“Good Luck And Fine Quality For 10,000 Years”

WHEN DID SO MANY OF US BECOME SO . . . SMALL?

Recently, I’ve been paying close attention to the overheard conversations of the African-Americans I randomly encounter at work, in restaurants, in stores, walking down the streets.

I’m rediscovering why I usually tune out such things.

When did we become so uncompromisingly . . . small? When did we become satisfied with living LOW- and NO-impact lives? On one level, I suppose that this is to be expected from people who are barely making ends meet. What’s the excuse for members of the so-called “talented tenth”?

Our thoughts are . . . small.
Our dreams are even smaller.
There is no ambition.
There are no grand visions of making a lasting mark during one’s life.

What happened to us?

I look at this and contrast it with examples of other people who made marks that have endured for generations. People who had long-term, grand visions. Visions that were “built to last.”

The next time you see a bottle of Kikkoman soy sauce, please be aware that this family-owned Japanese company has existed for 17 generations. Kikkoman started as a small, regional soy sauce business in 1630, using a recipe invented by the widow of one of the samurai of Prince Hideyori. The firm began exporting soy sauce in 1868. Centuries of Success: Lessons From the World’s Most Enduring Family Businesses, pg. 27.

The next time you see a Kikkoman bottle, please be aware that the characters for the brand name “Kikkoman” can be translated as “good luck and fine quality for 10,000 years.” That’s quite an ambitious vision for one’s business! The Mogi family also carefully considered the values that they wanted to pass on to future generations of the family and family business.

In the late 1700s or early 1800s the Mogis established a family constitution institutionalizing their cooperative effort to concentrate talent and experience in shoyu [soy sauce] manufacture at Noda. Among other things the short document noted:

‘Sincerity first and profits will follow. Neglect neither . . . Avoid luxury and cultivate simplicity and earnestness . . . Attend to your health. Eat simple foods no different than those taken by your employees . . . Twice a year call a family meeting; praise family members according to their character and not according to their profits.’

From the Soy Info Center site.

WHETHER OR NOT YOU REALIZE IT, YOU’RE PART OF A MUCH BIGGER PICTURE

Sometimes African-Americans get so caught up in our insular “Black issues” that we forget we’re part of what has been called The Great Conversation that started during the dawn of human history. For the most part, as individuals and as a collective, African-Americans are content to be nameless “extras” on the global stage. Our thoughts about our legacy generally only extend to becoming (or supporting somebody else in becoming) “the first Black X.” Frankly, this is pathetic and reflects slavery- and segregation-era programming. Why aim to be “the first Black X” when you could be The First X? Why aspire to be “the largest Black X” when you could be “the largest X”?

EACH AREA OF HUMAN EFFORT HAS ITS OWN HEROES AND TITANS—WHY NOT BE ONE OF THEM?

I also notice that many African-Americans have a comic-book sort of view about what constitutes an accomplishment. So many times, we only recognize the extremely narrow range of achievements that have been labeled as accomplishments as accomplishments. Things such as holding certain types of job titles, political offices, and so on (astronaut, mayor, c/rap “artist”). Meanwhile, there are countless other fields that are ripe for innovation. There are countless other possibilities for making heroic accomplishments. During The Art Of Stealth, Part 5: Cultivating Personal Character As A Weapon And Shield, I discussed the contrast between some African-American writers who were whining at a conference and some White writers who were blazing trails by using the strategy of podcasting their books,

What I found most striking—and not in a good way—is what I DIDN’T see in this news story:

I didn’t see any mention made of any of these AA writers taking the innovative steps that others have taken to create consumer awareness and demand for their fiction. Such as the strategy of doing (free or paid) podcasting of their novels to develop a base of readers and more importantly, book-buyers. At the earlier blog, I did a post about a (WM) science fiction/thriller author who did this (Scott Sigler).

There’s also an interview at Editor Unleashed with another (WM) author (crime novelist Seth Harwood) who used this strategy to generate exposure for his work. Another fiction writer who podcasted his work is the (WM) thriller writer, J.C. Hutchins, who wrote the 7th Son trilogy.

Note: These men didn’t just whip up a novel and toss it out there without some sort of plan for growing an audience for their work. In 2 of these cases, they used (iTunes) podcasting to create a VERIFIABLE audience for their fiction, and later leveraged these verifiable numbers into book contracts.

Now, I’m not saying that the podcasting one’s novel (freebie or paid) method always works—after all, we’re probably only hearing about the success stories with this technique. My point is that when I read news stories about (and essays by) AA authors I DON’T hear any of them brainstorming creative ideas like podcasting for generating exposure and consumer awareness of their work. Instead, I hear whining and waiting for White publishers and other White entities to make it happen for them.

The other thing that I believe AA novelists should factor in their plans is the sort of fiction they’re writing.

It seems to me that it’s probably easier to use the above sort of consumer awareness building/reader-building techniques when you’re writing in genres that have a subculture of voracious, book-hungry readers—such as science fiction and romance. The so-called “street lit” peddlers have created a genre that has a subculture of readers who are hungry for that trash.

Unfortunately, I haven’t read or heard many serious, legitimate AA writers do any sort of strategizing about any of the above. The one “strategy” seems to consist of whining about and to Whites in the industry.

During that conversation, a reader named Nathalie described the itsy-bitsy visions on display at a Black literary conference she attended,

I just attended a black literary conference. It was frustrating an depressing to see what they focused on, but my takeaway is that therein lies plenty of opportunity if you can do what the whiners and the complacent are not; meet unmet demands and find your willing-to-pay audience and make them raving, buying fans. I heard a lot of complaining (from established, published authors) about why don’t (mostly white) mass market book buyers/sellers prioritize, set-aside space for and promote their work… {sigh}. When one whining author did share a marketing idea novel to the discussion that he and other authors were implementing collectively, another African America panelist jumped in to say why they would be met with resistance and failure. It was funny because it was an idea that I had been contemplating and had already expanded on to include even more avenues and was wondering why more authors didn’t do the same.

And when I asked how to find an established, industry-wide respected up-to-date African American bestseller and recommended reading list for a VERY specific multi-million dollar market genre under discussion, the panel went blank, flatlined and the MC recommended I put that in “my google” on “my internet.” {Eye Roll}. When I asked for recommendations for contemporary work within a high demand subcategory within the genre, but beyond the heavily “woe is me, let my people go downtrodden African American” aspect that dominates the genre, I was met with “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout Willis” stares & shrugs.

It seemed like the black conference panelists and audience were waiting for white people to prioritize them, and felt it was owed them. The discrimination they faced seemed to overwhelm their powers of discernment. The power brokers in the room–most of them white–kept giving away the “secret”: create work with consumer demand we can’t ignore, and then we’ll probably pay attention to you. The second “secret” was: when facing insurmountable yet unspecified resistance, get white people with authority and clout within the industry to vouch for you, both in word and in writing (a “secret” that has another “secret” key lying within). They admitted that the authors would still face barriers, including racial bias, as well as all the other barriers everyone in the industry is subject to, but that ultimately paying customers/money talks so loud that it could get anyone, including them, a seat at the table.

What struck me as a missing element from the skill set in the room was course corrective resilience. People have taken resilience to mean the ability to endure more of the same while continuing to do more of the same–which is actually a variation on insanity. Given what I saw it strikes me that we need to expand our understanding and practice of resilience to include rational, ongoing course corrections in which nothing is sacred and everything is up for scrutiny and revision with success in mind.

What strikes me as missing from these preaching to the similarly suffering choir conferences, is identifying what’s important, examples of success and lessons learned and creative problem solving where there are problems and barriers.

This is what so many of us reduce ourselves to—looking for somebody else to make a spot for us. It doesn’t have to be like that. We can make great and lasting contributions of our own. To any field of human endeavor that we choose.

A VISUAL REPRESENTATION OF “THE WEALTH OF NATIONS” OVER THE PAST TWO CENTURIES

I found out about the following video from this post at The Sovereign Man blog. As he explains,

In the video below, Rosling charts a moving 200-year history of the wealth and life expectancy of 200 countries. In just 4-minutes, he shows that the gap between developing countries and developed countries is actually rather small, and that places like Shanghai, Taiwan, South Korea, and Singapore have already caught up with the west.

