number of reasons. First of all, many men of color are just as colorist and downright racist as African-American men. I made the following reply comment at another blog about the patterns I’ve observed,

I would say that it’s not either/or, it’s both/and.

On the one hand, everything else being roughly equal (the woman’s comportment, looks, etc.) BW are “held to a different standard than white and Asian women and men do not put as much energy into pursuing us.” That’s just reality at this point. BW can either deal with it and keep moving forward; or give up.

On the other hand, NO other ethnic group of women other than African-American women are running around publicly and loudly declaring that they would never date outside their race. Other women also haven’t bought into the Sista Soldiering, lack of femininity, “mean mug” facial expressions, etc. on a massive scale like AA women.

Most of the BW bloggers that I’m aware of who support BWIR have talked about ALL of these variables. For example, Evia has talked about the overall social reality that quality WM are in a position to be able to pick from a wide range of women. So WM have no incentive to chase after unapproachable-acting BW. She’s also emphasized that there are numerically more WM in the US than other types of men. Halima has, on more than one occasion, emphasized the current generation of adult BW will have to face the extra hurdles of being trailblazers in terms of IR marriage.

For my part, I’ve repeatedly told AA women to stop assuming that there’s automatically some Kumbaya thing in operation with other people of color. In the employment context, I’ve repeatedly said that AAs are more likely to be hired by White “gatekeepers” than other POC gatekeepers.

I believe the same overall pattern applies to AA women and IR marriage context. The marriage odds are better for AA women and WM than with other men of color. Among the various categories of WM, the marriage odds are better for AA women with European-born WM as opposed to American-born WM. However, even in terms of American WM, I’ve noticed a significant change in the past 20-25 years. More American WM are willing to approach BW for dating than they were 2 decades ago. Before, WM would look at and notice BW, but it was rare for them to approach BW and ask them out for a date.

Other people of color tend to be as racist and colorstruck as AA males. Some of these cultures are racist and colorstruck among themselves. South Asians (East Indians and Pakistanis) are extremely bad with this even among themselves. Skin color is one of the features they prominently mention in the marriage ads they place in their own publications. I’ve seen them do this on a routine basis in ads in immigrant Muslim publications. Since these people do this among themselves, they’re really not into the idea of courting and marrying BW.

In terms of seeking a quality husband among other men of color, a BW has the worst overall odds with Asian men. What I’ve seen of East Asians up close (I’m speaking of mostly Koreans, but also some Chinese and Japanese) is that they are xenophobic among themselves. Folks’ parents from these 3 nationalities will react badly when their child marries an Asian person from one of the other 2 groups. Even though Asians from these 3 groups look very similar to each other in terms of features and complexions. [Unlike Thais, Filipinos and others who are often much darker.] So again, if these people are acting like this among themselves, then no—they’re not really looking to marry BW.

I’m speaking in generalities. There are always individual outliers among any group of people. To sum up, the odds a darker-skinned, West African-featured, IR-dating BW finding a quality husband are much better with WM than with men of color.

Unless an individual BW really has a thing for Asian men, I would not recommend that marriage-minded BW invest much time or energy into trying to date Asian men. The odds of that panning out into marriage are low.

Foxy Cleopatra had this to say from the UK (if I remember correctly, she’s African—she can correct me if I’m wrong :-) ),

To the second part of my comment, there are some observations I have made concerning a lot of ‘formerly black nationalist’ bw and I think the earlier this issue is addressed, the better. Some of these women still maintain a lot of the black love fantasies and so in advising AA women to date out, tell them to date other non-AA bm. I believe that this is very very risky for several reasons which I will outline in my next comment.

. . . The reasons are as follows:

1. For any black woman living in the US, your best options for dating out are wm. That is just a fact. Whether it has to do with numbers, availability, access etc.

