Are You A Comeback Artist?

I’ve been reading several fascinating books by Steve Siebold including 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class. He says,

Champions Are Comeback Artists

Donald Trump was $9 billion dollars in debt in the early 1990s, did you really believe he was washed up for good? After Lance Armstrong survived cancer, did anyone really think he wouldn’t race again? How about Christopher Reeve? Did anyone really bet against him making an international impact to help people with spinal cord injuries, once he made the decision to do it? There’s an old saying among the world class: “A bet against a champion is a bad bet.” I couldn’t agree more. Amateurs quickly become demoralized by setbacks and defeat, and quietly slink back to their comfort zones. Professional performers know that large scale success is based on a series of comebacks. They believe that setbacks are set-ups for comebacks.

177 Mental Toughness Secrets, pg. 60. (emphasis added) Let me repeat some things I said in an earlier post.

THE ONE DELUSION THAT UNDERGIRDS ALL OTHER DELUSIONS

The first delusion that’s killing many African-American women softly is the belief that somebody is going to rescue us. This one delusion is much like The One Ring in The Lord Of The Rings. The delusion that somebody else is going to rescue us is the underlying, controlling source of many other self-destructive behaviors, such as the inappropriate “therapy talk” that I’ve criticized. Too many African-American women believe that if only they scream out their pain loud enough in public, that somebody’s going to do something to alleviate that pain. No. Instead, all that happens is that we “other” ourselves in the eyes of the world at large. Also, our public yelps of pain become a source of pleasure and entertainment for the people who hate us, such as the Yung Bergs of the world.

The delusion that somebody else is going to rescue us is why we do very little to rescue ourselves. It’s also the reason we are so quick to give up on self-rescue efforts.

FROGS IN A GRADUALLY BOILING POT TELLING OTHER FROGS THAT IT’S “UNREALISTIC” TO JUMP OUT

Intertwined with the rescue delusion is the frequent refusal to accept responsibility for our own choices. This includes most African-Americans’ free and voluntary choice of refusing to even try to upgrade their life circumstances. Instead of taking action in support lifestyle optimization, we proclaim all such strategies to be “unrealistic.” Meanwhile, we watch people from other ethnic and racial groups use these same strategies that we’ve labeled “unrealistic” to get ahead. In fact, for almost a century, we’ve watched several waves of immigrants (including some Black-skinned ones) come to this country and do all sorts of “unrealistic” things.

I’m reminded of this because I recently ran across a comment by a detractor over at The Black Snob Blog. My frequent discussion of strategies for developing additional income streams and international relocation options seems to frighten and upset this individual. According to her, this sort of conversation is “unrealistic.” I upset her even more when I spoke of sitting out this recent election, and researching third party candidates that I could wholeheartedly support in future elections.

This concerned individual proclaimed that, “. . . The truth is that MOST Americans of any race do not (and will never) have the resources or wealth to thrive even when the economy is not doing well and most Americans CANNOT run to a foreign country at will. We have to try to fix things here. If we throw our hands up in the air and do nothing, then we are GUARANTEED to fail. I hope that most black women will go out there and vote tomorrow, even though they may currently feel discouraged or disappointed.” See the comments to this post at The Black Snob Blog for the entire comment.

I wonder if this concerned individual believes that it’s more “realistic” for African-American women to continue hoping for new programs in the midst of a failing economy. Thereby putting their fates in the hands of the American voting public—roughly half of whom have repeatedly shown themselves to be insane.

Here’s the thing: While various Black “frogs in a gradually boiling pot” are busy telling each other that various strategies are not feasible, other people—who are much poorer than even the poorest African-Americans—are busy using these same strategies to upgrade their lives.

The November 6, 2010, issue of the New York Times featured a story titled “In Venezuela, A New Wave of Foreigners.” Among other people, the story mentioned a gentleman named Etienne Dieu-Seul, a street vendor who arrived in Venezuela from Haiti a month before the earthquake.

At the other end of the economic spectrum, many new immigrants continue to arrive on tourist visas and overstay their visits, drawn by incomes that are still higher than those in some of Venezuela’s neighbors and by a broad array of social welfare programs for the poor championed by Mr. Chávez’s government.

“One can live with a little bit of dignity here, at least enough to send money home now and again,” said Etienne Dieu-Seul, 35, a Haitian street vendor, who moved here a month before the earthquake that devastated Haiti in January. After the disaster, officials here said they would grant residence visas to the 15,000 Haitians believed to have been here illegally.

I would bet that Mr. Dieu-Seul the street vendor is very thankful he did something as “unrealistic” and “not feasible” as leaving desperately poor Haiti to go to Venezuela. The people in Haiti that he’s sending money to are probably also very thankful.

I won’t even get into the steady stream of American retirees on fixed incomes who relocate overseas each year in order to live much better for much less money. There’s nothing “unrealistic” about taking the minimal action steps of getting a passport and researching your options. Ladies, keep in mind there are a lot of nervous crabs in a barrel out there who are deeply frightened by the idea that you might make the leap into abundant life. It’s one thing to discuss the hurdles and difficulties involved with an undertaking. I’ve never pretended that making any of these moves is easy. All the things I talk about involve putting in effort and work. Some of us don’t want to put in that sort of effort, so we proclaim various things to be impossible or unrealistic.

WHICH VOICES DO YOU LISTEN TO? THE CRABS IN A BARREL WHO TELL YOU THAT ABUNDANT LIFE IS “UNREALISTIC” FOR YOU? OR THE VOICE OF YOUR OWN HOPES AND DREAMS?

Mr. Siebold challenges readers with the following action step,

Action Step for Today

Identify a goal or dream in your life that you have given up on, and ask this critical thinking question: “Is it possible to make a comeback in this area, and breathe new life into this old dream?” You’re a tougher, more competent performer than you were back when you abandoned this dream. Are you good enough to make a comeback now? (Hint: YES!)

177 Mental Toughness Secrets, pg. 61.

WHILE YOU’RE MEDITATING ON THE ABOVE QUESTIONS, CONSIDER WHAT SOME OTHER WOMEN ARE DARING TO SEEK FOR THEMSELVES

While you (with your able-bodied self) are meditating on the above questions, please take some time to browse this one, self-described “Cripchick’s” blog, starting with this post.

MANY BLACK WOMEN’S CIRCUMSTANCES AREN’T AS MUCH ABOUT PERSONAL FAILURES AS THEY ARE ABOUT LIVING IN INTERNAL EXILE (WITHOUT REALIZING IT, FOR THE MOST PART)

I don’t know how those two women’s shared journey will ultimately work out, but I pray for them. I also admire their courage—and truly radical level of trust in each other. Even though I’m often annoyed by a certain type of jargon-saturated, ultra-politicized talk (like that “heteronormative” term I tore into during the post If You’re A Straight Black Woman, Delete The Following Term From Your Vocabulary: Heteronormative) about issues such as disability, sexism, racism, and so on, sometimes that type of talk is appropriate for a particular person’s circumstances. One of the points the self-described “cripchick” blogger and her partner frequently make is how home is usually NOT a comfortable place for people with disabilities, children who were raised in the context of transracial and transnational adoptions, and so on.

Home is not comfortable physically because most places weren’t built with disabled people’s access in mind. Home is not comfortable because many adopted Asian kids were alone in a sea of Whiteness. Ancestral “home” (South Korea) is not comfortable because they don’t speak Korean, and did not grow up within or even with much direct access to Korean culture.

A similar (yet mostly unspoken) circumstance exists for African-American women, and from what Halima (blog host of Black Women’s Interracial Relationship Circle), and other United Kingdom-based Black women have described, also for Caribbean-British women in the UK. For these two ethnic groups of Western Black women, their home cultures are not comfortable. In fact, these home cultures are designed to destroy these Western Black women.

Well, I realized a while back that when there’s no comfortable home in existence, one is actually living in exile! Whether or not it’s “officially” called exile. One of the most radical things a person forced into exile can do is either take back their original home; or in the case where there was no original home, create a new and better one for themselves. That’s why I’m so in awe of those two women’s quest to move and create a new kind of home for themselves together. Given that one of them needs intensive daily nursing services because of her disability, I find that to be an incredibly complex and brave undertaking.

There are many repercussions and implications to being in exile. Most of which involve discomfort and having to make extra efforts compared to those who are at home. And this is even after a woman has figured or found out that she has been in exile. The African-American collective has been busy pretending that the many negative things facing African-American women are normal. And also heavily promoting the idea that anybody who’s been harmed by these things or is dissatisfied is inadequate. This is not true.

Yes, many African-American women have made many errors in judgment along the way. But the overarching cause for various painful circumstances that many Black women are facing is this state of internal exile. African-American women are programmed to restrict themselves to living and dating among an ethnic subculture that is set up to destroy them. No other group of women in human history have been forced to navigate the bizarre cultural mazes that African-American (and similarly situated Western Black) women have been tossed into.

A PERSON LIVING IN EXILE OFTEN HAS TO MAKE EXTRA EFFORTS—WILL YOU USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO SLINK BACK TO YOUR ALL-BLACK DISCOMFORT ZONE?

Let me repeat: There are many repercussions to being in exile. Most of which involve discomfort and having to make extra efforts compared to those who are at home. I’ve grown very bored with listening to African-American women whine about the discomforts and extra efforts involved in taking their place on the global stage. Meanwhile, they continue to expend heroic amounts of energy chasing life-damaging fantasies. Life-crippling fantasies such as finding a Black male Prince Charming among the oceans of fatherless, non-protective, non-providing, defective African-American males. Fantasies such as resurrecting the already-dead Black family and Black marriage—all by themselves. Fantasies such as resurrecting already-dead and physically dangerous Black residential areas all by themselves.

This constant whining whenever they have to make the slightest effort, or endure the slightest discomfort in navigating the outer, nonblack world makes me believe the Black women whiners don’t really want solutions. They don’t really want to escape into a better lifestyle. What they want is to be able to semi-plausibly proclaim that “they tried X and it didn’t work,” and go back to chasing their delusions without having to feel like a fool for doing so. That’s fine. God respects free will, and so do I. Just be honest about it. Don’t say that “X doesn’t work.” Instead, say that half-a**ed, half-stepping X didn’t work for you. Tell the whole truth. Don’t be a dishonest crab in the barrel.

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86 Responses to “Are You A Comeback Artist?”

  1. Joyousnerd says:

    I know all about exile. I’ve described my family here before; I was raised by a white mom, white stepfather, white extended family… I was always the person who stood out and looked out of place. This had repercussions throughout much of my life. Yes, being in exile is as you described it. You are never really at home, and you will have to make extra efforts. But that’s life. All that can be done is to just do your best and keep on keepin’ on. No use complaining about it… few will understand and fewer will care.

    My great personal struggle is definitely finding the faith in myself to persevere. When I make mistakes, I tend to blow them out of proportion and feel doomed to failure. To combat this, I use self-talk. Since reading up on Talleyrand (thanks to this blog), I tell myself that “regimes may fail, but I do not!” and I tell myself that even if my efforts didn’t work out as I wished, *I* didn’t fail. I just found something that didn’t work!

    I try to take mistakes in stride and tell myself I could never mess up as badly as some of the famous people I admire, like Abraham Lincoln (I think Steve Jobs gave this advice). Even so, it’s so hard not to sink into despair. I am the kind of person Seibold was talking about 🙁 because I do tend to give up too easily… all I can do is just keep trying to improve myself, to learn from my mistakes and from other people, and believe that I will make it one day.

    I find the interaction with readers on here, and of course with Khadija herself, to be very inspiring and helpful in my journey of self improvement. 🙂

    • JoyousNerd,

      Before I say anything else, let me emphasize that I’m confident you are NOT the sort of person that Mr. Siebold is talking about. You’re definitely NOT the sort of person that I’m talking about in this post. YOU are moving forward, so you don’t fit into what I’m talking about here. With this post, I’m mostly talking about 2 categories of Black folks. And warning the rest of us vigilantly guard against developing these tendencies:

      (1) Black Crabs In A Barrel/Black Slavecatchers. Part of the reason why there were very few successful slave revolts in the US—and fewer successful escapes than there could have been—is because of Negro Crabs In A Barrel/Slavecatchers! There were always other fearful, treacherous slaves who would do their d*mndest to discourage other slaves from running away. You can imagine the sort of stuff they would whisper to the more ambitious, freedom-seeking captives: “Massa’s got all the guns. Massa’s got all the food. Massa’s got all the horses. I mean, how you gonna make it without Massa?”

      Well, the modern equivalent of this same behavior is all this talk about how various abundance-seeking strategies are “unrealistic” and “not feasible.”

      And if the Black Crabs In A Barrel/Slavecatcher couldn’t discourage the freedom-seeking slaves from running away, then they betrayed them, and revealed their escape plans to the White slaveholder. The modern equivalent are the envious AA Crabs In A Barrel consumers who do everything they can to destroy other Black people’s businesses. We’ve talked about various manifestations of this in recent “Art of Black-Owned Business” blog post conversations.

      The modern AA Crab/Slavecatcher reality is as was described by the following exchange I had with a reader named Oshun/Aphrodite. I said the following in response to one of her comments.

      Oshun/Aphrodite,

      You said, “I wanted to cosign this. And I want to add WW or a white person period. If a BM, WW, or WP says it its gold/gospel.

      I used to be a member of a hair board and left or not visit as much.”

      I’ve heard the most ridiculous tales about the cullud girls at hair care forums. The stories all have the same basic pattern, ending with what you described when you said:

      “I noticed also that there were a few ex-members (they are ex now due to the insanity) who did sell products/info. They were BW and some had reached tailbone or classic length and there was all kinds of crazy – basically they (the BW consumers) are excited at first and then the drama starts, and then they tried to take em down.” (emphasis added)

      I know some of y’all are dismayed by my insistence upon, and recommendations for, totally bypassing AA consumers as a rule of thumb. But the countless tales of coloreds behaving badly with a Black-owned business are the reason why it’s necessary for Black business owners to leave most AA consumers ALONE.

