“Is Opportunity Monopolized?”

Gravitating Toward “Rotten Food”

I’ve been thinking about something that Evia, blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine said in a recent post. She said:

Back to bw’s choices: If you put ANY typical person in an environment around only or mostly rotten food and/or they don’t know how to identify rotten food, they ARE going to eat rotten food, no matter how many ways you blame them for eating it, and no matter how you tell them to make better choices.

As Evia stated, much of this has to do with many African-American women growing up surrounded by rotten food. So, they believe it’s normal to eat rotten food. I believe this is also a pop culture detox issue. I believe that much of this also has to do with many African-American women’s core, unspoken beliefs about the world and the nature of reality.

There are the masses of African-Americans who are already lost, and then there’s the smaller group of African-Americans who purportedly know better. I’m talking to those of us who supposedly know better than to participate in certain things or to actively seek out vomit. Many of us intellectually know better on the surface, but still hold certain unexamined core beliefs that orient and guide us toward various types of vomit and rotten food, be it:

Trying to talk to, and reason with, people who have demonstrated that they hate us. This came up during this conversation at the previous blog. Please take the time to read that post and discussion. During that conversation, Halima, blog host of Black Women’s Interracial Relationship Circle, said the following:

You know sometimes I am trying hard to sound the depths of what’s going on in bw’s heads.

I can’t tell you how many times I have happened upon such conversations where a bm has essentially written a comment or response dripping with disdain and anti-bw sentiment, and I am rubbing my hands with expectation that the next bw who comes on will ‘set them straight.’ lo and behold the next bw comes in with a: ‘I agree with you 100% etc etc …’ totally meandering the thinly veiled insult garnished with a sliver of ‘wisdom’(which they decided to respond to)! . I tell you I am almost having a heart attack at this point.

Are these women pretending that they didn’t get the gist or they are really that thick and cant read and comprehend and I am not talking about bw who we all know to be black male identified here, I am talking about sensible, intelligent bw who don’t seem to be desperate to bm-please. I am convinced these women are not thick and know that they have been insulted, because they actually ignore the insulting bits and zone in on the ‘sense’ bit, which shows that they are in filtering mode and are not merely failing to pick up the intent.

These bm are not even trying to hide their disdain when they enter these conversation, it is full on and in evidence that you would have to try very hard not to see it. No doubt what is going on is that bw have their instructions to ‘reframe’ anything bm say and make it something useable, something that can be added into this whole ’dialogue’ effort which bw and bm are supposed to be having over their situation.

Indeed if these women do not reclaim aspects of or clean up these comments, or if they see the comments for just what they really are(and consequently toss them in the bin), then they know they have nothing, no ‘input’ from black men for this so called dialogue.

lets face it, bm are not even speaking and dialoging in any significant or meaningful way over the Bc (and when they do you and I know how it all goes lol), to sustain the delusion that they are and are just itching to do their bit for the BC, any comment is siezed (with thanksgiving) and no matter how disdainful, bw feel they need to read so much sense and good intetnion into it. You can almost picture bw hunched over with magnifying glasses trying to make sense where there is none, and see profound mysteries where there is pure petulance and childishness lol!

It is all about rummaging around in garbage trying to ‘dust off’ or piece together something that they can say, ‘see they are talking with us and they do want to work things out.’ it is the bw self deception in full mode, that makes bw read malice laden comments as real dialogue and respond to it as such.

Also notice that so many bm are guest writers on black female owned blogs or ‘progressive’ blogs etc and when you click on their individual blogs you will find a strong streak of malice running against bw through their entire content (and I am not talking about general male chauvinism here I am talking about real disdain, lack of compassion, consideration and fairness for black women).

Someone indeed needs to check their filter settings because certain folks are getting through! It does really say something about bw’s criteria. You can be sure that no self-respecting white feminist blog/web community would even have such commenters anywhere near them. Note how that male allies of ww have to ‘come correct’ be more advanced in their feminist analysis than even the women, and not just that, they must adopt a conceding posture towards the women. Meanwhile bw make all sorts of allowances until anti-bw bm are comfortably sitting in our discussions.

This sort of behavior only makes sense if a woman believes that verbal abuse from men is the natural order (belief in a scarcity of men who routinely speak to women with respect and even affection).

Remaining within scarcity, “hunt and peck” scenarios.

Desperately clinging to the belief that everybody (non-Blacks and non-Black women in particular) is living within scarcity, “hunt and peck” scenarios.

Actively seeking out and exposing ourselves to vomit-art, vomit-relationship advice books written by Black men who hate Black women, and so on.

Many African-American women gravitate toward rotten food even when we see other people eating from nutritious, delicious buffets! We persist in gravitating to rotten food even when we have access to fresh, healthy food. I believe that most African-Americans hold certain unspoken, core beliefs that orient and guide us toward various types of scarcity and rotten food. One such belief is the notion that scarcity is the natural state of the world. All sorts of otherwise peculiar behavior patterns become not just possible, but probable, when you believe that scarcity is the normal state of the world.

Is Opportunity Monopolized?

I’ve started reading a fascinating 1910 book called The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. You can download a free copy of the book here. This book formed much of the inspiration for The Secret. Incidentally, I’m not a fan of The Secret, but I try to keep an open mind with materials that might be helpful. I take what’s useful and discard the rest. Anyway, Mr. Wattles asks a profound question. One that I would ask readers to consider:

Is opportunity monopolized?

He goes on to state:

No one is kept poor because other people have monopolized the wealth and have put a fence around it. You may be shut off from engaging in business in certain lines, but there are other channels open to you. At different periods the tide of opportunity sets in different directions, according to the needs of the whole and the particular stage of social evolution which has been reached. There is abundance of opportunity for the person who will go with the tide, instead of trying to swim against it.

This leads to some other questions that we might explore in the future, such as, “What is the ‘tide’ that so many are swimming against? Are there natural rules that govern human social organization and progress, similar to the other rules (such as gravity) that govern the physical world?” But for now, let’s deal with the question of, “Is opportunity monopolized?”

A “Natural” State of Scarcity Is Not Consistent With An Expanding Universe

Modern astronomy holds that the universe is expanding. In an expanding universe . . . on a planet teeming with abundance . . . how do so many African-Americans believe that scarcity is the natural order of things? What’s even more amazing is that those of us who have seen or experienced abundance in some areas of our lives continue to believe that scarcity is the norm. This is because most of us are walking around with an unexamined core belief that scarcity is the normal order of the world. In fact, a belief in scarcity as the norm and the resulting learned helplessness form the cornerstones of conventional wisdom among African-Americans. We touched on this during this conversation at the previous blog.