2. For non-AA bm, I will address Caribbean-origin bm and African bm separately. For Caribbean bm, it is an absolute and bold faced LIE that their mating habits are any different from that of AA males. For those of them residing in the Caribbean, the ‘white is right’ mentality is, dare I say even more blatantly exhibited. The MAIN reason why the IR rate among them may seem lower is because as a proportion, black pple there are more than in the US and non-blacks are less, so therefore, there is less of an opportunity. Also, a lot of the black men one sees in America that may just be assumed to be AA are actually of Caribbean origin. So a lot of these dbrbm are themselves non-AA.

3. Looking at Black Caribbean British males, their abandonment of ‘their’ women is even more dire! Forget about their dating habits, the good proportion of them do not even want bw anywhere in their surroundings. The same nonsense (black on black crime, high prison population, low educational achievement etc) exists among black males here in the UK. The prevalence of rape against women (of various races) residing in predominantly black areas is shocking and even more disgusting is the black ‘communities’ reaction towards it. These gang rapes are most generally committed by black and mixed race males (of both Caribbean and African origin).

4. As for African men, where do I even start. I think this is the most dangerous situation because of the very high number of ‘boardroom thugs’/’ray-rays in a suit’ that a lot of AA women will fall for it. Let me break it down. A lot of AA women see several successful African men choosing to marry bw and begin to cheer them. However, one needs to understand the way a lot of these men think. I cannot count the number of times that I have heard an African man say that if he didn’t marry a woman from his country or another African woman, he may as well just marry a non-black woman.

Most of the African men I know who are married to women who are not from their home country or another African country are married to white women from the eastern bloc (of European countries) or to Asian women from developing countries. For some reason, a lot of these African men have gotten this notion that they have this stream of AA women waiting for them and are more than willing to take advantage of it, and unfortunately, i am seeing several AA women falling for it!

Don’t get me wrong, there are several good African men but most of those you see in the west (and so will meet) do not take long to develop these same pathetic mentalities themselves. The only thing I have noticed is that they are not as vocal as say AA and Caribbean men but once you actually begin to engage in conversation with a lot (and to be honest most) of them, you will be utterly disgusted at the kinds of things you hear.

I think the issue is that just because these males may take care of their kids and get married on a much more frequent scale than AA males, some women would refer to them as being ‘good/desirable/catches’. If these men were en masse, so responsible, lets keep it real, the African continent would not be in the state it presently is in right now. As much as I didn’t like it the first time I heard it, I have to be honest and agree with Evia, by and large, bm the world over are a conquered men.

All of the above is the second reason this “maybe it’s okay for African-American women to expand their dating pool only large enough to also include other men of color” suggestion is a false solution. By eliminating quality White men from their marriage pool, African-American women are eliminating the largest group of men in the US! And eliminating the group of nonblack men who are most likely to marry Black women! How crazy and self-defeating is that?

Bottom line: If we’re serious about wanting a reasonable chance for (a wholesome) marriage—and if we want the same thing for our daughters—then we’ll have to include American White men in our dating and marriage pool. We’re also going to have to drop some of our habitual cultural mindsets. Starting with the knee-jerk oppositional stance many of us take with White men. I said,

. . . Sadly, “Saigon” has fallen. At this point, there’s not much other than suffering and death for BW within the AA collective and its social environments.

So, we need to send our Black girls out into the outer nonblack global village to find their future husbands. This means we need to groom and orient the Black girls and young BW in our lives toward entry into the outer society. AA girls and women know how to work in the outer world. But they haven’t been raised to successfully socialize in the outer world. AA women have been programmed to shun socializing in the outer world. This must change if we want the AA girls who come behind us to have fulfilling lives.
For many of us, this means dropping the cultural Oppositional Defiant Disorder-type of attitude that many AAs automatically take toward the outer, nonblack—especially White—world.

“Saigon” (what used to be a semi-functioning AA community) has been completely overrun by deranged, destructive new-school AA mutants. It’s gone. It won’t be coming back. Those of us who are survivors are going to have to adapt to life in the outer world. This means dropping a lot of the knee-jerk oppositional, and anti-White attitudes that made sense during earlier eras, but now only serve to keep AA women imprisoned in all-AA social and physical hell pits.