      Quiet as it’s kept (although I told it during the 1st “art of Black-owned business” post here), most AAs want to see your business FAIL. Some AAs are passive about their desire to see your business flop (by refusing to patronize your business). Others are more active and take a hands-on approach to trying to destroy your business (stealing from you, poison-pen-comments-defamation campaign against your work, and so on).

      The same sick dynamics apply to most AA women. Look at all the hateful cullud girls who march over to this blog to tell me that they’re not going to buy my book—they proudly say this as if they think they’re hurting me.

      Incidentally, they’re NOT hurting me by not buying the book. As I told the most recent cullud girl who came here with that nonsense, I greatly prefer that people like that NOT have my book. It’s the “pearls before swine” concept—I don’t want any of the information that I’m giving to inadvertently help scum like that.

      Also, like I’ve said all along, I keep my serious, “I use this to put food on my table” income streams oriented toward serving mainstream, nonblack consumers and FAR AWAY from cullud consumers. The book sales are only used to finance the upkeep of this social activism blog. So, I don’t care what the AA slave crabs in a barrel do or don’t buy. Their choices don’t affect me.

      As a business owner, you set yourself up to be vulnerable to AA slave crabs in a barrel AND their hateration AND their sabotage when you deal with Black consumers. Or in any way orient your business to serving Black consumers.

      If you’re a Black business owner, leave the AA consumer alone.

      I’m angry and disgusted with the Black Crabs/Slavecatchers. More people need to tell them to STHU with that discouragement talk they love to peddle to other Black people.

      (2) The Timid, Fearful Black Women Who Listen To The Black Crabs In A Barrel/Black Slavecatchers. I’m also angry and disgusted with the timid, fearful BW who entertain and pass along that slavecatcher, discouragement talk. I’m talking about the African-American women who want to wallow in powerlessness. And come up with 2,438 “reasons” why they can’t live better lives. I’m mostly talking about the African-American women who are looking for rationalizations for their CHOICE to curl up and die—and are busy advising other BW and girls that they should also settle for curling up and dying on the vine.

      I’m sick of both these types of individuals, and I believe more of us need to challenge that “we must curl up and die” talk when we’re presented with it. We must also guard against becoming like these 2 categories of people, or in any way imitating their behaviors.
      +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      All of the above has very little connection to the NORMAL moments of doubt, confusion, or discouragement. At various points in life, I’ve been intimately familiar with the “I’m soooo far behind, how will I ever catch up?” sensation. Discouragement is like fear—everybody experiences moments of it. What distinguishes people is how they handle times of fear or discouragement. Do they move forward despite feeling afraid or discouraged? Or do they give up, curl up, and figuratively “die”? This is the choice that everybody has to make for themselves.

      Expect Success!

      • Joyousnerd says:

        {big hug} Thanks for the vote of confidence and reality check. I do feel like I’m VERY far behind but when I compare myself to the kind of people you described, I’m not.

        Of course, everyone has moments of fear and doubt… especially since our society is built upon the foundation of keeping BW feeling powerless and living accordingly. To choose to make steps in the right direction, even if they are baby steps, that’s the most important thing.

        I feel frustrated because I’m having trouble getting my abundant life together; I’m not working overtime to deny abundance even exists, or to convince others that abundance is not for them to have.

        What’s the saying? The man who says something is impossible should not interrupt the one busy doing it.

      • JoyousNerd,

        {big return hug}

        You’re welcome! You said, “I do feel like I’m VERY far behind but when I compare myself to the kind of people you described, I’m not. . . I feel frustrated because I’m having trouble getting my abundant life together; I’m not working overtime to deny abundance even exists, or to convince others that abundance is not for them to have.”

        I hear you. My point of frustration is with everything taking longer than I (probably unrealistically) expected. Then I step back, and remind myself that it almost always takes longer to build things from scratch as opposed to being able to stand on somebody else’s shoulders. There are many days when I’m sick of pioneering, and wish somebody else would create my empire for me. And then I eventually snap back to reality; realizing that the sooner I do X is the sooner it’s done. LOL!

        You said, “Of course, everyone has moments of fear and doubt… especially since our society is built upon the foundation of keeping BW feeling powerless and living accordingly. To choose to make steps in the right direction, even if they are baby steps, that’s the most important thing.”

        That’s what AA women must keep in mind. There are entire industries (hip-hop & c/rap music; the Black church) and groups (most AA males—because they don’t reciprocate the support they get from BW) whose sustenance depends on AA women continuing to live the status quo. As BW who are much wiser than me have previously pointed out, BW are the ONLY resource that BM control. As more AA women begin to seek abundant life, and stop propping up the various non-reciprocating leeches who are exploiting them, then these groups and entities will fall to the ground. And they know this—that’s why they are frantic to endlessly peddle toxic, martyrdom-mule ideology to BW. That’s why they are frantic to convince BW that a better life is “unrealistic” and “not feasible.”

        You said, “What’s the saying? The man who says something is impossible should not interrupt the one busy doing it.”

        Indeed!

        Expect Success!

        • ann says:

          “…(most AA males—because they don’t reciprocate the support they get from BW.”

          This is a good point. I was just on the phone with a 20ish bm classmate and I was asking him about a powerpoint presentation we are presenting this Monday. He says I did this and I did that and I asked about the other male a 20ish Jamacian, they both are good and he says they have not really spoken about the presentation. The bm said that he did not need the presentation since he has an A in the class. So, why tell people you are earning C’s in class? I previously thought he was not telling the truth about his grades for fear someone would asked for help, I was right.

          Last semester a biology professor had asked me what I thought of the bm applying for a work study type of grant. I was happy to recommend the bm since he seemed to have a good aptitude for biology. However, had I known he is a little selfish with his knowledge I may not have recommended him. LOL, I told him I wanted to be part of his presentation because I knew those two guys were good, I am surprised that he did not disagree.

  2. Vanessa F. says:

    Khadija,

    This post was published just as I am reviewing my life over the last two years and how I had to become a “Comeback Artist.” I’ll skip over the woe-is-me details but a few years ago I had to do a workshop in my field for a regional conference. I bombed. This conference coincided with the death of a close family member which impacted me a great deal. My mind was not focused on the For the next year, I completely lost my public speaking ability. I am in a field where it matters a great deal to be able to talk to both small and large audiences so this began to hamper my professional progress.

    It was a talk with my mother that snapped me out of my pity party/temporary public speaking issue. She asked me how long was I going to beat my self down about it and when would I let it go and keep moving onward and upward. Also, what did I get out of feeling scared. The people who attended that workshop had move on with there lives and it was time to move on with mine. Thank goodness I have the mother I do to have the wisdom to get me to snap out of it. This conversation went a lot ‘rougher’ than what I am typing but the outcome was all the same. I started volunteering for assignments and other independent projects that to force myself to move on from that blip on the radar screen. Not to long ago, I noticed speaking before people no longer rattles. I’m comfortable – it was a strange but very happy moment. What I learned: you cannot let one less-than-stellar moment in time control the outcome in your life.

    Re: NY Times article – That article is on point. There is plenty of opportunity in Venezuela (South America overall). I traveled to Caracas three years ago to do research on my thesis and met a black man from London who was there on a business trip. Since I have my nosey moments, I asked him what brought him to Caracas. His answer “Opportunity”. I recall him being in Import sales and he was doing very well for himself. Yes that country has its dangerous moments (whew I can tell you some stories!) but so do many places in the U.S. The opportunity is there and many other places in S. America for taking.

    Re: Opportunities Abroad just in case something ‘pops off’ in the U.S. I had a conversation with my family last week about getting passports for whoever doesn’t own one. A got a few tin-foil hat crazy looks but after having a 2-hour debate about what issues are taking place in this country, folks were starting to see the point. Home is more comfortable to many, moreso than the unknown even if home is surrounded by marauders and insane situations.

    Will return with more after I the turkey coma tomorrow! Have a wonderful holiday!

    -Vanessa F.

    • VanessaF.,

      Here’s wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving as well!

      You said, “It was a talk with my mother that snapped me out of my pity party/temporary public speaking issue. She asked me how long was I going to beat my self down about it and when would I let it go and keep moving onward and upward. Also, what did I get out of feeling scared. The people who attended that workshop had move on with there lives and it was time to move on with mine. Thank goodness I have the mother I do to have the wisdom to get me to snap out of it. This conversation went a lot ‘rougher’ than what I am typing but the outcome was all the same. I started volunteering for assignments and other independent projects that to force myself to move on from that blip on the radar screen. Not to long ago, I noticed speaking before people no longer rattles. I’m comfortable – it was a strange but very happy moment. What I learned: you cannot let one less-than-stellar moment in time control the outcome in your life.”

      Oh, I can imagine the “funk-uncut” version of the pep talk you got from your mother. {smile} I’m so happy to hear that you got yourself “back in the saddle.” Good for you!

      You said, “Re: NY Times article – That article is on point. There is plenty of opportunity in Venezuela (South America overall). I traveled to Caracas three years ago to do research on my thesis and met a black man from London who was there on a business trip. Since I have my nosey moments, I asked him what brought him to Caracas. His answer “Opportunity”. I recall him being in Import sales and he was doing very well for himself. Yes that country has its dangerous moments (whew I can tell you some stories!) but so do many places in the U.S. The opportunity is there and many other places in S. America for taking.”

      Yes, everybody seems to notice opportunities except my own ethnic group—African-Americans. Most of us are too busy telling each other that there aren’t any opportunities at all. Or if there are, they’re too hard, or too “unrealistic,” or “not feasible.” In addition to other modern AA cultural pathologies (majority out of wedlock childbearing rate and the mass fatherlessness that comes with oow; lack of respect for totally free public school education—which generally doesn’t exist in most other countries; etc.), this inclination toward helplessness is why AAs are becoming a permanent underclass in the US.

      And since most AAs refuse to even entertain the idea of getting a passport and finding out what’s available for them overseas, they’ll be literally, physically TRAPPED in whatever ugly future circumstance pops off in the US. This is why AAs will be trapped living with the consequences of whatever government agendas various Tea Party-type politicians will come up with in the future. This is also why if the US government ever decides to round up AA Muslims the way they did Japanese-Americans during WWII, then most of them will just be trapped. I refuse to go out like that. However things ultimately work out, I’ll at least know that I did all I could do to protect my own freedom of movement.

      Expect Success!

      • RColeman says:

        I bought your book because even though I am headed toward the big 50 I found that I had been affected by years of those messages, interactions and such that resulted years of stagnation and painful lessons. I’m still in the process of deprogramming myself but I am seeing quite a few results as a result of finally understanding what the real deal is.

        I read this entry with great interest..and then flashed back a bit.

        I had almost 6 years ago made such poor life changing choices that I put myself in therapy for about a year.

        Now my therapist was a no nonsense, type of guy (Asian, Vietnam veteran). He flat out told me that I was not going to spend years in his chair in therapy. He also saw through the facade I was presenting to him. I actually had to so some quite painful self-realization work on myself. He was monumental in making sure I saw for myself the patterns I was raised with and the choices that resulted. He sugar coated nothing.

        I remember the day clearly that I went to him and told him I wanted to move (halfway across the country to a state I had never stepped foot in), and I told him I was scared.

        He said good… you should be. You’re supposed to be.

        I did not realize until a year later after I did move why he said that…I was moving out of my comfort zone and that I was actually taking a risk in order to make my life better than what I was used to. In the process I was making sure I was going to succeed, rather than indulge in wishful thinking or waiting for something to happen. Since then I have made several income streams for myself and now I am surprisingly attracting those who are seriously interested in real reciprocal relationships.

        Now when I talk to those associates I knew back in my former home state, they tell me I have changed.

        I take that as a compliment.

      • RColeman,

        {long standing ovation in salute of the changes you’ve been brave enough to create for yourself}

        You said, “I bought your book because even though I am headed toward the big 50 I found that I had been affected by years of those messages, interactions and such that resulted years of stagnation and painful lessons. I’m still in the process of deprogramming myself but I am seeing quite a few results as a result of finally understanding what the real deal is.”

        Thank you for your support; I truly appreciate it. Years ago, a wise person told me that the only people who weren’t getting older were those who are already dead. {chuckling} I believe that wherever there’s life, there’s still room for growth and learning new things. I learn a LOT from listening to readers like you! 🙂

        You said, “Now my therapist was a no nonsense, type of guy (Asian, Vietnam veteran). He flat out told me that I was not going to spend years in his chair in therapy.”

        I like that in him! As oppposed to somebody who’s going to milk a patient for years on end with no end in sight.

        You said, “I remember the day clearly that I went to him and told him I wanted to move (halfway across the country to a state I had never stepped foot in), and I told him I was scared.

        He said good… you should be. You’re supposed to be.

        I did not realize until a year later after I did move why he said that…I was moving out of my comfort zone and that I was actually taking a risk in order to make my life better than what I was used to. In the process I was making sure I was going to succeed, rather than indulge in wishful thinking or waiting for something to happen. Since then I have made several income streams for myself and now I am surprisingly attracting those who are seriously interested in real reciprocal relationships.”

        Good for you! {more applause} Fear exists to protect us. Not to hold us back from beneficial things, but make sure we stay alert about what we’re doing (or not doing). As opposed to sleepwalking into disaster.

        You said, “Now when I talk to those associates I knew back in my former home state, they tell me I have changed.

        I take that as a compliment.”

        Indeed!

        Expect Success!

      • Vanessa F. says:

        Whoa I just noticed all of my typos. My apologies to the audience for whatever part of my post that didn’t make sense!

        *Back to brining the turkey*

      • ann says:

        “This is also why if the US government ever decides to round up AA Muslims the way they did Japanese-Americans during WWII, then most of them will just be trapped.”

        Do you really believe there is as chance of that happening? I agree with having a passport. Another thing to keep in mind most foreign born Muslims can return to their country of birth.

      • Ann,

        You said, “Do you really believe there is as chance of that happening? I agree with having a passport. Another thing to keep in mind most foreign born Muslims can return to their country of birth.”

        YES, I really believe there is a chance—a fairly high one—of AA Muslims being rounded up, along with immigrant Muslims in the US. I figure that we’re about 1-2 mass casualty, Muslim-committed terrorist attacks away from the rest of the American public clamoring for the government to “do something” about the Muslims—ALL Muslims—living in the US.

