For All Practical Purposes, Most Self-Proclaimed Good Black Men™ = Pookie And Ray-Ray
The willingness to listen with humility, to accept correction, and to engage in self-correction are qualities that I value. In that spirit, I’ve decided to imitate one of my favorite bloggers, Fabius Maximus, by doing an ongoing series of posts documenting instances (as they occur) where readers (or other people) have either corrected my misconceptions or pointed out blind spots in my thinking. As I’ve always stressed, I’m definitely not any sort of guru, and I learn a lot from listening to the readers and other bloggers. Here’s the most recent course correction in my thinking.
GOOD BLACK MEN™ USE POOKIE AS A SCAPEGOAT. EVEN THOUGH GOOD BLACK MEN™ ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AS POOKIE IN THEIR NON-PROTECTIVE, NON-PROVIDING BEHAVIOR TOWARD BLACK WOMEN AND CHILDREN
Following post links from What About Our Daughters to Black Voices ultimately led me to the post, For My Critics: If You Have A Better Solution Bring It from Von’s Black Consciousness, where among other things she said (I lightly edited the profanity),
At some point in time black men checked the f*ck out! People reading this can deny if they want, but there is a reason why states are studying the plight of black men. There is a reason why Bill Cosby is telling black women they will have to leave black men behind ( here). There is a reason I keep receiving emails from BLACK MEN reading, “I feel sorry for young black women.” There is a reason my original blog ruffled some feathers. Be HONEST with YOURSELF about it. Black women cannot count on black men at all period…for the most part we are on our own. If this were not true do you honestly think we would see the above statistics?
But wait…what about those “good” black men?
What about them? Where the hell are they when the “bad” black men are f*cking up the community? Where the hell are they when sh*t is popping off and black women and children are dodging bullets in the neighborhood or trying to protect themselves from rape or some other bullsh*t? Where the hell are these so-called good black men when their female counterparts are seeking marriage? I’ll tell you where MOST of the so-called good black men are: They are off somewhere taking advantage of their position sexing up every damn woman (and possibly man) they come in contact with ( here and here).
Most of the so-called good black men are wolves in sheep’s clothing. On paper they look real nice/appealing, but once you dig a little deeper you realize just how whorish and trifling they are. They are no better than the Pookies and Ray-Rays they try to pull rank over. More often than not these so-called good black men have a little money, a decent job, and some education. This is the MAIN reason they walk around feeling special. However, instead of being stand up men (or REAL good men) and seeking a wife, they take advantage of their low numbers and the high number of single black women. So, I say F*CK THEM. I can’t see myself being allies with these so-called good black men because I don’t respect or trust them.
Finding a true stand up black man is like finding a needle in a haystack. Great if you find one (I count my blessing daily) not the end of the world if you don’t find one (my life will keep moving with or without a man…I love my soon to be husband dearly but I’m not going to lay down and die if things go south). I got nothing but love for the REAL “good” black men who are handling their business (that includes actually being faithful, loving ONE woman, and making her your wife), but let’s not act like those individuals are the majority or even half of the African American male population. There aren’t enough of these men to go around. These individuals cannot take up the slack for all the other f*cked up black men. Black folks need to concede to this reality (which helps my case).
She’s right. As discussed in this post, White male-dominated law enforcement personnel are the only organized group of male protectors that African-American women and children have. Self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ assume no responsibility whatsoever for the safety of Black women and children within Black residential areas.
Self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ also like to pretend that underclass African-American male “Pookies” and “Ray-Rays” are the primary, if not only, source of the majority out of wedlock child rate within the African-American collective. They’re not. And that most of the African-American males who abandon their children fit Pookie’s and Ray-Ray’s profile. They don’t. At least not from what I saw while doing defense rotations in my area’s child support courtrooms. The educated, working Good Black Men™ that I represented in those cases ALSO did not want to recognize or financially support their children. I talked about the horrors Black women in particular often go through in oow paternity cases in the post, You Betta Recognize That It’s FAR Better To Be A Divorced Mother Than A Never-Married Mother With Out Of Wedlock Children.
At any rate, until I read Von’s post, I hadn’t realized the extent to which Good Black Men™ like to heap all their collective failures as men onto underclass Pookie and Ray-Ray. Their scapegoating of Pookie and Ray-Ray also ties into these so-called Good Black Men’s™ thinly veiled envy of Pookie and Ray-Ray. It’s all extremely toxic, and reminds me of an exchange I had with a defective, most likely fatherless Black male reader during a recent post:
[Defective, Most-Likely Fatherless, Black Male Reader,]
I’m not surprised that you provided a “teachable moment.” I was hoping that you wouldn’t veer off into reading your own issues into what was being said; but I wasn’t holding my breath in that hope.