Scarcity Is Not The Norm, And Is Often The Result of Human Mismanagement

I submit to you that scarcity is not the natural order. Scarcity is the norm if you live in a desert. But the world is not a desert! Usually, scarcity is the result of human mismanagement of resources. Also, the existence of scarcity in an environment is a signal that you should leave that particular environment and seek out abundance. But instead of seeking abundance, so many African-Americans try to convince themselves that the outer world is as barren and nonsupportive of life as the African-American desert.

So you hear us saying things like, “There’s crime everywhere.” Yes, there’s crime everywhere, but other people in the United States are not living with volleys of gunfire in their neighborhoods.

So you hear us saying things like, “Single White women are having problems too.” This is true, but nobody is living like African-Americans with a majority out of wedlock birthrate. Also, White women have problems within the overall context of being protected and provided for by their men and collectives.

The more deranged among us try to pretend the desert is a healthy and life-sustaining environment. And equal to a tropical rainforest in natural resources. So you hear us saying things like, “Single parenting isn’t the problem. Poverty is the problem.” No, single parenting is inherently problematic. This is because, by definition, one half of the children’s primary support network is missing. Come on, now.

What Do You Believe?

I know what I believe about the natural state of the world. This is something that everyone must answer for themselves.

Is opportunity monopolized?

**Audience Note** I’m not going to publish any comments that analyze or discuss the damaged Black men that many of us persist in interacting with, online and in real life. They’re powerless, conquered males who are irrelevant. I’m not interested in these males, or the dynamics driving their abusive behavior. I’m not interested in the fact that these damaged men haunt Black women’s blogs. I’m interested in why so many Black women persist in speaking to them. I’m interested in examining the underlying, core beliefs that make this (and other self-defeating) behavior so prevalent among African-American women, particularly those women who know better.

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36 Responses to ““Is Opportunity Monopolized?””

  1. Rhonda says:

    I’m reading that book, too. It is taking me the longest time to finish it (I’m reading a paperback copy, and it is only 5.25″ by 8.25″, and 100 pages), which is no surprise, given that I find myself pondering what I’ve read after every paragraph or two — at this speed, I don’t think I’m ever going to finish it!

  2. Rhonda says:

    In synch with this post (and your blog, too), you might find The Abundance Blog of interest; it is where I found out about the Wattles book.

  3. Rhonda,

    Yes, it’s the sort of book that almost compels you to stop and reflect on the author’s points. *Smile* I stopped reading to think shortly after the passage I quoted. I’m still mulling over that passage.

    Thanks for mentioning The Abundance Blog. I only found out about it earlier this week (like you, this is where I found out about the Wattles book). I found out about The Abundance Blog from The Art of Non-Conformity blog. I found out about The Art of Non-Conformity because I subscribe to the Tribal Author Book Marketing blog. LOL!

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

  4. Karen says:

    Khadija,

    Quoting from your former blog:

    “If we are honest, we must admit that there is a LOT of learned helplessness among Black people. If we are honest, we must admit that much of what passes for Black political thought encourages learned helplessness. If we are honest, we must admit that much of our “common wisdom” reflects learned helplessness. “

    This is the bottom line. There will be no change unless AA BW look in the mirror and admit that the only thing stopping them from changing their lives is looking directly back at them. We are the mistresses of our destiny.

    It is and has alway been about the choices we do and do not make. It takes discipline and maturity to put away “childish things”. It takes adult behaviour to finally realize that delayed gratification is a good thing. Work today to prepare for tomorrow. Utilizing money for things that will bring long-term and sustained benefit is what it means to move forward.

    Opportunities are “always” available. The question is are one’s eyes open to see them, recognize them and take action to maximize the benefit?

    Learned helplessness is foreign to me, I know many who have made it their mantra and they continue to subsist on rotten food.

    Sad, but it is their choice.

  5. Jacki says:

    Khadija,

    The behaviors you’ve listed are not the result of any true introspection so I’m not sure that there are any core beliefs that cause some women to behave in this way. To my way of thinking, they’re operating solely on unchecked ego (arrogance, self-righteousness) and weakness in character (laziness, lack of self discipline).

  6. Karen,

    You said, “It is and has alway been about the choices we do and do not make.”

    Indeed. That’s a whole other conversation we could have about whether or not AAs believe in free will. When you examine our statements (which mostly revolve around “not having any choice” when a more accurate description would be “not liking the choices we have and being unwilling to work to create better choices”), it’s obvious that most AAs don’t believe in free will. But that’s another conversation for another day.
    ____________________________________

    Jacki,

    You said, “The behaviors you’ve listed are not the result of any true introspection so I’m not sure that there are any core beliefs that cause some women to behave in this way.”

    It seems to me that the most firmly-held beliefs are the ones that we assume to be true. The ones that nobody even thinks to question. These sorts of beliefs don’t involve introspection. And most introspection won’t touch/disturb these core beliefs because these beliefs are assumed to be pre-existing “operating systems” for reality.

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

  7. Anonymiss says:

    Hey Khadija:

    This was a powerful piece.

  8. Jules says:

    Opportunity is definitely not monopolized. I have the book mentioned, but I think you and everyone else should take up a copy of the The Master Key System. This book is a powerful tool in self-actualization no matter where you are now, it will teach you how to propel yourself wherever you want to be.

    I have no clue why many of us continue wanting rotten food. Heck we take it home try to trim the moldy sections and find some unique new way of camouflaging its filth. We walk around pretending we do not smell it and when we bite into it we do the best to tell ourselves it will sustain us. Eating rotten food is a learned phenomenon. Many of us grew up seeing our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and community women eating rotten food. We heard the stories while sitting at their feet getting our hair braided that this is normal and this is part and parcel of the female experience. We grow up and bingo we are consuming rotten food ourselves, even feeding it to our children. I am not sure how we can fix this, it’s sad that one has to make a bunch of mistakes and live in hell before they wake up to the filth, and many never wake up. Now that I think about it, it becomes a really big deal. I do not want to see other BW and children suffering generations after generations. Hmmm…..

  9. Tiffany says:

    This was a true eye opener.

  10. pioneervalleywoman says:

    Isn’t there something else going on here, a perverse “racial pride?” “Our ancestors sustained themselves on it and survived, so we can too, this is what it means to be AA, as was mentioned.” They forget that some of these perspectives, ie., the importance of “being strong black women,” resulted from the stresses of a dysfunctional system of slavery and discrimination–they did not arise under normal circumstances!