African-American women are the only group of people on this planet who worry about “Black love” to their own detriment. Black men have never let “Black love” or any other ideology stop them from dating and marrying White or other nonblack women. Overall, Black men have not reciprocated Black women’s sense of obligation to the Black community. Judging from outward actions and words, most Black men are not concerned about building Black marriages and Black families. Only Black women seem to be preoccupied with “Black love” and “the Black family.”

Were the following (and countless other) Black men worried about “Black love”?

Amiri Baraka, Charles Barkley, Harry Belafonte, Billy Blanks, Julian Bond, Taye Diggs, Father Divine, Frederick Douglass, Julius Erving (Dr. J), Frantz Fanon, Marvin Gaye, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Gregory Hines, Rick James, James Earl Jones, Quincy Jones, Van Jones, Reginald Lewis, Thurgood Marshall, Major Owens, Sidney Poitier, Adam Clayton Powell, Prince, Richard Pryor, Lou Rawls, Lionel Richie, Dennis Rodman, Seal, Russell Simmons, O.J. Simpson, Wesley Snipes, Clarence Thomas, Melvin Van Peebles, Ben Vereen, Herschel Walker, Walter White, John Edgar Wideman, Billy Dee Williams, Montel Williams.

No, these Black men (and many others) didn’t let worries about “Black love” limit their lives. Since Black men don’t let worries about “Black love” stop them from doing whatever is best for themselves, there is no sense in so many African-American women worrying about “Black love” to their detriment. In fact, to do so is foolish. This behavior by African-American women is uniquely foolish.

Other women of color, including African women, have never limited their marriage options out of a misguided and unreciprocated sense of loyalty. African-American women are the only women of color who go around publicly saying that they won’t date outside their race. No other group of women on this planet engages in this behavior. Not African women. Not Latina women. Not Asian women. Not Arab women.

African-American women are alone on this planet in foolishly limiting their marriage options.

Any African-American woman who is serious about optimizing her lifestyle to include marriage is going to have to start focusing on quality instead of race and ethnicity.

*Audience Note* I learned so much from mostly listening during Part 1, that I’m going to do the same here. Please feel free to talk among yourselves.

November 30, 2010   75 Comments

For All Practical Purposes, Most Self-Proclaimed Good Black Men™ = Pookie And Ray-Ray

The willingness to listen with humility, to accept correction, and to engage in self-correction are qualities that I value. In that spirit, I’ve decided to imitate one of my favorite bloggers, Fabius Maximus, by doing an ongoing series of posts documenting instances (as they occur) where readers (or other people) have either corrected my misconceptions or pointed out blind spots in my thinking. As I’ve always stressed, I’m definitely not any sort of guru, and I learn a lot from listening to the readers and other bloggers. Here’s the most recent course correction in my thinking.

GOOD BLACK MEN™ USE POOKIE AS A SCAPEGOAT. EVEN THOUGH GOOD BLACK MEN™ ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AS POOKIE IN THEIR NON-PROTECTIVE, NON-PROVIDING BEHAVIOR TOWARD BLACK WOMEN AND CHILDREN

Following post links from What About Our Daughters to Black Voices ultimately led me to the post, For My Critics: If You Have A Better Solution Bring It from Von’s Black Consciousness, where among other things she said (I lightly edited the profanity),

At some point in time black men checked the f*ck out! People reading this can deny if they want, but there is a reason why states are studying the plight of black men. There is a reason why Bill Cosby is telling black women they will have to leave black men behind ( here). There is a reason I keep receiving emails from BLACK MEN reading, “I feel sorry for young black women.” There is a reason my original blog ruffled some feathers. Be HONEST with YOURSELF about it. Black women cannot count on black men at all period…for the most part we are on our own. If this were not true do you honestly think we would see the above statistics?

But wait…what about those “good” black men?

What about them? Where the hell are they when the “bad” black men are f*cking up the community? Where the hell are they when sh*t is popping off and black women and children are dodging bullets in the neighborhood or trying to protect themselves from rape or some other bullsh*t? Where the hell are these so-called good black men when their female counterparts are seeking marriage? I’ll tell you where MOST of the so-called good black men are: They are off somewhere taking advantage of their position sexing up every damn woman (and possibly man) they come in contact with ( here and here).