Two of the things that I thought of immediately when watching this video were-

1) The catastrophic long-term effects of government-organized folly (war, central planning, currency debasement, etc.) are very clear when watching the progression of his data set;

2) It’s incredible how fast developing nations can catch up with the west; technology, productivity, and a high savings rate are key drivers, and those are the critical ingredients to look for when assessing the long-term growth capacity of any economy.

Now, I don’t have to remind anyone which group of nations continue to cluster in the poorest and sickest quadrant of the graph. Even though it’s not covered in this video, I also don’t have to tell anybody where the African-American collective is clustered relative to the rest of the American population. Finally, I don’t have to describe what direction the African-American collective is headed. We can already see what our collective folly has created for us—an increasingly entrenched underclass status in the US. By “folly,” I mean our majority out of wedlock birth rate (oow), the single parenting that is the predictable result of oow, low innovation rate, low business formation rate, our undeclared and permanent boycott of visibly Black-owned businesses, and so on.

YOU CAN CHART YOUR OWN POSITION ON THAT GRAPH

I will note that most African-Americans are not involved in the activities the Sovereign Man blog host mentioned that enabled specific nonwestern nations to catch up with the West. However, this does not have to apply to you as an individual. The same way specific Asian countries pulled away from others who are stuck closer to the sick and poor corner of the graph, you can also pull away from the downward trend of the African-American collective. Their most likely unhappy fate does not have to be your fate. The first step is to expand your vision for yourself and your legacy:

  • Are the effects of your choices “built to last”?
  • Will the effects of any of your choices endure?
  • Are you building anything that is intended to last?
  • What impact will your actions have on life 17 generations from now?

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43 Responses to ““Good Luck And Fine Quality For 10,000 Years””

  1. joyousnerd says:

    You really need to get out of my head, Khadija!

    My husband and I actually created a family credo based on our values when we first got married. We discussed how we plan to create a family dynasty, and the Kikkoman family business did come up. I don’t know how successful we will be, but at least we have a vision.

    Personally, I’m trying to reinvent black hair care. I fancy myself the new Madame CJ Walker. That’s not all I want to do in my life, but it’s a start!

  2. JoyousNerd,

    Great minds think along similar tracks! 🙂

    You said, “My husband and I actually created a family credo based on our values when we first got married. We discussed how we plan to create a family dynasty, and the Kikkoman family business did come up. I don’t know how successful we will be, but at least we have a vision.”

    {applause} That’s great; most families don’t have a family vision. At best, the vision consists of “good to school and get a good job.” Which isn’t bad as a foundation, but it’s not sufficient as people’s only vision in this Age of Turmoil.

    You said, “Personally, I’m trying to reinvent black hair care. I fancy myself the new Madame CJ Walker. That’s not all I want to do in my life, but it’s a start!”

    YES!!! {more cheering}
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Let me take this opportunity to emphasize something that I debated whether or not to add to the already (too?) long blog post:

    (1) “Legacy” does NOT only mean children.
    A lot of us hear that word and feel that what we do doesn’t count as a legacy unless it’s not connected to children—our own children or somebody else’s. NO, having a “legacy” is not restricted to having children.

    Not to mention that children as a legacy generally does not work very well among AAs. I mentioned this during a previous conversation where I said,

    [A reader] said, “Children are nature’s social security . . .”

    This assumption only applies when people are living/acting and raising children within NORMAL human family arrangements. Are the bulk of AAs who have children living/operating within normal human family arrangements? Or are the masses of AAs living FAR OUTSIDE most human norms?

    Did Betty Shabazz’ adult children function as social security for her?

    Did Juanita Goggins’ middle-aged, adult son function as social security for her?

    See: “Juanita Goggins Dead: Once-Revered South Carolina Lawmaker Freezes To Death Alone”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/11/juanita-goggins-dead-once_n_495498.html

    Do the masses of adult AAs function as “social security” for our elderly parents and other relatives? Or is this a burden/responsibility that is only (intermittently and at great personal cost) shouldered by the AA women who work for a living?

    And the typical AA pattern is that it’s usually only ONE responsible, overburdened BF sibling out of a group of siblings that takes on this burden/responsibility of looking out for elderly parents. That is, on those occassions when any of the children are looking out for their parents.

    This also plays into my earlier questions about our mass lack of family structure. I know that if my father had been an uninvolved sperm donor, then I would NOT lift a finger to look out for him in his elder years. What goes around, comes around.

    AAs can’t realistically expect to reap the benefits of an intact family structure (such as children functioning as a form of social security) when they never bothered to have intact families in the first place!

    I won’t even get into the question of how the bulk of AA women are raising their children to be irresponsible, weak-minded, self-absorbed, and spoiled. These type of people that most AA women are raising are NOT particularly caring or likely to inconvenience themselves for anybody else. Including their mothers. We see examples of this all around us everyday.

    . . . This is not a new problem among AAs. I forgot to mention the example of how Bryant Gumbel AND his siblings treated their mother. The following passage from the 9/26/88 edition of Sports Illustrated gives the flavor of how these affluent AAs had their mother living:

    “It’s 98° in Chicago, and Rhea Gumbel, 68, has all the windows open in her seventh-floor apartment. She has an air conditioner in the bedroom, but it’s not enough to cool the whole apartment. She would go somewhere cooler if she had the energy or a car, but she has neither. Sold the car. Too much trouble. So five mornings a week, she takes the bus to her job as a city clerk. Plenty are the days when she wishes she could afford to retire.

    “Did you see what Oprah Winfrey bought her mother the other day?” one of the other clerks asked Rhea recently. “A brand-new beautiful mansion, that’s what.” Rhea knows what that woman would loooove to say next: And your son, the big-shot NBC man, host of the “Today” show, what does he give you? You live in a lousy apartment. You won’t go out at night and get milk because you’re afraid of walking in the streets. What kind of fancy son is this you have?

    Still, she would never ask him for money. For one thing, she’s too proud. For another, “It would hurt me like a knife if he said no. Besides, if he wanted to do something for me, he’d go ahead and do it on his own, wouldn’t he?”

    She knows what the trouble is. She has this one glaring fault. She’s not his father.

    Judge Richard Gumbel was a big man, 6’1″, four inches taller than his younger son, Bryant. Richard, the child of a New Orleans gambler, was “one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met,” says Dr. Norman Francis, president of Xavier.”

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1067784/2/index.htm

    Now, I don’t necessarily feel overly sorry for their mother—I don’t know what the whole story was behind their neglect of her. And, after all, she was one of the two people who raised these nuts.

    (2) It’s never too late to create a legacy—Colonel Sanders of KFC found success as an elderly entrepreneur
    Read the Wikipedia entry about Colonel Sanders of KFC. I’ve read other references to him not finding success until AFTER he was a senior citizen!

    Expect Success!

    • Hodan says:

      it was so tragic to hear about Malcolm X widow and the other lady who froze to death. I was thinking to myself at the time, where were her children whom she sacrificed everything for? I know karma is true and fate will also show them the same horrendous treatment they inflicted on their parents. My mom is often counseling families in our community and sometimes she tells me horror stories that seems unbelievable.

  3. Anilia says:

    This video is one of the most awesome discussions I’ve ever seen.

    My theory is that ‘we’ve’ shrunken to our state of smallness by clingling to a false notion of reciprocity. With people assuming that if one person is the ‘1st black’, the floodgates will open and they can then run through those open gates, because the path is already paved.

    Along with that refusal to blaze new trails, is the refusal to consider DIFFERENT trails that ‘we’ are not participating in. There’s also the reliance on escapism and ‘its not that bad’ thinking… basically all of the recent topics you’ve been blogging about!

    I think once an individual realizes that no one is coming to save them, then they can realistically plot where they want to be on that graph. It takes major guts to declare one’s greatness – but how sad is it that most will be stuck in smallness, instead of reaching the health and wealth corner that’s possible?

  4. Anilia,

    You said, “This video is one of the most awesome discussions I’ve ever seen.”

    Oh yeah, that video tells the tale of which collectives are winning. And which collectives are continuing to lose.

    You said, “My theory is that ‘we’ve’ shrunken to our state of smallness by clingling to a false notion of reciprocity. With people assuming that if one person is the ‘1st black’, the floodgates will open and they can then run through those open gates, because the path is already paved.”