    I have to add in here that it gets worse when they start to say, “well not only did AA do/experience this, but Africans in the mainland must share the same experience,” when their perceptions are so far from the truth and are not grounded in a true understanding of different African cultures. An example, man-sharing as a practice of “polygamy” to be upheld. Incredibly dangerous–take a dysfunctional practice and say, “well in Africa, it worked fine and we are just following what they are doing…”

  11. Anonymiss,

    Thank you for your kind words; I truly appreciate it.
    ______________________________________________

    Jules,

    Thanks for mentioning The Master Key System, I’ll look into it. You said, “Heck we take it home try to trim the moldy sections and find some unique new way of camouflaging its filth.”

    That experience of watching/overhearing AA women trying to “eat around the moldly section” is what prompted this post. Yesterday at the hair salon, I overheard snatches of a particularly disturbing conversation among several of the other patrons. The “eat around the mold” assumptions that were underlying their comments about their relationships with their male “friends” were appalling. Not to mention that one middle-aged, MARRIED, grandmother of a toddler laughingly “complimented” how cute another woman’s 7-year old son is by telling him that, “When you get older, you’ll have baby-mamas lined up around the block.”

    So, in other words, even though she’s married, she speaks of marriage as being NATURALLY scarce among AAs (as opposed to this scarcity being a result of mismanagement/dysfunction). And she sees her marriage as a fluke. Either because she’s somehow “special” or she “lucked out.” {shaking my head}

    Now, I was relieved to see the boy’s (unmarried) mother (laughingly) state “that she rebukes that in the name of Jesus.” But she didn’t look offended as she said this. They all seemed to think it was cute to tell this little boy this mess. And these are all grown-a** women with children.

    This reminded me of how one of my (up-from-the-hood striver) coworker’s “friends” bought her then-toddler son a t-shirt with an inmate number and the name of the local jail printed on it as a gift. The coworker mentioned this to me because she didn’t know whether or not she should have been offended.

    The assumptions about the world underlying these sorts of interactions are scary.
    _________________________________________

    Tiffany,

    Thank you for your kind words; I truly appreciate it.
    __________________________________________

    PioneerValleyWoman,

    You mentioned, “I have to add in here that it gets worse when they start to say, “well not only did AA do/experience this, but Africans in the mainland must share the same experience,” when their perceptions are so far from the truth and are not grounded in a true understanding of different African cultures. An example, man-sharing as a practice of “polygamy” to be upheld. Incredibly dangerous–take a dysfunctional practice and say, “well in Africa, it worked fine and we are just following what they are doing…”

    That’s some OBVIOUS insanity that typically won’t be presented OR accepted on its own. That sort of madness has to be accompanied by a HUGE helping of ideology—such as reactionary religious practices or extreme political ideology.

    This is not the sort of vomit-rotten food that I’m talking about here. Even most confused and deranged AA women would shun those practices if they were openly presented to them. And certainly any AA woman who on the surface “knows better” would NEVER agree to any such mess.

    With this post, I’m talking about the vomit-rotten food that AA women who “know better” still gravitate towards. In the discussion to the previous post, a reader mentioned the fact that so many AA women who “knew better” STILL tuned in to watch BET’s vomit-rotten food-tribute to Michael Jackson—and then were (predictably, based on BET’s established practices) offended by what they tuned in to watch.

    I’m talking about the vomit-rotten food of AA women who “know better” buying, reading, and then giving publicity to (by publicly reviewing and discussing—by name and book title) vomit-relationship advice books by BM who hate BW.

    I’m talking about the vomit-rotten food of adult AA women who are old enough to be in the working world—and therefore see examples ALL around them of how White and other non-Black women are mostly married by a certain age—desperately pretending (lying to themselves) that non-Black women are experiencing the same lack of marriage prospects that they are experiencing (mostly because they are restricting themselves to the numerically skewed, and therefore radioactive all-AA dating pool).

    I’m talking about the vomit-rotten food of grown, “educated” AA women pretending (lying to themselves AND others) that they don’t know that even “healthy” OOW, single-parenting is inherently inferior to healthy, married parenting.

    I’m talking about the vomit-rotten food of AA women who “know better” continuing to interact online with BM such as The Angry Independent—who haunts BW’s blogs in order to repeatedly state his disdain for BW—as if he’s a legitimate conversation participant. And he’s just one of several BM that HAUNT BW’s blogs in order to wound BW’s spirits—they come there to verbally wound and draw blood from BW. And yet so many otherwise sensible-seeming BW keep talking to these men as if they are legitimate conversation participants. (See the “Al-Walaa Wal Baraa, pt. 3” post I linked to from the previous blog for the quotes and links that give concrete example to what I’m talking about here).

    **Again, let me stress that I don’t want to (and won’t) waste time talking about this individual BM or other BM of his type—my focus is on the AA women who supposedly “know better” who continue to interact with these men. I’m mentioning this as a concrete example for those readers who aren’t sure what I mean.**

    This sort of thing is what I’m talking about here in terms of vomit-rotten food. Not that obvious, “In Africa I would get to beat my women and have 40 wives” madness that even the most confused AA women will reject (if they haven’t bought into some fringe element-extreme religious or political ideology that supports OVERT insanity).

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

  12. JaliliMaster says:

    “This reminded me of how one of my (up-from-the-hood striver) coworker’s “friends” bought her then-toddler son a t-shirt with an inmate number and the name of the local jail printed on it as a gift. The coworker mentioned this to me because she didn’t know whether or not she should have been offended.”

    Lord have mercy!!! I cannot even imagine having an acquaintance, moreover a friend, who would even think of doing such nonsense. Had I been in your co-workers shoes, I’d have given it back to that creature immediately.
    _______________________
    “I’m talking about the vomit-rotten food of AA women who “know better” continuing to interact online with BM such as The Angry Independent—who haunts BW’s blogs in order to repeatedly state his disdain for BW—as if he’s a legitimate conversation participant. And he’s just one of several BM that HAUNT BW’s blogs in order to wound BW’s spirits—they come there to verbally wound and draw blood from BW. And yet so many otherwise sensible-seeming BW keep talking to these men as if they are legitimate conversation participants. “

    Someone finally named this creature for what he is. I have been baffled as to why I have seen quite a few BWE types conversing with this particular individual as if they are completely blind/deaf to the things he actually says. Thank you for having the courage to tell the truth!
    _____________________________

    I have a few things to say regarding the rest of the post. I’m still marinating in it and I downloaded the book you spoke about, so I want to at least scan through it first. I’ll probably be back in a day’s time.

