If You’re a Black Business Owner Who Wants to Succeed, Leave The African-American Consumer Behind

AN OPEN LETTER TO ASPIRING AFRICAN-AMERICAN BUSINESS OWNERS

With this post, I’m talking to other aspiring and current African-American business owners. Even if you’re not in a position to comment and publicly discuss your views, please consider the points raised by this post. I want you to succeed and prosper in your business. I’m concerned about you and the other very few African-Americans who are brave enough to start their own businesses. I’m concerned because I see some flawed assumptions in peoples’ business strategies. Flawed assumptions that can unnecessarily cause you to lose every penny that you’re investing into your business.

One major flaw is that too many aspiring African-American business owners blindly assume that they can structure their businesses around African-American consumers. This generally does not work. Even when it works to some degree, Black business owners create extra difficulties and headaches for themselves when they try to service Black consumers. I would invite all aspiring Black business owners to look around Black residential areas. Look around at the wreckage of most businesses that tried to do business in Black residential areas as visibly Black-owned businesses. You’re not the first aspiring Black business owner who daydreamed of serving Black consumers. Other Black business owners had that dream. And failed.

THEIR ACTIONS SHOW THAT MOST AFRICAN-AMERICAN CONSUMERS DON’T WANT BLACK-OWNED BUSINESSES TO EXIST

There are reasons there are few visibly Black-owned and operated businesses within the African-American collective. The primary reason is that African-American consumers don’t want to see visibly Black-owned businesses succeed. They don’t want to—and for the most part won’t— patronize visibly Black-owned businesses. The only partial exceptions to this rule were African-American owned hair salons and barbershops. Don’t be deceived by the many, many lies African-American consumers tell about their motivations. Actions speak much louder than words. Look at African-American consumers’ collective actions. The harsh reality is that African-American consumer decisions are not motivated by considerations of quality or customer service.

IF AFRICAN-AMERICAN CONSUMERS CARED ABOUT QUALITY OR SERVICE, THEY WOULD NOT PERSIST IN PATRONIZING FILTHY, RUDE ARAB AND KOREAN-OWNED STORES

If African-American consumers cared about quality or service, then they would not be jam-packed in the filthy, rude Arab and Korean-owned stores that exist within Black residential areas. Black consumers will continue shopping in Arab-owned stores even after learning the Arab shopkeeper allows Black gang members to sell drugs outside the back. Even after learning the Arab shopkeeper is exchanging groceries for sexual favors. Even after learning the Arab shopkeeper is sexually harassing underage Black girls in the store. As demonstrated by the sad case of Latasha Harlins, African-American consumers will continue flocking to Korean owned stores even after a Black child is unjustly shot in the back of the head and killed by a Korean shopkeeper.

Most African-American consumers don’t care about quality, customer service, or anything else. Those are just the excuses they give for not supporting Black-owned businesses. Most of them are lying. Other motivations form the backdrop of their buying decisions. One of the many unfortunate unintended consequences of the civil rights movement is that it reinforced the African-American perception that:

“SHOPPING WITH NON-BLACKS = FREEDOM, ACCEPTANCE & PROGRESS”

So, most African-Americans get an emotional high from shopping with non-Blacks. We’ll even fight with non-Black others to make them take our money. It makes many African-Americans feel “free” to have their money accepted by non-Black others. They don’t get any emotional satisfaction from patronizing their own people’s businesses.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM—THE PARALLELS WITH DISHONEST, “BLACK LOVE” CONVERSATIONS

I usually refuse to engage in “How to Have or Save Black Businesses” conversations with people who are not engaged in business activities themselves. I typically refuse to engage in that sort of conversation for the same reason I refuse to engage Black men in the “if Black women would only do X,Y, and Z then more Black men would want to marry them” conversation.

I firmly believe that both of these types of conversations are fundamentally dishonest. Because the underlying premises are untrue. In the business context, I believe that this false premise is about denial (of how slave-minded most of us are), and wishful thinking about the true nature and motivations of African-American consumers.

“Black Love’s” Double Standards. Black men will happily marry NON-Black women that have all the traits that they claim to find so off-putting about many Black women: obesity, difficult personalities, and so on.

Masses of Black women could twist themselves into pretzels physically, emotionally, and spiritually to try to cater to African-American males, and the bulk of these males still would not marry a Black woman. They’ll have sex with and impregnate Black women; but not marry them. Also, many of these males would still choose non-Black women whenever they get the opportunity.

Dishonestly Stalling to Maintain Monopoly Control Over Black Women. African-American women are the only resource that African-American men control. They have nothing else. Many Black men will be in trouble if more African-American women start imitating Black men by doing whatever works best for them. Without worrying about the so-called community or “Black love.”

Consequently, the true underlying purpose of most “Black love” conversations is to keep Black women’s money, time, energy, attention, and efforts solely focused on supporting Black men and their issues (which are redefined as overall “Black community issues”). All while Black men continue wandering off to do whatever they want to do, without considering how their choices affect the so-called community. Which is their right. As was mentioned during the Who Else Wants An Optimal Lifestyle? post:

There won’t be any collective solution to what has been called “Black Marital Mogadishu” in the United States because 50% of the participants needed for any Black marriage—Black men—benefit from the current absence of marriage among African-Americans. Black men generally like things the way they are right now.

The collapse of the African-American family is not about a lack of jobs. It’s about African-American men generally being content with the collapse of the African-American family. Black men will complain about the aftershocks created by the mass absence of marriage among African-Americans, such as the legions of fatherless, violent Black male criminals. But other than that, they’re content with the status quo.

Anybody who thinks that this behavior is driven by a lack of opportunity should examine the collective behavior of the African-American men who do have “good” educations and jobs. Since so many Black men in that category are not marrying at all, or they’re not marrying Black women, there’s no reason to assume that Black women would gain from African-American men having more opportunities. I learned that just by watching the behavior of the Black men that went to college and law school with me. There’s usually little to no return on that investment (creating opportunities for African-American men) flowing back to any Black woman at all.

If you look at their mass behavior and not their rhetoric, it’s clear that most African-American men don’t value marriage, and are not concerned about the now-dead “Black family.” African-American men like the status quo situation of their mass refusal to marry the Black women they have sex with and impregnate. From outward appearances, most African-American men are happy with a lifetime of sleeping around without the commitments or responsibilities of marriage.

If you look at their mass behavior, it’s also clear that African-American men are also not particularly concerned about the children they produce.
These “save the dead Black family” discussions are not even a blip on most African-American men’s radar . . . unless Black women start talking about solutions that don’t include continuing to wait around for African-American men—such as interracial marriage and a focus on dating non-African-American Black men (for those Black women who must have a Black man as their husband).

This is the point that many Black men (and the Black “race women” who are so Black-male identified that they can’t see straight) enter these conversations. They do so solely to try to defend Black men’s image and the status quo, not out of any genuine concern about the already-dead Black family. This is when you hear various bad-faith assertions, such as:

Denials that the Black family and Black marriage are dead in the United States.

Attempts to minimize African-American men’s culpability for their own mass actions. (Their mass failure to protect or provide for African-American children, including the failure to provide stable, married households for their children to grow up within.)

Attempts to scare Black women away from exploring their interracial marriage options. (The “White men will just use you for sex and never marry you” rhetoric. Meanwhile, that’s exactly what the masses of African-American men are using Black women for, and not marrying them. Somehow, this detail escapes the Black male protectionists’ notice.)

Nonstop pressure for Black women to lower whatever standards they might have. They apply this pressure through incessant demands to hear Black women say, over and again, that they would date blue collar Black men.

Meanwhile, no other type of woman on this planet is required to recite a “dating loyalty oath” to include blue collar men as dating partners. Many of the same African-American men who insist that Black women swear dating allegiance to blue collar Black men also demand that Black women extend this same dating allegiance to Black male ex-convicts, Black male recovering addicts, old Black men for young Black women (see Steve Harvey), and so on.

Attempts to pretend that others are doing the same things and having the same experiences to the same degree. No, nobody else is having out of wedlock children at the rate of African-Americans. No, nobody else is trying to turn a woman having an education into a stigma at the rate of African-Americans. Others might be experiencing milder versions of these pathologies, but nobody is living like the masses of African-Americans.

Black Consumers’ Double Standards. Similarly, African-American consumers will happily shop in NON-Black-owned businesses that possess all the traits that they claim to find so off-putting about Black-owned businesses: rude service, goods that cost 2¢ more than rock-bottom prices, untidy stores, lack of selection, and so on.

Dishonestly (and Subconsciously) Stalling to Ensure Black Business Failure and Loss of Money. There’s a similar dynamic with many of the African-American consumers who engage in “How to Have or Save Black Businesses” conversations. Black-business owners could spend their last dollar twisting themselves and their businesses into having the aura and presentation of the jewelers at Cartier, and most African-American consumers would still continue their informal boycott of Black businesses. African-American consumers would still choose to shop with non-Blacks whenever they get the opportunity. When you look at the overall behavior pattern, it is an undeclared boycott of African-American businesses by African-American consumers.

When African-American consumers get off into dishonest, hypothetical “How to Have or Save Black Businesses” suggestions, many of them subconsciously want to see Black business owners fail and lose their money. That’s why they give such reality-defying, expensive, and futile advice to aspiring Black business owners. Underneath it all, they want the Black business under discussion to flop. Black business owners taking business advice from most African-American consumers is as foolish and dangerous as Black women taking relationship advice from Black men. In both cases, most of the people dishing out the advice don’t have the listener’s best interests at heart.

There’s much mutual “hateration” among African-Americans. Most African-Americans hate and resent Black people with any money. We’re famous for being “crabs in a barrel” who don’t want to see another African-American prosper. We’re only comfortable with a narrow category of African-Americans having wealth: The often semi-illiterate Blacks who are drug dealers, throwing balls around sports fields, or cursing on a microphone over some beats. These are the wealthy Blacks that we idolize.

As an aspiring Black business owner, there are some things you need to recognize. If you’re a Black person whose money comes from activities other than the above, then many of us will resent you. We have a level of envy and “hateration” for you that we don’t feel for non-Black business owners. No matter how badly these non-Black business owners treat us, we’ll just find another non-Black business to patronize. We certainly don’t want to see you prosper and we’re not going to knowingly support your economic activities. We give lip service (and nothing else) in support of the Black person who studied and built a legitimate business to get their money.

Besides the “secretly want you fail” Black consumers who have a long laundry list of demands for Black businesses, there are the Black wishful thinkers who want to believe that most African-American consumers are rational actors. These naïve individuals project their own rational consumer behavior onto the masses of African-Americans. They like to believe that these irrational, Black consumer double standards are ghetto issues. They’re not. This attitude extends across class boundaries. The African-American professional who would not be caught dead shopping in some slum Korean or Arab store is typically somebody who—just like the Black poor—also does not patronize Black businesses. Nor do they hire Black professionals for any of their needs. Somehow, everybody these middle class African-Americans use is non-Black. From their doctor, to their dentist, to their tax person, to their real estate broker, to their insurance agent, and so on.