You had to work overtime…work your fingers to the bone…to get everything that’s been said so far ALL twisted around into your statement, “Character, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t matter when it comes to men.”
Let me say what my original, unedited response was to your first statement:
From your very first questions, you sound like a fatherless man who has never thought to plan for his woman’s (and/or future children’s) physical safety. I had originally said this in my first response, but I deleted that part. I wanted to see what you would ultimately say. Well, now I know.
On top of sounding like a fatherless man who wasn’t raised to be a protector or provider, you sound angry at the very idea that anybody might expect that from you. With more than a dash of self-professed, fake “Nice Guy™” thrown into the mix. Added with what sounds like your (really quite curious) envy of BM drug dealers and thugs. All in all, you’ve worked very hard to make several amazingly inaccurate distortions about what’s been said so far.
(1) Why in the world do you assume that BM drug dealers and thugs are “protectors and providers” for their women? Who ever told you that? A drug dealer or thug? Ummm…no, that’s NOT how most AA male drug dealers and thugs I’ve enountered roll.
As someone who has represented many drug dealers and thugs over the years, you’re making a LOT of false assumptions about the nature of drug dealers and thugs. The BM drug dealer and thug are among the first males who will use women and children as human shields if something breaks out. You didn’t catch the reference to the “New Jack City” maneuver of using women and children as human shields? Drug dealers and thugs are the ones who do that sort of maneuver. Who else could you possibly have thought I was talking about when I said,
To the ultimate life-and-death sort of things. The woman should know—without being having to be told—that any physical attacker would have to get through the man in order to get at her or their children. Not the “New Jack City” maneuver of using women and children as human shields. Not the modern “runs without looking to see what’s happening with his date” male. Not the modern “I don’t know what to do” male who’s stands around confused when some other male verbally assaults the woman he’s with; or when some other mess breaks out. [At minimum, quickly get the woman safely away from the predator/problem.]
AA male drug dealers and thugs are also prone to be among the first to run off without checking to see what happened to their dates/women. You give BM drug dealers and thugs a lot of credit for “heart” that they generally DON’T have. It’s amazing to see a self-professed “Nice Guy™” praise them so.
I will also note that my negative impressions of drug dealers and thugs are not new. What I’ve seen of them in my professional life only confirms the extremely negative view I had of them as a teenage girl. And I wasn’t the only teenage AA girl during high school who hated drug dealers and thugs. Most of the other AA girls I knew hated them too…but I guess AA young women like that don’t count…only the Black female knuckleheads who aren’t repulsed by criminals “register” in the minds of self-professed “Nice Guys™” like you.
(2) You’re also assuming that BM drug dealers and thugs actually provide for their women and children. That’s an interesting assumption that’s NOT borne out by what I saw while doing some rotations—defending men in paternity and child support cases—in Chicago’s child support courtrooms. From what I saw, the bulk of such individuals spend the lion’s share of whatever money flows through their hands on THEMSELVES.
(3) Who said anything about wanting a man with a “penchant for irresponsibility and violence” or a man who’s prone to gunplay? Sir, that’s YOU saying that. NOBODY ELSE said anything even remotely like that. Let me repeat what I did say:
(a)I mentioned how men who are protectors think through and PLAN what they might do if something happens when their women and children are around. I said,
Let me mention a disturbing trend about modern BM and the above life-and-death scenarios. I can count on less than one hand (and this includes my ex) the number of modern BM who have taken the time to think through what they would do if some life-and-death emergency situation breaks out while they’re with their lady.
(b)I also mentioned planning in terms of fire, and other general emergencies. I said,
And the local E2 disaster in Chicago was a perfect example of NON-protective, new-school AA males. I recall noticing during the tv news reports from outside the nightclub that it was the physically largest AA males who were wedged in the doors—they had trampled over other people (including stepping over, one might assume, their dates for the night to get to the doors).
. . . On another note, all of this has brought back memories of how my Dad had us practice evacuating the house in case of fire when I was small. We also practiced getting in and out of the car quickly (no fooling around for me and my brother) when a code word was given.
(c)I mentioned how men who are protectors pay attention to what’s going on in their physical environment. I said,
I also notice that many modern BM do not appear to be paying attention to the physical environment and who’s in it while they’re out with their ladies.
One of the benefits of working with a lot of cops and prison guards over the years is that I’ve learned how to notice who’s quietly scanning the environment. Cops and prison guards know how to pay close attention to what’s going on around them in the environment without obviously looking like they’re watching. They also know how to do this while holding totally unrelated conversations, etc.
I’m not saying that anybody should be paranoid. But, a PROTECTIVE man is as quietly and unobtrusively observant as most cops. Old-school BM and modern BM who were raised by old-school BM are quietly vigilant like most cops when their women and children are around. I feel a lot safer with men like that around.