  13. KM says:

    I think this is because it is easier to sit and eat the rotten food that you know than to hunt out better food that you don’t know.

    We are creatures of habit and it’s been ingrained for decades to accept the status quo (BW are ugly, useless, worthless, worth only what they can give to others, etc.) Even though it’s killing BW, it is easier to ingest something that is familiar. At least you know the results, right?

    But then to seek something new… it forces you to reevaluate, to see what is really going on and for you to make choices. Before, you didn’t have to use your free will, it was just a passive acceptance. Now, you’re using your free will and coming against resistance, very harsh resistance. Now, your will and strength is being tested and its always easier to stay in the trough instead of moving on to the table with the 3 course meal.

    That’s just my reading, IMO.

  14. Karen R says:

    Hello, Excellent post. You stated “I’m interested in why so many Black women persist in speaking to them. I’m interested in examining the underlying, core beliefs that make this (and other self-defeating) behavior so prevalent among African-American women, particularly those women who know better.”

    I think for many AA BW the natural feelings of entitlement and “deserve” have been stunted. When you grow up eating and being served rotten food, it is easy to internalize that rotten food is all that you deserve or are entitled to. consequently, the rotten, broken, spoiled things of life become normalized and accepted. This becomes a woman’s deserve level. Things that other women would be repulsed by, we are told to accept. Generally, the message in the BC is that we don’t deserve to be provided for or protected. Protection and provision is for THEM and not BW. When a BW attempts to reject the moldy, rotten food, oftentimes other women attempt to make her feel wrong for wanting more or wanting better for herself. There are voices in her ears (relatives, friends, partners) and voices in her head (media, music, entertainment) that I call the Silent Veto that work to keep her entrapped and dependent upon the rotten and the broken. This is the “who do you think you are” crowd that says to the BW “how dare you want more?”

    BW in these communities where the rotten is the norm, need to connect with these cyber communities where the light is shining leading the way out.

  15. JaliliMaster,

    You said, “Lord have mercy!!! I cannot even imagine having an acquaintance, moreover a friend, who would even think of doing such nonsense. Had I been in your co-workers shoes, I’d have given it back to that creature immediately.”

    Guurl, wasn’t that craay-zee?! And even worse than the original “gift” of the cursed t-shirt, was that the coworker wasn’t sure that she should’ve been offended—or had the right to be offended. When normal people buy baby and toddler t-shirts with logos, they tend to buy them with university, cartoons, or sports logos on them. Not “prisoner-in-training” t-shirts.

    You said, “Someone finally named this creature for what he is. I have been baffled as to why I have seen quite a few BWE types conversing with this particular individual as if they are completely blind/deaf to the things he actually says. Thank you for having the courage to tell the truth!”

    You’re welcome! I’ve been baffled by this too…{shaking my head}
    _________________________________________

    KM,

    You said, “Now, your will and strength is being tested and its always easier to stay in the trough instead of moving on to the table with the 3 course meal.”

    {more head shaking} “Trough” is the perfect word. I know next to nothing about farm life, but from what little I’ve heard from people who have at least visited working farms, I have the impression that farmers toss almost any sort of organic garbage into the pig trough, including rotten food. Lord have mercy.
    _______________________________________________

    Karen R.,

    Thank you for your kind words; I truly appreciate it. You said:

    “…the rotten, broken, spoiled things of life become normalized and accepted.”

    {groan}

    “This becomes a woman’s deserve level.”

    {shudder}

    “BW in these communities where the rotten is the norm, need to connect with these cyber communities where the light is shining leading the way out.”

    But here’s the thing: This is NOT a “ghetto issue.” And I’m NOT talking about Sheniqua The Project-Dwelling Public Aid Recipient Who Doesn’t Know Any Better. The rotten seems to be the norm across the board within the entire AA collective.

    So, it’s not just “certain communities” that have normalized the rotten. I will note that some of the worst DBRBM that I’ve observed have been some highly-educated professionals, including doctors and judges. Including an alleged SERIAL date-rapist BM attorney that used to work for my firm for many years. And the AA women that persisted in interacting with these destructive, damaged BM were their colleagues and peers!

    I’m talking about AA women who supposedly know better than to seek out the “rotten, broken, spoiled things of life.” In short, I’m talking about the AA women who seemingly are our peers! Or at least they talk with a level of sophistication that would lead one to believe that they know better than to seek out rotten food and broken things. The enlightened, “know better” talk doesn’t seem to have any impact on their actions.

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

    • NijaG says:

      I think the main issue for the more “enlightened” AA women has to do with the push-pull of race vs gender issues. More than half of the 20th century was spent trying to enable the AA community as a whole to be able to have their piece of the apple pie. It has only been in the past two decades or so, where AA women have had more time to slowly start looking and trying to address the issues unique to them.

      Let’s not kid ourselves. The faith of any group of women is generally tied to that of their men. Women are more in tune with this fact because we generally rely on our men to protect and provide for us in the grand scheme of things.

      The Ms. Independent I can do bad by myself and don’t really need a man mindset, only really works in fairly stable and reasonably gender progressive nations. Believe me once chaos is introduced, women usually lose that mindset

      Khadija,

      Women connect the dots much faster and better than men. Just like you, Evia, and other BWE bloggers have been connecting the dots online and spreading the message as to the most likely fate of the BC, many enlightened women have also been connecting or already have connected the dots. That is why some of them spend their time engaging with DBRBM, especially the so called highly educated and influential BM who are suppose to be the ones steering the larger black community.

      It is the absolutely normal expectation that “our own men” are suppose to be the ones who we go to first for protection, comfort, etc that is driving this behavior. In a normal community this would be perfectly okay and logical, however the BC is not normal at the moment.

      Seriously, I think part of it is just biological-evolutionary driven. The other part is the historical past of AA in this country.

      The only reason why AA women are in a much better position than say African women is that the dominate group (White Men) has a much better and progressive RUCOSS that is helping to absorb and slow down the disintegrating negative behavior of the BC.

      While majority of African women have no choice but to deal with the larger manifestations of the DBR attitudes and mindsets of the males in that continent, African American women don’t have to. The major thing holding a good % of enlightened AA women back at this point is really the lingering old race/group loyalties and programming passed down from previous generations.

      If the critical mass of the BC had continued on an upward and positive cultural/social trajectory then these topics would be virtually a non-issue. However, that’s not the case. African American women have to start putting gender over race when it comes to looking out for their own well-being.