There’s only one difference between the middle-class African-American consumer’s unspoken boycott of Black businesses and the poor African-American consumer’s unspoken boycott of Black businesses. That is the level of sophistication involved in their rationalization for their behavior. Dysfunctions are easier to spot with the Black poor and underclass because they often lack the polish to explain them away effectively.

THE PRICE OF DENIAL AND COMPLACENCY

I’m always amazed by the human mind’s capacity for denying reality. I understand the human urge to “keep hope alive” and desperately search for exceptions to painful rules. The problem is that taking this posture usually costs more in the end. As unpleasant as it can be, in the long run it’s usually best to face harsh realities and act accordingly.

CONSIDER WHAT DENIAL AND COMPLACENCY ABOUT “BLACK LOVE” DID FOR CARIBBEAN-ORIGIN BLACK WOMEN IN THE UNITED KINGDOM

Whenever these sorts of topics come up, there’s always the chorus of voices claiming that there’s no need for alarm, or to rethink previous assumptions and behavior patterns because “things aren’t that bad.”

During “Black Love” conversations, there are always those voices reassuring Black women that most married African-American men have Black wives. And that only a small percentage of African-American men are married to non-Black women. What these soothing voices of complacency don’t mention is that the statistics they cite aren’t counting the African-American men who are not married, but are shacked-up with non-Black women. Or those Black men who exclusively date non-Black women. These voices of complacency will continue singing their lullabies even as the African-American out of wedlock birth rate eventually reaches 90-95 percent.

From the comments and essays I’ve read by Caribbean-origin British Black women bloggers and readers, I get the impression that women in their communities in the UK were lulled into denial and complacency as similar trends developed. Well, now they’re at the point that West Indian Black men’s interracial relationship rate in the UK has reached 48 percent. (See the BBC Caribbean.com story from January 19, 2009, The Mixed Race March in Britain.)

I believe the UK situation is a sneak preview of how African-American men will continue their singular focus on seeking their own individual bliss while the deceived masses of Black women in the U.S. keep trying to uphold “Black love” and the “Black family” . . . all by themselves.

If you want to succeed, you can’t afford to live in similar denial as a Black business owner. In that spirit, you need to understand the following:

BLACK RESIDENTIAL AREAS ALREADY HAVE THE BUSINESSES THAT AFRICAN-AMERICAN CONSUMERS ARE WILLING TO SUSTAIN. THESE BUSINESSES ARE OWNED BY THE PEOPLE THESE CONSUMERS ARE WILLING TO SEE PROSPER.

African-Americans have an informal tradition of buying what they want, and begging for what they need. The unflattering truth is that Black residential areas already have the businesses that African-American consumers are actually willing to support. No more. No less. And those businesses are owned by the people that they are actually willing to see prosper. And nobody else.

If something doesn’t exist in a Black residential area (such as independent, Mom and Pop-owned bakeries or decent sit-down restaurants), it’s because African-American consumers are not willing to sustain having that particular thing in their midst. It’s not about poverty. Equally poor Latino neighborhoods generally have independent, Mom and Pop-owned bakeries or decent sit-down restaurants.

DON’T BUY THE SNAKE OIL

For an aspiring African-American business owner, buying into that “if only more African-American-owned and operated businesses would do X,Y, and Z, then more Black consumers would patronize Black-owned businesses” delusion will typically lead to that Black business owner’s financial ruin. I’ve seen this happen more than once to naive African-American business owners who mistakenly believed that African-American consumer decisions were about quality. [I’m talking about quality Black businesses in middle-class and working-class Black residential areas. Not dives in slums. Over the years, I’ve seen several bakeries go under. A bridal dress store. Several bookstores. A printer-copy shop. And so on. As well as a lack of support, there were constant break-ins. And so these businesses died. I firmly believe the owners would have had a much better chance if they had set up shop in non-Black neighborhoods, and pretended the owner was White. This is part of what I mean by having a “colorless” business.]

African-American consumers’ statements can’t be taken at face value. Their actions show that they don’t want what they claim to want. And their motivations for supporting or not supporting various businesses are not what they say they are.

I’m not buying into—or peddling—that snake oil. I’m not trying to destroy aspiring African-Americans’ businesses before they even start. Which is the end result of entertaining this “if only more African-American-owned and operated businesses would do X,Y, and Z, then more Black consumers would patronize Black-owned businesses” delusion. This is why I generally refuse to engage in “How to Have or Save Black Businesses” conversations with people who are not engaged in business activities themselves.

IF YOU WANT TO MAXIMIZE YOUR ODDS OF SUCCESS, LEAVE MOST AFRICAN-AMERICAN CONSUMERS BEHIND

Again, it’s interesting to note the parallels between the dilemmas faced by Black business owners and that of marriage-minded African-American women. As mentioned on this blog’s FAQ page, Black women who are serious about marriage need to expand their dating and marriage prospects to include men from the wider world, and not limit themselves to dating Black men. A marriage-minded Black woman needs to position herself so a large pool of quality men, including non-Black men, can find her.

In a similar manner, Black business owners who are serious about success need to stop structuring their businesses around hopes of appealing to African-American consumers. The masses of African-American consumers are emotionally incapable of responding appropriately to any visibly Black-owned business, regardless of its quality. African-American business owners need to position their businesses as “colorless” in order to tap into the larger pool of non-Black consumers. Leave the deranged masses of African-American consumers behind. Don’t worry about excluding Black consumers. Most of them would never support your business anyway. Meanwhile, just like other consumers, the handful of healthy African-American consumers will run across your colorless business while shopping in the mainstream and respond appropriately.

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51 Responses to “If You’re a Black Business Owner Who Wants to Succeed, Leave The African-American Consumer Behind”

  1. Crecilla says:

    Hello Khadija,

    I’ll have to digest this post. Interesting. I am in a profession whose audience is primarily academia, government, and nonprofit. Therefore, the success of my business is not dependent on “black” consumers. However, my success is largely dependent on non-black professionals’ ability to see beyond my race and gender at the negotiating table.

    (line of work: social science research, survey management, data analysis, etc.)

    To date, I have had more success marketing and negotiating services on-line than in-person. In fact, I get nervous when I meet a client for the first time, because the benefit of race-neutrality disappears at face-to-face meetings.

    Sometimes, I wonder if I didn’t win the project b/c the person making the decision 1) “resents” the fact that I am a black female who has the audacity to own her own business or 2)assumes that my company can’t perform to high standards, simply because I’m AA.

    I realize that there are many reasons that work slips by…competitors who are more qualified, less expensive, more experienced, better equipped, or better connected, to name a few. But I know of other non-black companies(similar in size and experience) that have not had nearly as hard a time that I’ve had acquiring contracts.

    Oh, and I don’t market myself as AA-owned (unless it’s a specific minority-owned contract.)

    My point is this: AAs may not support AA businesses, but “others” aren’t much better in this regard. Retail businesses can appear race neutral, but when you have to show up and seal the deal, race may be an issue, no matter the audience. (Sending a nonblack sales rep is one solution that comes to mind.)

    Thank you for your insight.

  2. Jules says:

    Khadija, you are an amazing writer. I also love that you are willing to go there, you are not a coward.

    Everything you stated is the truth. AAs are not interested in supporting black owned businesses and yes they will shop in those filthy dives owned by non-AAs and not even bat an eye. I am not AA, but I am of Caribbean descent from a country with a 95% black population and it is basically the same thing in some respects. There has been an influx of Chinese immigrants, legal and illegal who have cornered the supermarket industry. In my small town there is but 1 black owned supermarket remaining, and about 6 Chinese owned places. I haven’t been home in a while so there may be more now. I was having a telephone conversation with my Aunt who was telling me about some man who was arguing with one of these Chinese owners about some overpriced products and I suppose they were also trading insults as a result of the disagreement. Well the Chinese owner was kind enough to tell him that no Black man can say anything to him because no Black man can pay a Chinese man to kill another Chinese person. This was said because it is a known fact that another Black retailer was ambushed and shot up because he posed an economic threat to the Chinese businesses and of course it was black men who were paid off to do the deed. Luckily for him, he escaped, survived and left the island for fear of his life.

    You are absolutely right sister, AAs and other blacks do not want to see black businesses succeed. I know many AAs would love to do business within their own communities, and supply their people with services they need, but the truth as you stated, the vast majority would not succeed. Will we ever be a great people to be admired and envied, or will we always be ridiculed and mocked by the masses?

    Expecting success!

    • ak says:

      Laahhhd missus! *shaking my head* That sounds like the man from India in Mississippi that paid black men to kill the AA wife of his son. We will stop at nothing as long as whatever it is, is negative and has ‘crab-in-a-barrel’ attributes.

      • ann says:

        It is as if an AA person’s life does not count.

        Love and respect yourself first and stop falling for the yokey dokey.

        • jubilee says:

          It’s really sad that in 2010, we STILL have so much self-hate. My dad was a black business man, but, he didn’t have these problems and had customers of all colors when I was growing up. I think, since the 1980s and the RAP and CRACK epidemic. IT ESCALATED!!

    • ann says:

      That is very sad that guy had to leave his own country because his own people would have killed him for a few dollars and the Chinese guy probably could not believe it. I believe people of African decent all over the world have self love issues. Another example is the light complexion Haiti woman winning out over 6 or 8 darker Haiti women. Then again her father arranged the contest.

      Good post Khadija

    • Robynne says:

      Hey Jules, you sound as if you had just described “Yaad.” Smh…

  3. Crecilla,

    Thanks for being bold enough to comment! LOL! I didn’t expect that from anybody, and I DO understand why AA business owners might not be in a position to be able to talk openly about this yucky subject matter.

    You said, “My point is this: AAs may not support AA businesses, but “others” aren’t much better in this regard. Retail businesses can appear race neutral, but when you have to show up and seal the deal, race may be an issue, no matter the audience. (Sending a nonblack sales rep is one solution that comes to mind.)”

    For AA business owners, it’s a difficult, hostile business environment all-around. I agree with you that things are not much better with non-Black consumers. I never said it was Paradise with them. But here’s what I feel is the (meaningful) difference:

    If you can position yourself in such a way that maintains “colorlessness”—let’s be blunt, in a way that maintains the illusion of White ownership—then your business has the chance to survive long enough to maybe, perhaps . . . be judged on its actual merits. There’s NO realistic hope of that when dealing with AA consumers as a visibly Black-owned business. AA consumers won’t patronize the business, AND they’ll be more prone to rob and/or steal you blind if they know it’s Black-owned.