        The constitutional-rights-trampling uproar about the perfectly legal proposed Islamic community center in New York City (the falsely labeled “ground zero mosque”) is a good indicator of where the overall American public’s heads are at. The overall American public is happy to see Muslims singled out and denied the constitutional right to own and use property for law-abiding, religious purposes. Nobody else will care at all if AA Muslims are rounded up along with immigrant Muslims.

        As far as I’m concerned, this is the fault of both segments of the US Muslim population. The immigrant Muslims are the ones who have created this backlash against all Muslims because—even worse than the Mexicans—they’ve been extremely BAD guests in this country.

        AA Muslims foolishly allowed immigrant Muslims to be the public face of Islam/Muslims in the US. This wasn’t always the case. In earlier eras, the term “Muslim” was synonymous with “Black Muslim” in many Americans’ minds. Well, when AA Muslims allowed immigrants to displace us as the public face of Muslims in America, we inadvertently hitched our fate to the immigrants’ wagon. Some AA Sunni (“orthodox”) Muslim (mis)leaders have belatedly realized that. See Bro. Abdur-Rahman Muhammad’s post, The Emperors Have No Thobes.

        Even though I have been writing about this for roughly three years now, having taken quite a bit of criticism for it at the time, the truth is becoming painfully obvious to everyone that the Black Muslim leadership has sold their own people down the river. After having played the “Tom” for the Immigrant Muslim Syndicate over three decades, empowering them to the detriment of their own urban-based, grassroots communities that are overwhelmingly black, they are now seething that they’ve been discarded by their long time masters whom they’ve loyally served.

        Realizing now that they are no longer the darling of immigrant Muslims as they once were, and being totally excluded from media in the Park 51/Ground Zero Mosque debate, they have desperately turned for help to the arch pagan heretic himself, Louis Farrakhan! Together they have formed a new organization called the Coalition of African-American Muslims (CAAM) and are demanding recognition and inclusion in the New York controversy. Not only that though, they actually want to reassert themselves into the Muslim agenda in America. . .

        I believe that, for our own continued existence in the US, it’s of critical importance for AA Muslims to create some public image breathing space between ourselves and these immigrant Muslims in the public eye. To make it clear that these immigrant-dominated groups like CAIR, etc. who are the ones the media go to for statements—DON’T speak for indigenous, AA Muslims. Bro. Abdur-Rahman Muhammad of the blog A Singular Voice has made efforts in that regard, such as with this post African American Muslims Demand An End to the Fitnah of Terrorism where he says,

        Let me make one thing perfectly clear from the outset, I am an American and proud to be one! This country is my home and I don’t intent to live anywhere else, which is the case for most of us. And when I say “us” I mean African-American Muslims to the exclusion of anyone else.

        I’m not talking about the immigrant Muslims who have a country to go back to, but rather I mean black people, who have a deep and lasting investment in this country and are in every sense Americans! Despite all the escapist rhetoric we sometimes hear about “making hijrah” (migration) and “living in the lands of the Muslims”, the reality is that the vast majority of us aren’t going anywhere, so we better come to terms with that. For me the issue is quite simple; terrorists want me dead so I want them dead, period, end of story. It makes no difference to me whether they’re Muslim or not.

        Even as we work to build a brighter future for our children, African-American Muslims must nevertheless act as a bulwurk against the scourge of terrorism. This thing is by and large an immigrant phenomenon with a few of us getting caught up in it. And to the extent to which we get caught up, is only due to our accepting a false narrative from the Immigrant Muslim Syndicate that America wants to ”persecute Muslims” and is the most evil country in the world.

        If that were so – and it certainly is not – then why are the immigrant Muslims risking life and limb to get here? Why are they breaking all kind of laws to get a green card? We must never allow these immigrant Muslims to exploit our historic grievances with America as they once did, but instead repudiate their dangerous grievance mongering and victimology which is the fount of terrorism! …

        Immigrant Muslims don’t have any legitimate martyrs of their own in the US, so they’ve borrowed and pimped AA martyrs like Malcolm X. This is similar to how AAs in general have allowed Latinos, and other people of color to pimp our dead AA civil rights martyrs.

        And it’s true—immigrant Muslims have home countries they can always run back to when things get too tight for them here in the US. Too many AA Muslims forget that the US *is* our home country when they’re busy performing guard dog services for immigrant Muslims. This is similar to the overall guard dog services that too many AAs provide for the various NON-reciprocating, false “allies” we have such as Latinos, other people of color, etc. AAs have the bad mental habit of totally losing sight of our own interests while worrying about other people’s interests.

        I’ve had to remind other AA (Sunni) Muslims of the fact that the US *is* our home country—AND that most of us haven’t developed any Plan B countries we could emigrate to if necessary—during several online conversations at AA Muslim blogs. Including one conversation I linked to during an Art of Stealth post about this guard dog behavior.

        Expect Success!

        • ann says:

          To Khadija:
          That was an excellent response.

          “The immigrant Muslims are the ones who have created this backlash against all Muslims because—even worse than the Mexicans—they’ve been extremely BAD guests in this country.”

          And most do not care and will not leave the land of the “free”.

          “African-American Muslims must nevertheless act as a bulwurk against the scourge of terrorism.”

          This is one way to stand out.

          I agree with those who say the Constitution is purposely being dismantle.

          “Black Muslim leadership has sold their own people down the river.”

          I used to wonder if foreign born Muslims considered AA Muslims as equals.

          “Immigrant Muslims don’t have any legitimate martyrs of their own in the US, so they’ve borrowed and pimped AA martyrs like Malcolm X. This is similar to how AAs in general have allowed Latinos, and other people of color to pimp our dead AA civil rights martyrs.”

          I always wondered why some AAs busted their humps to protest for Hispanic rights when so many AAs are still having issues of their own. Clean your own yard first then you can help your neighbors.
          LOL, I think it is the bm trying to get closer to hw. When I see most Hispanics on tv talking about rights, education and owning businesses I do not hear any talk about assisting AA people. Actually, I doubt if there will be much reciprocity or thank yous given.

        • ak says:

          Khadija:

          Immigrant Muslims don’t have any legitimate martyrs of their own in the US, so they’ve borrowed and pimped AA martyrs like Malcolm X. This is similar to how AAs in general have allowed Latinos, and other people of color to pimp our dead AA civil rights martyrs.

          OMG this is so true Khadija. A month or two ago in London there was Muslim based protest march about something or other in the West End of London and I saw one of their banners and it had a quotation of Malcolm X and his picture I think.

          And I didn’t like that at all because he’s still a black American, and as you said some Muslims back in their home country still look down on black people, and they worship light skin too.

  3. pat says:

    Excellent post.

    Also, our public yelps of pain become a source of pleasure and entertainment for the people who hate us, such as the Yung Bergs of the world.

    And also makes white women feel superior to us!!!

  4. pat says:

    In fact, for almost a century, we’ve watched several waves of immigrants (including some Black-skinned ones) come to this country and do all sorts of “unrealistic” things.

    So true. I have so many caribbean and african friends who are extraordinarily successful…

    Some black women (progressive) are getting your message. It will be interesting to see the state of black women in years to come. The progressive sisters will be fine.

    • Pat,

      Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

      You said, “Some black women (progressive) are getting your message. It will be interesting to see the state of black women in years to come. The progressive sisters will be fine.”

      I agree that progressive, self-actualizing Black women (aka “sojourners”) will be just fine. The others:

      —the Church/Mosque Sister-Mules,
      —the Sista Soldiers,
      —the Nuthin’ But A BM Crew,
      —the Political Activist Martyr-Mules,
      —the Ride Or Die Chicks,
      —the Jill Scott-Erykah Badu-type BM-Worshippers, and
      —vulnerable welfare-recipient Sheniquas

      will be in one big category—The Damned. These non-self-actualizing Black women AND their daughters in the US will be living hellish lives like those of BW in the Congo, Rwanda, and Haiti.

      Expect Success!

  5. Faith Dow says:

    I’m working on being a comeback and surpassing artist right now!

  6. Hodan says:

    Khadija: “The delusion that somebody else is going to rescue us is why we do very little to rescue ourselves. It’s also the reason we are so quick to give up on self-rescue efforts.”

    Hodan: This was an ‘aha’ moment for me. Its very much true, God helps those who are willing to help themselves. Its the idea that you must have the intent @ heart, voice it and then try to implement it, then God/Allah will help you or guide you with it. I believe Robert F. Kennedy (whom I always liked and felt was a better public servant than his brother) said, imagine a condition better than the one you find in yourself and then work to change it. He was responding to the civil right concern, disabled people horrendous conditions, poverty, etc.

    Khadija: “I’m reminded of this because I recently ran across a comment by a detractor over at The Black Snob Blog. My frequent discussion of strategies for developing additional income streams and international relocation options seems to frighten and upset this individual. According to her, this sort of conversation is “unrealistic.” I upset her even more when I spoke of sitting out this recent election, and researching third party candidates that I could wholeheartedly support in future elections.”

    Hodan: I would’ve argued against such an option few yrs back, but from watching American politics and the party of One with little options for middle and working class….I would say why the hell not. In Canada, many have argued for years the NDP (New Democratic Party) to be a pointless vote or a vote for the Conservative party. It was a great political party in the past (their founding father, Tommy Douglas is the one every Canadian thanks for universal health care, unions, wage rights, child labor, etc, etc). For years millions did not vote for them, for fear the Conservative party, specially the latest version of $hitface Harper government would be majority in Parliament. Guess what, the NDP today sits in the Federal government among 4 other parties and its all due to a revamp by Jack Layton who is their current leader. I believe if millions of American who do not vote or fell disillusionment by Obama and the democratic party came together to form a political party that serves everyday working people, there might be hope for America after all. It will be a long process and not anytime soon. I would suggest that people play smart on a national platform (your political reality is much worse than us, the UK, practically every other Western society). Do not give the crazies who will not just have harm for you, but for the world in 2012 an opportunity to win. I can imagine the horror of another Bush V. Gore episode in 2 yrs time.

    Khadija: “Identify a goal or dream in your life that you have given up on, and ask this critical thinking question: “Is it possible to make a comeback in this area, and breathe new life into this old dream?” You’re a tougher, more competent performer than you were back when you abandoned this dream. Are you good enough to make a comeback now? (Hint: YES!)”

    Hodan: Yeah, law school.

    Khadija: “Well, I realized a while back that when there’s no comfortable home in existence, one is actually living in exile! Whether or not it’s “officially” called exile.”

    Hodan: I never looked @ it that way, but its very much true. Growing up in Canada, most white people would ask where you from’ to every brown kid or person they met. Our response was always, Canada or our designated city/town and that usually shut them up. Then we would travel to our parents and grandparents home country and we would not be considered among them. We were too westernized, too outspoken and even though we love the whole atmosphere and enjoyed visiting these places, it doesn’t quite feel @ home. I remember during my internship in Kenya, some of them would ask me what it felt like being from the West. I was stunt and thought how ironic that in Africa I’m this western chick, while back home I’m not considered part of mainstream Canadian culture….cuz I’m black and Muslim.

    This scenario applies to everyone of my girlfriends with the exception of 3 of them who are white.Its like we are between 2 worlds, we can’t even relate to the many exported dogmatic Islamic interpretations that make us so uncomfortable in our Masajids to the extend that I rarely enter one.

    • Hodan,

      About seeking 3rd party candidates I can enthusiastically support: As I mentioned during the conversation to this post at the previous blog, Pres. Obama has cured me of voting for the “lesser evil.” I won’t do that ever again. From henceforth, I’ll vote for those candidates who actually are in alignment with my values. As Rabbi Michael Lerner said in the essay I had republished,

      Yet lesser evilism may do more to destroy the moral fabric and political viability of a democracy than any real or imagined evil that might be achieved through the electoral victory of whoever we imagine to be the “bad guy” beneficiary of voting our conscience. Here are some reasons why:

      First, Lesser evilism leads to a moral and spiritual corruption of our souls. The habit of voting lesser evil in politics is a slippery slope. We start by giving our vote to a candidate who supports and is a product of a social reality that we actually deplore, and we end up learning to accommodate ourselves to moral corruption in other aspects of our lives.

      . . .To the extent that we come to believe that we have no alternative but to accept the lesser evil, we lose the inner quality of soul that makes it possible to fight for anything against the odds. We forget how to stand up for our own ideals, and soon we don’t see the point in even thinking about what kind of a world we really believe in (“it’s so unrealistic”). Internally we may feel cynical about the world we live in, but as long as we’ve adopted the attitude that we can’t really fight it and must accept its terms, we have cast our vote in favor of keeping what is. Moral courage and hope begin to feel like anachronistic concepts.

      Not surprisingly, as people become used to making this choice in daily life, they become most angry not at the forces of evil to which they accommodate, but at those who retain their commitment to fight for their highest ideal.

      . . . Second, lesser evilism disempowers liberal and progressive forces because it gives the Democratic Party no incentive to respond to progressive ideals. Secure in the certainty that liberals will always respond to the demand of lesser evilism, the Democrats can put their full attention at repositioning their party to accommodate those who might otherwise vote Republican, thus dramatically decreasing the differences between the two parties.

      (emphasis added)

      Rabbi Lerner has perfectly described the Tweedle Dee-Tweedle Dum dynamics of modern American politics under the stranglehold of two interlocking parties.

      About the internal exile situation: This was one of the reasons why I loved the Muslim: Wake Up! blog from a few years back. I greatly appreciated their voices, as well as other progressive Muslim voices such as the writers who contributed to the book Progressive Muslims: On Justice, Gender, And Pluralism, and Farid Esack, and others. Their work was a breath of fresh air in a stale religious environment filled with groupthink.

      At some point, those of us who are truly Western people who are Muslims are going to have to learn how to do our own indigenous religious scholarship. And stop listening to culturally alien fossils based in the Middle East, South Asia, and Africa. These Eastern-based fossils typically confuse and intertwine their tribal cultures with Islam. These 2 things are not identical. The Eastern fossils can preach to their own fossilized societies. But these fossils don’t understand Western circumstances. The guidance they give is often totally inappropriate for anybody who wants to continue living in the West.