      So it basically boils down to the mentally and spiritually consciously black women to ADAPT, EVOLVE or DIE.

  16. pioneervalleywoman says:

    Khadija:

    And even worse than the original “gift” of the cursed t-shirt, was that the coworker wasn’t sure that she should’ve been offended—or had the right to be offended. When normal people buy baby and toddler t-shirts with logos, they tend to buy them with university, cartoons, or sports logos on them. Not “prisoner-in-training” t-shirts.

    My reply:

    That only makes sense if one lives in a warped world, as you spoke of the world of the underclass, where criminals are seen as fallen “political prisoners” who are not to blame for their circumstances but who are only victims of “the system.”

    I can think of the circumstances where we are more likely to see commemorations like those: real-life political activists who have been targeted, or innocent victims of crime who are being remembered. They are not talking about people who joined the military or even law enforcement and then died in the line of duty.

    So the criminals in the local jail are now their fallen heroes????? And this toddler is supposed to grow up either to emulate them or be sympathetic because it is a given that it could be him some day?

    My word.

  17. pioneervalleywoman says:

    Khadija:

    I’m talking about AA women who supposedly know better than to seek out the “rotten, broken, spoiled things of life.”

    My reply:

    Magical thinking that things will get better? Equating suffering with being righteous? It is what a strong black woman does–suffer?

  18. NijaG and PioneerValleyWoman,

    NijaG, you said, “The Ms. Independent I can do bad by myself and don’t really need a man mindset, only really works in fairly stable and reasonably gender progressive nations. Believe me once chaos is introduced, women usually lose that mindset”

    If that’s so, I don’t understand that because VIOLENT chaos already reigns within the AA collective, and AA women are still talking that “OOW/single parenting is just fine & husbands and fathers are optional for childrearing” crazy talk.

    PioneerValleyWoman,

    You said, “Magical thinking that things will get better? Equating suffering with being righteous? It is what a strong black woman does–suffer?”

    I don’t know. I don’t know what that sort of behavior is about. {???}

    Ladies, all theories aside, all I know is this:

    Any AA woman who continues to interact with BM like the Angry Independent—and the widely-known, alleged serial date-rapist BM attorney that used to work for my firm—and the countless other BM who are OPEN in their hatred of BW and their desire to hurt BW in spirit, mind, and/or body . . .

    . . . needs to examine what’s going on in her own head that makes her continued interaction with these individuals possible.

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

    • NijaG says:

      My understanding of the OOW/Single parent issue is that a large percentage of the women who fall into that segment are those in the growing under and lower-class. In the women who grew up middle class and upper, those percentages are small. The flip side for the middle and upper class black women is the decreasing rate of marriages (due to factors discussed ad nauseum) in the black community is leaving many women in prime child-bearing years childless which in turn is also causing the middle to upper class black communities to shrink.

      The Ms. Independent statement actually touches on the various interconnected threads affecting the “enlightened” and highly-educated black women group (EHEBWG). In the EHEBWG segment I think there is an agreement and understanding that a major % of the BC is in a free fall with no safety net in sight. There is also the growing understanding that we don’t have the same leeway and option as WW to be as gender independent as they try to be.

      There are two camps that seems to be growing in the EHEBWG. One is the growing BWE/IR group, which advocates less race community loyalty (which has been BM focused) and more race-gender self-interest (which is black women need to look out for their own best interest and align the more beneficial allies regardless of race). Our fates are not directly to black men.

      The other is the very vocal Sista Soldier camp. Many still believe that their fates are directly tied to black men and that’s why you still see this constant back and forth interaction with black men who don’t have their best interest at heart.

      At this point, black men (under, lower, middle, upper) really don’t factor into the equation because most can’t see the forest for the trees and those who can have chosen to put their own needs and agenda at the expense of everyone else.

      Anyway, I hope I’m making sense.

  19. JaliliMaster says:

    I think that we should not naively think that these women who we believe should know better, that still accept certain behaviours are doing so without any selfish reasons. It is not just women in the ‘hood’ who, for example, excuse degenerate behaviour from various BM. More ‘exposed’, ‘educated’ BW also do it. From all the times I’ve heard them speak such nonsense, it was mostly because they felt that there was some benefit that they stood to gain. For example, the only ‘otherwise intelligent’ BW who I hear either actively promoting, or pretending that there could be some benefits to man-sharing, are those who thought it would benefit them. They never actually said it, but it was obvious why they really thought the way they did. And most times, these women are the single mothers, in some cases, they are well-employed. So it may not be about wanting a man’s financial support.

    I think it was last week, I stumbled upon a blog by BM, who was trying to pass himself off as some intelligent, race-conscious individual. He received a letter from a certain BW, and he was. Quite obviously, pleased with what she wrote. It was in support of man-sharing. Before he posted her letter, he said that ‘at first’ he didn’t really agree with it, but ‘after much thought’ the woman seems to make a lot of sense. I read her letter. She made no sense at all. Her basic premise was that since there is a shortage of men in the BC, man-sharing made perfect sense. I knew what her deal was when she started going on about how it would really help single mothers, so that their children could grow up in the midst of a family, with a father figure, and all these women can contribute financially to the household. Not surprisingly, she was a single mother. Now there are some who may look at her and feel pity, wondering how she could reason that way. Few, however, would realise that she knows that this is poor behaviour. But she doesn’t care! For her, the only alternative she can see at the moment is:

    (1) That she decided to have sex with an irresponsible man and end up with children who were unwanted by their father.
    (2) If she gets another man, chances are, he will not marry her
    (3) There are other BW women who are married, whether they are happily married or not.
    (4) Why should she then accept to live by certain standards that, as far as she is concerned, would benefit BW who have made good choices, and would not benefit her in any way she can see.
    (5) Therefore, even though she would rather have a stable, monogamous home, she would rather man-share, so that she can [a] Have an adult male that would act as some sort of surrogate father to her OOW children, and [b] she gets to feel better about her choices, seeing as other BW who might have been in monogamous marriages now have to live by the same sub-standards that she lives.

    Now, for such a woman, many people will not discern that when she talks her nonsense, she is not doing it out of naiveté. She is doing it for self-centred reasons!

    ____________________

    “Any AA woman who continues to interact with BM like the Angry Independent—and the widely-known, alleged serial date-rapist BM attorney that used to work for my firm—and the countless other BM who are OPEN in their hatred of BW and their desire to hurt BW in spirit, mind, and/or body . . .
    . . . needs to examine what’s going on in her own head that makes her continued interaction with these individuals possible.”