    If your business can survive long enough, you might be able to develop a professional reputation that’s well-known enough to get you over that “racism from non-Black consumers” hump.

    It’s not a direct comparison (after all, she’s a WW dealing with other White people), but this is what the Men With Pens blogger was able to accomplish with her online business. She “passed” as a WM-owned business long enough to more or less get over the sexism hump.

    She came up with a decidedly MALE psuedonym, and named her blog the manly-sounding “MEN With Pens.” Her problem was that at a certain point, she had to make business phone calls. And then customers would hear her (woman’s) voice.

    She talked about all of this in her post entitled Why James Chartrand Wears Women’s Underpants.

    I’ve heard tales of Black business owners who do like the AA plumbing company owner who pretends to be an employee of his own company when he goes out on service calls.

    Expect Success!

    • Rhonda says:

      The author of the Harry Potter books, a white English woman, chose to write under the name JK Rowlings; a name which could be construed as a man’s name. It worked in her favour–she is richer than Queen Elizabeth. Although, the man-sounding name means/meant nothing without her very good writing–the woman had a good story to tell, and she knew how to put it down onto paper (except for the final book in the series, which was a crap story and poorly told).

  4. Jules,

    Thank you for your kind words and support; I truly appreciate it.

    Well, as far as my willingness to “go there,” everybody has to make their own decisions about that. I say and do what keeps me holding my head high and feeling good about myself. I feel good about speaking a truthful word.

    It pains me that, in so many different contexts, the people who get hurt FIRST and WORST are the sincere folks who genuinely mean well by others. In this context, it’s not the thieving and exploiting AA business owners who get hurt—they’re much too cynical to ever leave themselves open to being wounded by AA consumer pathologies. Instead, it’s the good and decent (but naive) Black business owners who go under first because they thought they could openly structure their business around Black consumers.

    As you’ve described, these Black consumer pathologies exist all around the planet. You said, “I am not AA, but I am of Caribbean descent from a country with a 95% black population and it is basically the same thing in some respects. There has been an influx of Chinese immigrants, legal and illegal who have cornered the supermarket industry. In my small town there is but 1 black owned supermarket remaining, and about 6 Chinese owned places. I haven’t been home in a while so there may be more now.”

    {twitch}

    You said, “Well the Chinese owner was kind enough to tell him that no Black man can say anything to him because no Black man can pay a Chinese man to kill another Chinese person.”

    {shudder}

    You said, “This was said because it is a known fact that another Black retailer was ambushed and shot up because he posed an economic threat to the Chinese businesses and of course it was black men who were paid off to do the deed. Luckily for him, he escaped, survived and left the island for fear of his life.”

    {moan}

    Sickening. Just sickening. Not to mention how absolutely humiliating it is that everybody else can see what we’re collectively doing. And, at opportune moments, throw it back in our faces.

    You said, “Will we ever be a great people to be admired and envied, or will we always be ridiculed and mocked by the masses?”

    I believe that a handful of us as Black folks across the planet are healthy enough to be able to have reciprocal, mutually beneficial interactions with each other. These are the sort of sincere people that I hope to help protect with this particular warning.

    Unfortunately, the first step is for the normal Black people among us to safely make it past the legions of deranged Black folks. And to avoid having our aspirations shipwrecked against the rocks and shoals of naivete.

    Expect Success!

  5. DeStouet says:

    I’m an aspiring writer, soon to be published author, but I’d still like to chime it for a moment.

    Every course of action that I’m actively engaged in, is so that I can be seen and remain race-neutral.

    With that being said, the literature most African-Americans are reading is not what I write…those books don’t even deal with the subject matter that I think about on a daily basis. At the moment, I seem to be mastering the art of coming-of-age stories, but not a single one has anything at all to do with poverty, drugs, crime, or abuse. They deal more with something happening to my protagonist (witnessing a suicide, being bullied) which in turn, gets their wheels turning about their life purpose.

    After doing a great deal of research on the publishing industry, felt a strange urge to change certain things about myself, so that when the time comes -and it will- I won’t be limited to just one or two AA bookshelves at a bookstore. I also decided to really spread my wings, reach extremely high and make it a goal to be placed on the New Yorks Time Best Sellers List. (I also have a plan on how I must go about doing that, but that’s a whole other comment.)

    With my genre, the richness and depth of my stories, and my potential as a writer (these compliments all coming from other folks) I cannot cater to African Americans. I know this.

    What AA’s read, and what their track record has proven is they only want and desire filthy “ghetto-lit.” And believe it or not, I’m not only referring to members of the underclass, or working class. I’m a member of several writing groups here in Arizona, and just recently joined a wonderful critique group. When the AA women are NOT writing their own stories, often times they are reading “ghetto-lit.” From what I’ve heard, these novels are everywhere and almost everyone is reading AND enjoying them.

    And that’s okay, too. The way I figure things, once I develop a reputation for writing powerful, undeniable stories. Stories that have the ability to change people’s live, people will notice. And the right people too. Just like people want to be entertained, their are those that still want to be challenged. They still want to believe. That is where I step in.

    If my post seemed extra long, and I rambled a bit it was because it’s 1:00 AM here in Arizona, and I need my beauty rest.

    Good night, Ladies.

    • Oshun/Aphrodite says:

      Congratulations and much success on your impending publishing!

      “From what I’ve heard, these novels are everywhere and almost everyone is reading AND enjoying them.”

      When you say everyone- say it isn’t so- nonblacks?

  6. Professher says:

    Thank you for the post.

    I’ve never bought into the belief that the only way to get a job done well is to avoid Black businesses and professionals. As a Black professional, I know what I provide and as long as I know I exist, I am clear that others do, too. So, I’ve always been glad that those I regard as peers pride themselves on providing quality service and referring others to those who do. Just recently, out of the blue, one of us circulated a list of BW professionals in a particular area so that others who MIGHT need such services would have options. From that list, I’ve made three “new” client/patient/customer appointments! The recipients of that list also added additional professional BWs and businesses. Especially when such businesses are start-ups, we can be crucial to their success, particularly when they hit lean times if we are conscious in our choices (much akin to being “green” for some). For example, I have, almost single-handedly, sustained about one-third to one-half of a BW friend’s solo law practice (her estimate, not mine) by referring Black clients to her. Even when she did a pro bono favor for one of my friends, I still paid her retainer AND provided her a well-funded BM client who had a need to meet with her about a plethora of things and paid readily and often.

    SOME of us not only want what quality Black professionals and businesses offer, we do put our money where our mouths are. I run in the opposite direction whenever I encounter folks who think Blacks can’t give or receive good service, LOL! Some BW — particularly professional BW — will fly, ride, sail, and run to those who service us well (my low-key, low-tech stylist in a small and unimportant northeast city doesn’t need business partners or other stylists to sustain her salon because BW who live in bigger, better, and “Blacker” cities fill her calendar and coffers; guess it’s because, in taking care of our hair, she NEVER forces us to wait, quadruple-book us, keep a nasty shop, give a nasty attitude, or allow the incense/bootleg/weed man to sell his wares in her business)! But, I absolutely get your point re: your findings and conclusions about many or even most of us.

  7. DeStouet,

    You said, “Every course of action that I’m actively engaged in, is so that I can be seen and remain race-neutral.”

    Yes, I thought of that angle (in addition to the femininity tip) when you mentioned your impending name change. Good for you—your odds of success are going up! *smile*

    You said, “After doing a great deal of research on the publishing industry, felt a strange urge to change certain things about myself, so that when the time comes -and it will- I won’t be limited to just one or two AA bookshelves at a bookstore. I also decided to really spread my wings, reach extremely high and make it a goal to be placed on the New Yorks Time Best Sellers List. (I also have a plan on how I must go about doing that, but that’s a whole other comment.)”

    YES!!! {martial arts bow} I look forward to reading your bestseller!
    ________________________________________________

    Professher,

    What you’ve described is a lovely testimony. But that’s not at all representative of what the masses of AA consumers do. And I hate to see AA business owners lose all their money because they naively hoped that what you described will flow their way.

    I want AA business owners to succeed and prosper. That means getting real about the business environment—as it actually exists for AA business owners. Not engaging in wishful thinking.

    To me it’s very simple: If we (meaning those of us who are rational consumers) were representative of the masses of AAs, then the objective statistics about our ethnic group would NOT be what they are.

    If those of us with some sense were representative of the masses of AA consumers, then there would be a thriving AA business class in Black residential areas. Instead of the Arab and Korean economically dominated wastelands that AA consumers created for themselves after the walls of segregation came tumbling down.

    You talked about your friend’s solo law practice. Well, the overall AA consumer boycott of Black businesses is the reason why there are NO large Black law firms. It’s also why your friend is scuffling.

    Let me repeat what I said at the previous blog:

    Speaking in reference to my own ethnic group only, the reality is that AAs don’t and, for the most part, WON’T support a business if we know that it is Black-owned.

    I always knew that if I wanted to start my own firm, I would need to hire a White attorney to pretend to by my partner, and to be the main public “face” of my firm.

    It is well known by other ethnic groups that AAs WON’T patronize Black professionals. Over the years, I’ve had several White [Jewish] colleagues approach me and offer to be the White “front” if I ever decided to start my own practice. [For a percentage of the fees, of course.]

    I always knew that if I ever wanted to open a grocery store in the Black community, I would need to hire an Arab to be the “front person.” Or, as my friends would tease me, I needed to wear hijab so that my hair never showed, and try to pretend to be an Arab.

    The successful Black businesses located in Black areas (that I’m aware of) tend to be undercover about being Black-owned. If the owner is actually working on the premises (such as with a gas station, laundromat, etc.), he pretends to be just an employee.

    This is the informal ‘rule’ if a Black person wants to operate a SUCCESSFUL business in Black residential areas in the US. The only exceptions to the rule are hair salons and barbershops.

    Most AAs will only patronize a business if they think that it’s NOT Black-owned.

    Other than hiding the fact that it’s Black-owned, the other route to success for a Black business is to have a “faceless” business such as selling e-books, etc. online. These sorts of businesses do NOT depend on Black support and are geared to get some of everybody’s money.

    Bottom line in the US context: For the most part, non-Blacks won’t patronize a business if they know that it is Black-owned. And Blacks won’t either.”

    The same behavior applies accross the economic board. Black business owners generally WON’T hire Black accountants, lawyers, etc. Black entertainers and sports figures WON’T hire Black agents, accountants, lawyers, trainers, etc.

    I’ve seen several comical situations where the Negro professional complaining that Negroes won’t hire him ALSO does not retain other Black professionals for his needs.

    A Negro personal trainer that I (unwittingly) hired years ago had this issue. He whined that the Negro football players he knew wouldn’t hire him. Yet, HE didn’t hire any Black professionals to service his business needs.