    As you note, this is a false notion. It’s not working like that (for a variety of reasons).

    You said, “Along with that refusal to blaze new trails, is the refusal to consider DIFFERENT trails that ‘we’ are not participating in. There’s also the reliance on escapism and ‘its not that bad’ thinking… basically all of the recent topics you’ve been blogging about!”

    All of that is crazy, and it’s all interconnected.

    You said, “I think once an individual realizes that no one is coming to save them, then they can realistically plot where they want to be on that graph.”

    Exactly, realizing that nobody is riding in to save us is the first step. When you look at the masses of AAs and the things we do (public therapy talk, a culture of protesting as our only political strategy, and so on), it’s obvious that we’re looking to other people to be the ones to solve our problems. Well, they haven’t done so. And they’re not going to. Whatever we want solved, we’ll have to solve for ourselves. By strategy and stealth.

    You said, “It takes major guts to declare one’s greatness – but how sad is it that most will be stuck in smallness, instead of reaching the health and wealth corner that’s possible?”

    I agree. What I find so incredible is how many AAs proclaim various things to be “impossible,” while:

    1-Other people (Latinos, Asians, other types of Black folks) are stepping over and around AAs to do these “impossible” things; and

    2-Without ever having tried to do “Impossible Thing X”; and

    3-With ever having investigated what would be necessary for “Impossible Thing X.”

    {shaking my head}

    *Addendum*
    I disagree with the video in that I don’t believe Africa and large swaths of the Middle East will catch up with Europe, Brazil, China, South Korea, etc. I believe there are some additional things going on such as peak oil, and the inherent limitations of a finite planet with a finite amount of resources.

    Nevertheless, whatever may happen in the future (peak oil-related deindustrialization, catastrophic climate change, whatever), the current group of richer and healthier nations are best positioned to cope. These other regions (sub-Saharan Africa) and subpopulations within various countries (AAs in the US for example) are already a**-out. And this is WITH various natural resources still in place and available! The a**-out groups of people haven’t prepared a softer place to land when the peak oil, climate change, etc.-mess hits the fan. I believe these groups will—for all practical purposes—drop OFF the graph altogether when this happens.

    Expect Success!

  5. vonnie says:

    there seems to be NO thought whatsoever for tomorrow let alone long term for so many black folks these days. This is evident in the ridiculous russian roulette with regards to sleeping with any old body all unprotected (omg, there are stds and pregnancies that can happen from sex? no one told me!), refusing to engage in relationships that have any type of long term merit not only for YOUR well being but that of your children and their futures, dropping out of school for fast money or just being lazy without thinking of the LONG TERM consequences, not saving or establishing any type of wealth, and not establishing any productive relationships that will last for years and generations. Where’s the innovation and drive to invent? These products that carry names such as the HOOVER vacuum and more are legacies that were established and still remain. Instead of chasing stupid rap careers and hoop dreams, there’s no desire to create any type of dynasty or legacy that could flourish in the long run. Just small stupid talk of chasing after ray ray and trying to make him love you and keeping the nails looking right, etc. Where’s the will to WIN? To be great? it’s not there at all so often. ugh, I don’t know what the heck happened to us collectively over the world, but this stuff is for the birds.

  6. Karen says:

    Dear Khadija,

    As usual (smile), you are timely with this post. I have posted my motto before, so I won’t repeat again here, but the idea of thinking “small” has always been very limiting to me.

    I have been quietly working on my legacy and there is nothing “sexy” about it, meaning that it takes hard work, diligence and commitment with a good dose of discipline.

    The people who continue to be focused on “quick fixes” or “instant gratification”, will be left in the dust representing no more than a minor footnote in history.

    So many lost opportunities and time has run out for the majority…

  7. Denise says:

    I love that you challenged (as you always do) black mediocrity. I think Black people of all calibers have given up. We love the Obama and Oprah stories but the bulk of us have to really change our thinking in order to even get started on such paths. Most of the talented tenth are only a generation or two out of poverty. We/they really are having to chart new territory. Opening a business (that is open to all customers) let alone building an empire is strange to black people. Investing is strange to black people. Saving is strange for black people. Even, sad to say, working hard is strange to black people. Complaining is not strange. We love begging for a seat at the table when there’s a forest full of trees in our backyards to build a table for ourselves. Even in my own life, I am having to push myself and readjust my thinking and widen my circle of contacts so I can live the life I want. I don’t want to be the best black (name that profession). I want to be the best period.

  8. shell says:

    Khadija,
    You’re article about black authors really struck home for me. Most authors will tell you that unless you’re a celebrity most of the promotion is up to you.
    I am an aspiring YA author (just finished two manuscripts and starting on the third) and I always follow the popular white YA authors and see what they are doing. They are the king and queen of self promotion. Along with looking for an agent, I am working on my marketing plan as we speak.

  9. Vonnie,

    You said, “there seems to be NO thought whatsoever for tomorrow let alone long term for so many black folks these days. This is evident in the ridiculous russian roulette with regards to sleeping with any old body all unprotected (omg, there are stds and pregnancies that can happen from sex? no one told me!)…”

    That’s an example of the sort of problem that tends to create its own unpleasant solution, such as the earlier-than-necessary deaths of those involved.
    ______________________________________________________

    Karen,

    You said, “The people who continue to be focused on “quick fixes” or “instant gratification”, will be left in the dust representing no more than a minor footnote in history.

    So many lost opportunities and time has run out for the majority…”

    Indeed.
    __________________________________________________________

    Denise,

    You said, “I love that you challenged (as you always do) black mediocrity.”

    I find that I’m losing what little patience I had with the mediocre/excuse-making mindset. All of it is starting to sound just like the excuses one hears from substance abusers. And this is not to say that there’s no injustice or no obstacles. There is, and there are. My issue is how did so many AAs get it in their heads that it’s somebody else’s responsibility to make a way for them? Or save a spot in their private enterprise for them? This is simply crazy.

    You said, “We love the Obama and Oprah stories but the bulk of us have to really change our thinking in order to even get started on such paths.”

    From what I see, a lot of AAs are living vicariously through the Obamas. Meanwhile, our collective condition worsens with each day that passes. Again, it’s all insane.

    You said, “the bulk of us have to really change our thinking in order to even get started on such paths.”

    I agree.

    You said, “Even in my own life, I am having to push myself and readjust my thinking and widen my circle of contacts so I can live the life I want. I don’t want to be the best black (name that profession). I want to be the best period.”

    Hear, hear! {applause}
    _________________________________________________

    Shell,

    You said, “Most authors will tell you that unless you’re a celebrity most of the promotion is up to you.
    I am an aspiring YA author (just finished two manuscripts and starting on the third) and I always follow the popular white YA authors and see what they are doing.”

    Indeed. Many, many decades ago, Elijah Muhammad taught his followers to always “study the successful man” and imitate his successful methods. From Message To The Blackman:

    Observe the operations of the White man. He is successful. He makes no excuses for his failures. He works hard in a collective manner. You do the same.

    Message To The Blackman, pg. 174. It’s interesting to note that this excuse-making, eternal crybaby behavior that many AAs want to do is NOT what was advocated by the Black Nationalist patriarchs such as Elijah Muhammad.

    I point this out because many AA crybabies like to pretend that being a crybaby is somehow the “ultra-Black, Blacker than thou” position. They also like to pretend that the only AAs who don’t believe in crybaby-ism are Black conservatives.* NO. The original Black Nationalist patriarchs like Elijah Muhammad shunned crybaby-ism.

    *[As an aside, I’ll note that the Black conservatives stole much of their “script” from Black Nationalist patriarchs like Elijah Muhammad. The Black conservatives leave out the part of the script that mentions that there are a certain number of nonblack racists.]

    Expect Success!

  10. Great post Khadija. I don’t know when the Black collective became so small-minded. My best guess is that the Civil Rights Movement was probably the turning point. In my mind, it was a double edged sword, and the biggest blue pill ever. Lots of people felt like this was the main thing-to be legally recognized as equal to Whites. Once this (or the appearance of this) was accomplished, lots of Blacks believed that equal access to particular resources would create better, brighter, more innovative future generations.

