As A Quality Lady Would Think, Part 1: A Lady Does Not Try To Grab Something In Exchange For Nothing

Given the recent online conversations about Kelley Williams-Bolar, now is a good time to review some concepts discussed during the Joining Better Networks series of posts.

A QUALITY LADY IS NOT A THIEF

I said the following in replying to a reader’s recent email about Ms. Williams-Bolar.

I’m not sympathetic to this mother. Not at all. She’s a thief who stole the benefit of other people paying thousands of property tax dollars each year into that school district. If she was so concerned about getting her daughter into that school, why didn’t she move and rent her own apartment in that school district? Also, I don’t agree with how the teacher’s unions are being demonized [in the link I was sent about the story].

To sum up: The way this site (and other folks) are framing the issue deliberately misses the point, as far as I’m concerned. The schools are better in certain areas because of the many types of investments that concerned parents are paying into those schools. Parents in high-performing districts are paying into their local schools through their property taxes. They also pay by their active participation in ensuring their own child’s behavior and performance while at school. Parents in high-performing districts also aren’t doing what most African-Americans do―which is use the local public schools as a free babysitting service while taking no interest or participation whatsoever in their children’s behavior at school.

The schools’ performance in any given district are a reflection of the neighborhood parents’ level of personal investment in those schools, and investment in ensuring their own children’s academic performance.

As far as I’m concerned, they should force the mother in that news story to pay for the benefit that her daughter got as a result of all those other parents who actually live in that school district paying thousands of dollars in property taxes each year. Basically, this mother defrauded all these other people into subsidizing her child’s education in addition to their own children’s education. While this mother apparently chipped in nothing. I’m not feeling that woman. Not at all…

LETTING GO OF THE “SOMETHING FOR NOTHING” MINDSET IS ESSENTIAL FOR JOINING BETTER NETWORKS

As mentioned during this post,

Humans are social animals, and always cluster into various groups. Unless you’re a hermit, you’re a member of various (sometimes overlapping) groups. These networks vary in size, purpose, and effectiveness.

Most African-American women need to find and join new, healthy networks in the global village. Because their current all-Black networks tend to be accidentally chosen, non-reciprocating, and often downright destructive. However, to join productive networks, most African-American women will need to change the way they approach networking. Most importantly, they will need to change their understanding of the entire process.

. . .

HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT #3: PURGE YOUR MIND OF THE “PEOPLE OWE ME SOMETHING” MENTALITY

When most African-Americans speak of networking, what they’re really describing is coattail riding. It doesn’t occur to them that they should or need to contribute value to the target person they want to benefit from. Especially when that target person is also African-American. Most African-Americans have an entitlement, “hook me up” mindset. That’s why you hear all this talk of expecting other African-Americans to “reach back,” and “set up programs” for them. It’s all one-sided. The people looking for the handout from other Blacks never say what they’re going to do in exchange for any assistance given. Because they don’t intend to do anything except TAKE from that person. And if you don’t hook them up, then they create an entire narrative in their minds about how you must be jealous and evil. It’s irrational.

In addition to being irrational, this mindset is unattractive. Most productive, mutually supportive networks don’t look kindly on chiselers and thieves. The African-American collective is the only one that gives knee-jerk support and sympathy to thieves. The nonblack political ideologues (such as the nonblack libertarians) who support Ms. Willimams-Bolar’s style of thievery are only doing so because they want to destroy unions and organized labor. After all, these are the same people who want to end the minimum wage, and are opposed to affirmative action.

Let’s be clear: out in the (non-African-American) real world, most people don’t like chiselers and thieves. So, it’s best not to be one if you want to be welcome among productive social networks. A quality lady is not a chiseler or a thief looking to grab something for nothing.

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143 Responses to “As A Quality Lady Would Think, Part 1: A Lady Does Not Try To Grab Something In Exchange For Nothing”

  1. Brenda55 says:

    In answer to the question of why this woman’s face is plaster all over the place? It is because she wants it that way. The Al and Jesse dog and pony show is gearing up and from what I read there is to be a March soon in her support. Let the victimization/race card games begin. How predictable.

    http://blackbloggers.wordpress.com/2011/01/31/kelley-williams-bolar-update-kelley-meets-with-rev/

  2. marielle says:

    Mwatuangi – The shady zoning and funding issues are why this situation and similar ones are so frustrating to me. I don’t have a problem with her sending her child to a better school. The children’s grandfather paid taxes in the district so the bill was covered. My parents paid to send my child to private school before I could afford to, and this is not much different. She should have covered her behind legally by giving the grandfather legal guardianship. Then the grandfather has prepared the nest with his taxes and she is not in any violation of the law. Her children would have been legally entitled to that school with a piece of paper.

    My sister in law was in a similar situation and she simply gave her parents legal guardianship and sent her daughters to a Blue Ribbon school instead of to the raggedy hood school. It took her a few years to save up enough to actually move to the district but her children got a first rate education paid for by their grandparents and completely legal.

    • Yeah, but if she gave her father guardianship she’d have to give up subsidized housing and all the other benefits she was receiving.

    • Kay says:

      I agree with Marielle. Her father was a resident of the district. Her offense did not warrant a felony, and if she did to protect her children, as some reports say, I don’t blame her.

      I understand the point that too many in the black community want something for nothing. That type of mentality is just one of many forms of pestilence, however, the handling of this case was over-the-top.

      I do feel sorry for her.

  3. […] Khadija Nassif on February 1st, 2011 This is a follow-up to Part 1 of this series, and the ideas discussed during the Joining Better Networks series of […]

  4. Everybody,

    I’m closing the comments to this post, and moving on to the next blog post.

    Thank you for your participation. And my apologies to the commenters I didn’t get to reply to (sometimes I have to stop replying to comments past a certain point in order to make running this blog manageable).

    Expect Success!

  5. […] which you thought through the question “Cui bono?” My most recent incident was during a previous conversation when I discussed the case of Ms. Kelley Williams-Bolar and said, Non-African-American outsiders […]