    He also had a fixation on White women, incidentally. He didn’t like it when I told him that perhaps the football players “didn’t see color” and felt that “people were people.”

    [Which were all the excuses he used for chasing after White women ONLY.] {chuckling} I never would have initially hired him, if I had known all of this about him at the beginning.

    Anyway, on those rare occasions when Blacks do hire Black attorneys, they don’t want to pay. And Blacks like to come to Black lawyers with nonsense that we DON’T dare approach White lawyers with—such as “Can I get a payment plan? Can I pay you in installments of $10.00/week?”

    White attornyes (quite reasonably) typically require huge chunks of money upfront to even consider taking a case. As in thousands of dollars upfront. Which Black clients will pay them without any hassles (especially Jewish attorneys).

    I’ve overheard a colored female attempting to play a similar game with a local Black spa owner. She wanted to throw a spa party for her friends (translation: show off), but didn’t want to pay the full price.

    While waiting for my massage, I overheard the owner patiently explaining to her that she was not in a position to haggle over the prices because there were various other parties involved (caterers, etc.) that had to be compensated for their efforts.

    And that these other parties DO NOT haggle over the fees that they charge the spa owner. It was insane. And some mess that I knew this colored girl would NEVER have tried at a White-owned spa.

    For all of the above reasons, there are very few Black firms with more than 2-3 attorneys. The few that do exist tend to get the bulk of their money from government-related contracts that are the result of personal political ties. Government budgets are shrinking, like everything else.

    Most Black attorneys that I know in the Chicago areas who are in private practice are scuffling and hustling for all of the above reasons. They spend the bulk of their time chasing down their clients for their money. Collection issues take up a LOT of their time.

    The Black attorneys I know who don’t have to scuffle are doing better financially because they are hiding behind a White “front” partner. The White “front” gets the business, and the Black attorney does the actual work.

    I then made the following response to a reader (who is an attorney) during a similar conversation at the previous blog:

    Let me mention for the lay audience that this status quo has a negative spillover effect on the Black judges that AAs mistakenly assume will be fair.

    Many Black judges are simply too AFRAID to ever say no to anything that the prosecutor’s offices want. Here’s why: The status quo that I described earlier means that if a Black judge ever loses their robe (by not being re-elected or re-appointed), they literally have nowhere to go!

    There are NO mid-sized or large Black firms for the reasons I described above. This means that the Black judge either came from a “good job” or was scuffling in a small practice before they got their robe.

    If they can’t keep their robe, there’s NO guarantee that a “good job” with a comparable salary will be available for them. It’s NOT like White judges who can leave the bench and immediately become a partner in a huge White firm. It does NOT work like that for Black judges.

    If the Black judge had been in private practice before, they closed their small practice to join the judiciary. Unless they have a close relative/friend who is an attorney to keep the small practice afloat while they’re on the bench, they literally have NOWHERE to go if they lose their robe.

    The prosecutor’s office has a lot of influence over who is re-elected and re-appointed to the bench. Angering the prosecutor’s office is not conducive to retaining one’s robe.

    Black judges are particularly vulnerable to these pressures because we don’t have a network of thriving Black firms. [And we don’t have a network of thriving Black firms because Blacks don’t support Black businesses.]

    I’ve watched so many naive Black folks’ mouths drop open when the Black judge that they assumed would be fair rolls over, and does whatever the prosecutor assigned to their courtroom TELLS them to do. There’s a reason for this behavior. And it’s connected to the Black consumer’s general boycott of Black businesses.

    Anonymous, you said, “I knew I wasn’t crazy when I left my solo law practice and took a good job in tangential field paying a very good salary….I tried for ten years to make it work and all I ended up with was stress (to the point of hair falling out) and wasted years.”

    I just praise God that you ultimately escaped. I’m looking to get out too!

    You said, “I should have done the “White (Jewish) front” thing when I first started.”

    Yeah, it’s a thought. But it has to be humiliating to do this. Even though they don’t say so, I can tell that folks’ spirits are dying a little bit each day by making this particular concession to Negro self-hatred and non-Black racism.

    You said, “And on top of it all, unfortunately Black clients did not have the type of cases that I could be passionate about (i.e., landlord-tenant, child support, domestic violence, paternity issues, sheer nonsense in general).”

    Yep, I hear you. The type of bread-and-butter “dumb s***” that most Black clients are involved in is NOT intellectually stimulating. And those Black folks who do have more interesting fare (business owners with tax law questions, etc.) do NOT hire Black attorneys.

    The above is the real deal of how all of this plays out in law for AA attorneys. And this overall pattern didn’t just start yesterday. My father is an attorney, and he described the SAME dynamics and business environment for AA lawyers when he started practicing over 35 years ago.

    Expect Success!

  8. truth p says:

    Thank you for all the useful info Khadija.This post was sad but true and uplifting as well.Khadija, i’d like to pat my self on the back and tell how much I support black owned businesses,and I do,however I think it’s mostly because I have business owners in my own family,I work at my aunts daycare, and some of my friends are aa business owners as well.I have always since I was a child insisted on paying full price in black owned establishments.I have a friend that does my hair and would gladly do it for free everytime but I always pay full price no matter what.My uncle owned a store and when I went in to get a a lil snack I always would pay.Sometimes he’d refuse my money but not always.I have witnessed my friend the salon owner de-ghettofy her salon and actually create a whole code of conduct for her establishment and now people are calling her stuck up and siddity.Whatever,she’s doing better and is much happier now.As for me, initially when I would read some of your posts I felt alot of the things you wrote were not meant for me so I didn’t even comment.Since I started reading your blog i’ve learned that it’s important to have multiple streams of income coming in and to be my own employer because many good jobs are leaving never to return.I am currently focused on my education.I need more education a.s.a.p!I am not in a place educationally where I could effectively own a business,being paid to walk dogs a few days a week really requires little education, but I do have the skills to supervise and manage.I want to be a pharmacist, and I will be someday,but I also want to be my own boss.I just don’t have a clue about what type of business I want to run or products to sell,i’m doing the dog thing but not really feeling it *shoulder shrug*, but since this is a matter of my own survival I plan on figuring all this stuff out.

    • Karen R. says:

      @Truth P…You said “I am currently focused on my education.I need more education a.s.a.p!I am not in a place educationally where I could effectively own a business,being paid to walk dogs a few days a week really requires little education, but I do have the skills to supervise and manage.

      I just want to encourage you that if you are getting paid to walk dogs, you ALREADY HAVE a business and you are ALREADY YOUR OWN BOSS!!! ;-))) You have people that trust you with their pets and pay you for it, that is huge. According to marketing guru Dan Kennedy the new affluent to the Ultra Affluent are READY, WILLING, and ABLE to spend major $$$ on their pets. For many affluent, their pets are their children and they want to spoil them rotten. The fact that your customers trust you on this level really says a lot. This is a whole niche that you can possibly expand.

      In Dan’s book, NO B.S. Marketing to the Affluent, there is an ENTIRE CHAPTER on how the affluent spend their money on their pets and how you can exploit this niche. I encourage you to pick up a copy of this book. There are ancillary services that you can offer.

  9. To The Readers Whose Comments I Rejected,

    I rejected these comments because they were irrelevant to this conversation, and therefore off-topic.

    To Reader #1: With this post, I’m talking to other aspiring and current African-American business owners. I’m discussing these issues from the AA business owners’ perspective and goals, NOT from an AA employee’s perspective and goals.

    There are plenty of forums and conversations where AA consumers and employees can broadcast their views about Black-owned businesses. That’s not what this particular conversation is about.

    I’m NOT talking to AA consumers during this particular conversation. By their mass, irrational, hypocritical, and PERMANENT boycott of Black-owned businesses, they have made themselves totally irrelevant to sensible Black business owners. I want to warn other AA business owners away from committing business suicide by falling into the “trying to cater to AA consumers who will never support you anyway” trickbag.

    To Reader #2: This is NOT a post or conversation about so-called “Black Love” or interracial marriage. I only mentioned the “Black love” conversations because I believe the exact SAME dishonest and hypocritical dynamics are at play during 99.99% of “How to Have/Save Black Businesses” conversations.

    To Reader #3: Please don’t clutter the list of comments that I have to moderate with off-topic news stories that are better mentioned in emails.

    Expect Success!

  10. LaJane Galt says:

    African-Americans have an informal tradition of buying what they want, and begging for what they need. The unflattering truth is that Black residential areas already have the businesses that African-American consumers are actually willing to support. No more. No less. And those businesses are owned by the people that they are actually willing to see prosper. And nobody else.

    If something doesn’t exist in a Black residential area (such as independent, Mom and Pop-owned bakeries or decent sit-down restaurants), it’s because African-American consumers are not willing to sustain having that particular thing in their midst. It’s not about poverty. Equally poor Latino neighborhoods generally have independent, Mom and Pop-owned bakeries or decent sit-down restaurants.

    Excruciating to hear, devastating to see and painfully true. Considering that we are approximately 13% of the population, it makes no sense to limit yourself.

  11. TruthP.,

    You’re welcome! Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

    You said, “This post was sad but true and uplifting as well.Khadija, i’d like to pat my self on the back and tell how much I support black owned businesses,and I do,however I think it’s mostly because I have business owners in my own family,I work at my aunts daycare, and some of my friends are aa business owners as well.”

    TruthP., I appreciate your self-awareness. Yes, indeed—when a person has money at risk in a situation, then their perception of the situation is quite different from that of passive bystanders. Bystanders who DON’T have any money at risk. Your perspective is different because you have close relatives who have money at risk as Black business owners.

    AA consumers can afford to live in denial, “trip,” and engage in “gaslighting” about the permanent boycott of Black businesses by AA consumers. They can afford to do this, because unlike the Black business owner, they don’t have any of their money at risk! So, it’s all an entertaining theoretical conversation for such bystanders.

    It’s not theoretical for me. Like every other business owner, I’m investing—and therefore risking—MY money by engaging in business activities. Like most people, I get really focused, really quick when MY money is involved.

    Anyhoo, I’m amazed by the parallels between this topic and the “script” for most Black Love conversation. It’s the same scipt, only the topic is different.

    Whenever BW talk about DBRBM, then you have the legions of guard-dog BW who feel compelled to proclaim that their father, brother, uncle, cousin, church deacon, whoever is a “good BM.” As I’ve said before, the DBRBM are related to somebody…actually LOTS of somebodies. These damaged men didn’t just fall to Earth from the moon. It’s funny how so few BW ‘fess up to being related to DBRBM.