      I would guess that the dynamics are different for the children of voluntary immigrants. But African-Americans are a fully Western people after having been here for CENTURIES. African-American Muslims need to wake up and recognize that reality. And stop imitating foreign Muslims. As a group, AA Muslims made the most progress when we still respected our own indigenous cultural values and heritage. As I’ve discussed both in the book and at the previous blog, adopting foreign visions of Islam has been an absolute catastrophe for AA Muslims. And if AA Muslims continue following the toxic guidance put forth by foreign fossils, we’ll provoke a situation in which the US government starts rounding us up.

      Expect Success!

      • Zoopath says:

        I went to Mr. Rahman’s blog and while I agreed with his entries, the comment section was just a mess. There are maybe 2 people making coherent arguements and the rest is cut and paste indecipherable incantations that I don’t have the patience to attempt to read. There are plenty of gatekeepers trying to prevent any AA muslims from looking out for their own interests as well as AA slavecatchers trying to accomplish the same nefarious goal. Then there’s the odd NOI who sounds a bit crazy. Yeesh, what a circus. It seems like the reasonable AA muslims are just silent and let all these theives and jokers dominate the discussion.

        [Khadija speaking: “Incantations” is the right word for that madness. Yes, among AA Sunni (“orthodox”) Muslims, the inmates *are* running the asylum! Please pray for Bro. Abdur-Rahman’s continued safety—he’s been a thorn in the side of the Immigrant Muslim Syndicate and their AA lapdogs for years. They have a long memory.

        All of this is why most sane AA Sunni Muslims have walked away from associating with other Sunni Muslims. If it wasn’t for the steady, ongoing influx of new AA converts to Islam, Islam would have died out among AAs roughly 25 years ago. This is when the transition from most AA Sunni imams having been past NOI members to now most AA Sunni imams are immigrant-trained and sponsored happened. Said steady influx of AA converts is more about the mass, permanent failures of the AA church and the good works of Min. Farrakhan’s NOI. As opposed to being about anything AA Sunni Muslims are doing.]

      • Hodan says:

        sorry for the late reply, but I agree with everything you said. Often than not, voting is a form of blackmail…..you vote for the one you dislike the least as suppose to any commitment or enthusiasm for a given candidate. I don’t know what it would take to change our dysfunctional democracy, but this will not sustain us in the 21st CE.

        About Muslims and AA Muslims, I remember Sh. Zayid (he is somewhat Sufi influence, but I love his teaching style) stated: No one converts to Islam because of the actions and practices of the Muslim masses in the world. Its the Quran, Sunnah and the historical achievement of Muslims that is keeping this faith alive. I sure do not trust or like many so-called imaams and scholars and I’m not a Muslim because of their screw ups. Islam is a way of life for me and its up to me to show it in the best light by actually practicing its principles, instead of giving it lip service.

        [Khadija speaking: You said, “About Muslims and AA Muslims, I remember Sh. Zayid (he is somewhat Sufi influence, but I love his teaching style) stated: No one converts to Islam because of the actions and practices of the Muslim masses in the world.”

        He’s got that right!]

    • ak says:

      Yes Hodan I have a cousin, a lovely lady, who got pregnant and married very young, had three kids with a DBRBM (who never contributed financially) who she eventually divorced BUT probably from the time she had her first child, she became a paralegal and she’s been a paralegal for over 25 years now. My cousin worked like six days a week for years while putting all of her kids through private and parochial school and college, and every weekday evening for years she was studying part-time for her MBA which she’s had for a few years now, and now finally she’s going back to part-time evening study for her law degree so that she can finally be a lawyer! My mother and I are so proud of her and in awe of her.

      She’s like an engine that never stops going, much like the perpetual motion machine that everybody says can never exist! LOL 🙂

      But she’s been inspirational because I don’t have any children and if she can get those degrees and never stop no matter what, then what excuse do I have for never getting an Accounting degree, never entertaining the idea of, or implementing the accounting/ tax preparation service with a Remington ‘face’? Seriously.

      My Mom’s a nurse and once met a WM patient in his 90s who walked very slowly but otherwise had everything else working, who got his degree in Mathematics from years and years ago, and at the time he was planning to enter college yet again for a degree in Physics. And my Mom said the man’s mind was still as sharp as say a twenty-something’s. It’s true; it doesn’t have to all end if you don’t want it to.

  7. vonnie says:

    I just read this post and feel that it ties into what we’ve been talking about here: http://mizchartreuse.com/2010/09/29/master-mental-manipulator/

    Manipulating things to your benefit, working on securing your goals, multiple income streams, etc. 🙂

    Have a happy holiday everyone, eat well!

  8. Excellent post. I read and reread this, and I also checked out the link to The Black Snob and the reader who took a cheap shot at your suggestions. Why did she bother stating how ‘unrealistic’ your suggestions were, yet didn’t offer any solution to BW’s problems? I hate it when people criticize but don’t attempt to improve the situation. If anything, your encouragement to develop multiple income streams is the exact opposite of ‘throw[ing] your hands up in the air and do[ing] nothing.’ She seems to have action and inaction confused. Her solution-vote and try to fix America-is just like throwing your hands in the air: work with what you got because you can’t get anything better, or, the lemons to lemonade analogy. How sad that she feels limited to a life within the US, when there is a huge world out there, where she could be creating an ideal existence for herself!

    I’m always rethinking, acting on my plans, and adjusting along the way. Thanks to your blog, I purchased both your book and the 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. I have already started making plans for abundance and freedom. I don’t think it’s unrealistic at all-ordinary people accomplish extraordinary things every day. And, all small actions lead into something great, so I keeep making as many small, manageable steps as I can, in hopes of eventually getting the lifestyle that I desire.

    • MissGlamtastic(Tia),

      Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

      What annoyed me about the detractor’s comments was precisely what you pointed out: She’s recommending more of the same failed strategies—for AAs to keep doing what we’ve been doing: To keep voting in hopes that the government will do something to change our condition. While we do nothing as individuals to help ourselves. In the current setup, that means to keep voting for the so-called “lesser of two evils.” Which means to keep voting for politicians—including Crossover Negro Politicians like Pres. Obama—who treat AA voters as if we have political “cooties.” AAs have been doing this—instead of creating a viable 3rd party—for the past 40 years. What has this gotten us? Increasingly disrespected by BOTH political parties.

      Meanwhile, there are other groups who get catered to (Jewish people, Cubans in Florida, Mormons) no matter who is elected, and no matter which Tweedle-Dee/Tweedle Dum party is ascendant. AAs need to take a step back, and look at how these other folks managed to get into that position of being courted by ALL political factions.

      The other thing about that particular detractor’s “it’s ‘unrealistic’ to try to develop additional income streams” talk that annoyed me is how destructive that is in the context of a failing economy. During the First Great Depression, AAs at least had strong family and community ties for mutual support. Intact family structures that provided support was essential in enabling our older relatives to survive the First Great Depression. In the current era of the nonexistence of marriage among AAs and mass fatherlessness, many AA women have nobody watching their backs.

      In this day and age, there’s NO family, social, or cultural safety net for AA women and their children! None whatsoever. Large numbers of AA women are ONE missed paycheck away from being as Min. Farrakhan has put it—“naked, hungry and out of doors.” Therefore any AA woman who wants to survive and thrive needs to develop as many income streams as possible. So, for somebody to sit up and discourage other BW from developing financial “lifesavers” is absolutely irresponsible.

      You said, ” I don’t think it’s unrealistic at all-ordinary people accomplish extraordinary things every day.”

      Exactly. Other people are doing all sorts of extraordinary things. I believe AA women can do the same! 🙂

      Expect Success!

      • During the First Great Depression, AAs at least had strong family and community ties for mutual support. Intact family structures that provided support was essential in enabling our older relatives to survive the First Great Depression. In the current era of the nonexistence of marriage among AAs and mass fatherlessness, many AA women have nobody watching their backs.

        In this day and age, there’s NO family, social, or cultural safety net for AA women and their children!

        Exactly. Lack of strong, effective community structures leaves many BW, who choose not to create additional income streams and stronger support networks, extremely vulnerable. “Safety in numbers” is still a foreign concept for some individuals, but it’s been proven effective time and again. More importantly, safety comes from having contributing male members in your network. Regardless of what little-minded BW think, we live in a patriarchy and good networks require male support-point blank.

        Large numbers of AA women are ONE missed paycheck away from being as Min. Farrakhan has put it—”naked, hungry and out of doors.

        That commenter may think multiple income streams as being “unrealistic” for the majority of BW, but, truthfully, can we really afford NOT to at least try exploring some options? Is it really so farfetched that we shouldn’t even contemplate it? Lack of mass support and limited income is only a temporary barrier, if you decide to live well and take actions to create a better life. Only a defeatist believes that a person should just accept things as they are and seek nothing better for self.

  9. rita says:

    You all have read about what the Patriot Act has permitted the TSA to do, yes?

    Vanessa F. (and others who have echoed her) are on the right track, it seems to me.

    Happy holidays, everyone.

  10. Karen says:

    I have been a “comeback Artist” several times and have lived in Exile (always being the “only AA BW”) from a fairly early age. Now, home is what I make it.

    I have moved halfway across the country and started over.

    I have personally experienced two layoffs and started over. After the second layoff, I decided to start my own business.

    I had setbacks with the business but fought through self-doubt and continued forward.

    I still have a “personal dream” that I want to fulfill (which could result in another income stream); but am not there yet. I continue to build the foundation for it. I have also had a passport for a very long time which I have heavily used to travel and experience other cultures.

    There were always naysayers to but my attitude is that it is my life and only I can live it.

    I also learned long ago that there was no one who would “save me”. Harsh lesson but a beneficial one; I am the Mistress of my Destiny… I disregard folks in a barrel, what can any of them say to me when they have never ventured out into the wide world??? ..NOTHING

    Happy Turkey Day!

    • Joyousnerd says:

      I too have found it easy to disregard what others think and say about me… being in exile I learned early on that support and encouragement were not likely to come my way *esp* from most black folks. I have always done things that people said I couldn’t do… like up and moving to Hawaii, where I had never set foot. I ended up coming back to the mainland after a few months, but I’m still glad I went. I could have lived my whole life wishing I had done it… instead I just made the plans and carried them out.

      I even kept it from my own mother until I had made all the arrangements, because I KNEW she would try and tell me I couldn’t/shouldn’t. People are forever trying to tell me what I can’t do… I can’t find an Asian man, I can’t learn foreign languages, I can’t stay home with my kids, I can’t get into college… I did and DO all of those things.

      Since nobody I know is living in my circumstances, they have no knowledge to draw upon to tell me what I can and cannot do.

      • ak says:

        Can I please ask, why did you leave Hawaii after a few months? Because I’d like to try living out there too one day.

        Lord PLEASE let Hawaii be filled with a bunch of rich people who need accountants! LOL

        • Joyousnerd says:

          HI is indeed filled with rich people who need accountants. Thankfully you already understand you need a Remington, cuz with that crowd… not optional.

          I got “rock fever” something fierce. I felt that I could not breathe, the island was closing in on me and there was ocean everywhere I looked. I love Hawaii and I plan to buy a homestead on the Big Island or Maui at some point. But I will leave often to keep the rock fever from swallowing me up.

          I had read about it but never thought it would happen to me. I never got Rock Fever living in NYC, which is an island too, but at least it is easy to cross back over to the mainland from New York.

          • ak says:

            No option regarding Remingtons? I wonder why that is. Is it because of the rich mostly white snob, or the huge Asian population? Hey it doesn’t matter because I’d still at least like to visit Hawaii, and consider moving there possibly permanently, who knows?

            ‘Rock fever’ eh? Never heard of anything like it in my life. I hope my Jamaican blood can help me out with that, but hey I’m living in Britain right now any way! I think island life should fit me just fine. I don’t think I can live anywhere where there’s no water. Britain, Florida, Massachusetts, NYC, all places I’ve lived in that had water nearby and I come from island-dwellers.

            Land-locked land is pretty but I can’t warm to living in those places in my mind, it seems a bit of a stretch, and my Mom and grandfather are the good swimmers, but I’m not!

      • JoyousNerd,

        You said, “I have always done things that people said I couldn’t do… like up and moving to Hawaii, where I had never set foot. I ended up coming back to the mainland after a few months, but I’m still glad I went. I could have lived my whole life wishing I had done it… instead I just made the plans and carried them out.”

        As you know, the point is that you were FREE to go to Hawaii in the first place. You were also FREE to decide to return to the mainland whenever you felt like it. This is a central point the AA slave-crabs never understand. Returning home from wherever does NOT equal failure. The whole point is FREEDOM OF CHOICE, and exercising one’s freedom of movement.

        It’s about the difference between making choices for oneself versus always being acted upon by external forces. Since AA slave-crabs refuse to take initiative for anything, they don’t understand the concept. Their whole mentality revolves around being acted upon by other people and entities. That’s why they focus on trying to get other people and entities to feel sorry for them, or have compassion for them, etc. This is because AA slave-crabs place their hope in others being “nice Massas” who will select a pleasant fate for AAs.

        AA slave-crabs do this hoping for a “nice Massa” to act upon their lives—instead of taking as many matters into their own hands as possible. Such as taking one’s own health, wealth, and happiness into one’s own hands.

        Expect Success!

        • Joyousnerd says:

          Yes! Exactly! I was free to go, so I figured out how to go and then I went. I wanted to return, so I did. For me, these things are easy and simple.

          For lots of other people, they just don’t get it. The other college students in my classes were blown away and consumed with jealousy when I transferred to a college on Oahu. They seemed resigned already to not doing as they wished. I never understood that. I had no kids, I was a single woman, I could use my federal financial aid at any qualifying institution that would accept me, including the University of Hawaii. So off I went. Not too complicated.

          Those middle class white students were envious but admiring of my adventurous spirit. They felt I was doing the impossible but they did not begrudge me my choice.