Most of the so-called good black men are wolves in sheep’s clothing. On paper they look real nice/appealing, but once you dig a little deeper you realize just how whorish and trifling they are. They are no better than the Pookies and Ray-Rays they try to pull rank over. More often than not these so-called good black men have a little money, a decent job, and some education. This is the MAIN reason they walk around feeling special. However, instead of being stand up men (or REAL good men) and seeking a wife, they take advantage of their low numbers and the high number of single black women. So, I say F*CK THEM. I can’t see myself being allies with these so-called good black men because I don’t respect or trust them.

Finding a true stand up black man is like finding a needle in a haystack. Great if you find one (I count my blessing daily) not the end of the world if you don’t find one (my life will keep moving with or without a man…I love my soon to be husband dearly but I’m not going to lay down and die if things go south). I got nothing but love for the REAL “good” black men who are handling their business (that includes actually being faithful, loving ONE woman, and making her your wife), but let’s not act like those individuals are the majority or even half of the African American male population. There aren’t enough of these men to go around. These individuals cannot take up the slack for all the other f*cked up black men. Black folks need to concede to this reality (which helps my case).

(emphasis added)

She’s right. As discussed in this post, White male-dominated law enforcement personnel are the only organized group of male protectors that African-American women and children have. Self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ assume no responsibility whatsoever for the safety of Black women and children within Black residential areas.

Self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ also like to pretend that underclass African-American male “Pookies” and “Ray-Rays” are the primary, if not only, source of the majority out of wedlock child rate within the African-American collective. They’re not. And that most of the African-American males who abandon their children fit Pookie’s and Ray-Ray’s profile. They don’t. At least not from what I saw while doing defense rotations in my area’s child support courtrooms. The educated, working Good Black Men™ that I represented in those cases ALSO did not want to recognize or financially support their children. I talked about the horrors Black women in particular often go through in oow paternity cases in the post, You Betta Recognize That It’s FAR Better To Be A Divorced Mother Than A Never-Married Mother With Out Of Wedlock Children.

At any rate, until I read Von’s post, I hadn’t realized the extent to which Good Black Men™ like to heap all their collective failures as men onto underclass Pookie and Ray-Ray. Their scapegoating of Pookie and Ray-Ray also ties into these so-called Good Black Men’s™ thinly veiled envy of Pookie and Ray-Ray. It’s all extremely toxic, and reminds me of an exchange I had with a defective, most likely fatherless Black male reader during a recent post:

[Defective, Most-Likely Fatherless, Black Male Reader,]

I’m not surprised that you provided a “teachable moment.” I was hoping that you wouldn’t veer off into reading your own issues into what was being said; but I wasn’t holding my breath in that hope.

You had to work overtime…work your fingers to the bone…to get everything that’s been said so far ALL twisted around into your statement, “Character, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t matter when it comes to men.”

Let me say what my original, unedited response was to your first statement:

From your very first questions, you sound like a fatherless man who has never thought to plan for his woman’s (and/or future children’s) physical safety. I had originally said this in my first response, but I deleted that part. I wanted to see what you would ultimately say. Well, now I know.

On top of sounding like a fatherless man who wasn’t raised to be a protector or provider, you sound angry at the very idea that anybody might expect that from you. With more than a dash of self-professed, fake “Nice Guy™” thrown into the mix. Added with what sounds like your (really quite curious) envy of BM drug dealers and thugs. All in all, you’ve worked very hard to make several amazingly inaccurate distortions about what’s been said so far.

(1) Why in the world do you assume that BM drug dealers and thugs are “protectors and providers” for their women? Who ever told you that? A drug dealer or thug? Ummm…no, that’s NOT how most AA male drug dealers and thugs I’ve enountered roll.