    There’s a similar pattern with the conversations about Black businesses. When somebody mentions crazy AA consumer behavior and the permanent boycot of AA businesses by the vast majority of AA consumers, then you hear testimonials from people talking about how they actively support AA-owned businesses. Well, that’s great. BUT…that totally ignores the fact that they are an individual EXCEPTION to the long-term, mass AA consumer behavior pattern.
    ______________________________________________

    LaJane Galt,

    You said, “Excruciating to hear, devastating to see and painfully true.”

    What an elegant turn of phrase! I appreciate things like that because many public speaking techniques revolve around creating 3-part phrases like that. I just might borrow your phrase for a closing argument sometime!

    Anyhoo, it IS a painful reality to acknowledge. My father used a White “front” on and off for many years. He never directly talked about how he felt about that. But I know it must have been extremely frustrating for him to have to do that. He went to law school because he wanted to practice law.

    This is what’s so sickening about this. I would guess that most aspiring and current AA business owners have some intrinsic interest in performing their business function. That’s why folks invest their own money to create these businesses. It’s cheaper to get a job and be an employee. Meanwhile, so many AA business owners had their dreams of performing whatever business function destroyed because they naively fooled around with AA consumers.

    Let’s just consider the AA spa owner I mentioned in an earlier comment. Think about all the specialized furniture, furnishings, and so on that went into getting her spa ready to open. Now, she either came out of her own pocket (used hard-earned, hard-saved money) OR she went into debt to buy those massage tables, waiting room furniture, and so on. How much money did all of that cost her? Before she even opened the doors to the spa?

    How much did it cost her to rent or buy her business space? Again, before she even opened the doors to the spa?

    Also, I would assume there’s various licenses involved in running a spa and offering those types of services. What did the owner have to do to get those licenses? Take classes (which cost money)? Take an exam (more fees)?

    The spa owner did all of this—and spent all that start-up money—so some colored girl can try to nickel-and-dime her in front of other customers (like me while I was sitting there waiting for my massage)? [???] Hmmph!

    Expect Success!

  12. ZooPath says:

    I have been guilty of being one of those middle class black people who didn’t seek out black businesses. I now make it a point to do so whether it’s finding the black people at the farmer’s market to finding a housekeeper. It’s really hard because there’s not that many to choose from but I do my best. I had a really tough decision for lawn service from a BM married to a WW or a young WM who was a little unreliable. I didn’t really like either option and they were the same price but in the end I went with the BM because he was more reliable.
    @Professher: I really like the idea of a BW professional directory, once I get more established I’ll try to start one.

  13. ZooPath,

    You said, “I have been guilty of being one of those middle class black people who didn’t seek out black businesses. I now make it a point to do so whether it’s finding the black people at the farmer’s market to finding a housekeeper. It’s really hard because there’s not that many to choose from but I do my best.”

    As far as I’m concerned, doing your best is good enough! *smile* It’s what I do. I used to be somewhat fanatical about hunting and pecking for Black businesses to support. But I’m not fanatical anymore. I realized that in terms of the big picture, what’s done is done. With this essay, I’m not saying any of this in the spirit of recriminations. That’s not my intended focus. I just don’t want to see any more aspiring AA business owners get burned and lose their money because they’re being idealistic (read: naive) about AA consumers. The same way I don’t want to see any more AA women get burned by their indoctrination about BM and the now-dead AA community.

    I’m just trying to point out a major strategic pitfall that I believe is creating unnecessary AA business failures. I want aspiring AA business owners to succeed and prosper.

    AA business has been mostly dead since the masses of AA consumers abandoned these businesses at the end of segregation. The segregation-based network of businesses AAs had pre-1960s can’t be resurrected. The era of having widespread AA butchers, grocers, restaurants, and so on—just like everybody else’s ethnic neighborhoods currently have such things—is LONG GONE. And it won’t be coming back.

    At this point, all we can do individually is the best we can.

    I’ll try to find a suitable AA to fulfill various needs. And whenever other aspects of a choice are more or less equal, I’ll choose the Black business over non-Black others. I’ll even choose a slightly less competitive AA business over slightly more competitive non-Black others. But I don’t “slow my roll” for very long while hunting and pecking to find a suitable, surviving Black business for various needs. I’m not going to unduly hold off on having a need met just because I can’t find a Black business to meet that need.

    Expect Success!

  14. YMB says:

    Khadija,

    This is a belated thank you, but thank you nonetheless for the detailed post-mortem you provided after I recounted my venture as a landlord in a black residential area. One day my fiance (we just got engaged!)and I will revisit owning income properties but I will not be wasting my time in predominantly black areas ever again. The seething resentment and blatant attempts at undermining that I experienced showed me that those tenants were only willing to act right when their money was going into non-black hands.

    I read an article about an AA couple who did a year-long experiment in patronizing black-owned businesses in the Chicago area. The owner of the grocery store they shopped at reported that he felt the primary reason for the failure of this business was because of it being identified as a black-owned business.

    I plan to hyphenate my last name after I get married and probably will continue to use my maiden name for business purposes. My white intended and I have several ideas for businesses we may go into, and having different last names may be advantageous. It disturbs me having to do this, but we’ll probably have him serve as the name and face of the operation(s). To borrow a phrase from the feminists, I’ll be a post-racialist in the post-racial-hierarchy.

  15. Karen R. says:

    Hi, Wow. This is a courageous post and regretfully what you have written is true. Once again, you have given me a lot to process.

    I was raised by my parents to actively seek out Black doctors, dentists, etc. This is what they modeled for me and what they continue to do to this day although my father is in his mid 80’s and my mother is in her late 70’s. But I agree that we can’t plan our futures on what used to be or on exceptions to the rules.

    I suppose we could all regale you with stories and examples of how what you have written is true, and I know that is not the point of the post, but I can’t help myself!!! LOL. As a teen in the early 80’s, the car of choice for many AA preachers was a Cadillac. I grew up in Detroit and I recall my dad remarking to me that these preachers wouldn’t support the one black-owned Cadillac dealer in the city (who has LONG since closed) and would instead choose to give their money to the white dealers in the surrounding suburbs. I can’t think of a more poignant example of a person who unequivocally gets his support and livelihood from AA’s yet takes those resources to a business owner who wouldn’t p*** on any of them if they were on fire. As many black people who drive Cadillacs and not one of the dealers here in Metro Detroit is black. Currently there is a major lawsuit pending regarding a little girl shot by the police, and the family of course retained a Jewish attorney.

    What I take from this is that we must establish businesses with customers who are ready, willing and able to take advantage of the products and services that we provide. Many AA customers are ready and willing, but not able. These are they who exist on the “hook a brotha’ up” mantra. Then you have those who are ready and able, but not willing. These are they who believe as my dad would say that “the white man’s water is a little colder.” Establishing a colorless business is not only wise, but it is key!!

    • ann says:

      Establishing a colorless business is exactly how other race people ride under the radar.

  16. Dewayne says:

    Khadija,

    I too, just like Crecilla, will have to take much time to digest your posting on black business and black relationships.

    I am impressed by your breadth of coverage of the issues in the Black Community, particularly how it affects black females. I am an African American male who loves and respects African American females, and I find your analysis worthy of discussion between African American males and females. I agree with several of your points. The societal patterns that exist in our community is often unhealthy.

    My divergence from some of your points relates more to my view that both male and female destructive patterns exist in our community due to several historical elements that have contributed to self hatred and distrust within the Black Community. Does this excuse the patterns that African American males have exhibited–the destructive habits that you have so eloquently identified in your post and other related writings? NO, not at all!!!

    My concern is that I think we need to explore “the why” of the existing patterns, with a goal of improving the relations of males and females in our community. I find that the lack of legitimate conversation to be an ongoing problem. Yes, a few people–maybe many people–are not searching for opportunities to understand and improve relations in our community, but I am among those who desire to improve (through actively supporting) our community. I note that you suggest abandoning discussion with black males (on relationship) or the Black Community (on business advice), and I find that problematic since any possibility of improved understanding and interaction is erased when conversation ceases. As a result, in contrast, I have to encourage more conversation between males and females in the Black Community, in spite of the challenges that exist when some individuals are not seeking to improve, understand, or redefine ourselves.

    Although the underlying frustration and disappointment is evident in your writing, I think that you do value and want improvement between African American males and females, so I am encouraged by the topics you address. You provide a perspective that shocks me at first, but I also think it is a fair and reasonable outlook that evidence can support. I do, however, think other explanations than those that you provide can explain motivations for some of the challenges in our community.

    I am going to share your book and article with a few friends and relatives of mine and allow the topics you present to open dialogue between us. Thank you for providing a lens into our community that allows all of us (any race, either gender) to consider our perspectives, comparing them to the view points of view of others.

    • tertiaryanna says:

      I think that conversations about situations are useful in two circumstances:

      1. Raising awareness

      2. Making plans.

      The second one is the important one. You can make a halfway decent plan even with limited information, but all the knowledge in the world won’t mean anything if there’s no action taken.

      That first part about the dynamics between men and wome and Black families have been discussed over and over again. A simple internet search will give an abundance of information. There are plenty of blogs who have that as their main focus, if you wanted to have these discussions.

      If you are seriously interested in how to improve the dynamics between AA men and women, take action.

      Start working with the men. Mentor to them, and show them by example, of how healthy couples work, and how men should act towards women. Women mentors are already doing this towards like-minded women.

      Hold the men you mentor accountable for their actions, in the same way that women mentors hold other women accountable for themselves.

      If you can take action and use your influence to positively guide the behavior of the men that look up to you, then you’ll be improving the situation between AA men and women.

      But if your advice is to tell the “doers” or “planners” to stop it so they can sit down and talk it out some more, then your actions will poison the chance for improvement anywhere.

  17. Crecilla says:

    YMB and Khadija,

    Since I’ve been hit over the head metaphorically by Khadija (wink and smile), I am beginning to realize that I — I mean WE (readers of this website) are in the minority. I have NO PROBLEM patronizing black professionals. In fact, my philosophy is that most black professionals had to work EXTRA hard to get where they are.

    In fact, my daughter’s first pediatrician was a BW, my dentist for 12 years has been a BW, my realtor is a BW, my two accountants are BM, the lawyer that I hope to retain soon (but can’t afford just yet, LOL) is a harvard-educated BW, and on it goes. To date, I have had zero problems and nothing but excellent, courteous, customer service from them all!

    But, YMB hit a nerve with the landlord story. The very first property I purchased already had a BW renter in it. Since the unit was old and I didn’t want to drastically increase her rent too quickly, I actually mapped out how many months I’d subsidize the difference (e.g., take a LOSS) just to give her time to find another place or get her finances together. (I did not tell her this, I was just running numbers.) Well, before I had a chance to implement my anti-capitalist, money-loosing plan, this lady gave me more problems and disrespect for no apparent reason.