          Black crabs on the other hand… whew! I had to stop at the bank to make some arrangements before I left, and all of the employees at that branch were BW. You would think they would have been neutral or a bit happy for me. But NO… NO! I was shocked at how angry, bitter and resentful they were.

          The account manager was a BW with 2 little kids who were running around in an office while she worked… I guess her childcare fell through. She snarled at me that she was in college too (though I had never disputed it or even got in her business at all) to get an associate’s degree. She was very defiant and angry as she told me this. I was bewildered; I couldn’t figure out how that related to my banking details! LOL. Now I know she was just a jealous, bitter crab.

          Then the BW teller barked at me for no reason and went through a whole panoply of emotions, from anger, a weird kind of threatening spiel, followed by resignation and sadness. It was so strange and bewildering for me.

          Looking back I understand that they were feeling that my freedom cast a spotlight on how trapped they had forced themselves to be. Who was *I* to move freely and live my dreams while they were barely scraping by? Crab thinking… it’s a sad and dangerous practice.

          • ak says:

            Those BW from the bank tht you mentioned are the type (and there are many of this type) that have bewildered me all my life and caused me such great strife because I thought their opinion mattered a long time ago. But I have to be me, so like you regarding ‘exile’, I am exactly the same and always have been, and now that I’m older that’s fine. I can’t let naysayers hold me back anymore these days. That’s why it’s best to keep my personal info and future plans confidential, because I remember the ‘bad ol’ days’. And the whole ‘panoply of emotions’ thing from the one lady sounds scary like The Exorcist or schizophrenia. Or possibly like the five stages of grief!

        • Magenta says:

          I am glad that you and Joyous Nerd bought this up. I think what stops many AA women from moving forward is that fear of “what happens when XYZ doesn’t work out and I have to go back home?”

          I know that many crab in the barrel AAs take sick pleasure in seeing one of their own return after trying something. In their mind, this proves that AAs shouldn’t even try. I remember overhearing a conversation where several ppl were gleeful about the fact that a AA BM’s business had failed (You see, they all worked at the same company. He left to start a business. At the time many of his AA coworkers told him he was nuts and that he needed to be happy with his “good job”). Well, word got out that the business was not doing as well as he hoped. I was horrified by their smug, I told you so attitude. I wonder if the reason his business failed was because he tried to service these hateful AA instead of making his business “colorless” like you have mentioned. This incident happened many years ago, and to this day it sticks out to me. It really brought home just how hateful many AAs are. What these hateful AAs do not get was that, while his business may have worked out, at least he TRIED. He also had the right to start a business. He also had the right to return to his old job or engage in other ventures if the business did not work out. I do not consider that a failure.

          As a result of the hateful and spiteful nature of AA slavecatchers, I make it a point to disclose my plans to a SELECT FEW. I know that I am not at a place where I can “brush the haters off” and I know that the discouragement I will receive will cause me to lose my focus. AA women need to be very careful who they reveal their plans to, this includes their own MOTHERS!!! I am convinced many BW mothers will sabotage their own daughters if given the opportunity. The vast majority of AAs DO NOT want their children to do any better than them. BW need to find mentors they trust that can provide them with true leadership and guidance. Everyone else will do everything in their power to sabotage them.

          • ak says:

            Yeah the only person I can tell my future Remington about is my Mom. She’s always been the type to tell me that ‘You can do whatever you want as long as you work hard for it and study hard’ etc., etc. so she’s not weird, and I really know she isn’t.

          • ak says:

            Also my Mom is one of those easy elusive butterflies that Evia alluded to a while ago. She draws people to her easily and everybody likes her but she hates to tell them her personal business, but this never held her back. In other words, she’s quiet about a lot, and regarding blacks and business, she totally gets it. My Mom’s been saying what this blog’s been saying about business for a while now. So she’d understand and wouldn’t argue.

          • Joyousnerd says:

            What happens when I have to come back home? Yeah, I can see how people would fear looking like a failure. The benefit of exile is that I never got used to the comfortable feeling of fitting in and being accepted by others! LOL!

            So the idea that people will laugh at me or whatever just doesn’t really mean much to me… folks have always had something to say about me… my clothes are weird, my interests are weird, my dating choices were wrong, blah blah blah. Since I’ll never be really accepted anyway *shrugs*. I may as well do as I like!

            But for those who are being rewarded for toeing the line, I’m sure it is very scary and painful for people to mock them and make them feel different. But even if a venture fails, you don’t have to go home! You can go somewhere else!

            Ah, the sojourner’s path… often beset by foes on all sides, and yet the greatest freedom to be found. I wouldn’t live any other way.

          • RColeman says:

            Hey Now! I am a former Hawaii resident!(30 years). Beautiful place…astronomically high cost of living.

  11. Everybody,

    The Sovereign Man blog has some current posts up that might be of interest to anybody who’s seriously considering their relocation options.

    From “Tip of the spear”:

    Military tacticians and historians often make use of the term ‘tip of the spear.’ It refers to a combat force that is used to puncture the enemy’s initial lines of defense, to be quickly followed by concentrated forces which destroy any remaining threat.

    Tactically, the tip of the spear is a bit of a blitzkrieg– an unexpected onslaught of firepower and destruction that takes the enemy by surprise, scatters his resources, and fractures his morale.

    I’m convinced that what we’re seeing right now from the US Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is the tip of the spear in the government’s battle for increased control of the public.

    The groundwork has been laid for years– legislation empowering the TSA has gradually eroded civil liberties to the point that airports in the United States have now become ‘no rights’ zones. “Please remove your shoes” has now become “Take out your prosthetic breast so I can check it for explosives.”

    Passengers who show up to an airport in the United States are now given two options: (a) go through the radiation bath [don’t worry, the government says it’s safe…] and let the TSA see you naked, or (b) let the TSA thugs grope you and fondle your children’s genitals.

    This is not enhanced security protocol, this is a systematic desensitization to government intrusion. The idea is to get people used to new procedures, then continue to add more layers of government control.

    Certainly, people will complain. They will be outraged… YouTube videos will abound of TSA agents stroking women’s breasts and disrobing 5-year old boys. The government will hold firm, though, responding that the tactics are necessary and that they will ‘look into’ egregious violations.

    To be clear, some of the tactics are designed to be scaled back as concessions. It’s like turning up the volume from 0 to 10… everyone starts screaming that it’s too loud, so the government turns it down to 8. People think, “ah, that’s not as bad…” and eventually become accustomed to the noise.

    In time, the government turns it up from 8 to 20. People pour into the streets again, protesting until the government turns it down from 20 to 15. People once again become accustomed to the noise as the new normal. This cycle escalates until no one can remember the sound of silence any longer.

    (emphasis added)

    I agree. I also believe the time needed to establish a permanent “Level 20” intrusion/lockdown in the US will be very brief, due to how most Americans have accepted this first round of enhanced intrusions. I’ve been talking to random people at work, and I’ve been (mildly) surprised at how few are concerned about the precedent that these ever-increasing “security theater” intrusions (measures that look like enhanced security, but don’t actually do very much to make one safer) are setting. Most folks just don’t care. I haven’t bothered to ask them whether they’ve considered what sort of search procedures the government will institute after terrorists are eventually found hiding bombs inside their body cavities.

    From “Where freedom still exists”, which gives an overview of conditions in Chile:

    One of the few absolutes that we can always count on is that change happens. It’s inevitable– people grow older and change, cultures change, countries change, businesses change, families change, etc. Change is inevitable, there’s nothing that lasts forever.

    You might even find that your own attitude is changing… it’s possible that the erosion of personal and economic freedoms that you’re witnessing in your home country has caused you to reach a breaking point… or at least start to formulate a contingency plan.

    If you’re feeling this way, your instincts are telling you that something is wrong and that you need to take action; perhaps that is what led you to this community to begin with. The first steps can be difficult– it’s a big world out there, and it can be tough to know where to begin… does freedom even exist anymore, anywhere?

    Yes, it does. No place is perfect, every country has its challenges. But there are many nations with positive growth trends and governments that don’t treat their people like milk cows.

    One of those countries is Chile, and if you’re looking for ideas, I strongly recommend that you consider it. I’ve been writing about Chile off and on for a while now, and for the life of me, I still can’t figure out why it’s not on the radar…

    Here’s why I think you should consider it: (he goes on to list several reasons)

    For those who are interested, at the end of the post, there’s a link to an almost 500-page book by an expat who has been living and working in Chile for years.

    “Life in Chile: A Former American’s Guide for Newcomers” by Dr. John Cobin

    At nearly 500 pages, Dr. Cobin’s book is the most comprehensive country guide in existence about Chile; he covers every topic imaginable, including his personal experiences with daily life, costs, immigration matters, dating, networking, religion, cultural idiosyncracies, doing business, getting a job, and much, much more.

    Hmmm…seems like now’s a good time to start learning another language (for those who aren’t already doing so).

    Expect Success!

    • Joyousnerd says:

      I will definitely check out this site. Thanks!

    • ak says:

      OMG the “Take out your prosthetic breast so I can check it for explosives.” part was so funny! LOL But in real life it isn’t so funny as much as it is annoying and time-consuming.

      This part: Certainly, people will complain. They will be outraged… YouTube videos will abound of TSA agents stroking women’s breasts and disrobing 5-year old boys. The government will hold firm, though, responding that the tactics are necessary and that they will ‘look into’ egregious violations.

      Is not funny at all I hope the US has not become like this while I’ve been gone because this sounds disgusting. Is John Walsh gonna do the ‘America’s Most Wanted: Airport Edition’ show now? Hmm…

    • Zoopath says:

      You know,I never thought about this going further. What *are* they going to do once the evitable “Rectum” or “Vagina” bomber strikes….*shudder*?

      • Zoopath,

        You said, “You know,I never thought about this going further.”

        Well, that’s another feature of lawyer-think. LOL! Lawyers and judges tend to be mindful of (and argue about) the precedents that are being set with various decisions. Things always go further than the original ruling. Sometimes things creep further; sometimes they rush ahead further. Each step smooths the path for the next step. Whatever the next step(s) might be.

        I don’t know exactly what the government will do after the inevitable body cavity bomber strikes. I *do* know that whatever it is, I won’t want to be involved in it. As things stand, I’m dreading the next time I have to go to an airport. From what I’ve read, both airports in Chicago are currently doing these enhanced gropings/irradiations of passengers. {shudder}

        Expect Success!

  12. IRockIRoll says:

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And to anyone spending Thanksgiving alone, or with family (and you just wish you were spending Thanksgiving alone), hugs over the internet! Some restaurants serve Thanksgiving meals so if you are looking for company please look into which ones are open. And don’t forget to ask friends if you would like to have a meal with more intimate company. We just got a call from someone who asked to come over for the meal a friend is throwing so it NOT too late!!!!

    Well, Evia is right, life is mostly mental because while I was THINKING of doing things, I was actually making moves and connections and not being completely aware of them. Because I had not realized favorable circumstances before, I was able to pick up on a few briefly dropped hints and opportunities this week that I wouldn’t have picked up on… IF I HADN’T MISSED them the first time around and saw what other people were doing later on.

    And speaking of time, Ladies it is never too late. And I say this as a “comeback” kid b/c LORD knows if I had believed in any of my failures, I wouldn’t have lived any of my successes. If you want to win something, change something, be something, you have to have a fundamental belief that it is possible. Hang on to your mustard seed. You don’t have it fully sketched out, you don’t have to tell other people about it, you just have to own the idea that YOU are capable of doing something. And when you have that belief, you start to do things differently, even if you’re not quite aware.

    All the crabs in a barrel want you to do badly b/c if one crab gets out of that barrel and doesn’t get cooked, what kind of excuse are all the ones who are sitting on a kitchen table a few hours later going to have? Animal references a bit much, but a grasshopper KNOWS when he’s a grasshopper. He is well aware that it is summertime and is actively pretending that winter is far far away. Those grasshoppers can SEE that the ants are bringing crumbs to the colony. They ain’t blind! A crab in a barrel KNOWS that you changing your situation is going to force him to self-examine his. They ain’t blind! Look, if you’ve ever climbed anything, then you know that slips happen. What do most people do? Readjust your balance! So if you’ve fallen, then you know to readjust.

    Initial failure isn’t the end. WHO HASN’T FAILED? I play several instruments. I’m in the process of learning another. I have NEVER picked up an instrument on the first try and blown someone away with prowess. Shoot, the first time I pick up an instrument, I’m trying to figure out how to situate my fingers. Much less go through scales with ease. Much less play a simple piece. Much less impress a fellow musician with my subtlety of tone. I failed EVERY SINGLE TIME I attempted those things… until I got it right. Success is PRACTICE when it isn’t luck.

    • ak says:

      IRockIRoll:

      All the crabs in a barrel want you to do badly b/c if one crab gets out of that barrel and doesn’t get cooked, what kind of excuse are all the ones who are sitting on a kitchen table a few hours later going to have? Animal references a bit much, but a grasshopper KNOWS when he’s a grasshopper. He is well aware that it is summertime and is actively pretending that winter is far far away. Those grasshoppers can SEE that the ants are bringing crumbs to the colony. They ain’t blind! A crab in a barrel KNOWS that you changing your situation is going to force him to self-examine his. They ain’t blind!

      This is true especially the last pasrt, which is why some black people are annoying in this case sometimes. it’s like OK you don’t want to try a different way or see things differently, but why do you have to talk your friend or relative out of it?

  13. Karen R says:

    Great post! I have had to regroup and comeback due to shifts and challenges in real estate. I’m thankful today for mentors who have been able to guide me and offer insight. Things change and we have to be able to adapt,shift and reorganize.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  14. T says:

    I’m working on my “comeback” right now as we speak. Three years ago, I was teaching in the school system. I’ll just sum it up nice and neat and say that it did not work out. It took me several months to realize that it did not work out, to get over it, and move on. No point in wallowing in what did not work out. What did work out, however, is the master’s degree. I am working on a second master’s degree with the intention of combining my MBA with another concentration in Adult Education and Development. My new goal is to become a corporate trainer instead of a school teacher. I think this new goal will allow me to still be an educator but a different kind-one that will nourish my mind and spirit instead of starve it to death.

