An Emergency Warning To All Aspiring Sojourners

During Part 2 of the As A Quality Lady Would Think series, a reader named YMB perfectly summed up the concerns that prompted me to start this particular series of posts. Any African-American woman who wants to survive and thrive will have to leave the toxic, non-reciprocating all-Black social networks behind; and join better networks in the outer world. This means dropping the twisted, anti-life values of “new school” African-American mass culture, and adopting normal human values. A reader named Ms Mellody said it much more diplomatically: “Changing one’s environment entails changing of deep, deep set mindsets and thought processes.”

That’s right. Another reader named YMB said,

[Quoting from one of my earlier comments: Stop superimposing Rosa Parks’ and Emmett Till’s faces on the face of every modern day Black criminal defendant that you see. You’re insulting their memories when you do that.]

Modern AAs have not only insulted their memories with this mess, they have also gutted the legacy of the Civil Rights Movement. AAs have done an outstanding PR job in terms of convincing the world that our values are protecting and coddling criminals, underachievement and disruption in school, vulgarity as an art form, and bastardy and solo-parenting as the preferred family structure. No other group is embracing and promoting these values. No other group places a priority on nurturing the cancerous growths within their group rather than removing them with vigilance.

Are we really surprised that claims of racism, even when valid, largely fall on deaf ears outside of the AA collective, and that our pleas for help get ignored. Why would any other group care about our fate when we seem to care so little for ourselves?

I am surprised that so many readers of this blog were aligning themselves with Ms. Williams-Bolar and trying to give her a pass. The peace walls are coming and if you present yourself as someone who identifies with and seeks to protect and shelter people who are out of touch with basic human norms, you will find yourself shut behind those walls, figuratively and literally, with them.

(emphasis added) The peace walls ARE coming. Soon.

I made the following comment during that earlier conversation,

Let me re-emphasize something:

I don’t want this to be all about BM criminals. I’m telling y’all to ALSO stop rallying around the deviant, scam artist Black women such as Ms. Williams-Bolar (that was discussed at length in Part 1 of this series)!

Thank God, many of you in the audience are already comfortable with refusing to rally around BM criminals and deviants. But you still want to rally around BF criminals and deviants. You still want to rally around the baby factory BF welfare queens. You still want to automatically rally around every freakish Black woman like the South African intersexed runner Caster Semenya. You still have the knee-jerk, Sista Soldier reflex of rallying around every STRANGE Black person, and every Black person who’s doing something STRANGE.

I’m saying to catch the hint from the women of every other ethnic and racial group on this planet, and STOP doing that.

I’m cancelling this week’s edition of Finishing School Friday to discuss this emergency warning. I’m doing so because it doesn’t matter how physically attractive you and your mannerisms are if you’re still rallying around criminals and deviants. You’ll be identified as an undesirable and kept out of normal, reciprocating social networks in the global village.


In this Age of Turmoil, having a reciprocating, mutually supportive social network of productive people is increasingly becoming a matter of life and death. The signs are all around you. See here and here from The Sovereign Man blog for examples. I can’t repeat this enough:

If you mark yourself as an undesirable by rallying around criminals and deviants, you will be frozen out of the type of social networks that would help you during times of trouble.

February 3, 2011   129 Comments

As A Quality Lady Would Think, Part 2: A Lady Does Not Rally Around Criminals And Deviants

This is a follow-up to Part 1 of this series, and the ideas discussed during the Joining Better Networks series of posts.


Here and at the previous blog, we’ve discussed a number of self-defeating behaviors that only African-American women engage in on a mass level:

African-American women are alone on this planet in making loud, public announcements that they would never date or marry outside their race. This is usually said to emphasize the point that they would never date or marry White men. Nobody else is making these sorts of public statements. Certainly not Black men. And also not other women of color, including Arab women (many of whose men are actively at war with the White West). Including Black women from other countries. Everybody except African-American women keeps their dating and marriage options open.

African-American women are alone on this planet in characterizing all romantic interest from men outside their racial group as a negative “fetish.” As I said during this post,

Faith, blog host of Acts Of Faith In Love And Life, is currently having an extremely important conversation. She’s raising points that need to be repeated among African-American women and girls who want to live well. And among those African-American women who want to maximize the odds of their future children living well. She asks the question, Are Asian Woman Trophy Wives, Or Just Smart At Picking Quality Husbands?