As someone who has represented many drug dealers and thugs over the years, you’re making a LOT of false assumptions about the nature of drug dealers and thugs. The BM drug dealer and thug are among the first males who will use women and children as human shields if something breaks out. You didn’t catch the reference to the “New Jack City” maneuver of using women and children as human shields? Drug dealers and thugs are the ones who do that sort of maneuver. Who else could you possibly have thought I was talking about when I said,

To the ultimate life-and-death sort of things. The woman should know—without being having to be told—that any physical attacker would have to get through the man in order to get at her or their children. Not the “New Jack City” maneuver of using women and children as human shields. Not the modern “runs without looking to see what’s happening with his date” male. Not the modern “I don’t know what to do” male who’s stands around confused when some other male verbally assaults the woman he’s with; or when some other mess breaks out. [At minimum, quickly get the woman safely away from the predator/problem.]

AA male drug dealers and thugs are also prone to be among the first to run off without checking to see what happened to their dates/women. You give BM drug dealers and thugs a lot of credit for “heart” that they generally DON’T have. It’s amazing to see a self-professed “Nice Guy™” praise them so.

I will also note that my negative impressions of drug dealers and thugs are not new. What I’ve seen of them in my professional life only confirms the extremely negative view I had of them as a teenage girl. And I wasn’t the only teenage AA girl during high school who hated drug dealers and thugs. Most of the other AA girls I knew hated them too…but I guess AA young women like that don’t count…only the Black female knuckleheads who aren’t repulsed by criminals “register” in the minds of self-professed “Nice Guys™” like you.

(2) You’re also assuming that BM drug dealers and thugs actually provide for their women and children. That’s an interesting assumption that’s NOT borne out by what I saw while doing some rotations—defending men in paternity and child support cases—in Chicago’s child support courtrooms. From what I saw, the bulk of such individuals spend the lion’s share of whatever money flows through their hands on THEMSELVES.

(3) Who said anything about wanting a man with a “penchant for irresponsibility and violence” or a man who’s prone to gunplay? Sir, that’s YOU saying that. NOBODY ELSE said anything even remotely like that. Let me repeat what I did say:

(a)I mentioned how men who are protectors think through and PLAN what they might do if something happens when their women and children are around. I said,

Let me mention a disturbing trend about modern BM and the above life-and-death scenarios. I can count on less than one hand (and this includes my ex) the number of modern BM who have taken the time to think through what they would do if some life-and-death emergency situation breaks out while they’re with their lady.

(b)I also mentioned planning in terms of fire, and other general emergencies. I said,

And the local E2 disaster in Chicago was a perfect example of NON-protective, new-school AA males. I recall noticing during the tv news reports from outside the nightclub that it was the physically largest AA males who were wedged in the doors—they had trampled over other people (including stepping over, one might assume, their dates for the night to get to the doors).

. . . On another note, all of this has brought back memories of how my Dad had us practice evacuating the house in case of fire when I was small. We also practiced getting in and out of the car quickly (no fooling around for me and my brother) when a code word was given.

(c)I mentioned how men who are protectors pay attention to what’s going on in their physical environment. I said,

I also notice that many modern BM do not appear to be paying attention to the physical environment and who’s in it while they’re out with their ladies.

One of the benefits of working with a lot of cops and prison guards over the years is that I’ve learned how to notice who’s quietly scanning the environment. Cops and prison guards know how to pay close attention to what’s going on around them in the environment without obviously looking like they’re watching. They also know how to do this while holding totally unrelated conversations, etc.

I’m not saying that anybody should be paranoid. But, a PROTECTIVE man is as quietly and unobtrusively observant as most cops. Old-school BM and modern BM who were raised by old-school BM are quietly vigilant like most cops when their women and children are around. I feel a lot safer with men like that around.

Sir, how in the world did you interpret any of this as referring to drug dealers and thugs? Like I said, you had to work your fingers to the bone to take a reference that compared protective men to POLICE OFFICERS and interpret it as praise of drug dealers and thugs. That was absolutely dishonest on your part.

(4)I mentioned how a protective man will, at minimum, quickly get the woman AWAY from the predator/problem. NOT stand around confused because he doesn’t know what to do. I said,

Not the modern “I don’t know what to do” male who’s stands around confused when some other male verbally assaults the woman he’s with; or when some other mess breaks out. [At minimum, quickly get the woman safely away from the predator/problem.]