    • Joyousnerd says:

      3 cheers for figuring out that the public school didn’t work out! Many people spend decades doing something that isn’t working for them, making themselves and everyone else miserable in the process. You were smart enough to make a change that will allow you to do what you enjoy, provide a useful service, and be compensated for it. Sounds grand to me. That’s the best you can hope for… everyone does things that won’t be the best for long term; it takes a wise person to realize that and change it quickly. Otherwise you end up stuck in an untenable situation until some horrible thing happens to force your hand. (Like you get laid off, or you have a mental breakdown, or you beat the snot out of someone’s disrespectful hellion…)

  15. RColeman says:

    Here is a link to one of the blogs I also frequent. This entry speaks volumes!

    http://www.motivatedsista.com/2010/10/07/tune-out-the-naysayers/#more-1319

    An excerpt;

    When your plans are in their infancy, you can’t afford to be subjected to these kinds of questions. Because you’re not prepared to answer them confidently and dismiss them from your mind. Casting the shadows of doubt and uncertainty over your fledgling dreams will not help them sprout and grow; in fact, they’re more likely to die a premature death if they’re exposed to the light too early.

    So what can you do?

    Keep your plans to yourself.

    That’s right, my friend, sometimes discretion really is the greater part of valor. So keep your big mouth shut. Don’t waste your breath talking about something that you haven’t mentally nailed down yet, because you’re opening yourself up to unnecessary criticism and naysaying. Most of the time, I’d say keep your lips sealed about your goals until you have a rock-solid plan of how you’ll reach them. Honestly, I think its best to keep totally quiet until the goal is accomplished, but that can be difficult.

    Know who is safe to share with.
    You pretty much know how the people closest to you are going to react. If I say anything to my mother about prolonging the likelihood of her becoming a grandma, she’s going to pull out those missing weapons of mass destruction on me. That’s a fact. So why would I set myself up by sharing those things with her? Because honestly, no matter what she says, I live my life for me. Its pointless for her to raise her blood pressure.

    I’m not advocating that you lie to your loved ones. But I am advocating that you be smart about who you share certain things with. Begin to practice the need-to-know filter system with your personal information: if they don’t need to know (are they paying for it? Doing you a favor to help you get it? Are they going to help you hide the bodies?) then save your breath to cool your tea.

    Let’s be totally honest here – people don’t tell you everything about their lives. Why do you feel the need to do so? Sometimes it does you more harm than good.

    Be selective with what you share.
    If its not possible for you to keep your goals to yourself, then it might be possible not to divulge everything. For example, if you dream of moving to another part of the country, I’d advise to at least give the family members that need to know that information. Don’t tell your aunt Ruby who is not only going to have something negative to say, but will probably call you names like uppity and ungrateful. Its not like she’s helping you pack boxes or throwing you a going away party. Why does she need to know?

    But it’ll probably get back to Aunt Ruby, right? And then she’s gonna tell others who have nothing positive to say about you or your plans. So when you discuss with the family members that need to know, make your plans sound as positive as possible, even if you’re feeling doubtful deep down about them. If you want to move to meet more eligible men, be creative and say you’ll gain new opportunities to improve yourself and grow as a person.

    Say you’ve always wanted to know what life is like in that state. And you’re not lying at all. But if you say you’re moving to get a man (and there is nothing wrong with that!!) then you know you’re setting yourself up if you tell your family that. Its none of their business why, they only need to know the select information that pertains to them.

    When I turned 30 last year, I embraced the benefits of being a little older and wiser. One of the biggest lessons I realized was how much other people’s opinion and thoughts about me really didn’t matter. People don’t spend the time thinking about us that we imagine they do. Once they spew their hurtful words, they likely won’t even ponder the conversation or our goals again. So why give them the opportunity to unconsciously dampen our enthusiasm?

    Another point to keep in mind, is that these offhand remarks often become the echo that repeats in our mind about why we shouldn’t pursue a goal. We’ve seen how much work it can be to control your mind – don’t give it another thought that you have to work hard to control.

    • ak says:

      Thanks RColeman, everything you’ve said there is true, because I’ve seen this myself. This last part is especially true:

      ‘One of the biggest lessons I realized was how much other people’s opinion and thoughts about me really didn’t matter. People don’t spend the time thinking about us that we imagine they do. Once they spew their hurtful words, they likely won’t even ponder the conversation or our goals again. So why give them the opportunity to unconsciously dampen our enthusiasm?

      Another point to keep in mind, is that these offhand remarks often become the echo that repeats in our mind about why we shouldn’t pursue a goal. We’ve seen how much work it can be to control your mind – don’t give it another thought that you have to work hard to control.’

    • Faith Dow says:

      I featured her blog – amongst others during my Friday Linkshare post. There’s a lot of practical wisdom applied at her forum.

  16. Felicia says:

    “This constant whining whenever they have to make the slightest effort, or endure the slightest discomfort in navigating the outer, nonblack world makes me believe the Black women whiners don’t really want solutions. They don’t really want to escape into a better lifestyle. What they want is to be able to semi-plausibly proclaim that “they tried X and it didn’t work,” and go back to chasing their delusions without having to feel like a fool for doing so. That’s fine. God respects free will, and so do I. Just be honest about it. Don’t say that “X doesn’t work.” Instead, say that half-a**ed, half-stepping X didn’t work for you. Tell the whole truth. Don’t be a dishonest crab in the barrel.”

    Man… All I can say is MAN! Whew! Khadija… SMH You said it. In spades. I don’t have anything to add. You expressed my sentiments exactly. There is a lot of dishonesty amongst the masses of black women. They need to stop “frontin” as you’ve said in the past.

    All I know is, those frogs (delusional magical thinking BW still in the Matrix) are going to start boiling to death at ever and ever faster rates as the years go by.

    The more the BWE/BWIR message gets out there and gets mainstream attention, the less excuses these frogs will have.

    From the kindness of our heart’s we’ve all warned them. Even though we didn’t have to. Those who’ve heard the message and know deep down we’re telling the truth (and make no bones about it, the masses of BW who’ve heard the message and/or have actually seen examples of BW living and loving well outside of the black construct DO know we’re telling the truth. They’re just angry that their black utopia/black love fantasies are being blown to bits daily. And BW doing well outside of the “community” is a reminder of the failure of their fantasies to come true) only have themselves to blame for their poor circumstances.

    Poor circumstances they CHOOSE to stay in because they’re unwilling to accept the fact that they’ve been played and had. By a beloved “community” and “brothas” (SMH at the ridiculousness of it all) they’ve needlessly sacrificed themselves for.

    I for one am going to continue to live well in spite of the lemmings steadily going over the cliff for NADA.

    I encourage every BW out there with a working brain to do the same.

    Again, GREAT essay Khadija and I look forward to reading all of the comments!

    LOL Well, please forgive me for the long response. I honestly didn’t see this one coming. But there is SO much food for thought in this latest essay of yours Khadija.

    I just couldn’t help myself!LOL

    My conscious is clear.

    • Felicia,

      Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

      You said, “Man… All I can say is MAN! Whew! Khadija… SMH You said it. In spades. I don’t have anything to add. You expressed my sentiments exactly. There is a lot of dishonesty amongst the masses of black women. They need to stop “frontin” as you’ve said in the past.”

      {feeling a rant coming on…}

      These women have finally managed to annoy me with their frontin.’ For a very long time, I’ve noticed there is an undercurrent running through a lot of AA women’s comments on BW’s blogs. You know—the AA women who seem to go out of their way to try to convince the other BW in the conversation that “X” is not “feasible” or “realistic” or “practical” for BW. These type of BW say this stuff no matter what “X” might be—dating interracially, developing income streams, moving out of phyiscally dangerous Black residential areas, and whatever else the conversation might be about.

      If “X” consists of doing something—anything—other than accepting the current status quo, then these type of BW come out of the woodwork to search for “reasons” why X is implausible!

      Here’s a reply I gave in response to one of these “professional doubter” commenters during a recent post at Christelyn’s blog:

      I would say that it’s not either/or, it’s both/and.

      On the one hand, everything else being roughly equal (the woman’s comportment, looks, etc.) BW are “held to a different standard than white and Asian women and men do not put as much energy into pursuing us.” That’s just reality at this point. BW can either deal with it and keep moving forward; or give up.

      On the other hand, NO other ethnic group of women other than African-American women are running around publicly and loudly declaring that they would never date outside their race. Other women also haven’t bought into the Sista Soldiering, lack of femininity, “mean mug” facial expressions, etc. on a massive scale like AA women.

      Most of the BW bloggers that I’m aware of who support BWIR have talked about ALL of these variables. For example, Evia has talked about the overall social reality that quality WM are in a position to be able to pick from a wide range of women. So WM have no incentive to chase after unapproachable-acting BW. She’s also emphasized that there are numerically more WM in the US than other types of men. Halima has, on more than one occassion, emphasized the the current generation of adult BW will have to face the extra hurdles of being trailblazers in terms of IR marriage.

      For my part, I’ve repeatedly told AA women to stop assuming that there’s automatically some Kumbaya thing in operation with other people of color. In the employment context, I’ve repeatedly said that AAs are more likely to be hired by White “gatekeepers” than other POC gatekeepers.

      I believe the same overall pattern applies to AA women and IR marriage context. The marriage odds are better for AA women and WM than with other men of color. Among the various categories of WM, the marriage odds are better for AA women with European-born WM as opposed to American-born WM. However, even in terms of American WM, I’ve noticed a significant change in the past 20-25 years. More American WM are willing to approach BW for dating than they were 2 decades ago. Before, WM would look at and notice BW, but it was rare for them to approach BW and ask them out for a date.

      Other people of color tend to be as racist and colorstruck as AA males. Some of these cultures are racist and colorstruck among themselves. South Asians (East Indians and Pakistanis) are extremely bad with this even among themselves. Skin color is one of the features they prominently mention in the marriage ads they place in their own publications. I’ve seen them do this on a routine basis in ads in immigrant Muslim publications. Since these people do this among themselves, they’re really not into the idea of courting and marrying BW.

      In terms of seeking a quality husband among other men of color, a BW has the worst overall odds with Asian men. What I’ve seen of East Asians up close (I’m speaking of mostly Koreans, but also some Chinese and Japanese) is that they are xenophobic among themselves. Folks’ parents from these 3 nationalities will react badly when their child marries an Asian person from one of the other 2 groups. Even though Asians from these 3 groups look very similar to each other in terms of features and complexions. [Unlike Thais, Filipinos and others who are often much darker.] So again, if these people are acting like this among themselves, then no—they’re not really looking to marry BW.

      I’m speaking in generalities. There are always individual outliers among any group of people. To sum up, the odds a darker-skinned, West African-featured, IR-dating BW finding a quality husband are much better with WM than with men of color.

      Unless an individual BW really has a thing for Asian men, I would not recommend that marriage-minded BW invest much time or energy into trying to date Asian men. The odds of that panning out into marriage are low.

      I’m using that particular conversation at Christelyn’s house as just an example. I see this same behavior pattern during most BW’s online conversations. There are always those BW who are fixated on problems as opposed to being open to engaging in problem-solving.

      Now, Asians have the SAME attitudes and behaviors when it comes to Black men. But you DON’T hear BM talking about the 9 out of 10 Asian women who are not open to dating BM. Instead, BM focus their attention on the 1 Asian woman out of 10—and I notice that in their conversations, BM don’t examine what that 1 Asian woman’s motives might be for being willing to date or marry a BM (such her being a green card seeker, or she has very low status in her own community and therefore has no other marriage prospects, etc.).

      The same applies to how BM discuss their prospects with White women, Arab women, and whoever else type of nonblack women—women who generally are NOT interested in, or open to, dating/marrying BM. BM focus on the minority percentage among those nonblack women who ARE available to BM. In fact, BM don’t even mention the 8 out of 10 nonblack women who reject their advances—you NEVER hear BM talking about that. Why is it seemingly so hard for so many AA women to do the same thing?!

      All of this also ties into something else: A lot of AA women don’t like to hear this, but AA women have dug ourselves into a collective ditch with our various behaviors and self-presentations. [Yes, dear periodically disgruntled reader—you know who you are, I’m veering off into one of the “obesity charges” as you’ve described it that I get into every 2-3 months].

      *AA women have NOT done ourselves any favors with the nonstop “nuthin’ but a BM, I would never date outside my race” PUBLIC talk.

      *AA women have NOT done ourselves any favors with the insistence upon holding onto a generalized, historical grudge against WM. Meanwhile, White men are the group of nonblack men who are MOST likely to date and marry BW! Many AA women are closing themselves off to WM in order to fixate on men of color who are often just as colorstruck as AA males!

      Ladies, let me dip into some blunt talk: If the only nonblack men you claim to be open to dating are men of color, then you might as well continue to waste your childbearing years dealing with your so-called brothas (BM). By excluding WM from your dating/marriage pool, you are shooting yourself in the foot—that is, if your goal is to have a marriage and legitimate children born within that marriage. First, WM are numerically the largest pool of men in the US. And second, WM are the group of nonblack men that is most open to marrying BW.

      *AA women DON’T do ourselves any favors when we rally around portrayals of AA women that serve to “other” us. Including the latest For Colored Girls mess. I don’t care how “moving” and “powerful” that mess might be. In its current or original form. It’s yet another example of public “therapy talk.” That play is over 30 years old! Perhaps it was okay in the 70s to scream out like that. I don’t know.

      But I do know that, in the 21st century, constantly associating the image of AA women with P-A-I-N is not an attractive “brand.” Why are so many AA women so quick to eat that up? When WW flock to see a movie about how that German WM kept his daughter a prisoner, raped her, and impregnated her; then I’ll reconsider my views about all this AA pain pornography that so many AA women wallow in.

      *AA women have NOT done ourselves any favors with the PUBLIC broadcasting of “big and beautiful” dumb sh*t. Women from other ethnic groups know better than to engage in that in any large scale manner.