    For the women who interact with the likes of the aforementioned BW hater Ike creature, if a woman likes drama, she likes drama. I’ve had it with telling BW to just ignore certain males in the blogosphere, especially if these males have proved time and time again that their only interest is, as you say, to ‘wound BW and BG spirits.’ I think that some of these women are only used to negative interactions with males, and BM in particular, so when it happens online, they don’t see it as abnormal, as that is what they are used to in the real world.

    In the case of the BW who still interact with the likes of the date-rapist male you mentioned, I suspect that part of it may be the ‘mafia wife’ mindset. They think that as long as they are close to him, establish a ‘friendly’ relationship/interaction with him, etc, he wouldn’t hurt them. Similar to the thinking of women who still date men who they have know to be abusive in their past relationships. They always think it is about THOSE OTHER women, and that their circumstance would be different. These women think that as long as they are his friend, he will really like them, so he would never hurt them.

  20. Nathifa says:

    Grate post Khadija! You stated “Any AA woman who continues to interact with BM like the Angry Independent—and the widely-known, alleged serial date-rapist BM attorney that used to work for my firm—and the countless other BM who are OPEN in their hatred of BW and their desire to hurt BW in spirit, mind, and/or body . . .

    . . . needs to examine what’s going on in her own head that makes her continued interaction with these individuals possible.”

    Excellent point. I have noticed too whether online or off women who I know know better are continuing to engage with BM who clearly hate BW. I think they think if they have reasonable converstions with these fools they will be able to change there minds about BW and come home to us.They really believe that there fate in life is tied to BM. They do not even know how to operate without caring what BM especially those that clearly hate BW think. They think that they are going to be the one BW who makes the misunderstood BM change his mind about BW. They know intellectually that BM are on a sinking ship but they refuse to put on the life jacket and jump off the ship onto another boat. I think alot of BW are scared to face the facts that we have been sold alot BS.It’s easier to pretend not see the facts then to have to acknowledge the facts and make changes.

  21. Khadija, you are continuing to do the most powerful work of all. Working on the mind. Recently a woman in my office told a few people that she was getting married and she told her fiance that she needed rings of a certain karat size and that the ring must be one that could be upgraded every 5 years. This of course started negative murmmerings around the office. The majority of the women responded as if she were asking too much. None considered the fact that this woman is in upper managment, that she has been married before and that she may not be requiring of her fiance that which she does not requires of herself when purchasing her own jewelry.
    I began to inquire of other women, outside of the office, their feelings on the issue. I was stunned that the overwhelming majority of women felt she was asking too much. When I pointed out the fact of her position with the company and that she may not want to be treated by a man less than she treats herself. Many still stuck to their belief that she was asking too much.

    Sadly, the minds of most of the women I spoke with were geared towards helping the “attacked, belittled Black man” without considering the basic logical thought process of accepting less from a man than one would accept for themselves, even without considering the fianancial ability of said Black man.

  22. Monique says:

    Yet another powerhouse post!

    I know all about BW who should know better but…..

    I recently got into a conversation with a BW from my moms group who still wants to uphold black love above common sense. I TRYED to explain to her that although I was married to a wonderful BM, I would instill in my daughter that she had unlimited options for romance and marriage. I told her that BW can no longer afford to put black nationalist doctrine over her individual well being.

    In the future, I will be very careful with whom I share the BW Empowerment message with. The women that I speak to will first have to demonstrate some form of readiness for this information otherwise, I am wasting energy and maybe even making enemies.

    Because of my spiritual direction (Khamtic Sciences), I am exposed to a lot of black nationalist/romanticist who believe that if we place ourselves on a higher spiritual plain, we can avoid the garbage and attract the good that we want. But what happens when you have placed yourself in a landfill? No amount of vibing on a higher level is going to change the fact that you are surrounded by garbage. Why not move to a healthier environment where you can increase your chances of all that spiritual work paying off! I did not want to have a full on debate with this sister out of respect as she is ten years my senior, so I left it alone.

    What makes it interesting is that most people would look at me a not expect such a message of BW Empowerment to come from an “Afrocentric” quasi black nationalist woman. And I have at times asked myself if I am in conflict with my own believes, but good sense is good sense. What people have to separate is nationalism from romanticism.

    Reading your work and other free thinking sisters has helped tremendously. Thank You.

    Monique

    • NijaG says:

      Monique,

      I don’t think your beliefs are in conflict if you’re looking at it from a gender female perspective. Women have to look out for their own best interest especially when it comes to the dating/marrying arena.

    • Aisha says:

      “In the future, I will be very careful with whom I share the BW Empowerment message with. The women that I speak to will first have to demonstrate some form of readiness for this information otherwise, I am wasting energy and maybe even making enemies.”

      This is so true. The rare times that I engage in a back and forth with anyone regarding BWE issues, it is in a public forum where I know there are bound to be other women (silently) listening in who can benefit from my information. It may appear as though I am arguing with a particular person, but I could care less about changing their mind. I’m hoping that others will “overhear” the conversation. In a one-on-one situation, I wouldn’t even bother.

      “Because of my spiritual direction (Khamtic Sciences), I am exposed to a lot of black nationalist/romanticist who believe that if we place ourselves on a higher spiritual plain, we can avoid the garbage and attract the good that we want. ”

      They should understand that their “good” may come in forms that they don’t expect. Their ego is preventing them from seeing anything other than what they want, i.e the Ideal “Black” Man, when an Ideal Man period will do.

  23. ann says:

    Ladies you can stream the book,The Science of Getting Rich at:

    http://www.archive.org/details/TheScienceofGettingRich

    or you can acquire a hard copy at:

    http://www.xtrememind.com/science.pdf

  24. NijaG,

    Whatever the source of their distorted thinking, I believe that folks need to reconsider and abandon thought patterns that will have them joining the masses of AAs in free fall (into permanent underclass status). This scarcity thing is one such thought pattern.
    ____________________________________________

    JaliliMaster,

    You said, “I think that we should not naively think that these women who we believe should know better, that still accept certain behaviours are doing so without any selfish reasons . . . From all the times I’ve heard them speak such nonsense, it was mostly because they felt that there was some benefit that they stood to gain. For example, the only ‘otherwise intelligent’ BW who I hear either actively promoting, or pretending that there could be some benefits to man-sharing, are those who thought it would benefit them.”

    Thanks for checking my stroll down Naive Lane. Now that you mention it, you’re quite correct that—genuinely confused or not—a lot of these women are SCAVENGERS. And/or looking to stage their own version of the movie All About Eve. And/or looking to try to cut their own separate deal with destructive, abusive BM (which never works right, because these men hate them too).