Sir, it’s not anybody else’s fault—including the BM drug dealers and thugs you apparently choose to envy—that you haven’t mentally prepared yourself to be a competent protector or provider. NONE of the above descriptions of what protective men do revolves around gunplay. I’d say that at least 90%-plus of the protective behaviors I described above are MENTAL actions; and are the result of a man:

1-planning,

2-paying attention (which often prevents one from getting caught in various negative situations in the first place), and

3-having the conscious desire and intention of being a good protector and provider for his woman and children.

None of which seems to describe you. You’re more focused on how much you envy and apparently feel inferior to BM drug dealers and thugs—who are equally unprepared to be competent protectors and providers. I wasn’t really thinking about this angle before reading your dishonest comment, but now that I think about it: The majority of the BM I’ve known who are good protectors and providers are genuinely NICE MEN—GENTLEMEN—and FAMILY MEN. Not dishonest, fake “Nice Guys™” with entitlement issues and unresolved high school envy of drug dealers and thugs.

Sir, I don’t like it when people waste other conversation participants’ time by operating in total bad faith; which is what you’ve done. Based on some of your earlier unpublished comments you’ve submitted here, I was initially hesitant to let you participate in this conversation. But you’ve settled the question for me. You’re not welcome to participate in any of the conversations here.

**Addendum***
And before I forget, Lefemmenoir started off her comment by saying,

I absolutely LOVE nice guys, as a matter-of-fact, I won’t date a guy unless I am sure that he is a nice guy (I am also partial to Nerds, but that is a topic for another day)….Now to change gears a bit, I must say that most guys who call themselves a “nice guy” probably aren’t. I have run into many a self-professed nice guy, only to discover that they are “nothing nice”, ok? This has become a “brand” if you will that toxic men like to wrap themselves in to appear more “human” or “human-like”, in hopes of getting a woman to let her guard down.

And I started off my reply to her by saying,

Lafemmenoir,

I’ve always adored genuinely nice guys and nerds-with-basic-social-skills (I’ve never been into guys with Asperger’s syndrome). The thing is that, as you noted, most of the men who make a point of calling themselves “nice guys” usually AREN’T.

Being a genuinely nice person involves having good character. That, plus the affection we both stated in favor of nerds leaves NO room for drug dealers and thugs. I’m amazed at how hard you had to work to get this all twisted around into basically the opposite of what we said.

Good luck, God bless, and Goodbye.

FINAL THOUGHTS ABOUT VON’S POST AND DISCUSSION

  • African-American men’s ongoing failures and DBR (damaged beyond repair) behavior are the greatest and the most successful “recruiting sergeants” ever for spreading the BWE (Black women’s empowerment) message.
  • African-American males are inadvertently proving the truth of the BWE analysis of African-American women’s situation by their behavior.
  • By their ongoing, mass refusal to protect and provide for Black women and children, African-American men in general are burning their bridges with ever-increasing numbers of African-American women. Including the nationalist Black women who previously felt politically obligated to support them. I used to be a Black Nationalist, until I realized that Black men had checked out of that (and everything else Black-related) decades ago.
  • People’s reading comprehension drops significantly when they encounter a message they don’t like. Von had to repeatedly tell (mis)readers that she wasn’t talking about Black women “leaving” Black men because there aren’t any Black men around to be left. As she emphasized, Black men have already checked out.
  • With ONE exception, the Black men who commented had no alternative solutions to offer. All most of the Black male commenters cared about was deflecting responsibility off of Black men, and in particular off of Good Black Men.™ The one gentleman who did offer a solution had a plan that revolved around more (empty) talk. No proposed action.

For me, the main take-away point from reading Black men’s comments during that and so many other Black conversations is If You Really Want To Help Black Girls, Marry One Of This Planet’s Dominant, Alpha-Men.

ADDENDUM

Another example of insight gained from listening with humility: Until reading Von’s post, I also hadn’t made the connection between this scapegoating and the fact that most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ measure themselves and their manhood (such as it is) by what Pookie and Ray-Ray are doing or not doing; not by what mostly functional, nonblack men are doing. The mind boggles.