    Of course, this (for the most part) is incorrect. Resources are only good when there is motivation to seek them out and use them. I think many thought that access=motivation, but that isn’t true. Also, the idea that collective access=collective improvement is also incorrect, when the people in the collective haven’t allied themselves to each other. Your example of the Gumbel brothers is a great example of this. They each accessed and utilized certain resources but haven’t even used this to assist for the person who supported and cared for them as children: their own mother! (I don’t feel overly sorry for her, either. I think her son’s behavior is very telling of the attitudes she did not discourage during their formative years.)

    I’m still working on my big dream-I can’t figure out what my passion is. I have so many interests and trying to figure out how to focus them is a full-time job LOL! I’m hoping that some fresh experiences will give me some ideas. I’m also contemplating some overseas travel (at least a couple of months) to help the process.

    • Karen says:

      I am not sure whether I would lay too much at the feet of their mother. It was also up to their father to ensure that his wife/their mother was honored and respected.

      So I suspect many things were lacking in that family. All that being said, we cannot change where we come from but we can impact who we are and how we grow. From my perspective, these adult children have failed if for no other reason not ensuring that their mother was taken care of because she was their mother (of course, I am excluding situations where abuse, etc. took place).

      These adult children appear to be extremely selfish and self-centered. That is solely on them as adults.

    • MissGlamtastic,

      Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

      You said, “I don’t know when the Black collective became so small-minded. My best guess is that the Civil Rights Movement was probably the turning point. In my mind, it was a double edged sword, and the biggest blue pill ever. Lots of people felt like this was the main thing-to be legally recognized as equal to Whites. Once this (or the appearance of this) was accomplished, lots of Blacks believed that equal access to particular resources would create better, brighter, more innovative future generations.

      Of course, this (for the most part) is incorrect. Resources are only good when there is motivation to seek them out and use them. I think many thought that access=motivation, but that isn’t true.”

      I agree.

      You said, “Also, the idea that collective access=collective improvement is also incorrect, when the people in the collective haven’t allied themselves to each other. Your example of the Gumbel brothers is a great example of this. They each accessed and utilized certain resources but haven’t even used this to assist for the person who supported and cared for them as children: their own mother!”

      Exactly. It works this way for other folks. Other folks who are much like ants at a picnic—when you see one entering any particular venue or field, you’ll soon see others, and then dozens of others. But it doesn’t work that way for AAs because there has never really been any cohesion, or affection for each other. That “Never Cooperate With Each Other” slavery-based programming is still in effect among most AAs.

      Expect Success!

  11. Hodan says:

    Nathalie: “What struck me as a missing element from the skill set in the room was course corrective resilience.”

    Hodan: I think unlike other communities, black ones have no capacity to think beyond victimhood state of mind. It does not matter whether you are from North America, Caribbean or Africa, as a collective, we have nothing to show for it. Hence, why the only way to survive by and large is as an individual outside of a racialist mindset.

    Khadija: Why aim to be “the first Black X” when you could be The First X? Why aspire to be “the largest Black X” when you could be “the largest X”?

    Hodan: powerful words and very true….reminds me of my mom and how she would not allow us to use any form of discrimination as a clutch against achieving whatever we want in life. Even though I don’t often share the same experience as that of my fellow black Canadians or Americans, if you hang out with a lot of us together, you can’t escape the whining and poor me endless complaint without coming up with solutions. Hence, why many have accepted the poor condition instead of saying ‘Why Not’ change our life for the better.

    I have this funny story, where one of my colleague who is a white woman was doing a workshop for another colleague’ group (all of them are young black men who are coming out of hard condition if not prison time). Anyway during the exercise one of them said, that is not fair in reference to her presentation. So, she replied, ‘life is never fair’. You can just imagine the anger in the classroom and they hated her guts and complaint to Mark. It made me think, if these guys are so thin skinned that they can’t handle the brutal reality of life being tough and uneasy without self preservation and hard work, they would not achieve much in life. I know my colleague has to constantly counsel them and tell them to stay the course and many have done well, but following through and sticking to the right path is a struggle for some.

    About successful young AA author, I know of one who’s writing is just amazing. In few yrs, she will be up there with the likes of John Grisham. Her name is Latrivia S. Nelson and although she writes IR books, its not a romance genre. Her books are fiction full of action, mystery and family dynasty and the women they love. Don’t know how she build her brand in such a short notice, but her books tend to be very popular at Amazon and B&N.

    ps. I did not know about the history of Kikkoman soy sauce and its my fav. to enjoy with my addiction to sushi….always learning something new from you sister Khadija.

    • joyousnerd says:

      I will check out Latrivia S. Nelson on Amazon, and also see if my library has any of her books. I believe they use requests/searches on authors when deciding what books to buy.

      About donating Khadija’s book to the library: I’m donating mine to the Trenton, NJ public library and the Bordentown, NJ library. I’m not saying you ladies should reveal where you live or anything, but perhaps we should coordinate where we donate so that there are no doubles.

      [Khadija speaking: Again, THANK YOU for your support. I don’t think there’s any need to seriously worry about double donations. It’s fairly easy to check the library’s inventory on the branch’s library computers. Many public libraries also have general online search capabilities for searching their inventories.]

    • Hodan,

      Thanks for the info about Latrivia S. Nelson’s books. I’ll look into that.

      Expect Success!

  12. MsMellody says:

    Once again Khadija..startling and powerful information is being shared here!! I thank you for that “Sovereign Man” blog info. I went to his blog when you mentioned him in an earlier post – I really enjoy his writings.

    Now as to the theme of this present post – RIGHT ON..and right on again. I was JUST talking about this to my mother yesterday evening. I was explaining to her what I have learned FIRST HAND being around my husband and this neighborhood that we live in. I was explaining to her how very very different the white community bands together/supports each other and has grown and grown and thrived over the years. Of course I didnt have graphs and charts to show her but she full well understood the key differences between our black collective whining and complaining and the white collective of championship building etc.

    I would like to pass along this information to any and all readers out there who would like to change TODAY this savings/investing lack in THEIR OWN INDIVIDUAL household ( I am taking a clear cue from your sentence of “YOU CAN CHART YOUR OWN POSITION ON THAT GRAPH”…

    I was once an employee of McDonald’s Corporation in Oak Brook Ill.
    With that employ came perks as well as shares in stock in the company. I have held on to those shares as well as added to them over the years. One day I received a notice that the stocks were now being converted to this new fangled “novelty” called on line share services ( lol ). Throughout the years prior to this I would receive written notices of the shares’ value as well as proxy notices to vote during shareholder meetings.

    I was always grateful to have even this small entry into the share market value of this “little” company. Well as fate would have it, when I received this notice of the shares being managed by an online company this gave me the idea to look for other ways to purchase shares DIRECTLY with other companies. I am an avid reader and had made it a mission to read this little book ” Learning to Invest 2nd Edition” by Beatson Wallace – find it at Alibris books.

    Well after looking around on the internet I came across other companies that allow people to just up and purchase shares in ALL kinds of companies directly. Its called direct share purchasing.
    I utilize the following sites – with great confidence and with returns of which I am quite happy with. Please understand that I am NOT A LICENSED investment professional, I am just a woman sharing information with other female ( and some male ) readers of a blog that I find quite wonderful.

    1. http://www.computershare.com/investor
    2. http://www.shareowneronline.com
    3. http://www.wellsfargo.com/shareownerservices

    The sites will allow you to take a look at prospectives of different companies, REITs, start ups etc.
    I do hope that a reader will go to one or all of the sites and find that you can purchase shares directly in companies for as little as $25.00 per share!! That’s your latte budget per week- that’s such a wonderful opportunity to start saving and investing for your retirement, your niece or nephew’s college fund, your family’s legacy and even for just your piece of mind!

    Thank you Khadija again for an excellent post and for the opportunity to share this information.

  13. Nathalie says:

    I like the model of Rosling’s chart. It would be interesting to see black women’s life outcomes similarly plotted on a graph like this and identifying the full range of key drivers from cradle to grave relating to limited options/low quality of life outcomes vs. a wide range of options/high quality of life outcomes.