I would answer “both.” Yes, non-Asian men have stereotypes about Asian women. However, Asian women are shrewd enough to work those stereotypes to their individual (and indirectly to their collective) advantage! This is a lesson that more African-American women need to learn. We’re so preoccupied with issues of political correctness that we cut our own throats in terms of maximizing our marriage options. Nobody else operates like this. Certainly not Black men, including the many Pan-African Black male activists who talked “Black” this and that, and married White women. Including that scholar-hero of the ultra-Black, “Blacker than thou” crowd,

Cheikh Anta Diop (yep the very one considered one of the greatest African historians of the 20th century a senegalese) married Louise Marie Maes, a French woman in 1953 in Paris.

Many African-American women worry about nonblack men having a so-called “fetish” with the traits that these men find attractive. Let’s think about this for a moment. We’re actually bothered and offended when a nonblack man finds our West African-derived skin tones, features, and hair textures attractive. Why is it called a “fetish” if a nonblack man is able to appreciate Black women’s beauty? Meanwhile, we live among a collective of African-American men who are open about their hatred of those same West African complexions, features and hair textures in women! [See statements by creatures such as Yung Berg, NeYo, and so on. See statements and actions by countless other African-American men.]

And instead of calling these Black men the anti-Black racists that they are, we water down the language we use to describe what these racist Black males refer to as their “preferences.” So, there’s a post that asks, Does Hip Hop Like Light Skinned Girls Too Much? I need not say much more about how that question is being framed. It’s sort of like asking, “Does the Klan like white sheets and hoods too much?” In both cases, phrasing the question and the so-called “preference” that way deliberately misses the point.

Back to “fetishes.” Does it still count as a so-called “fetish” when the nonblack man is willing and eager to make a particular Black woman his wife first, and then the mother of his children? This type of “fetish” seems so much more respectful of the woman involved than a male who never offers marriage, and is willing to see his children by that woman born out of wedlock.

Instead of screening, dating, and possibly marrying nonblack men who might have a so-called “fetish” about their undiluted West African features that operates FOR them, many African-American women restrict themselves to dating Black men who have openly-declared fetishes that operate AGAINST them. How crazy is that?

African-American women are alone on this planet in being front and center with aggressively rallying around criminals and deviants. No other type of woman puts herself on the front lines of loudly screaming in support of criminals and deviants (grifters, chiselers, and scavengers). Criminals and deviants from other ethnic groups have women in their lives. The Italian and Russian mafia men have women in their lives. But you don’t see the Italian or Russian women who are hooked up to these criminals on TV or writing articles talking about how So & So The Mob Enforcer was sentenced to “too much” time in prison. You don’t see Latino drug lords’ women publicly screaming in support of their vicious, violent crimes. You don’t see the girlfriends and wives of Chinese-American Triad members on TV complaining about law enforcement. You certainly don’t see decent, law-abiding women from these other ethnic groups screaming in support of the vicious, depraved criminals who happen to share their ethnicity.

Finally, you also don’t see the nonblack women who are hooked up to Black men engaged in that type of Sister Soldiering. Not even on behalf of their own Black baby daddies or husbands. Not Prof. Henry Gates’ White wife. Not Van Jones’ White wife. And so on.

When you’re the only one doing something, that’s usually a hint that whatever you’re doing is a bad idea. African-American women’s programmed behavior pattern of publicly cheerleading criminals and deviants is a self-defeating pattern. One that will prevent many of them from ever being accepted into healthier, reciprocating, non-African-American social circles.


I understand the historical origins of this dysfunctional behavior pattern. It arose during the era of segregation and lynching. However, you need to understand that it’s a new day. The greatest (and most probable) physical threats to your life and your children’s lives are not coming from White segregationists these days. The greatest physical danger to your life is coming from mostly-fatherless African-American male criminals (with the support of their Black female enablers).

Modern African-American criminal defendants are not Rosa Parks or Emmett Till. Instead, they’re more likely to be like the demons in the Dunbar Village Atrocity (during which a pack of fatherless Black males gang raped a mother and forced her to perform oral sex on her own son). They’re more likely to be like the Black female neighbor of the Dunbar Village victims who reacted with indifference when told about that crime against humanity. Stop superimposing Rosa Parks’ and Emmett Till’s faces on the face of every modern day Black criminal defendant that you see. You’re insulting their memories when you do that.


Please note that this warning to stop rallying around criminals and deviants also applies to rallying around deviant Black women who are grifters, chiselers, and scavengers. That means to also stop rallying around Baby Factory Black Female Welfare Queens. You don’t see large numbers of women from other ethnic groups cheerleading the deviant “Octomom” types that are among their group.