    {the rushing wind sound of my concern for them flying out the window}

    And you’ve reminded me of something that I read at an AA Muslim blog/forum. A single or divorced Muslim colored girl wrote in to whine about how she couldn’t openly discuss her belief and desire to be involved in man-sharing, err…”a polygamous ‘marriage'” (which is illegal in the US) because she knew the married women in the mosque would (justifiably) shun her. As if they’re wrong for not wanting to affiliate with some woman who’s looking to hook up with their husbands. Foul, foul, FOUL.

    [And for those AA “Mooz-lims” who are offended because you feel that every social practice mentioned in the Quran is supposed to last forever (as opposed to being phased out as human understanding increases):

    Then I strongly urge you to go back to slavery if you feel that way. You know, because slavery is also mentioned in the Quran. I’m sure that, if you tried, you could leave the US and find some Gulf Arabs who would be more than happy to take you on as their unpaid slave.]
    ____________________________________________

    Nathifa,

    Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it. You said, “They really believe that there fate in life is tied to BM.”

    Well, if they’re tying their fates to AA men, then they are doomed. {shaking my head}
    _____________________________________________

    Victor,

    Thank you for your kind words about the blog; I truly appreciate it. You said, “Sadly, the minds of most of the women I spoke with were geared towards helping the “attacked, belittled Black man” without considering the basic logical thought process of accepting less from a man than one would accept for themselves, even without considering the fianancial ability of said Black man.”

    Oh yes, and I’m sure there’s more than an undercurrent of anger at this woman—after all, “who does she think she is?” I would guess that the other women are angry not just out of sympathy for “poor, little BM” that is being held to some standards. But also angry that this other BW thinks enough of herself to require that a man provide for her at minimum what she could provide for herself with the ring.

    It’s ALL very strange thinking and totally contrary to traditional, “old-school” AA values. In fact, it’s shameful—to maintain a woman at her previous level is the MINIMUM expectation.

    Most of the “old-school” AA men I’ve known felt that they were supposed to provide some degree of “come up” for the women they married. Even if it’s a small “come up.” Something. The woman is supposed to be better off in some way because she chose that particular man.

    It’s interesting. My father and other older male relatives couldn’t provide an immediate “come-up” for my mother and their wives. But they were doing things like working and going to college that gave women reasons to trust that they would “come up” in some way in the near future if they married them.

    As a people, we’ve lost our minds. {shaking my head}
    ___________________________________________

    Monique,

    You’re welcome! And thank YOU for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it. You said, “Because of my spiritual direction (Khamtic Sciences), I am exposed to a lot of black nationalist/romanticist who believe that if we place ourselves on a higher spiritual plain, we can avoid the garbage and attract the good that we want. But what happens when you have placed yourself in a landfill? No amount of vibing on a higher level is going to change the fact that you are surrounded by garbage. Why not move to a healthier environment where you can increase your chances of all that spiritual work paying off!”

    I agree! And what you’ve mentioned is one of my quibbles about many AAs’ overemphasis on The Secret to the exclusion of practical concerns. I can just see the slaves or those held in Nazi concentration camps pondering, “Hmmm…How can I attract freedom into my life? How can I become a more loving and lovable slave/concentration camp prisoner?”

    {sound of screams and then gunfire as the captive person is taken off to the side, beaten and finally shot in the head}

    Some environments as so toxic that the only thing to be done is to flee!
    ______________________________________________

    Ann,

    Thanks for the info.

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

  25. lunanoire says:

    Thanks for the post. I think some of this relates to taking a positive quality, such as “making a dollar out of 15 cents,” and turning it into something negative, like expecting only 15 cents and not demanding and working for the other 85 cents. After all, if you combine the ability to stretch money like that with getting the full dollar, you end up with over six dollars! Of course, this metaphor extends beyond financial management.

    Do some people have more opportunity than others? Sure. Does it mean that others have zero opportunities? No. For example, a person seeking a job could focus on the lottery ticket that is scouring job boards, or they could also focus on the hidden job market of unposted, unpublished jobs via networking.

  26. SouthlandDiva says:

    Hi Khadija,

    IMO, some black women are addicted to pain, victimhood, and the strong black woman stereotype. Some bw believe suffering pain is a badge of honor. Yes black women suffered greatly during slavery, Jane Crow, and American apartheid. It was horrific. It. Was. Past tense. The past is one thing we cannot change. No amount of suffering today will change yesterday. However, continuing to wallow in pain, suffering, and intentional ignorance today will alter what your tomorrow becomes.

    BW must pull themselves out of the quicksand of what they think (or have been told) they ‘owe’ the black community….And really can we include the family in this? No. I don’t advocate for the destruction of the black family. But blood-related kin folk aren’t worth two dead flies if they are not adding value to the family.

    I think a lot of the ‘core beliefs’ we are dealing with come from the various and sundry patriarchal faith traditions. No, I am not hating on the church/mosque/synagogue/temple. However, most of those institutions are run by men, focused on men, for the uplift of men. Consequently, with such a male-centric view of reality, women, no matter what their education or income level, absorb the male-identification and of course the black love, black community ideology as well.

    Peace

  27. Lunanoire,

    You’re welcome!
    _____________________________________________

    SouthlandDiva,

    You said, “BW must pull themselves out of the quicksand of what they think (or have been told) they ‘owe’ the black community….And really can we include the family in this? No. I don’t advocate for the destruction of the black family. But blood-related kin folk aren’t worth two dead flies if they are not adding value to the family.”

    I agree. That’s why I make a clear distinction between “biological relatives” who may or may not be actual “family” to me.

    You said, “I think a lot of the ‘core beliefs’ we are dealing with come from the various and sundry patriarchal faith traditions. No, I am not hating on the church/mosque/synagogue/temple. However, most of those institutions are run by men, focused on men, for the uplift of men. Consequently, with such a male-centric view of reality, women, no matter what their education or income level, absorb the male-identification and of course the black love, black community ideology as well.”

    As far as I’m concerned, that’s not “hating on” the church/mosque/synagogue/temple. That’s speaking the plain truth. These places are male-centric. For the most part, the translators and commentary writers of all of these scriptures are men. It’s human nature to, at least subconsciously, read one’s own needs, perspectives, and desires into scripture. That’s why I take Quran translations and commentary by men with a big grain of salt. And make a deliberate effort to seek out a variety of Quran translations and commentary, particularly the ones done by women.