    Although drivers like technology, productivity, and a high savings rate may seem like obvious pathways to national and personal success, it’s helpful to see it spelled out so simply. What’s also interesting is the black-run post-colonial government folly in African countries–the holding the masses hostage in soul crushing poverty while a few elites guarantee their wealth by selling off access to natural resources/wealth to non-blacks from other countries. Going back to my concern about the debilitating helplessness framing of Afrocentricty (we’re great, they tricked us, we can’t figure this out so we’re still losing..”reasoning”), I see the same framing in the “Africa’s behind because Europe underdeveloped Africa…and there’s nothing we can do about that…” *sigh*

    Great food for thought with the amazing Kikkoman example (wow!) and challenging ourselves to create enduring legacies. One of the problems blacks also face is that even when 1 generation gets it right, the following generations often do not pick up the baton and run to higher heights with it. I was doing some research for an interview with some scholars who are studying the achievement gap and we discussed the differences between African Americans and blacks from other countries, who often do much better and one scholar said something about black immigrants that (as the child of them) I’ve noticed, but hadn’t heard put this way: The 1st generation goes to business, the 2nd to college and the 3rd generation goes to hell. *smh* Not only do we need to figure out creating enduring legacies, but also how to transmit those values from successful elders to initiates in enduring ways.

    It’s inspiring hearing about the legacies various SP readers are creating–I look forward to supporting them and it gives me a nice wave of energy knowing we are all doing so, as I move forward on my own legacy building path!

  14. Rhonda says:

    I’m not sure if this fits in with this post’s topic; if it does not, just delete it.

    • joyousnerd says:

      What a fascinating article. It makes me so angry when I see black Americans foaming at the mouth over any enforcement of our country’s immigration laws, and buying this “black and tan” nonsense. It’s ridiculous, because here we are AGAIN working at cross-purposes not only with our country’s best interests, but also with our own interests as black people. The only claim to fame these illegals have is that they are better than us! (Insert string of profanity here!)

      Yes, lots of black Americans are absolutely write-offs 🙁 but there are also good numbers of us who are productive citizens.

      Whereas Mexicans who have money and middle class mores tend to STAY in Mexico. We think of it as the world’s biggest toilet but on a global scale Mexico is NOT that badly off. It’s doing better than much of Central and South America. Things are falling apart with the narco-war recently, but Mexico actually is a destination country for the poor and illiterate of other countries. And they treat illegals FAR worse than we do here.

      Moreover we black Americans belong here, we were born and bred here, we built much of this nation and we are a part of this nation’s fabric.

      For people to flood across the border and bring all manner of problems with them that we are supposed to deal with, and then expect us to be all misty-eyed about it… it’s just insane. The presence of this super cheap labor has been one of the primary creators of mass black unemployment! But the Democrats expect us to hold hands and sing songs about it. Well, I’ll take a pass on singing kumbaya with these people, they surely aren’t singing kumbaya with me (unless they WANT something).

      I really like the section of the article when the author points out the “fuzzy” logic of blame America, it’s all America’s fault, Viva Mexico! But you are evil beyond words to want me to actually LIVE in Mexico! LOL!

      It reminds me of the foolishness we see among many black Americans of how everything in human history is the white man’s fault… so please save/feed/clothe/fix me, White Man! Pretty pretty please. Insanity. If I knew a person who destroyed everything they touched, you can bet I wouldn’t want them meddling in my affairs to ANY degree. I certainly wouldn’t want to hand myself over body and soul for them to manage.

      Whew! That was longer than I intended, lol. But this issue really burns my biscuits.

  15. MsMellody,

    Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

    Thanks for the info about direct share purchasing!
    _____________________________________________________

    Nathalie,

    You said, “I like the model of Rosling’s chart. It would be interesting to see black women’s life outcomes similarly plotted on a graph like this and identifying the full range of key drivers from cradle to grave relating to limited options/low quality of life outcomes vs. a wide range of options/high quality of life outcomes.”

    Yes, that would be VERY interesting.

    You said, “One of the problems blacks also face is that even when 1 generation gets it right, the following generations often do not pick up the baton and run to higher heights with it. I was doing some research for an interview with some scholars who are studying the achievement gap and we discussed the differences between African Americans and blacks from other countries, who often do much better and one scholar said something about black immigrants that (as the child of them) I’ve noticed, but hadn’t heard put this way: The 1st generation goes to business, the 2nd to college and the 3rd generation goes to hell. *smh* Not only do we need to figure out creating enduring legacies, but also how to transmit those values from successful elders to initiates in enduring ways.”

    One the one hand, this “gone by the 3rd generation” is more or less the norm among various family endeavors, including family-owned businesses. According to Business Week,

    About 40% of U.S. family-owned businesses turn into second-generation businesses, but far fewer—approximately 13%—are passed down successfully to a third generation, family business experts say.

    http://www.businessweek.com/smallbiz/content/apr2010/sb2010049_806426.htm

    The above article talked about technology; I think there are some other dynamics involved in why things tend to unravel by the 3rd generation. From Pittsburgh Business Times,

    As the second-generation owner of the Latrobe-based Valley Dairy Restaurant and Ice Cream Shops Inc., “Ice Cream” Joe Greubel knows well what they say when a family business is turned over to the third generation.

    “You know what the old rule is,” said Mr. Greubel, 67, with such concerns very much in his thoughts. “The first generation starts a business. The second generation runs it. And the third generation ruins it.”

    Indeed, whether it’s due to a changing business climate or the fading interest of the inheritors themselves, the third-generation ownership of a family business is documented as the most challenging to maintain.

    Not that any transfer of a family business to the next generation is easy.

    Research by Boston-based Family Firm Institute revealed that only one-third of all family business are passed on to the next generation successfully.

    But the odds get even worse for the third generation. Then, the percentage (of family businesses transferred to the third generation) falls to only 13 percent, according to the Family Firm Institute.

    A major reason, family business consultants say, for such a high rate of failure is the lack of effective planning for how to transfer ownership of a family business.

    . . . Another popular theory espoused by observers of family businesses essentially suggests that the third generation in a family business don’t have the same commitment to seeing their company succeed, having already grown up enjoying the fruits of its success. At the same time, the older generation can find itself ambivalent about expecting its children to carry on a business instead of choosing their own paths.

    http://www.bizjournals.com/pittsburgh/stories/2004/09/20/focus3.html

    On the other hand, I suspect that there’s another basic dynamic at play with the 2nd and 3rd generations: When you’re not the one who had to scramble to create the family’s wealth, your attitude about about that wealth—AND the personal actions that created that wealth or opportunity—is . . . let’s just say, different. The attitude is often very different than the 1st generation “founder’s” attitude. Bottom line: It’s very difficult to create a legacy of any sort that lasts 3+ generations.
    ________________________________________________________

    Rhonda,

    Thanks for sharing; that was quite interesting. And also quite telling, considering that many AAs naively assume that these Latino illegal aliens (along with the other Latinos) are our allies and friends. Ummm…NO.

    Expect Success!

  16. Oshun/Aphrodite says:

    Thank you Khadija for this post. I will say that I wanted to respond a number of times, but couldn’t exactly get the words right.

    On a personal level I have become guilty of thinking small. I think I am more open than most of those I come in contact with regardless of race, but reading this post made me realize over the past few days that I can go even higher, better, father, bigger than I was previously considering.

    As a result I had a spontaneous brainstorming session and was able to come up with a lot of ideas regarding my income streams and I had to do more research and come up with a restructuring plan.

    Similar to the “husband plan” – I used to dream so much before I became an adult. Now it is tempting to get into a groove of putting one foot in front of the other. So thank you for reawakening that in me.

    I think maybe that is why many AAs think so small. It can be comfortable. You don’t have to risk anything and its safe. Or used to be safe for those wanting good jobs.
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    [Khadija speaking: You’re welcome! It is fairly easy to get into a rut of plodding along (like a workhorse) with “one foot before the other.” I’ve done that from time to time. It’s easier because other stuff—that free spirit, “butterfly” stuff—takes a lot of energy in the beginning. And it takes a lot of energy in the beginning because of the oppression and indoctrination AA women are subjected to within the AA collective.

    It’s similar to escape velocity. It takes a LOT of energy to break free of the gravitational forces that are pulling/keeping one Earth-bound. There are many AA cultural gravitational forces pulling and keeping AA women Earth-bound. However, with many situations, once you’ve broken free and gotten into “orbit” it doesn’t take as much energy to sustain that orbit.]