A reader named Karen said the following,

Dear Khadija,

I commend you for taking the time to point out once again what is common sense to every other group of women. It cannot be underestimated the damage that brainwashing (i.e. “Sister Soldiering”) has done to AA BW. At the same time, I find it very sad and tragic.

The only real solution I can see to this is for conscious steps on an individual basis be taken to “de-program” through exposure to more healthy environments, seeking professional help where possible and disassociating from toxic people (along with many of the actionable items you have provided at this blog and your previous one).

Our “Mis-leaders” survive and thrive on the minds, bodies, labor and money from Sister Soldiers. Without them, they would cease to exist and THEY.KNOW.THIS.

AA BW have their destiny in the palm of their hands. I wish we as AA BW would use the courage that we have to fight everyone else’s causes to instead take that energy to save ourselves because frankly:

She’s right. You mark yourself as an undesirable when you rally around criminals and deviants. If you want to be welcome among productive, reciprocating social networks in the global village, you’ll stop rallying around criminals and grifters.

February 1, 2011   66 Comments

As A Quality Lady Would Think, Part 1: A Lady Does Not Try To Grab Something In Exchange For Nothing

Given the recent online conversations about Kelley Williams-Bolar, now is a good time to review some concepts discussed during the Joining Better Networks series of posts.


I said the following in replying to a reader’s recent email about Ms. Williams-Bolar.

I’m not sympathetic to this mother. Not at all. She’s a thief who stole the benefit of other people paying thousands of property tax dollars each year into that school district. If she was so concerned about getting her daughter into that school, why didn’t she move and rent her own apartment in that school district? Also, I don’t agree with how the teacher’s unions are being demonized [in the link I was sent about the story].

To sum up: The way this site (and other folks) are framing the issue deliberately misses the point, as far as I’m concerned. The schools are better in certain areas because of the many types of investments that concerned parents are paying into those schools. Parents in high-performing districts are paying into their local schools through their property taxes. They also pay by their active participation in ensuring their own child’s behavior and performance while at school. Parents in high-performing districts also aren’t doing what most African-Americans do―which is use the local public schools as a free babysitting service while taking no interest or participation whatsoever in their children’s behavior at school.

The schools’ performance in any given district are a reflection of the neighborhood parents’ level of personal investment in those schools, and investment in ensuring their own children’s academic performance.

As far as I’m concerned, they should force the mother in that news story to pay for the benefit that her daughter got as a result of all those other parents who actually live in that school district paying thousands of dollars in property taxes each year. Basically, this mother defrauded all these other people into subsidizing her child’s education in addition to their own children’s education. While this mother apparently chipped in nothing. I’m not feeling that woman. Not at all…


As mentioned during this post,

Humans are social animals, and always cluster into various groups. Unless you’re a hermit, you’re a member of various (sometimes overlapping) groups. These networks vary in size, purpose, and effectiveness.

Most African-American women need to find and join new, healthy networks in the global village. Because their current all-Black networks tend to be accidentally chosen, non-reciprocating, and often downright destructive. However, to join productive networks, most African-American women will need to change the way they approach networking. Most importantly, they will need to change their understanding of the entire process.

. . .


When most African-Americans speak of networking, what they’re really describing is coattail riding. It doesn’t occur to them that they should or need to contribute value to the target person they want to benefit from. Especially when that target person is also African-American. Most African-Americans have an entitlement, “hook me up” mindset. That’s why you hear all this talk of expecting other African-Americans to “reach back,” and “set up programs” for them. It’s all one-sided. The people looking for the handout from other Blacks never say what they’re going to do in exchange for any assistance given. Because they don’t intend to do anything except TAKE from that person. And if you don’t hook them up, then they create an entire narrative in their minds about how you must be jealous and evil. It’s irrational.

In addition to being irrational, this mindset is unattractive. Most productive, mutually supportive networks don’t look kindly on chiselers and thieves. The African-American collective is the only one that gives knee-jerk support and sympathy to thieves. The nonblack political ideologues (such as the nonblack libertarians) who support Ms. Willimams-Bolar’s style of thievery are only doing so because they want to destroy unions and organized labor. After all, these are the same people who want to end the minimum wage, and are opposed to affirmative action.

Let’s be clear: out in the (non-African-American) real world, most people don’t like chiselers and thieves. So, it’s best not to be one if you want to be welcome among productive social networks. A quality lady is not a chiseler or a thief looking to grab something for nothing.

January 29, 2011   143 Comments