November 28, 2010   98 Comments

Reader-Inspired Course Corrections From Joyous Nerd And Roslyn

The willingness to listen with humility, to accept correction, and to engage in self-correction are qualities that I value. In that spirit, I’ve decided to imitate one of my favorite bloggers, Fabius Maximus, by doing an ongoing series of posts documenting instances (as they occur) where readers have either corrected my misconceptions or pointed out blind spots in my thinking. As I’ve always stressed, I’m definitely not any sort of guru, and I learn a lot from listening to the readers. Here are the most recent reader-inspired course corrections in my thinking.

JOYOUS NERD POINTS OUT AN IMPORTANT POINT THAT I MISSED ABOUT THE VIDEOS THAT CIRCULATE AMONG AFRICAN-AMERICANS

We had a recent conversation about a video currently being discussed at various Black blogs. The video apparently shows a Black man attacking a Black woman (who was wearing a tight dress) as she walks past him and some other Black men. A reader named Joyous Nerd said the following,

I also refuse to watch poison like that. I wonder to what degree these videos are made to be propaganda. They certainly provide a sounding board for the BM-protectionists and their lapdogs to give the “rules” once more… to list the many regulations we BW have to meet or else face the consequences. Maybe I’m giving people too much credit; maybe it’s not as well thought out as all of that. But it does seem to me that these images and the comments that come with them serve to intimidate and threaten black women into doing what black men want or else risk terrible consequences.

I was speaking to a young BW about the problem of street harassment that BW face from BM. She told me that she always speaks respectfully to these deadbeats standing around on the corner. The reason she makes this choice is because she remembers a rap video from the early 90’s in which a BW refuses to entertain some BM’s advances, and she is humiliated publicly by having some alcohol sprayed all over her. After watching that video, this girl told herself that she would make sure to always speak respectfully to these men in order to avoid a similar reaction. How many little girls watched that video over and over, allowing the “inception” to take firm root?

Even if there isn’t some gaggle of hateful BM in an underground bunker making plots, lol, the result is still one that privileges BM and oppresses BW.

In response, I said,

This angle hadn’t occurred to me. This is exactly what’s up with these videos. To borrow a concept from systems theory, The Purpose of a System Is What It Does (POSIWID):

“POSIWID (the purpose of the system is what it does) is a way of thinking about complex systems, giving us a different perspective on a range of social and political issues. When we understand the complex loops that maintain the status quo, we are better equipped to make positive changes in organizations and society.

The origins of POSIWID thinking
The term POSIWID was coined by Stafford Beer. It was picked up and developed further in a trio of books written in the 1980s by engineer Bill Livingston.

Approach
The POSIWID principle applies a kind of backwards logic to systems thinking – from effects to causes.

If a complex system produces a given outcome, or if a given outcome emerges from a complex system, then we may assume some purpose linked to this outcome. This is a useful guide for investigation and interpretation. Ignore the official purpose of the system, ignore what the designers and custodians of a system say, and concentrate on its actual behaviour. (emphasis added) http://www.squidoo.com/POSIWID

Violent BM predators and their enablers (including BW lapdogs) don’t have to be involved in a conscious, deliberate conspiracy to act in ways that support one overall system: the escalating violent subjugation of BW within the AA collective—The Purpose of a System Is What It Does (POSIWID). And what these people are doing is enforcing some depraved social rules among those AA women who are misguided enough to remain among them.

BM predators and their protectors don’t have to be huddled and plotting in a bunker to accomplish the end result you described when you said, “But it does seem to me that these images and the comments that come with them serve to intimidate and threaten black women into doing what black men want or else risk terrible consequences.”

Well…that’s exactly what’s been happening. On several angles. This didn’t occur to me until you said that. There are a number of AA women who have been conditioned by these videos to accept these attacks as being “normal.” There are others, like the young BW you mentioned, who don’t accept these attacks as “normal,” but have been conditioned to alter their own behavior in hopes of appeasing the (potential) BM predators they encounter.