  17. Foxycleopatra says:

    I think this post is very timely. This ‘complaining/moaning/woe is me’ attitude is seen with blacks all over the place and not just in America. I remember about 4 or so years ago during Black History Month, I was listening to a radio broadcast here in England. They were talking about why African countries are in the situation they are in. As usual, the tone of the conversation (by both the radio host and the callers) were along the lines of “it is the white man’s fault/blame colonialism” stuff. However, one caller called in and said “Well what are black people doing to change it for themselves?” Nobody including the host had anything to say in reply. Now colonialism did indeed have a very negative effect on the colonised countries in Africa (especially those colonised by the British), but at the end of the day, there are several other countries that were colonised as well. We all got our independence, but what have we done with it. Those Asian countries decided to take their destinys’ into their own hands and implemented laws and processes that were beneficial to them. These African countries ALLOW themselves to be punked time and time again. How much can be blamed on ‘the white man’?

    I have noticed also that in general, black folk do not seem to be able to see ‘the bigger picture’. For those who actually try and think ‘big’, they only ever seem to want to do it in the confines of ‘blackness’. They want to either be ‘the best’ or ‘the first’ among black folk. I remember sitting in one of my university classes one day and made a comment that I intended to do a particular thing (in the engineering sector). Then the converstaion went along the lines of:

    other student: Ummm,……its never been done.
    me: Yeah I know
    Other student: Well so it cant be done then.
    me: Says who?
    Other student: Well since its never been done, it means it probably cant be done. If it could be done, dont you think someone would have invented it by now?
    Me: Well I intend to.
    Other student: Oh please, you always talk like you know sh*t!
    Me: Umm…ok.

    (Then there was a pause)

    Other student: ….but you know even if you did, ‘they’ will probably steal it from you.

    (Now this other student was a black guy and although I didnt bother asking him to elaborate, I knew what he meant by ‘they’ was white ppl)

    Other student: You think ‘they’ will ever let a black person do that type of sh*t and make all that money?
    Me: Well I intend to.
    Other student: Please, get over yourself. This is what I dont like about you, you just think that you are ‘the sh*t’.

    (ofcourse, by now I am just waiting for this idiot to shut up because he began talking quite loud and I knew the ppl around had begun to listen)

    Other student: Ummm, wait but how do you ACTUALLY intend on doing this….(I saw this for the jedi mind trick it was….trying to steal my idea!).
    Me: Dont worry.
    Other student: Just tell me, I could give you some tips.
    Me: Sshhh, the lecturer has come in.

    Bear in mind that the conversation actually started out with me and another girl and this guy who I was barely even familiar with decided to put his mouth and put obstacles in my way. (I did however learn a lesson about not being too vocal about my ideas and intentions because someone COULD have taken that idea and worked with it).

    ————————————————————

    I remeber when that whole fiasco was happening with Governor Blagoyevich and Senator Roland Burris. There was a segment done on Burris and I noticed that this man seemed to be obsessed with titles. What irritated me however was what those titles were. They were all, ‘the first black….’. My goodness, there could have been upwards of 100 titles that Burris had listed…I am not exagerating. It was so pathetic! One that I seem to recall is that apprently, he was either the first or second black postmaster in some town/city/place.

    I also remember listening to an interview with Beyonce Knowles where she said that she wanted to be the first black woman to win a Best Actress Oscar, Tony award, Grammy award and one other one that I cant remember. I remeber thinking that, “well is there any black/non-black man/woman that has won all four of them?” As far as I know, there isnt. So why not the first person?

    Lastly, it is very true that black folk are fixated on ‘the first black…’. Once this is done, they believe that all is well.
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    [Khadija speaking: Lord have mercy—I’m so happy you were able to gracefully sidestep the landmines in that crazy conversation! There are so many foul dynamics with those sorts of conversations. Those type of conversations are the reason I usually don’t mention any of my thoughts, ideas, or goals to “typical” Black folks. When you do mention such things to such folks, there’s almost always some type of backlash (and/or attempts to rip off your idea).

    About the “colonialism/it’s all the White man’s fault” song that Black folks all over the planet have been singing: When China and India (plus Brazil—but I’m mainly focusing on China and India) become this planet’s dominant economies, they won’t be interested in hearing any of that noise from Africans or other Black folks. That little “it’s all the White man’s fault” song is becoming increasingly played out. The same “they’re not trying to hear that” dynamics will apply in the US when Latinos and Asians complete the process of taking their places among the country’s political elites.

    About Roland Burris: You nailed it on the head—all the way from across the pond in the UK! {chuckling} I’m from Chicago, and I’ve seen his political career over the years. Mr. Burris’ entire claim to fame has always revolved around being “the first Black.” He’s a good example of what Malcolm X mocked as Black folks’ foolish celebration of powerless “first Blacks.” Malcolm X referred to these powerless yet celebrated “first Blacks” as “the mayor’s butler, and the first Black dogcatcher.” {more chuckling}

    • Rhonda says:

      I also remember listening to an interview with Beyonce Knowles where she said that she wanted to be the first black woman to win a Best Actress Oscar, Tony award, Grammy award and one other one that I cant remember. I remeber thinking that, “well is there any black/non-black man/woman that has won all four of them?” As far as I know, there isnt. So why not the first person?

      Well, she cannot be the first “person” to win an Oscar, a Tony, a Grammy, and an Emmy, for Rita Moreno has beaten her to the punch.

      • tyco says:

        I remember her mentioning this as well, and apparently Whoopi Goldber has won a Tony, Oscar, Grammy, and an Emmy so she can’t be the first black woman to do it either.

  18. Evia says:

    Khadija, I think AAs and other blacks just need to humble themselves and admit tot he world they don’t know what the heck to do, and then ask or even pay other more progressive individuals or groups to tell them what and how to do it, and then DO it.

    To piggyback here on some of the comments and touch on what I’ve said before. Too many AAs (and other blacks) seem to REMAIN in a state of perpetual shock about so many things. Blacks (including some of the Africans I’ve mingled with) often have complaining ORGIES. LOL! This causes them to perseverate (get stuck in a cycle of repeating) endlessly the SAME things, and each time they’re shocked.

    Geez, this stuff is so comical in a tragic way!!! I wish Delish were still writing her satire, but so many of the readers hated her satire because it bit them in the butt, and all the bit dogs started hollering. Many blacks really need to see themselves starkly. They’re not making progress but will try to kill you if you tell them why they’re stagnant. Meanwhile, they’ll hate you if you’re moving on by.

    SMH. So many blacks use their complaints and racism related whines to BOND with each other, keep each other close, and control each other because usually it’s the only common experience most blacks have. I’ve noticed that two black folks may be on different class levels, come from different ethnic groups, be of different ages, different genders, different incomes, etc., but when they start complaining about ‘de evil wm/ww’, they bond for a couple of minutes–before they begin to tear each other to pieces again. Their anger and complaints serve a very useful purpose in this way. It also gets them momentary attention.

    I’ve observed how black “leaders” like AA ministers, mouthpieces for African tribal leaders, and other vocal blacks use black anger to manipulate, control, and use other blacks in a self-serving way. Yes, I know that my detractors level the same charge at me, but I definitely try my best to compel black women to MOVE ON. I do NOT want bw to have to continue to read my site. I try to give them info so that they can go on and live well which is NOT contingent with further association with or connection to me. Many black “leaders” feed off their readers/listeners forever. They are absolute parasites.

    And I’ve watched how so many AAs are now becoming ministers,mainly bm. LOL! Organized religion is a disproportionately BIG business among AAs. In the AA community near me, every other bm is either already a minister OR has a pseudo ministry of some sort (prison ministry, substance abuse ministry, basketball ministry, etc.)OR is enrolled in a Bible college taking ministry classes OR is enrolled in online ministry classes OR is thinking about becoming a minister, etc. These males usually have bw wives or girlfriends who they can lean on.