    The problem isn’t simply that these institutions are male-centric. Another part of the problem is that so many female worshippers idol-worship the male religious leadership and male religious scholars.

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

  28. truth p. says:

    Khadija.This was a very eye opening post for me.I don’t know why certain women online interact with bw haters online as I don’t do that.But I will say that this post has made me to consider myself and some of the counterproductive things that I personally have done but will no longer do as my eyes have been open.
    2 Things that I have personally done is
    1.In order to prove a point to a bw I was speaking with, that some bm are not naive and misguided at all that they are flatout bw haters,I mentioned the name of an evil book as proof.I defitnetly regret mentioning that book even though I was not consciously endorsing the book and had not personally read it and certainly was not suggesting anybody else read it.I defitnetly should not have even mentioned the name of the book even to prove my point.

    So thank you for “chin checking” me on that one That was very counterprductive.You are greatly appreciated Khadija.

    2.My second offence actually happened years ago when I was much younger and was scared to offend people with the truth.My hairstylist who’d been doing my hair for years,since I was a little girl, she’s about 12 years older than me, was basically involved in a babydaddy/man sharing scenario.She’d come to me and asked me for advice about her situation.I wanted to tell her the truth, to get away from him asap, but I had previously told some women at the same salon the same thing and they had called me jealous because at the time I was single and they also said I was looking down on them because I had no oow children.We were both in the presence of some of these women at the time she asked me for the advice.So instead of telling her the truth, out of fear of being called all things unrighteous, I just told her to stand by her man.SMH, I regret telling her that everyday.A while back she went out of town to Atlanta for a hair class and I saw him cheating with a new girl.In an attempt to try and do right by my friend this time around I told her about it and she basically said “so, what he does’nt love the girl and he’s just using her”.So she of course is still dealing with him.Now when she speaks on her babydaddy drama I just don’t say anything.

    Anyway, i’m glad that you did this post Khadija.There are many things that you mentioned here that I don’t ever do.Because I don’t do some of the things mentioned, before reading this I thought I was “good to go” so to speak.I am glad I was called out today because I defitnetly want to advance and do better and I certainly do not want to steer anybody in the wrong direction or help to give the haters a bigger platform to get their message across.Again thank you for everything you do Khadija.

  29. YMB says:

    That story about the “future inmate” t-shirt for a young child was absolutely appalling. That someone would even think to make such a thing boggles my mind. If your coworker was unsure of what the appropriate emotion such a “gift” should inspire, she should have reflected on how she would have felt had a white person given her a gift that flatly implied her son’s only future prospects involved rotting in a prison cell.

    Other NORMAL groups of people buy “future scientist/engineer, etc” t-shirts, and open savings accounts for young children because higher education and a bright future is assumed to be a given.

    Opportunity is not monopolized but it may as well be. Those who have seized or created opportunities for themselves strive to instill such a mindset in their offspring and continue the success for future generations. Likewise, those who persist in magical thinking while acting in ways which do not lead to success encourage such habits in their offspring and others around them.

    Case in point, my boyfriend’s father didn’t go to college and worked multiple low-paid jobs all of his life. He went out of his way to discourage my bf and his siblings from going to college, and as my bf said, “My father hates it when any of his children do well because then he has to think about how maybe he could have done something different with HIS life”.

    This is exactly the same kind of mindset that is all too prevalent among bw today, not wanting other bw to do better because they’d rather not think about the poor life choices they made.

  30. TruthP.,

    Thank you for your kind words; I truly appreciate it. We’re ALL learning as we go; including me! LOL! Even during physical wars, it’s easy to lose sight of how enemies might capitalize off of one’s innocent actions. That’s why there were US Army cartoons about this during WWII: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ws9L-Kifjkg

    Onward and forward!
    ___________________________________________

    YMB,

    You said, “If your coworker was unsure of what the appropriate emotion such a “gift” should inspire, she should have reflected on how she would have felt had a white person given her a gift that flatly implied her son’s only future prospects involved rotting in a prison cell.”

    You’re right—that would have made it crystal clear to her. It’s a shame that so many AAs can’t perceive anti-Black negativity as negative unless it’s coming from a White person. {shaking my head}

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

  31. ***Note to Readers***

    In making this new site the kind of project that’s sustainable for me over the long-run, I’ve had to streamline how I handle certain things. The comments section is one of them. What this means is that I’ll give substantive responses to those folks who enter the conversations early (as I did across the board at the previous blog).

    After each post is a couple of days old, I’ll generally continue to publish new comments from readers. (That meet the commenting guidelines as set forth at the previous blog—those who are unfamiliar can read the comment “box” at the previous blog.)

    But, after a each post is a couple of days old, I generally WON’T continue responding to new comments.

    [In other words, I’ll continue to publish comments to this post, but I’m not going to reply to anymore comments in this thread. FYI.]

    Peace, blessings and solidarity.

  32. YMB says:

    I meant to respond to the case of BW who should know better continuing to interact with DBR in online forums and elsewhere and to publicize their works in my previous comment. When I mentioned that book in a previous post, I did so due to a lapse in critical and strategic thinking. I forgot the old adage about even bad publicity still being publicity.

    I think my educated go-getter BW colleague who told me she had bought the book to “see what he had to say” was operating under the fairness and equal-time doctrine that a lot of BW fall victim, too. The same can be said for a lot of BW Bloggers who feel obligated to open themselves and their audiences to the disguised or undisguised anti-BW filth issued forth by DBRBM. I think it’s telling that you don’t really see any other group being allowed to run roughshod all over BW’s internal conversations like this.

    I think some others may seek to prove these DBRs wrong by attempting to engage in a dialogue with them. These BW fail to see that these internet thugs are not interested in any kind of rational discussion and will NOT by any means be reasoned out of their BW hatred. They are not interested in having a dialogue. They are interested in shutting down BW’s productive dialogues by changing the focus to THEIR issues, chasing away the BW readers who refuse to expose themselves to such toxic messages, and harassing BWE bloggers to the point of abandoning their blogs. And when BW bloggers do not act as gatekeepers who refuse DBRBM’s access to their audiences, the DBRs always win in at least one of these aspects.

    At least that was my mindset when I would engage with these foul beings online. Actually, it was more of a case of being unable to let these DBR comments stand on blogs unchallenged. What I’ve learned through Khadija’s work and that of other BWE bloggers, is that the only way to win is to strive towards creating a great life for yourself and refusing to let these inconsequential DBR vampires suck away any of your time and energy by not engaging with them in ANY context. I’ve also learned to question why I placed any importance on the verbal garbage spewed by such men in the first place.