    The (semi-new) stove magically broke within one week of me purchasing the property. After I replaced it within 48 hours, I thought she was calling to thank me for a quick turn around. Nope, she called to “tell me off” and to let me know she didn’t appreciate the trash from the new stove (plastic wrap, styrofoam) being left in her TRASH CAN! She gave me so much attitude, she received an immediate increase in rent sufficient to cause her to move. (She was on month to month.)

    “Seething contempt” is an excellent way to describe her foolish behavior.

  18. YMB,

    You’re welcome! Congratulations on your engagement! {happy dance}

    You said, “I plan to hyphenate my last name after I get married and probably will continue to use my maiden name for business purposes. My white intended and I have several ideas for businesses we may go into, and having different last names may be advantageous.”

    Yes, indeed.

    You said, “It disturbs me having to do this, but we’ll probably have him serve as the name and face of the operation(s). To borrow a phrase from the feminists, I’ll be a post-racialist in the post-racial-hierarchy.”

    I totally understand. I’m also disgusted by all of this. However, I feel that every aspiring AA business owner has a clear choice: (1) They can be upset about the hostile business environment while also suffering business failure. Or (2) they can be upset about the hostile business environment while also enjoying business success. Either way, any AA business owner WILL inevitably be presented with choices and situations that are disturbing and displeasing.

    My point is for us to WIN! To find a way to get paid for providing the services and products that we enjoy providing, AND thereby create financial freedom for ourselves.
    ____________________________________________

    Karen R.,

    You said, “Hi, Wow. This is a courageous post and regretfully what you have written is true. Once again, you have given me a lot to process.”

    The pity is that it shouldn’t require “courage” to state the obvious. Those AAs who want to survive and thrive can’t afford denial and delusion.

    I’ve been worried (and somewhat frustrated) by some of the recent business-related, offline conversations I’ve had in real life. These Black business conversations have the same surreal, Matrix-like feeling I get when I hear AA women recite tired, reality-defying slogans about “Black love.”

    All of it reminds me of a pattern that has always disturbed me: The fact that professional criminals tend to be more successful in their endeavors than political activists.

    Let me give an example of what I mean by that. The police usually can’t “recycle” informants and undercover cops when dealing with professional criminals. Once that individual shows their face to testify against the 1st target/criminal defendant, then they can’t be used against other targetted persons within the same circles. And often, not even within the same city or geographical area. This is because professional criminals are paying close attention to what’s going on. Professional criminals don’t delude themselves in the same ways that decent people do.

    Meanwhile, during COINTELPRO and even now, the government has been able to use the SAME informant/undercover cop and agent over and over again to entrap political activists who live in the SAME cities, and mingle in the SAME social circles. This is what has happened over the past few years with the Feds using the SAME Pakistani-American informant to infiltrate various mosques on the East coast, and entrap foolish members into hair-brained conspiracies.

    After they show their faces by testifying against the 1st defendant, professional criminals will take photos of known informants and pass them around to their criminal colleagues. The government can’t run the exact SAME trick using the same individual informant twice in a row on professional criminals.

    Well, I’ve noticed a similar dynamic with a number of the aspiring/current AA business owners I’ve run across. The shady or semi-shady AA business owner is more likely to survive much longer than the sincere, decent one. The AA business owners who are too savvy and cynical to be messed over by AA consumer madness ALSO tend to be semi-shady or all the way shady.

    Meanwhile, the sincere, decent AA business owners are the ones who are the most naive. That’s why they’re the ones who go under first and worst.

    I want to see more AA business owners turn that pattern around. I want more AA business owners to be decent AND savvy.

    You said, “I grew up in Detroit and I recall my dad remarking to me that these preachers wouldn’t support the one black-owned Cadillac dealer in the city (who has LONG since closed) and would instead choose to give their money to the white dealers in the surrounding suburbs.”

    {twitch}

    You said, “As many black people who drive Cadillacs and not one of the dealers here in Metro Detroit is black.”

    {moan}

    You said, “What I take from this is that we must establish businesses with customers who are ready, willing and able to take advantage of the products and services that we provide. Many AA customers are ready and willing, but not able. These are they who exist on the “hook a brotha’ up” mantra. Then you have those who are ready and able, but not willing. These are they who believe as my dad would say that “the white man’s water is a little colder.” Establishing a colorless business is not only wise, but it is key!!”

    Indeed. At this point, I don’t see any other way for most AA-owned businesses to survive. Trying to function as a visibly Black-owned business is a DEAD END.

    Expect Success!

  19. Dewayne,

    Thank you for your kind words about the blog; I truly appreciate it.

    You said, “I am an African American male who loves and respects African American females,…”

    Unfortunately, love and respect for AA women is NOT a mainstream posture for BM within the AA collective. Exceptional individuals don’t erase overall patterns.

    You said, “My concern is that I think we need to explore “the why” of the existing patterns, with a goal of improving the relations of males and females in our community.”

    But we already know “the why” of how things got to this point. Is there really any AA among us who genuinely does not know about the brainwashing that was heaped on our ancestors during slavery? Which is the same brainwashing that AAs have chosen to carry forward into the 21st century. Who doesn’t know that? What is there left to explore—that hasn’t already been explored—about “the why”? It seems to me that AAs have been crying out about “the why” for many decades now.

    You said, “I note that you suggest abandoning discussion with black males (on relationship) or the Black Community (on business advice), and I find that problematic since any possibility of improved understanding and interaction is erased when conversation ceases.”

    I respectfully and cheerfully agree to disagree. AA men and women have been talking about “Black love” and “Black relationships” for decades.

    Once I stumbled out of the Matrix, and began to see many things as they actually are (as oppposed to seeing them through the filter of my previous Black Nationalist ideology), there are many things I don’t understand. Maybe you can explain the following:

    1-Where has all that talking with AA men about relationships gotten AA women?

    2-How has ANY of that talk benefitted AA women?

    3-What exactly do AA women realistically stand to gain from continuing to talk to AA men about (Black) relationships?

    4-In fact, what is there even left for AA women and AA men to talk about at this point in terms of relationships? Since AA men’s mass behavior (the refusal to marry the BW they impregnate, creating a 70% and rising AA out of wedlock birth rate) indicates that AA men are not interested in marriage, nor interested in marriage with BW, what is there left to talk about?

    You said, “As a result, in contrast, I have to encourage more conversation between males and females in the Black Community, in spite of the challenges that exist when some individuals are not seeking to improve, understand, or redefine ourselves.”

    Again, I can see what AA men have to gain from continuing those “Black relationship” conversations. It’s a clever stalling tactic to delay increasing numbers of AA women from imitating BM’s lead and doing whatever works for them as individual women—without factoring in BM and the now-dead AA community.

    But what I don’t see is what AA women have to gain from continuing to engage in “Black relationship” conversations with AA men. I ask again, what’s in it for AA women to do this?

    I have the same bottom-line questions in terms of AA business owners: After FOUR DECADES of AA consumer’s unrelenting and hypocritical boycott of visibly Black-owned businesses, what is there left to talk about? What’s in it for AA business owners to keep talking to (mostly dishonest and/or delusional) AA consumers?

    You said, “Although the underlying frustration and disappointment is evident in your writing, I think that you do value and want improvement between African American males and females, so I am encouraged by the topics you address.”

    The Dunbar Village Atrocity and many AAs’ inappropriate responses to that crime against humanity shocked me out of my prior Black Nationalist beliefs. I was a Black Nationalist because, like most folks from other ethnic groups, I loved my own people. I still care about AAs.

    However, the Dunbar Village Atrocity and Aftermath showed me that the masses of modern-day AAs are NOT the people I previously thought we were. Most AAs have turned into somebody and something else. The cultural pathologies that I’ve been discussing on this blog and the previous one always existed among us. These pathologies are a legacy of slavery and the slave-making brainwashing process. However, in addition to the outside survival pressures of Jim Crow, there were many deeply good things about traditional AA culture that helped offset some of these pathologies.

    We should have used the roughly 150 years after emancipation to repair our racial and ethnic self-hatred. We didn’t do that. Instead, we papered over these issues. Well, now it’s too late for any of that. The self-hatred cancer is too far gone, and we don’t have the same type of outside pressures to keep us in check. We’re free to be as self-destructive as we want to be. This is why AAs are a FAILED collective.

    To repeat the analogies that have been used to describe the current AA situation: The Titanic is sinking, the house is burning, and Saigon is falling. Right now. Time has run out for the sort of dialogue and conversations that it sounds like you believe are useful. Who has time to talk in a burning house, sinking ship, or a city that is being overrun by an enemy?

    At this point, the only useful conversation—to be yelled out in snippets while running for one’s life—is about How To Escape The Sinking Ship/Burning House/Falling City.

    Dewayne, even though you mean well, I believe that other type of conversation you’re suggesting is nothing but a distraction that keeps AA women sitting around having a coffee klatch in the middle of a burning house.
    ______________________________________________

    Crecilla,

    You said, “The (semi-new) stove magically broke within one week of me purchasing the property. After I replaced it within 48 hours, I thought she was calling to thank me for a quick turn around. Nope, she called to “tell me off” and to let me know she didn’t appreciate the trash from the new stove (plastic wrap, styrofoam) being left in her TRASH CAN! She gave me so much attitude, she received an immediate increase in rent sufficient to cause her to move. (She was on month to month.)

    “Seething contempt” is an excellent way to describe her foolish behavior.”

    Oh yeah. The widespread “seething contempt” behavior pattern makes me think of the hook to the old Crystal Waters song (“100% Pure Love”), only with a slight change to the lyrics:

    “From the back to the middle and around again
    I’m gonna be there til the end
    100% Pure HATE…”

    Expect Success!

  20. Crecilla,

    Here’s some more real AA landlord experiences for you. [And for the silent audience of AA consumers who are reading along. I think it’s good for them to hear some real life episodes from the AA landlord’s/business OWNER’S point of view. Since most AAs have never owned or been responsible for anything other than their own personal consumer goods. The view is VERY different when you’re the one who’s responsible for maintaining something.]

    I said the following during a conversation at the previous blog:

    “Greetings, [Reader]!

    What you’re describing with your not-cheap, luxury apartment building is a perfect example that a high salary does NOT give people class. It’s not about money, it’s about folks’ mindsets.

    There are a lot of strivers who go to school, get “good” jobs, and then bring their slum dysfunctions & resentments along with them into new environments. They get into previously nice condos, etc. because ON PAPER they seem like good risks. Having such people around is a heavy burden for everybody else in the neighborhood.

    [*Readers’ Note: For those who are unfamiliar with my earlier comments/posts about Black class issues: I’m not talking about ALL strivers here. I’m only talking about DYSFUNCTIONAL strivers.]

    It’s interesting. A Black coworker who’s also a landlord and I were talking about this recently: how to better screen out slum-mentality individuals who happen to have “good” jobs.