    Re the complaints, whenever I go around AAs, it doesn’t take long for me to hear one or more of the following:

    1. white folks don’t want to teach our kids
    2. white folks don’t want our kids to learn
    3. white folks won’t lend us money to set up a business
    4. white folks won’t buy from us if we set up a business
    5. white folks don’t pick up the trash in black neighborhoods
    6. white folks don’t lock up white youth the way they do black youth for the same crime
    7. white folks won’t give black men jobs
    8. white folks don’t police black neighborhoods the right way
    9. white folks just want to lock up all the black men to make the women not depend on the men and destroy black men and the black community
    10. white folks put the drugs in the community
    11. white folks gave us HIV to destroy blacks
    12. white folks want our money but don’t want to associate with us otherwise
    13. white folks don’t want us in this or that place
    14. white folks don’t treat us the same way they treat each other,

    And the humdinger of them all:

    15. white folks are scared that blacks will outcompete them if they level the playing field.

    But, as y’all know, this is an endless list. The critical thing to recognize is that this is a PROGRAM that’s being instilled in the heads of young blacks, and WHO is doing the programming???? BLACKS. This is why I don’t allow my sons to mingle with many AAs.

    This is also why I encourage bw readers of my site to be ACTIVE–because I already know they have that “stay still and WAIT for a savior” chip in them. I repeat certain things on my site to bw because I’m teaching them get out there FISH for themselves. I constantly PUSH them to date and find their Quality mate and marry him because one thing I know for sure is that a QLL man is a major asset in a woman’s life and bw must never listen to anyone tell them differently. I know it’s socially uncomfortable sometimes, but it’s better to take cautious risks (to find or be found by the QLL man) and fail than to never try. Every time you try, you LEARN something you didn’t know before.

    • Evia,

      ROFL (especially at the laundry list of Black folks’ complaints). I 100% cosign.

      You said:

      “…complaining ORGIES. LOL! This causes them to perseverate (get stuck in a cycle of repeating) endlessly the SAME things, and each time they’re shocked.”

      “So many blacks use their complaints and racism related whines to BOND with each other, keep each other close, and control each other because usually it’s the only common experience most blacks have.”

      “I’ve noticed that two black folks may be on different class levels, come from different ethnic groups, be of different ages, different genders, different incomes, etc., but when they start complaining about ‘de evil wm/ww’, they bond for a couple of minutes–before they begin to tear each other to pieces again.” {gales of laughter at this}

      “I’ve observed how black “leaders” like AA ministers, mouthpieces for African tribal leaders, and other vocal blacks use black anger to manipulate, control, and use other blacks in a self-serving way.”

      Yes, there are plenty of Suffering/Poverty Pimp-activists and leaders among Black folks. If more of us actually moved forward on solving our problems, these people would be out of a job.

      You said, “Many blacks really need to see themselves starkly. They’re not making progress but will try to kill you if you tell them why they’re stagnant. Meanwhile, they’ll hate you if you’re moving on by.”

      Indeed.

      You said, “This is also why I encourage bw readers of my site to be ACTIVE–because I already know they have that “stay still and WAIT for a savior” chip in them. I repeat certain things on my site to bw because I’m teaching them get out there FISH for themselves.”

      ITA, and I try to do the same here. That “stay still and WAIT for a savior” chip is deeply embedded in their minds. That “stay still and wait for a savior” chip has BW reciting mantras like: “Things aren’t so bad that I/BW need to ______________.” Fill in the blank with any productive activity that would break that waiting/holding pattern (date quality men from all racial and ethnic groups, move out of the dead and physically dangerous so-called Black community, stop wasting precious time in NON-reciprocating interactions and environment such as most Black churches/mosques, etc.).

      It’s all quite amazing and would be totally comical if the consequences weren’t so grim (as laid out on the graph in that video about 200 countries over 200 years).

      Expect Success!

    • Foxycleopatra says:

      One nonsensical complaint I heard a black woman give (in refernce to the HIV/AIDS epidemic being among the rise among AAs) was:

      “You know if it was them (whites) that were being affected and catching the disease the way we (blacks)are, they (whites) would have found a cure for it by now. I wouldnt be surprised if they (whites) have found a cure but are refusing to release it to us (blacks) just so that as many of us as possible will die from it.”

      I then told her, “well what exactly is stopping YOU and any other black person so bothered by it from going to school, doing the research, spending YEARS doing the tests and hopefully finding the cure?”…..surpsrise surprise, I was met with silence.

  19. Oshun/Aphrodite says:

    The laundry list is comical, but its also so shameful for me to read. Reading statements like that somehow translate to “white people” = Gods and that makes me shiver. I was hoping that black people weren’t that crazy and insane.

  20. Nysee says:

    Dear Khadija,
    I enjoy the posts as ussual. I am doing purging of any connections and relationships that are not fruitful. Also, I realize that BW are going to become more proactive as your blog and other blogs are brought to the fore front. I realized how indoctrinated I was ann when I woke up out of this stupor if that word is appropriate to use , then I was like what was I thinking. I notice how BW just give and give like what Evia mentioned and you as weel and how we don’t get anything back and you dare not form your lips like you want something, a fight is on(LOL).
    I am letting every BW know about your site because I know that this process started many , many decades and it’s a process just fighting touhgts in your mind. We know what is going on and when someone BM demonstrate that do not like you and they are showing it , from a woman pov,we can can deal with another woman not liking us and we do not talk to her, The BM used to be subtle in his disdain ,not any more and he has so many people supporting his hatred that he does not feel any type of remorse.
    I know that as the new year is up on us, please let us know when your podcast is coming soon because your words are words of mass construction(LOL).
    Keep up the excellnet work and know that your words and gifts are that definitely being listened to receive.

  21. Nathalie says:

    Evia said: “Geez, this stuff is so comical in a tragic way!!! I wish Delish were still writing her satire, but so many of the readers hated her satire because it bit them in the butt, and all the bit dogs started hollering.”

    Where can I read Delish’s satire/writings? Thanks!

  22. Evia says:

    @Nathalie re:

    Where can I read Delish’s satire/writings? Thanks!

    I had published some of Delish’s rapier sharp satire on my site and folks couldn’t stop reading it but simultaneously tried to roast me and her. She has a natural talent for satire, IMO, and her material was beyond hilarious but it was too starkly true about black folks ways and lifestyles, and therefore too painful for some black readers to stomach. They wouldn’t stop reading it though. So they would read EVERY word of it and then write me and her hate mail. Left up to me, I would still be publishing it, but she finally asked me to just stop publishing it. She didn’t need the stress.

    I heard from her recently. She’s usually in and out of Europe living life the “delish”-ously. LOL! Maybe she’ll see these comments and tell you how to get some of her pieces.

  23. Oshun/Aphrodite,

    You said, “The laundry list is comical, but its also so shameful for me to read. Reading statements like that somehow translate to “white people” = Gods and that makes me shiver.”

    Indeed. The whiners and crybabies don’t seem to realize how they make Whites sound practically like demi-gods. It’s crazy. And I would suggest that the whiners take the time to read Jared Diamond’s book, Guns, Germs and Steel.

    From the PBS website about the book,

    At the heart of Jared Diamond’s Guns, Germs and Steel are the stories of apparently commonplace things, such as wheat, cattle, and writing. Diamond believes the uneven distribution of these simple elements shaped the course of global history and played a vital part in the epic story of continental competition.

    Diamond also focuses on the physical geography of the world in which we live. For instance, natural impediments such as mountain ranges or bodies of water created isolated civilizations.

    He argued that continents which were easily traversible, such as Europe encouraged trade among different people and stimulated development.

    One of the most surprising revelations in Guns, Germs and Steel, revolves around simple, basic geography: the shape of the continents themselves.

    The product of millions of years of geological flux, continental shape may have had a fundamental impact on the progress of human societies.

    Continents that are spread out in an east-west direction, such as Eurasia, had a developmental advantage because of the ease with which crops, animals, ideas and technologies could spread between areas of similar latitude.

    Continents that spread out in a north-south direction, such as the Americas, had an inherent climatic disadvantage. Any crops, animals, ideas and technologies had to travel through dramatically changing climatic conditions to spread from one extreme to the other.

    Technologies such as gunpowder were able to migrate 6,500 thousand miles from China, where they originated, to Western Europe, where they reached their apogee, in a matter of centuries. The wheel, on the other hand, developed in southern Mexico, never even managed the 500-mile journey south to the Andes.

    But the influence of continental formation runs even deeper than this.

    Some have argued that coastlines, mountains and valleys may help us understand something as fundamental as the differing historical paths taken by Europe and China.