Whether people are aware of it or not, there are always some sort of social rules being constantly enforced. The rules cans be contradictory and irrational. But there are always rules. And no matter whether the enforcement is consistent or arbitrary, rules are enforced.

Sometimes the enforcement is silent and by way of omission (the quiet withdrawal of support from somebody who has run afoul of some social rule). Sometimes the enforcement is blatant. From scanning recent online headlines (I didn’t read the story), Kanye West is whining about how he’s still feeling the pinch from having experienced WM enforcing their social rules about how WW are to be treated. {chuckling} I doubt that Mr. West will be so quick to publicly disrespect a WW ever again. {more chuckling}

You asked, “How many little girls watched that video over and over, allowing the “inception” to take firm root?”

This is what makes Black Exploitation Television and 99.99% of AA-produced content (Messence, etc.) so dangerous. The modern cultural “norms” that AA women and girls are being indoctrinated into are increasingly depraved. That’s why it’s essential for AA women to STOP consuming 99.99% of AA-produced content and replace it with life-enhancing materials.

ROSLYN HOLCOMB POINTS OUT HOW AFRICAN-AMERICANS’ PAST EFFORTS AT BLACK NATIONALISM HAD THE UNINTENDED EFFECT OF REINFORCING AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX

During another recent conversation, author Roslyn Hardy Holcomb opened my eyes about one of my previous long-term, cherished illusions when she said,

I think a good deal of this inferiority complex stems from the pseudo-black nationalism that so many spout. There is an innate part of us that wants to belong. We’ve been told that American culture is not our culture (despite the fact that much of what makes America, America was created by us). That to be a part of America is to be a sell-out. To me, that’s a white supremacist mindset on it’s very face. It is to say that this unique African American culture we’ve created is somehow subpar or less than. Because many of us believe that America is ONLY about white people, we literally make ourselves refugees in our own country. (emphasis added)

In reply, I said,

This NEVER occurred to me. It never occurred to me that our (pitiful) efforts at Black Nationalism served to reinforce an inferiority complex. {sigh} It was always easy for me to see how self-abasing integration-ism was. But I didn’t see how Black Nationalism did the same damage—only from the opposite angle. Thank you for providing this insight. {still shaking my head in shock at the thought}

. . . (I continued this thought while replying to another reader) . . . Unfortunately, this is yet another example of how our solutions can easily turn into new catastrophes when we’re not careful to safeguard our ethnic self-respect as AAs. And this hits home with me because I had always (naively) believed that recognizing our African pre-slavery origins would serve as an antidote for AAs’ mass lack of self-respect. It never occurred to me that this could—and did—backfire on AAs (as Roslyn explained).

…Yet another one of my long-term, cherished illusions bites the dust…

…D*mn… {very long sigh}

IF THERE’S SOMETHING YOU WANT ME TO RETHINK, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME SOME INFORMATION IN SUPPORT OF YOUR VIEWS

As you can see, at times I make course corrections in my views in response to readers’ input. I’ve never been in training to be Joseph Stalin. The purpose of this post is not to rehash the above points; they were thoroughly discussed during the conversations in which they were raised. So, I’m not going to publish comments that rehash these two discussion points. I don’t want to go backwards with these conversations; I want to keep moving forward.

However, I am inviting audience members to use this and future Reader-Inspired Course Correction posts to raise other points (of disagreement or otherwise) that you want me to rethink and reconsider. This ties into my overall policy about dissent: I have no problem with dissent about the means that are suggested for achieving the goal of lifestyle optimization for African-American women and girls. However, I refuse to engage in lengthy discussions with people who are opposed to the very goal of lifestyle optimization for African-American women and girls. Of course, there’s no guarantee that I’ll change my mind; but I will consider all information that’s put forth.

PLEASE ALSO CONSIDER THIS AN “OPEN FORUM” OPPORTUNITY

This invitation doesn’t only include points of disagreement. Feel welcome to bring up issues you’d like to discuss that I haven’t talked about. Please consider these Reader-Inspired Course Correction posts as “open forum” posts.

September 14, 2010   90 Comments