    It’s not fair to the other paying tenants to have to be bothered with slum-behavior nonsense. They should be able to be comfortable in their own homes. I’ve found that part of the answer is having explicit provisions in the lease about no loud music past 10:00 p.m., etc. It’s a difficult question that requires a lot of careful thought, along with consultations with one’s lawyer about drafting leases.

    My coworker currently allows Section 8 individuals to rent in one of his properties. {shudder} Letting them in is a holdover from his dad’s policies; he would really prefer not to do that. He’s trying to maintain an excellent standard of living in the other property. Unlike the Section 8 individuals, his normal renters aren’t constantly tearing things up in his building.

    . . . For those audience members who may be offended by my not-nice references to Section 8 recipients, here are just a couple of experiences from Black landlords I know who were compassionate enough to rent to our Black “brothers & sisters” on Section 8:

    One gentleman got off early from his own job one day and decided to drive past his building. It was around the time when children get out from school. He had rented to a Section 8 recipient who went to his church. She & her kids lived in the 1st floor apartment of his building.

    Well…it turned out that this woman was selling penny candy to the schoolchildren out of her open front living room window. He had been wondering why there was a foot path slowly being ground into the front lawn in front of her unit.

    Another Black landlord’s husband drove past their building to see that a Section 8 tenant had attached a hose to the kitchen sink in his ground-floor apartment; and the man was using the water to wash his car. [The hose was extended out one of his windows.]

    I won’t even get into what the coworker’s Section 8 tenants are doing in/to his building. It’s just too crazy.”

    Let me note another MASS observation I’ve heard from other AA landlords. There’s one thing that any AA landlord has to watch for if they choose to rent to AA women of ALL economic levels:

    The standard operating procedure for AA women renters is to try to move unauthorized (typically no-working) BM into the unit. As soon as most AA women renters move into an apartment, their next step is to import all sorts of AA males who aren’t on the lease (and therefore have NOT been screened). Obviously, this creates a multitude of problems. For the landlord, and for the other tenants who follow the rules.

    I praise God that I learned from other AA landlords’ horror stories and reworked my lease agreements to prevent that sort of thing. {shudder}

    Expect Success!

    • Truth P says:

      You said “The standard operating procedure for AA women renters is to try to move unauthorized (typically no-working) BM into the unit. As soon as most AA women renters move into an apartment, their next step is to import all sorts of AA males who are’nt’t on the lease (and therefore have NOT been screened). Obviously, this creates a multitude of problems. For the landlord, and for the other tenants who follow the rules.”

      Khadija, this is something you have to watch out for also when an AA woman owns a home and is not a section 8er.I’ve seen my own neighborhood go down because older AA women are allowing their criminal grandson’s to live in their homes.We also have section 8 people around us and I don’t like it,too ghetto young loiterers etc.I feel that our neighborhood is slowly being overtaken by the wrong element.Our crime rates are currently extremely low compared to alot of other areas BUT crime used to be non existent here.We have older AA women who were single mom’s who have died and left homes to their criminal male children.I always feel that instead of complaining about this as some people around here do we, the life-long members of this community, should have prepared for it by purchasing some of these homes in our area so they wouldn’t go to section 8.That way we would have a say so in who got to move in.I also think we should have tried to privatize our neighborhood , where we could make our own independent rules for living here such as no one with a felony for selling drugs can ever own a home in our community but it’s too late for all that so I’m moving.

  21. blip says:

    Brilliant post!

    Unfortunately I know what you are saying is true. I’ve owned my own small business for 5.5 years now. Starting out, I couldn’t get African-Americans to bite at all.

    When they saw what I was doing for my white and asian clients, THEN they would come to me. But wait…they would come making demands, asking me for discounts I gave to no one else. They expected me to do more for them because we’re both black. Then they would be super-critical of my goods and services, even though I provided similar goods and services to non-blacks. They they would come in skeptical throwing all kinds of questions, investigating me, hoping to find some flaw so they could disqualify me. And some did. Later I would find out they used some white person who provided terrible service to them. Later, they would come back to me asking if I could correct what the white guy down the street f*cked-up. Whenever I get complaints, or someone is unsatisfied with my work, I can tell you, 95% of the time, it’s another African-American woman that’s dissatified with me. They are the ones who trash me to other clients too.

    Now I interview potential clients well before I take them on to see if they harbor this ‘white man’s ice is colder’ mentality. Sometimes it’s hard to tell until after you’ve taken them on.

    I love the business I have now, but in the future I would like to create a different business…one that is ‘colorless.’

    I’ve learn quite a bit in the six years. Initially I created it because there was no one catering to black people in the same way whites were catered to. I found it insulting, actually. I was determined to make my business a fabulous spot where other black people could have the same service. These days, my clients are mainly non-black. About 30% are black. I believe I priced a lot of blacks out when I raised my prices during the recession.

  22. Blip,

    Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

    Unfortunately, the behavior pattern that you’re describing is the AA consumer’s standard operating procedure—ONLY when dealing with Black-owned businesses.

    AA consumers have a “hook me up because you’re Black” expectation even though they are MESSING OVER the Black business owners because they’re Black!

    The bottom line is that any AA business owner who wants to be successful MUST cut the vast majority of AA consumers LOOSE!

    Finally, please remember the no-profanity comment policy here.

    Expect Success!

  23. lunanoire says:

    My supervisor owns the building we work in. Out of his other commercial tenants, a small AA law firm (landlord/tenant and personal injury) and the AA gov’t contractor both moved out due to inability to pay rent. The remaining tenant? A massage therapist with primarily white, middle class and above clients. Health insurance helps foot the bill, others are able to pay out of pocket, and she is selective about who to take as a new client. The gov’t contractor also had a “hook me up” mentality in expecting to have free phone and internet service from the landlord though he did not pay for it.

    Blip,
    May you please share some of the questions you ask potential clients to figure out if they have a “white man’s ice is colder” mentality?

  24. TruthP.,

    You said, “Khadija, this is something you have to watch out for also when an AA woman owns a home and is not a section 8er.I’ve seen my own neighborhood go down because older AA women are allowing their criminal grandson’s to live in their homes.”

    Even though during this conversation, I’m focused on the AA landlord’s/business owner’s point of view and goals, what you’re describing is an overall problem with AA women across the board. They allow the BM in their lives (including the no-working, criminally-inclined BM) to mooch off of them.

    A while back another reader mentioned that this behavior pattern has extended to a number of AA female college students. These silly AA girls are actually moving (typically NON-student) AA males into their dorm rooms! Lord have mercy. This behavior is one of several reasons why the racially “Black” college population in the US will soon consist solely of foreign-origin Blacks.

    The experiences that we’re discussing here, the Miss Chanequa Campbell incident at Harvard (and the other AA student incidents that just haven’t been as publicized) all communicate the same message: AAs are more trouble than they’re worth! It’s just too costly and too much of a hassle to be bothered with most AAs. On any level.

    Mark my words, as various non-Black institutions learn this, they’ll simply replace AAs with foreign Blacks who are more likely to act like they have some sense. Universities have a duty to maintain safety on their campuses, and in their university housing. And you can bet your bottom dollar that the typical African girl would NEVER move some Negro male (or any other guy) into her dorm room!

    Anyhoo, it’s striking when you stop to think about how so many able-bodied, physically adult AA males have NEVER created their own nests. Instead, they’re roosting in a series of nests (homes) set up by AA women. They rotate from shacking-up in one BW’s home to the next.

    At this point, there are legions of able-bodied, physically adult AA males who have NEVER had their names on a lease or a mortgage. They’ve been living all their lives in a series of women’s homes. This is positively bizarre. Especially when you compare it to the typical behavior of men from other ethnic groups—who generally establish their OWN homes when they become adults. And this pattern exists only because the masses of AA women ENABLE it to exist.
    _______________________________________________

    Lunanoire,

    You said, “The remaining tenant? A massage therapist with primarily white, middle class and above clients. Health insurance helps foot the bill, others are able to pay out of pocket, and she is selective about who to take as a new client.”

    Yep. If we open our eyes, we can see patterns with which AA businesses live and which ones die. The failure to see the outcome patterns staring us in the face was what worried me about the recent offline, real-life business conversations I had that prompted my to write this post. This “failure to see” is a problem across the board with AAs. We’re doing a lot of magical thinking, and refusing to connect the OBVIOUS dots.

    I know it’s painful to admit that certain things are over, dead, and no longer possible among the vast majority of AAs. But what’s done is done. Why add more unnecessary business and personal life casualties to the pile by refusing to see/state the obvious?

    Expect Success!

    • KM says:

      Hold up, BW in college are moving MEN into their dorm rooms???? I know I’ve only been out of college for four years but things have changed.

      Yup, African/Caribbean BW will probably move from being the majority of BW in college to the only BW in college. AA BW are just being stupid. Can’t take the hood with you to college.

      As for myself, I’ve had to consciously decide to patronize AA businesses. I get my newspaper from the black guy who is four blocks farther away from my bus stop instead of going to the 2-4 Mexican/Dominican stores that infest AA neighborhoods like roaches. My doctor is an older BM who was my mother’s doctor. But I didn’t start paying attention to that until I started reading BWE blogs and really noticing where my money was going and to whom it was going.

  25. SweetSoulSister says:

    Khadija, this was so hard for me to read. I am one who has always gone out of my way to look for African American woman run businesses. My lawyer, my dermatologist, my natural hairstylist, the hair products I buy online,even the used bookstore I used to frequent when I lived in Massachusetts for a year, etc. are all African American WOMAN owned. I cannot imagine NOT supporting sistas. I will confess, I have never and would never patronize ANY business owned by African American males or foreign blacks. I do not support those who do not support me. At a very young age, I seriously understood the concept of reciprocity and I’ve always lived my life like that.

    Even more bizarre, I grew up in an upper middle class home and my mother would never go to anyone black, for anything. Most times, not even hair care because she has what she calls “good hair”. She is one of those redbone/high yellas who cringes at the thought of going to a black professional of any type and yet, has only married black men(twice)and been otherwise involved with black men. She would never, ever date a white man. Twisted thinking, I know. Luckily, my mother was not a big influence on me at all (I much prefer the common sense of my father, who had the common sense to divorce her dumb a**). I always seek out black women to do business with. I cannot understand women like my mother and the vast majority of other bw and frankly, I don’t care to. There seems to be an overabundance of these types. People who think this way are not worth my time, even if they are my blood relatives.
    I’m very proud of the fact that this did not rub off on me. I marry and sleep white(always have) and shop African American woman, when I can.

    This post made me angry for so many reasons. I actually have a small business and would never dream of catering to African Americans because most are foolish. My customers are the people I’m most used to: upper middle class and white. No one asks for discounts, no one tries to get me to do them favors. White people understand that a business transaction is a business transaction.