      All of this mess is dishonest. And I’m tired of all the frontin,’ false flagging, or whatever else anybody wants to call these reality-defying behaviors. Those AA women who want to restrict themselves to dealing with the legions of fatherless, non-protective, and non-providing AA males should just do that—and CONTINUE to reap the suffering that they’re already reaping from being involved with mostly defective AA males. These women should stop pretending that they want something better for themselves such as a man who values them enough to marry them and raise a legitimate family. These women should stop pretending that they want anything other than being dependent on a wished-for government program.

      To all the AA women professional doubters/crabs in a barrel/slavecatchers: Stay in YOUR lane; and let the rest of us escape without your interference!

      Hmmph!

      {rant over}

      Expect Success!

      • ann says:

        Great post as usual.

        “…I’ve repeatedly said that AAs are more likely to be hired by White “gatekeepers” than other POC gatekeepers.”

        This is true.

        “…constantly associating the image of AA women with P-A-I-N is not an attractive “brand.”

        Very true.

        “Other people of color tend to be as racist and colorstruck as AA males.”

        I know this to be true.

        “AA women have NOT done ourselves any favors with the PUBLIC broadcasting of “big and beautiful” dumb sh*t.”

        You know this ad. seemed to have help ww come out of their shells. There was a time one did not see fat ww on tv like Mike and Matty.

        IMO, in years past when most bm would proudly exclaimed they liked extra meat on a bw that was before they could easily date/marry out. Back then I believe bw would have never imagine so many educated and financially stable bm would be dating/marrying out. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened back then if the majority of bw nurses, principals, and teachers married out?

        “WM are the group of nonblack men that are most open to marrying BW.”

        I agree, we need to stop trying to block other bw from being interested in other race men. Also, we can stop pretending we are not interested in other race men and get into the game.

      • Karen says:

        Dear Khadija,

        A most appropriate “rant” indeed…(deep martial arts bow).

        I have been living well for a very long time, despite and because of the hurdles thrown my way. I am solution-oriented and have never been a resident of “Pity City”.

        When I was laid off the first time, I had the next job literally the next month after the last job came to an end (it was clear reductions were coming due to the company’s performance in the market, so I was not “caught by surprise”).

        After the second lay off, it was the final push for me to pursue my goal of self-employment. I consider neither layoff being a bad thing, there are no more “secure” jobs and when that is recognized, then “Plan B” should always be ready and waiting in the drawer to be pulled out and utilized.

        I wish so much that more of us AA BWs would leave Pity City and take action (it matters not how large or small the steps are as long as it is always moving forward). However, God respects free will and so do I. For those that want to stay in their desperate, dire cirucmstances, just leave the rest of us alone.

      • ak says:

        Thank you thank you thank you Khadija! I mean you’re only just saying what I’ve already BEEN thinking anyway! LOL LOL

      • Lisa99 says:

        I know I’m probably late on this post, but these women are also working my last nerve…

        My reason might be a little different though. What I don’t like is the fact that these BW are attempting to invalidate MY experience and the experience of other BW by presenting falsehoods as gospel truth.

        On these boards, the regular posters are BW who are married/involved or were married interracially. If they aren’t married, they’re happily dating IR or have done so in the past. We are sharing our legitimate and true experiences about interracial relationships as BW and providing advice, and with one post from a whining BW who says it’s not possible, our experiences are invalidated or denied.

        One thing I notice is that the BW who continue to state that no men want us and that we have to settle for the “crumbs leftover” among men (yes, I heard that exact statement) is that they’re not dating ANYONE. Not WM or other non-BM, but they’re not dating BM either. But THEY are seen as being the authentic ones “telling it like it is,” about relationships when they do not even DATE.

        Their terminology consists of phrases like, “it’s not like WM are beating down BW’s doors,” or “it’s not like WM are approaching BW in droves,” and they have an obsessive focus on how many BM are dating WW in comparison… if a statistic said that 15% of BM are married to WW and 10% of BW are married to WM, they obsess on the 5% difference and talk about how everyone wants BM, but “no one” wants BW. And they obsess about the falsehood (that’s a truism in their minds) that WW are lining up to date and marry BM, when in reality, BM aren’t a desired marriage choice for most non-BW, PERIOD.

        Anyway, like I said… I don’t appreciate MY story being depicted as an anomaly or having these silly BW come onto boards/threads about IR relationships to negate MY story and the stories of those like ME. Do not speak for ME. Go spread your “woe is me” poison elsewhere… I am increasingly losing patience and am calling people out on this more and more.

        [Khadija temporarily dipping back into this conversation to say: I’m happy to hear that you’re calling out these dishonest women about this. I’ve also lost patience with these type of BW. And I believe more of us who are serious about abundant life need to check these BF wannabe slavecatchers when they come to spread their “woe is ME, therefore woe is ALL other BW” poison.]

  17. Felicia says:

    FWIW, I’d like to explain what I mean when I refer to black love being dead. Basically, modern African-American culture (in addition to other black cultures globally) currently does not support the notion of healthy, family oriented, decent and respectable relationships between the sexes. It does not view marriage as the best institution to raise children in. Because if it did, you wouldn’t have an over 70% OOW birthrate.

    It’s not that black love isn’t possible (my parents have been happily married close to 50 years as have many of their close friends), it’s just that these days it’s highly unlikely. Again, because of the cultural breakdown that has taken place.

    Blacks embarrassed that this dirty laundry is being aired will exclaim “my mother, sister, etc… etc… doesn’t fall into this 70% category of single never married BW. But, what they don’t want to admit to themselves – even though it’s glaringly apparent, is that these BW who don’t find themselves in these statistics are the MINORITY. The exception to the rule. Isolated occurrences.

    Marriage is a personal choice and may not be right for everyone. But every BW who DOES desire it, shouldn’t be made to feel that’s it’s as likely as winning the lottery. Or that it’s “bougie” or only for white people. That’s RIDICULOUS.

    Basically, hen you have a minority of BW living well and at the SAME level as your average non BW, the concept of “black love” IS basically dead for the majority.

    It’s just foolish for all of these BW to be looking for needle in a haystack when they don’t have to.

    The world is overflowing with good quality men who would make wonderful husbands and fathers. And the majority of them are OUTSIDE of the growingly polluted (culturally and romantically speaking) African-American population.

  18. Felicia says:

    Khadija,

    That comment of yours that you left on Christelyn’s blog was “on point” as they say. That’s the kind of “ranting” that folks need to hear because it was honest.

  19. Oshun/Aphrodite says:

    This is a good post.

    I too have been amazed at the amount of time it takes to get things really moving forward. Thank you because sometimes I too get discouraged.

    I think the abroad thing may be something that anyone who wants to survive will have to consider. I read the “tip of the spear” and I agree. I also have been reading articles where they are thinking of putting these scanners in train/bus stations/cruise ships. I am really not liking this. I can’t believe that people are defending this mess. This is not keeping us safe.

    Then Monday the senate is voting on the “lets kill everybody with genetically modified and irradiated food” bill. That will destroy small farmers, organic food, and supplements etc

    Then this morning I found out that homeland security has been shutting down some websites. They say it is for copyright infringement. Stealing ip is not cool- I have been ripped off before, but this is not the domain of homeland security and they did it without any type of procedure or warning.

    I guess this is the tip of the spear before they can see how much control they have over the internet when the US collapses.

    I am having some thoughts about Obama if all this is happening under his watch.

    • Valerie M says:

      Oshun, I have never liked the argument that if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about. But I can believe that people are defending it. People don’t get that freedom (personal, financial, and otherwise) comes at a price, and that price is security. The people who keep insisting on 100% security will find that they’re giving up their freedom for nothing because security simply doesn’t exist. If the terrorist really want to find a way to get to us they will… and they have, by bypassing Homeland Security over and over again. In the end it is the terrorist (and the government) who have won. We are reacting exactly as they planned it.

      Sovereign Man is pretty powerful stuff. I agree that it’s all about “voting” with your feet and money and that’s what the most powerful people are going to do in droves if the government doesn’t get its act together in this regard. Money is the only thing that these people listen to. It’s the only game they understand, it seems to me. I don’t see it as a bad thing… IF you know how to play the game. The people who keep deluding themselves that simply voting on a piece of paper (ballots), writing your senators all day, videotaping a few TSA agents, and “staying to fight” is actually going to do anything to change this are the ones who don’t know how to play.

      That’s what I believe anyway. I, for one, don’t plan to stay behind to find out and test that if I can help it.

      • Faith Dow says:

        Right, the billionaires financially backing the non-critical thinkers who are supporting the Tea Party wing of the Republican Party and the overall “Keep the 1% in control” conservative/greedy agenda fail to fully understand the end game. We could counterbalance much of it with our sheer numbers if people would (Matrix reference again!) take the red pill and unplug from the machines with a concentrated response to push back but we’re being decimated by the removal of basic support (i.e jobs). I say removal not loss, because these companies have systematically left the US with the gov’ts support for the past three decades. Along with the run on the banks, the environment and anything else that presents tangible value. Now they’re going after our minds. This is when I put my tin-foil hat back on and wonder if we’ve participated in the greatest Trojan Horse political con of the century in who “we” put in the White House. Was it even “us” or were we seriously manipulated? I don’t know…..but there is certainly much to consider. Even a tv show like The Event has been very clear in showing the involvement of outsiders who have an agenda opposite of the President’s with real access, money and foot soldiers.

  20. Anne1 says:

    Great post and truly life-changing as usual. This country is in a downward spiral straight to hell. I’m not sure if this is related but the other day when I dropped off my cell phone for service the attendant told me to return in an hour. When I returned I got in the line where I was told and clearly marked “Cell Phone Pick Ups”. My line was empty so I thought great, it will be quick. When I heard the attendant directly in front of me call “next” I stepped up and a BM who was first in the other line that was marked “Cell Phone Drop Off” stepped up, crossing my line and pushing me back with a mean look on his face. In a store full of BP where the majority was BW, I felt alone because not one came to my aid, in fact all the BW and other BM were laughing. The attendant who helped me earlier saw the whole scene and how upsetting it was to me and came to my rescue. It was awful because the reality hit me that if I was physically attacked by that thing all those BW would have just stared at a woman getting a ‘beat down’. This was in a nice, suburban neighborhood but unfortunately criminals travel to decent neighborhoods. What a rude awakening and I vowed to arm myself with mace and take self-defense. KravMaga (from the movie “Enough”) is at the top of my list but I’ll see how it goes.

    “Life in Chile: A Former American’s Guide for Newcomers” by Dr. John Cobin. I’m adding this book to my reading list, thanks! The nonsense with TSA (and government in general) is why I’ve been planning my exit either back to Panama, or Aruba (mesmerized since my visit 8 years ago), and now adding Chile to the short list! I’ve learned that some folks don’t want to be saved so I don’t waste my breath.

    RColeman, …”then save your breath to cool your tea”, very wise words my friend (cute and funny too). I have two people I can share my dreams with where sadly everyone else fall into the ‘naysayers’ category. Thank you for sharing the website for motivatedsista, it’s another nice one to keep me uplifted.

    • joyousnerd says:

      I’m sorry you had that awful experience at the store… I have had similar ones. It was a horrifying realization for me that in all likelihood, people would stand around and stare while I got beaten to death in broad daylight.

      Rather than getting too emotionally twisted about it, I need to DO something about it to increase my personal safety. Taking self-defense classes has been something on my to-do list for YEARS. I really need to get on that. I think ALL of us do, because the fact is that in most cases, we will not have people rushing in to rescue us.

      I was thinking judo or aikido would be a good choice for me, because you learn how to use the attacker’s energy against him, and how to shift your weight to totally destabilize a much larger, stronger opponent. A woman can easily halt an attack by a man if she has this training, and then she can flee to safety. While staying and battling to the death isn’t wise, a woman trained in judo or aikido can 1. convince an attacker that she will not be easy prey and 2. stop him from carrying her off somewhere.

      You know what? I’m off to research what dojos are in my area and check prices, right NOW.

      • I don’t know about self-defense classes, but I do know that ax handles are cheap and plentiful. I also know from experience that even the most aggressive person backs down when struck with one. Unlike guns you don’t need a license and you can walk down the street with one in your hand and no one, trust me, no one will bother you.

        • Anne1 says:

          Ax handle? Thanks for this info, Roslyn. I had no idea. I plan to look into this option.

          • After I was mugged in grad school my dad bought me one. You can pick them up at any hardware store. They come in sizes as small as 6-12″ — small enough to fit in your purse or bookbag. I used to walk around campus with mine in my hand and nobody bothered me again.

    • JoyousNerd,

      My 2¢ from briefly taking Aikido and then years of Hapkido classes:

      In my humble opinion, limited experience, and observation, Aikido is not realistic for smaller, physically weaker people, particularly the manner in which it seems to be taught in many US dojos. Those joint-locking techniques are subtle, and require extreme precision and mastery to get anywhere near correct.

      You want techniques that don’t require that level of precision or skill. Things you’re more likely to be able to do when you’re freaked out and panicked by some nut attacking you.

      While you’re trying to get the right grip to do a joint lock or throw, in the real world, you’re getting your head punched in. Which is why the original version of Aikido, Daitō-ryū Aiki-jūjutsu uses a lot of hits to soften up the opponent for joint-locks and/or being thrown. From the Wikipedia article: “Daitō-ryū is characterized by ample use of atemi, or the striking of vital areas, in order to set up jointlocking or throwing tactics.”

      My concern about modern sport Judo is that it seems like many of those throws depend on grabbing and gripping the uniform jackets that folks are wearing in the dojo. What if the attacker is wearing a short-sleeve t-shirt?

      In my humble opinion, I think it’s best for women to seek arts or styles that teach:

      1-escaping from grabs, choke holds, bear hugs, etc. AND

      2-hits that can do some quick, surprising damage (I’m not talking about “cool-looking” tv-show punches, I’m talking about claw somebody’s eye out, punch them in their Adam’s apple, hook your finger up their nostril and try to rip it open—all of which is some really ugly stuff)—to get the person who has grabbed you off of you so you can run.

      The point of all the above is to get the attacker OFF of you long enough so you can run away. It’s not realistic for a woman to expect to be able to trade punches with a man. Any man. No matter how small. The main thing I recall from practicing and tussling with the men students is just how strong men are in terms of their upper body strength. Including short and small men.