Sir, how in the world did you interpret any of this as referring to drug dealers and thugs? Like I said, you had to work your fingers to the bone to take a reference that compared protective men to POLICE OFFICERS and interpret it as praise of drug dealers and thugs. That was absolutely dishonest on your part.
(4)I mentioned how a protective man will, at minimum, quickly get the woman AWAY from the predator/problem. NOT stand around confused because he doesn’t know what to do. I said,
Not the modern “I don’t know what to do” male who’s stands around confused when some other male verbally assaults the woman he’s with; or when some other mess breaks out. [At minimum, quickly get the woman safely away from the predator/problem.]
Sir, it’s not anybody else’s fault—including the BM drug dealers and thugs you apparently choose to envy—that you haven’t mentally prepared yourself to be a competent protector or provider. NONE of the above descriptions of what protective men do revolves around gunplay. I’d say that at least 90%-plus of the protective behaviors I described above are MENTAL actions; and are the result of a man:
2-paying attention (which often prevents one from getting caught in various negative situations in the first place), and
3-having the conscious desire and intention of being a good protector and provider for his woman and children.
None of which seems to describe you. You’re more focused on how much you envy and apparently feel inferior to BM drug dealers and thugs—who are equally unprepared to be competent protectors and providers. I wasn’t really thinking about this angle before reading your dishonest comment, but now that I think about it: The majority of the BM I’ve known who are good protectors and providers are genuinely NICE MEN—GENTLEMEN—and FAMILY MEN. Not dishonest, fake “Nice Guys™” with entitlement issues and unresolved high school envy of drug dealers and thugs.
Sir, I don’t like it when people waste other conversation participants’ time by operating in total bad faith; which is what you’ve done. Based on some of your earlier unpublished comments you’ve submitted here, I was initially hesitant to let you participate in this conversation. But you’ve settled the question for me. You’re not welcome to participate in any of the conversations here.
And before I forget, Lefemmenoir started off her comment by saying,
I absolutely LOVE nice guys, as a matter-of-fact, I won’t date a guy unless I am sure that he is a nice guy (I am also partial to Nerds, but that is a topic for another day)….Now to change gears a bit, I must say that most guys who call themselves a “nice guy” probably aren’t. I have run into many a self-professed nice guy, only to discover that they are “nothing nice”, ok? This has become a “brand” if you will that toxic men like to wrap themselves in to appear more “human” or “human-like”, in hopes of getting a woman to let her guard down.
And I started off my reply to her by saying,
I’ve always adored genuinely nice guys and nerds-with-basic-social-skills (I’ve never been into guys with Asperger’s syndrome). The thing is that, as you noted, most of the men who make a point of calling themselves “nice guys” usually AREN’T.
Being a genuinely nice person involves having good character. That, plus the affection we both stated in favor of nerds leaves NO room for drug dealers and thugs. I’m amazed at how hard you had to work to get this all twisted around into basically the opposite of what we said.
Good luck, God bless, and Goodbye.
FINAL THOUGHTS ABOUT VON’S POST AND DISCUSSION
- African-American men’s ongoing failures and DBR (damaged beyond repair) behavior are the greatest and the most successful “recruiting sergeants” ever for spreading the BWE (Black women’s empowerment) message.
- African-American males are inadvertently proving the truth of the BWE analysis of African-American women’s situation by their behavior.
- By their ongoing, mass refusal to protect and provide for Black women and children, African-American men in general are burning their bridges with ever-increasing numbers of African-American women. Including the nationalist Black women who previously felt politically obligated to support them. I used to be a Black Nationalist, until I realized that Black men had checked out of that (and everything else Black-related) decades ago.
- People’s reading comprehension drops significantly when they encounter a message they don’t like. Von had to repeatedly tell (mis)readers that she wasn’t talking about Black women “leaving” Black men because there aren’t any Black men around to be left. As she emphasized, Black men have already checked out.
- With ONE exception, the Black men who commented had no alternative solutions to offer. All most of the Black male commenters cared about was deflecting responsibility off of Black men, and in particular off of Good Black Men.™ The one gentleman who did offer a solution had a plan that revolved around more (empty) talk. No proposed action.
For me, the main take-away point from reading Black men’s comments during that and so many other Black conversations is If You Really Want To Help Black Girls, Marry One Of This Planet’s Dominant, Alpha-Men.
Another example of insight gained from listening with humility: Until reading Von’s post, I also hadn’t made the connection between this scapegoating and the fact that most self-proclaimed Good Black Men™ measure themselves and their manhood (such as it is) by what Pookie and Ray-Ray are doing or not doing; not by what mostly functional, nonblack men are doing. The mind boggles.