  26. SweetSoulSister says:

    Khadija said:

    “There’s much mutual “hateration” among African-Americans. Most African-Americans hate and resent Black people with any money. We’re famous for being “crabs in a barrel” who don’t want to see another African-American prosper. We’re only comfortable with a narrow category of African-Americans having wealth: The often semi-illiterate Blacks who are drug dealers, throwing balls around sports fields, or cursing on a microphone over some beats. These are the wealthy Blacks that we idolize.”

    My response:

    This is so true. I have often wondered how bottom of the barrel trash like 50 cent or little wayne can make millions, when I’m only on the lower end of upper middle class. Successful black women make me giddy, though. Especially people like Ursula Burns and Oprah Winfrey. I have issues with Oprah being America’s mammy but, I love the fact that she’s so successful.
    I experienced this “hateration” first hand because I was by far the wealthiest African American in my high school (there were about 60 black students out of 1,000 students) an I was hated for it. There were rumors started by hateful negroes saying my parents were drug dealers and everything. My parents worked damn hard for everything they gave me and their parents were content to sit on welfare and do nothing for themselves. They also came from single parent homes, no daddies in sight. Most of the ABC’s are content with seeing trash with money because it seems attainable to them but when the black person is obviously miles above them in culture, refinement, manners, speech, education etc., they hate because it seems unattainable. It’s easier for these creatures to hate than to work on attaining things the hard way…through education, hard work, and marrying well before having children.

  27. SweetSoulSister,

    You said, “Khadija, this was so hard for me to read.”

    I know that this is an upsetting topic because the reality of the situation is so very ugly. I hate to make these “IT’S OVER…MOVE ON” pronouncements, but it’s necessary. So many of us are operating on the autopilot assumption that conditions are still tenable among AAs. And so many AA women are unnecessarily suffering because of their belief in these obsolete assumptions.

    There are many AAs who actively support AA women staying deluded. That would be all the people who benefit from the current status quo:

    1-AA males currently benefit from having a surplus population of unhappily single, lonely AA women available for sexual, monetary, and emotional exploitation. As more AA women stop holding out for lottery-tickets odds of finding healthy “Black love,” and marry outside the race—then there are fewer desperate AA women recruits available for the Booty Call Corps.

    2-AA male criminals currently benefit from AA women’s default posture of what Evia calls a “be kind to predators” mindset. BM criminals don’t want more AA women catching the hint from the increasing numbers of death-camp-style atrocities that AA males are committing against AA women and girls (Dunbar Village, and so on). If more AA women wake up to the fact that modern BM criminals are NOT comparable to political prisoners, then who’s going to rally around the legions of BM criminals?

    3-The (mostly male) current AA misleadership class also has a vested interest in AA women staying deluded. If more AA women realize that it’s Game Over regarding reviving the now-dead Black community, then who will prop up Rev. Baby Daddy, Rev. Hot Comb, and the NAACP, and so on? I will note that a number of these AA male misleaders (like Kweisi Mfume and others) have also been sexually exploiting the ranks of the BF Booty Call Corps.

    4-Then there’s the clique of AA male entertainers who have made an industry of giving AA women bad relationship advice. Advice that keeps AA women trapped in the radioactive all-AA dating scene.

    In addition to directly making money off of giving gullible AA women bad relationship advice, Steve Harvey and the others are preserving an available pool of standby Booty Call Corps. It’s in Steve Harvey’s best interests as he gets even older to keep the Booty Call Corps of unhappily single AA women—including young women in their prime—as large as possible. After all, how long will it take for him to trade in the current wife?

    You said, “I cannot imagine NOT supporting sistas. I will confess, I have never and would never patronize ANY business owned by African American males or foreign blacks.”

    I almost always boycott BM who are hooked up to non-Black women. I’m NOT interested in subsidizing Becky, Lupe, J.Lo, Fatima or Mei Ling via Tyrone. I will generally support those BM businessmen who are married to BW. In terms of foreign Blacks, it depends how they act. If they’re acting normal, then I can play along with them. But if I catch even the hint of a stank, prejudiced-based attitude about AAs, then I’m gone.

    You said, “I have issues with Oprah being America’s mammy but, I love the fact that she’s so successful.”

    I’m also annoyed by Oprah’s m-word behavior. However, Oprah apparently knew where her support (and therefore money) was going to come from. It was never going to come from AAs. What BF journalist or interviewer have AAs ever propped up and made rich?

    You said, “Most of the ABC’s are content with seeing trash with money because it seems attainable to them . . .”

    Oh yes, it validates their dream of getting money without having to study, work, think, or be involved in delayed gratification.

    Expect Success!

  28. pioneervalleywoman says:

    Greetings, Khadija!

    I would add #5:

    The ABC/”keeping it real” community leaders who depend upon black female political support to get them in office and to remain loyal constituencies who aim to shore up the community, only to get burned.

    The Wall Street Journal has a recent article on this, and all of the themes are clear: single black woman moved back to Detroit to care for an ailing relative. She eventually buys in the community, owning one home and renting another, only to be faced with endless burglaries and eventually arson. She is moving out.

    So why did she remain, we all know why, “not wanting to give up on the community,” and so forth. Who was the culprits, the monstrous ex-con grandson of a neighbor shacking up in his grandmama’s house.

    The article is an excellent one, “Black Flight Hits Detroit.”

  29. Greetings, PVW!

    You said, “The ABC/”keeping it real” community leaders who depend upon black female political support to get them in office and to remain loyal constituencies who aim to shore up the community, only to get burned.”

    Oh yes, how could I forget the “poverty pimp” AA politicians whose political careers depend on a permanent state of blight? [Blight = captive, confused AA voters who will vote for anybody who sounds “down with the ‘hood.”]

    And, as you noted, another part of this particular horror story involves the AA Woman Importing BM Criminal Into Her Home Thereby Creating A Nightmare For Everybody Else Syndrome. From the article:

    “The relative calm at 1239 Atkinson ended on a snowy Friday in January 2009 when Ms. Barham returned from a trip to the vet with her dog to discover an upstairs rear window broken. Yet another computer and sundry possessions were gone.

    Police followed footprints in the snow to a house next door. James Christian, 28, who lived there with his grandmother, had just been released from Wayne County Jail after serving a 90-day sentence for a drug conviction, court records show. He had a reputation as a thief and neighbors had been complaining to police about him for years, says Robert Jeter Sr., whose house across the street had been robbed twice in the previous year and a half.

    The grandmother told police that Mr. Christian wasn’t home, according to the police report. Police wouldn’t question Mr. Christian for a year.” http://tinyurl.com/39m4uu2

    {shaking my head in disgust}

    Expect Success!

    • ZooPath says:

      He robbed his next door neighbor and left footprints in the snow leading back to his house? SMHD Let’s hope he’s not as violent as he is is stupid.

  30. ZooPath,

    You said, “He robbed his next door neighbor and left footprints in the snow leading back to his house? SMHD Let’s hope he’s not as violent as he is is stupid.”

    Well, he *cough* allegedly *cough* DID set fire to this next door neighbor’s home. He *cough* allegedly *cough* set this fire along with some other creatures. Which is yet more confirmation of a point I made at the previous blog about the Black underclass: They HATE other AAs who work for a living. With a passion.

    Expect Success!

    • KM says:

      And the underclass (i.e. grandma and grandson wonders why enlightened BW and non-Blacks cannot wait to let them be, decline and die in their excrement instead of being their victims. And yes, even the non-Black liberals who are always blaming the “man” for AAs being the way they are, have become tired of the BS and are already writing off AAs.

      Let the dead bury their dead. I for one, am getting closer with each day to my escape on my ark.

  31. KM,

    Oh yes, the most important thing for all of us is to get our arks together.

    I would suggest that everybody take the time to read the entire article. It’s a sneak preview of coming attractions for those AA women who remain behind in Black residential areas. I would suggest that folks pay particular attention to the law enforcement indifference. This indifference is partially structural—due to failing Detroit municipal budget constraints. These budget pressures are affecting all cities that have large AA populations. Detroit is simply further along a process that is happening in other AA population centers:

    “The grandmother told police that Mr. Christian wasn’t home, according to the police report. Police wouldn’t question Mr. Christian for a year.

    The Detroit Police Department is short about 700 officers, says Warren Evans, appointed police chief in July 2009. The result is he must assign officers to the worst crimes. Homicides have dropped roughly 25% since he took the job.

    “The average Detroiter is worrying about home burglaries and auto thefts,” not being shot, he says. But homicide numbers were so alarming, “that we decided to take a triage approach.”

    Petty theft? “I’ve got nobody to send to that,” he said.

    What he’s not understanding is that the criminal population that commits petty theft are the SAME people that go on to commit murder. Most murderers come from the pool of petty criminals: gangbangers, thieves, and so on. It’s an example of the Pareto Principle at work. The same smaller percentage of the population that’s routinely involved in crime as a way of life is responsible for 80%-plus of all crimes, including murder.

    If the AA woman featured in this article had remained much longer, she WOULD have ended up in a body bag. After her death is the point at which police department resources would have been used to address the crimes committed against her. And we the readers are getting this information about Detroit police POLICY straight from the police chief’s mouth!

    In this instance, the police only perked up to solve an OBVIOUS crime because of the attention from the WSJ:

    “Police arrested Mr. Christian in March, roughly two weeks after The Wall Street Journal requested records on the Barham cases. They found the 5-foot-6, 220-pound man hiding under the bed in an upstairs bedroom of his grandmother’s house. He surrendered without incident, asking only for medication to treat his asthma.

    Within hours, police say, Mr. Christian confessed to the two robberies at Mr. Jeter’s home and the January 2009 break-in at Ms. Barham’s house. He also told police he was one of a handful of people inside Ms. Barham’s house when it was set afire. Under an agreement with prosecutors, he pleaded guilty to one count of second-degree home invasion and was to serve 90 days in jail.

    But in late May, a judge threw out the plea after Ms. Barham spoke in court. Mr. Christian was arraigned for the arson, a felony, the next day. He heads back to court next week.”

    I won’t even bother commenting on the factors that probably led to that court system farce with this woman’s case. Things like overcrowding in the local jail, skyrocketing numbers of criminal cases all while the budgets to hire the people needed to staff the courtrooms to process the cases are being slashed. [Staff such as prosecutors, government defense attorneys, a panel of private defense attorneys paid for by the local government to defend indigent defendants that can’t be represented by government counsel, court reporters, bailiffs to provide security, court clerks, and so on.]

    The bottom line is that those AA women (and their unlucky children) who remain behind in increasingly-dangerous Black residential areas will simply be marooned and left to die by the government.

    Expect Success!

  32. Everyone,

    I think we’ve covered all the angles with this topic (and more—LOL!). So, I’m closing the comments section to this conversation.

    Expect Success!

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