      From what I’ve seen and read, Krav Maga seems much more practical than Aikido and Judo.

      Expect Success!

    • Arthur says:

      Amazon says OUT OF PRINT-LIMITED AVAILABILITY for “Life in Chile: …” by Dr. John Colbin. B&N didn’t even list it. Alibris didn’t have it either.

      If anyone finds a source for this book, would you please post it here (if that’s ok, Khadija)?

      [Khadija speaking: Hi, Arthur! {waving} You can get the book from the link to it at the end of the Sovereign Man blog post “Where freedom still exists.” http://www.sovereignman.com/expat/where-freedom-still-exists/ ]

  21. Oshun/Aphrodite,

    Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

    You said, “Then this morning I found out that homeland security has been shutting down some websites. They say it is for copyright infringement. Stealing ip is not cool- I have been ripped off before, but this is not the domain of homeland security and they did it without any type of procedure or warning.

    I guess this is the tip of the spear before they can see how much control they have over the internet when the US collapses.”

    This sort of thing is why the Sovereign Man blogger talks a lot about “planting various flags.” Basically, he feels that it’s best to NOT have all your assets and interests located under the control of a single country:

    I raise this issue to underscore an important point: regardless of where you are from– Canada, USA, Switzerland, or even ‘rich’ Brunei, we all face some sovereign risk from keeping all of our assets and interests within one jurisdiction.

    As any old boxer will tell you, the punch that knocks you out is the one you don’t see coming. Sovereign risk is that shadow punch: when you bank, invest, own property, store gold, do business, etc. in the same country, it’s like you’re fighting a heavyweight champion with a blindfold on.

    Governments can unleash a vicious flurry at any time: capital controls, tax code changes, regulatory changes, new 3-letter monitoring agencies, etc. Each of these is a threat, they can come without warning. We might wake up tomorrow to capital controls… a punch that most people will never see coming.

    Is it possible that the knockout blow will never come? Of course… but are you willing to take that risk? I’m not, and I’m guessing you’re not either.

    That’s why we launched our premium service Sovereign Man: Confidential, and are holding the sold-out offshore workshop in Panama– to provide actionable information and contacts for diversifying assets and interests across multiple jurisdictions. I call this planting multiple flags.

    In my mind, the most important place to start is with a bank account. Establish a foreign bank account in a jurisdiction that you’re comfortable with (there are dozens across the globe, ranging from Belize to Labuan to St. Vincent).

    This is an important step because, when you move your capital outside of your home country, fat cat bureaucrats no longer have authority to freeze your accounts with just a few clicks.

    I also strongly recommend foreign property, especially if it has the potential to be agriculturally productive. In many countries (Latin America, parts of Asia) this can be dirt cheap (no pun intended)… and it may provide a worthy investment return as well as a possible escape hatch if you need it.

    Lastly, I recommend considering a second citizenship. Think about this as the ultimate insurance policy… you may never need it, but another passport might just be your ticket out of dodge, and ticket in to a new safe haven.

    http://www.sovereignman.com/expat/theyd-lock-me-up-for-this/

    Obviously, one needs a certain amount of money to be able to do this. But it IS something to keep in mind. Just think (especially Muslim readers): how long would you last if the federal government froze all your US bank accounts under the pretext of investigating a financial support of terrorism case? Or whatever (tax fraud, etc.).

    You said, “I am having some thoughts about Obama if all this is happening under his watch.”

    Well, as was documented in The Change That Never Came posts at the previous blog, Pres. Obama has maintained the bulk of the Bush regime’s policies. Both foreign and domestic. Including the ongoing government assault on civil liberties. And many of the people who screamed about these SAME policies under the Bush regime have been pacified into silence by the presence of Pres. Obama in the White House. And we all know the bulk of AA Obama-ssiah worshippers will support ANYTHING that Pres. Obama does. Anything at all.

    Let me repeat my warnings to AA Muslim readers. I’ve said this in the past, but it bears repeating:

    In light of the Arab-American Army psychiatrist who allegedly shot up his colleagues, and the Nigerian Muslim who allegedly tried to blow up the plane on Christmas, and just now some Somali teenager who allegedly was plotting to blow up some folks—including children—at a Christmas tree ceremony:

    You need to figure out where you’re going to run to if and when this country decides to start rounding up American Muslims.

    I figure that we’ve got about 1-2 “successful” Muslim-committed, mass casualty terrorist attacks to go before the American government decides that it needs to do something about us as a group. What do you think would have been the American public’s reaction if the latest nut—that teenage Somali Negro—had succeeded in killing up a bunch of *children* at that Christmas tree lighting ceremony?

    Don’t wait until you end up like the Japanese-Americans before you start making preparations. NOW is the time to get a passport (if you don’t already have one). NOW is the time to start saving some extra money for moving. NOW is the time to start learning the language of the country you might relocate to.

    And NOW is the time to find out the residency requirements for anywhere you might want to relocate to. At minimum, you need to read a very helpful book by Mark Ehrman called “Getting Out: Your Guide to Leaving America.”

    Don’t wait until it’s too late to start making preparations. Things can happen and change very quickly.
    _______________________________________________

    ValerieM.,

    You said, “Oshun, I have never liked the argument that if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about. But I can believe that people are defending it. People don’t get that freedom (personal, financial, and otherwise) comes at a price, and that price is security. The people who keep insisting on 100% security will find that they’re giving up their freedom for nothing because security simply doesn’t exist. If the terrorist really want to find a way to get to us they will… and they have, by bypassing Homeland Security over and over again. In the end it is the terrorist (and the government) who have won. We are reacting exactly as they planned it.”

    ITA.
    ____________________________________________

    Anne1,

    Thank you for your kind words about the post; I truly appreciate it.

    I’ve heard very encouraging things about Panama from all the sources I’ve asked (both Panamanian expats I know and Americans who have traveled throughout the Americas). Panama also gets very high marks as a relocation destination in “Getting Out: Your Guide to Leaving America.” 🙂

    I’ll probably get around to buying the book about Chile that’s mentioned at the Sovereign Man site.

    So far, almost everywhere I’ve seriously considered as a possible relocation destination has Spanish as one of its main official languages, if not the only official language. I need to get back to my (VERY slowly progressing) Spanish studies.

    You said, “It was awful because the reality hit me that if I was physically attacked by that thing all those BW would have just stared at a woman getting a ‘beat down’. This was in a nice, suburban neighborhood but unfortunately criminals travel to decent neighborhoods. What a rude awakening and I vowed to arm myself with mace and take self-defense. KravMaga (from the movie “Enough”) is at the top of my list but I’ll see how it goes.”

    I hear you. I’ve noticed a similar migration of Black undesirables coming out to where I live to shop. It’s most unpleasant because they bring their behaviors with them. Such as colored people approaching you asking that you get involved in their Link-card grocery shopping scams and whatnot. And then get an attitude when you say “no.” I’m sick of them; and I would prefer that such individuals remain in their slums. Far AWAY from decent people who are minding their own business, and trying to live in peace. {shaking my head in disgust}

    Expect Success!

    • Anne1 says:

      I haven’t experienced the link-card scam yet, thank goodness so I don’t know what it’s about. But it’s sad that they think because you are Black you’re down with the foolishness. I dress “nice and tidy” with makeup and hair done nicely even on the weekends (friends tease me that my dressing down is still pretty dressed up) so that could be an issue with my cell phone incident. I thought one of the other BW say “…who she think she is with her bourgie-as* but I’m not sure as by this point I was scared and just wanted to leave. Mind you look just like her, but because I was dressed too preppy (khaki pants, pinstriped button shirt, and dress shoes) because I choose to represent myself in a professional, decent way (everyone were in sweats, or raggedy looking jeans and sneakers) I should be attacked or humiliated? How insane!

      Yes, Panama is a good option and it’s actually second on my short list, second to Aruba (mesmerizing I tell ya).

      But about Panama, for years I watched the changes in a good way with the influx of US retirees who were all mostly older WM. Now, it’s become the norm to see young and coming WM, and entire families relocating there. So much that it’s changed the landscape from single family homes to hi-rise condos and resorts everywhere to accommodate the growth. You can rent but why would you I would buy with the affordable prices, even with the increase in the prices of late, but that’s simple supply and demand. Construction is at an all time high just to keep up with demand. My cousin (the one that has no business writing anything in English, LOL) just bought a nice 3-BD condo on the beach in a twin tower and loves it. The other tower is still under construction and there is already a waiting list, crazy. The cost of living is peanuts compared to the US which is the big attraction. For $20K a year you can live like royalty there with money to spare. That’s the good.

      The bad is it’s still a third-world country and with that there is abject poverty everywhere you look, and where there is high poverty there is high crime. There are areas where not even native people dare to go. But that goes for anywhere in the world. I experienced the same while living in Naples, Italy for a year where some neighborhoods were better left avoided altogether. The best way to avoid any sticky situation is to learn the language and travel with a native for at least 6 months or at least until you learn the nuances of the host country and eventually you’ll get reach your own comfort zone.

      Aruba is my top choice because it is a rich country which attracts mostly rich people. Yet, the cost of living is still pretty low. By sheer coincidence I saw an episode of House Hunters International while visiting my mom, a wealthy couple from NJ was buying a vacation home in Aruba. They were already living in a sprawling mansion-like house and were buying a second one in Aruba for $212K. The kicker was the house in Aruba had a detached rental too!

      The culture is a strange mix of the Netherlands and the Caribbean but it works and it was all good, especially the food. It’s outside the hurricane belt and there is 80 degrees year round. It’s not as affordable in terms of living like royalty on $20K a year, but it’s close enough to Panama that I can go back and forth often so it’s ideal for me.

      I’ve never been attracted to living in Europe because I like warmer climates. The winters are brutal and living in Italy confirmed that I’m an Island girl through and through. One tidbit about Spain, I went one summer (flights are cheap if you’re already in Europe) and the food was surprisingly bland. I went to several restaurants in search of tasty food. I don’t know what was up with that but it was not good for me. Maybe it just that part of the country, I don’t know. Just saying.

      Where ever it is, it must meet my No. 1 criteria of accepting and treating BW like Queens with a capital Q without hesitation. Panama and Aruba meet this requirement. Have to investigate Chile.

      I’m ready to TAKE FLIGHT now but I’m working my business ventures to build up that nest egg, girl.

      • Anne1,

        THANK YOU so much for the detailed info about Panama and Aruba! I’ll definitely start looking into Aruba. I actually didn’t mind the mostly bland food I had in Spain. It was just my speed because my stomach isn’t built for too many spices! {chuckling}

        I’m a born and bred Chicago girl, but these winters are definitely starting to kick even my rear end. I’m growing weary of them, and another thing I’m looking at in terms of possible relocation sites is year-round tolerable weather. I can easily do mild winters (say, around 40°F). But Chicago’s sub-zero winter temperatures are starting to get to me.

        You said, “I’m ready to TAKE FLIGHT now but I’m working my business ventures to build up that nest egg, girl.”

        Same here!

        Again, thanks so much for the detailed feedback!

        Expect Success!

        • Anne1 says:

          You are very welcome! I hear you about the cold. I was thinking about Georgia for the mild winters but opted to avoid winters altogether, LOL.

          I forgot to mention Panama real estate prices for your reference. My mom paid $36K for her house 8 years ago. It’s in a nice and quiet neighborhood, pretty standard rambler-style home with 3 large bedrooms and a large fenced-in porch (this thing is huge), a good 30 minutes drive away from the beach. By contrast, my cousin paid $85K for her condo 3 months ago, two blocks from the beach. It’s in a resort-like area that caters to Americans. So depending on your preference — resort-style or local-family-style living, both are very affordable for the average US transplant. It’s bittersweet because the average Panamanian family can not afford either choice.

          As with anything, check it out with at least one or two trips before committing of course. I may know Panama, but I need to visit Aruba one more time too.

        • Karen says:

          It depends where you go in Spain. The food in Barcelona is quite nice but south of Valencia, not so much.

          Concerning Island nations, one consideration is food supply. Is the island self-sufficient for their food supply (they have sufficient arable land) or is it most imported? If times become difficult (i.e. war, cost of oil), these could become critical factors as to whether it can be a place to live.

          • Anne1 says:

            Very good point about the relocation options, this hadn’t occured to me, thanks Karen. I was in Madrid, and the most season they used was salt and black pepper, my lord that was terribly bland. But, I happen to like my food well-seasoned, not necessaryly spicy but full of flavor. As Khadija pointed out it’s definitely a preference thing or a health issue to contend with.

          • ak says:

            Yeah I think a Spanish guy I met i London once told me that paella come from Valencia originally, and paella is good, really good! Parts of Spain are too touristy now with a whole lot of Brits, so maybe the food isn’t as authentic in certain parts? I dunno. My Mom had a Spanish cookbook saying that real Spanish food, as opposed to Latin American food was never supposed to be super hot and peppery.

  22. Faith Dow says:

    I’ll just add separately because the replies are getting long that yes, some of us have to be ever vigilant about being sabotaged by those with the closest blood ties to us, including our mothers. I’ve also come to the conclusion that everyone is not a “dumb” about their indoctrination as they may appear to be. They are not willing to try to change with any seriousness. So those who feel compelled to take risks are going to be hit over the head with “I told you so”, bad advice and no support if their efforts don’t pan out the way they’d hoped.

  23. ***Note to Readers***

    In making this new site the kind of project that’s sustainable for me over the long-run, I’ve had to streamline how I handle certain things. The comments section is one of them. What this means is that I’ll give substantive responses to those folks who enter the conversations early (as I did across the board at the previous blog).

    After each post is a couple of days old, I’ll generally continue to publish new comments from readers. (That meet the commenting guidelines as set forth at the previous blog—those who are unfamiliar can read the comment “box” at the previous blog.)

    But, after a each post is a couple of days old, I generally WON’T continue responding to new comments.

    In other words, I’ll continue to publish comments to this post, but I’m not going to reply to any more comments in this thread. FYI. Please feel free to talk among yourselves!

    Expect Success!