    This is a puzzle which has occupied historians for generations. Given that Chinese civilization had evolved for almost as long as the civilizations of the Fertile Crescent, and by extension, Europe; given that China had even developed a phenomenal navy capable of trans-Pacific exploration nearly 100 years before Columbus set sail for the Indies, how come Europeans were the ones who took over the world – and not the Chinese?

    Jared Diamond believes geographical phenomena can explain these differing paths.

    Chinese civilization was founded on the domestication of irrigation-dependent crops. Rice grows in the wild along riverbanks and in swampy regions where the grasses enjoy year-round partial submersion. In order to replicate this environment, the earliest Chinese farmers had to construct fairly complex systems of irrigation, supplied by the Yangtze and Yellow rivers. This, it is argued, influenced the development of two social phenomena. First, the establishment of a central social organization and hierarchy, founded upon the construction and maintenance of irrigation networks. Second, because of the geographic distribution of the Yellow and Yangtze rivers – flowing almost parallel to one another, from central China to the pacific coast – Chinese civilization grew organically outwards, from one central-east heartland – a heartland which controlled the mechanics of irrigation.

    European civilization, on the other hand, was founded upon the domestication of rainfall-dependent crops – wheat and barley, which will grow anywhere, as long as it rains for part of the year. This, Diamond argues, allowed farming communities, villages, towns and eventually cities to emerge autonomously, all across Europe. There was never any need for a central authority to control irrigation across the continent. Instead, from its very inception, European society was destined to become fragmented – independent, autonomous and competitive.

    So what about the shape of the continents?

    China is essentially a fertile basin, enclosed by a ring of insurmountable geographic obstacles – ocean to the east, desert to the north, mountains to the south and an enormous, man-made wall to the west. This centrally-organized culture, which could expand rapidly for thousands of miles right up to its natural borders, could exist quite happily in isolation providing irrigation agriculture was maintained. It had no need to compete with neighboring states. In fact, the basin of China was so vast, there were few neighboring states, and for thousands of years the Chinese empire progressed along its own isolated path.

    Europe, on the other hand, with it four mountain ranges, five peninsulas, dozens of rivers, islands, and proximity to the coast of north Africa, was geographically destined to become a cultural melting pot. Independent, organically grown states emerged cheek by jowl, and were separated by distinct, but not insurmountable, geographical barriers.

    In 1492, rejected by the King of Portugal for lack of funds, Christopher Columbus simply travelled to Portugal’s neighbor and rival, Castile, and instead pitched for exploration funds there. Fuelled by the desire to compete, patrons and princes throughout Europe were prepared to invest in outlandish ventures, and provided Columbus with the necessary capital to explore new lands.

    In China, the greatest treasure ships that the world had ever seen, were disbanded one day, on the whim of an Emperor. Unlike Columbus, the Admiral of the Imperial fleet, had no rival princes on whom he could call. There was little incentive for China to seek its fortune outside of its heartland – the Empire had everything it needed, right in its own backyard. And in such a vast nation ruled by the will of one man, there was simply no choice but to obey.

    Simply put, the ramifications of basic geography could be profound: Spain claimed the Americas instead of China, and Europe soon conquered the world.

    http://www.pbs.org/gunsgermssteel/variables/continents.html

    Or, to put it as simply as the tagline from Gattaca (which is one of my favorite movies),

    There is no gene for the human spirit.

    ______________________________________________

    Nysee,

    Thank you so much for your kind words; I truly appreciate it.

    Expect Success!

  24. MsMellody says:

    Hi Khadija,

    Its a cold sunny Sunday afternoon right now and I found the time to sit and watch that wonderful BBC clip about the history of nations. It was fantastic..the animating of over 200,000 numbers which comprised all that data was spectacular.

    And the instructor was CORRECT “Seeing this information was far more impressive to me”..not to say that I am against books and all the reading that I have done in my lifetime –it was just great to see all this information synthesized and presented in such a colorful visual manner. Thank you for that.

    And I have googled that GunsGerms and Steel book..I am going to go and read up on this book..especially now that i have taken the time to sit and watch that visual presentation.
    Thank you for these thought provoking pieces of information and ACTION imperatives!!!

  25. Zindzhi says:

    Great post! I keep having that conversation with people about it. Waiting to be invited to the table is not what you want. What you want is create your own empires. We black people forgot about that skill about creating our own empires. That is why I look at the steps that people like Oprah , Martha Stewart and counltess others take. Cause they took something they did well, were shrewd and created empires. Oprah did not wait for media wjite owned companies to give her a chance. She made smart moves to get to the top . black fimmakers , actors, authors, artist need to get with the program. White media owned business don’t care about representing you in a positive light they don’t care about making movies about you, or magazine or models of color, or tv shows. We need to make them ourselves I made not like TP movies but he was shrewd and smart. He built an audience and they came, I hate Max tucker too but the guy found his niche and his audience. So we need to go forth and build those empire.

    • Oshun/Aphrodite says:

      I agree we should build our own empires.

      “Waiting to be invited to the table is not what you want.”

      I agree with this and I think when it does happen – its dangerous for someone who is “clueless” or who has drunken the kumbaya kool aid/ had black indoctrination.

      Usually when people who are totally out of your orbit/don’t have an established relationship with you “invite” you to something its because they want something – you have something of value – you can perform some role/function – they can use you against someone else (without your knowledge) etc.

      That may or may not work out to be a good/mutually beneficial thing, but if you aren’t able to figure whats in it for them and can place your own needs on the table before giving them what they want – then you’re in a bad place.

      Call me paranoid, but reading these Asian strategy books have done a number on my brain.

      Also, it just sounds bizarre/beggar-ish and I am not a beggar. Give me some of what you have – I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me after I created something.

      And I don’t like the fact that another person still has all the power and control. If someone makes a place for you then they own you – they made you. They can set the rules they are pulling all the strings. They can shut you out/cut you off.
      +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      [Khadija speaking: DEEP martial arts bow in salute of your analysis—you called it! As you noted, a person/group creates MULTIPLE levers by which other people can exploit them when they engage in that beggar behavior.

      You said, “Call me paranoid, but reading these Asian strategy books have done a number on my brain.”

      {chuckling} Those Asian strategy books were written by people with cultures that have unbroken histories of thousands of years. Human interaction dynamics will never change. Generations of Asian strategists have been watching these dynamics for millenia. They know. {more chuckling}]

  26. Monique says:

    “A people without a vision shall perish” I believe this was said by Marcus Garvey almost 100 years ago and unfortunately that is where we are as a collective. We have no vision for ourselves, our children or our community (or what is left of it).
    Somewhere, the Black collective lost the will to win, to work, to strive, we lost discipline… and the highest form of self love is discipline. I agree with you Khadija, most Sub-saharn countries and perhaps some countries even in the Carribean will not catch up because far too many people lack the will and the discipline to do the work necessary to change the course of their lives on a micro and macro level. It is disheartening, but until and unless large swaths of black people realize that we have to save ourlseves and there is no infantry coming to do so, we will be lost… and I just don’t see Black folk awakening to that reliazation anytime soon.

  27. Zindzhi,

    Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.
    _____________________________________________

    Monique,

    You said, “… and I just don’t see Black folk awakening to that reliazation anytime soon.”

    Oh no, the masses of Black folks are “dead-enders.” At this stage of acceptance, I’m not disheartened by that. I rejoice in that I was blessed to wake up in time to change course. I praise God for that. So many of us are still in a coma.

    Expect Success!

  28. ***Note to Readers***

    In making this new site the kind of project that’s sustainable for me over the long-run, I’ve had to streamline how I handle certain things. The comments section is one of them. What this means is that I’ll give substantive responses to those folks who enter the conversations early (as I did across the board at the previous blog).

    After each post is a couple of days old, I’ll generally continue to publish new comments from readers. (That meet the commenting guidelines as set forth at the previous blog—those who are unfamiliar can read the comment “box” at the previous blog.)

    But, after a each post is a couple of days old, I generally WON’T continue responding to new comments.

    [In other words, I’ll continue to publish comments to this post, but I’m not going to reply to anymore comments in this thread. FYI.]

    Expect Success!

  29. D,Palmer says:

    Great information , I would like to recommend the “Millionaire Next Door”. I cannot recall the author name but you can find this book in the local library. It came out several year’s ago.