A Very Short History Of Human Survival, And How It Relates To The Black Women’s Empowerment Movement

A VERY SHORT HISTORY OF HUMAN SURVIVAL

During a recent conversation, I had the following exchange with Evia (blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine).
I said,

Evia,

You said, “Khadija, I would think that by now there would be a bunch of books out there breaking it down to men that even though a woman may make as much money/more money than her man, the typical woman is still going to purr more with a man who makes her feel safer and more secure.”

So many modern, fatherless AA males are so far out of touch with HUMAN norms (such as the above), that I’m beginning to doubt that any book-based explanations can break through their constellation of dysfunctions. I’m beginning to think that normal human male thought patterns and behavior can only be learned through intensive modeling; AND social rewards/punishments being administered by healthy men.

You said, “Women, in general, are wired to want to be safe and secure just like men, in general, are wired to be sex hunters. In line with that, women, in general, are also wired to want the type of man who can best help them to feather the nest. I realize that some women haven’t accepted that men are sex hunters, but many men also seemingly can’t grasp that women are wired to gravitate toward men who make them feel more safe and secure. That’s our basic wiring that’s been embedded during the last 50,000 years.”

Similar to the feigned “confusion” of many AA women NWNW (No Wedding, No Womb) opponents, I’m not entirely convinced that defective males genuinely don’t know this. These men live in a Western society where they see the effects of WM protecting and providing for WW and White children all around them. If nothing else, they saw WM PROTECT Taylor Swift from any further aggressive behavior from Kanye West.

I get the feeling that it’s a combination of not wanting to know this, coupled with the inner knowledge that they’re incompetent to meet this standard in their current frame of mind. So, these failed men pretend not to know that protecting and providing are HUMAN male norms.

You said, “Anyway, SOME of us bw greatly prefer men who can flex their brain rather than their biceps. And if a man can flex his brain the majority of the time, he can PLAN to avoid many pitfalls/traps in life and won’t even need to flex his biceps barely at all.”

Well, duh, as you know—that’s what normal human women who are from normal, CIVILIZED environments generally want in a man. Normal, sensible women from civilized environments want the sort of man you described when you said, “These brainier men who are able to fluidly negotiate the customs of civilized society and secure a comfortable life is the type of man that I will encourage upwardly mobile bw to set their sights on. Many underexposed bw think of this type of man as weak or wimpy, or lacking in swagger, but that’s due to the underexposure of these women socially and their lack of knowledge in many ways. Many of these men know how to be assertive when necessary because they’ve seen it modeled.”

Evia, I must admit that I find it extremely difficult to comprehend some of the bizarre conversations that go on among AAs about relationships and childrearing. The bizarre practices that we’ve normalized (oow, weekend-fathering, telephone-based fathering, etc.) are so far removed from basic human norms that it’s breathtaking. The nonsense spouted by the BW who are in opposition to NWNW was one example.

I’ll also never forget another example a couple of years back at a Black-love/Black unity blog. A AA male commenter stated that he felt BW were being “programmed” to artificially want marriage; and asked somebody to explain what “real” value marriage has.

I asked him to do the following thought experiment. To picture himself becoming homeless as a result of a Katrina-like emergency, or something that lasted longer such as The Great Depression. I asked him, among the following list of persons, who would be most likely to feel some obligation to help him and take him in during such an emergency? And who would be most likely to feel obligated to help him over the long run?

1-Total strangers?
2-Neighbors?
3-Work acquaintances?
4-Friends?
5-His jumpoff’s parents and extended family members?
6-His casual girlfriend’s parents and extended family members?
7-His baby mama’s parents and extended family members?
8-His wife’s parents and extended family members?

He didn’t have an answer. Over the years, I’ve been amazed by the numbers of AAs who don’t see the obvious connection between the mass AA refusal to form families and problems like homelessness among AAs, etc. We seem to expect others to create and fund endless government programs to accommodate our dysfunctions. It’s crazy. All of these various dysfunction-subsidizing programs need to be cut off. This would serve to get folks’ thinking in alignment with reality.

The bottom line: Any AA woman who wants a good and decent life MUST step OUT of the toxic, savage, all-AA social environment and go amongst other people who are much more likely to model normal, human behaviors and interactions.

In response, Evia said,

Khadija, that simpleton AA man got an entire slab of history-of-the-human-race education in that one question you asked him. LOL!!!!!! You actually made a lot of headway towards civilizing that man with that one question. Questions are often more powerful than the answers.

. . . [in terms of various dysfunction-subsidizing programs, she said] Yep, it would be better to just cut the cord and that is happening. Even if these folks were my own children, I would say the same thing. I would not want my children crawling around deformed. It’s disgusting. It reminds me of a laboratory scene where there are all of these partially developed fetuses floating around tethered by umbilical cords to a monster.

Well, our departed sister, Octavia Butler really called it when she wrote her series of “Parable of the Sower” novels. Of course, she called them fiction, but she KNEW they weren’t. She knew. And just like she knew, and just like we know, many others also know, and they’re PLANNING for the solution. However, I’m convinced that the reason they allow it to go on to this extent is because they want to be sure that their own people know that when and as they enact the solution, the liberals and other tenderhearted folks among them will know that there was no other choice.

She’s right.

HOW THIS SHORT HISTORY OF HUMAN SURVIVAL RELATES TO THE BLACK WOMEN’S EMPOWERMENT MOVEMENT

The underlying purpose of various Black Women’s Empowerment (BWE) bloggers’ essays is to encourage and help more African-American women get their expectations and behavior back into alignment with human norms. The formula for human survival and success is not complicated; it’s actually very simple. On a patriarchal planet, women and their children rise or fall based on the caliber of men they select as mates and fathers for their children. If a woman selects a non-protective, non-providing man, she and her children will suffer. For generations. If a woman selects a man who is a capable protector and provider, she and her children will thrive. For generations. This is the bottom line to what BWE bloggers have been saying all along.

Settling for a man who won’t marry you, and who won’t ensure that his children are born within the bounds of marriage leads to suffering, and ultimately death for the woman involved and her illegitimate children. This collective settling for the inferior situation of out of wedlock childbearing (oow) and the single parenting that is the predictable result of oow is the root cause of why African-Americans are becoming a permanent underclass in the US. The “grasshoppers” can continue to pretend not to know this if they want to, but any African-American woman who wants a good life for herself and her children needs to “recognize.” Pronto. Time is running out.

WHERE THE BWE MOVMENT STANDS TODAY: AT THE “DISCUSSION” STAGE. ADOPTION COMES NEXT.

Philosopher John Stuart Mill said, “Every great movement must experience three stages: ridicule, discussion, adoption.” The BWE movement is firmly at the discussion stage, and I see the beginnings of various forms and levels of adoption.

There’s been a major shift in the conversations among African-American women since I first started paying attention to these issues approximately three years ago. At that point, any Black woman who questioned or challenged the current demeaning status quo of how Black women are treated among the African-American collective was relentlessly stalked, attacked, and ridiculed. The concerns being raised by such pioneers (African-American men’s escalating violence and atrocities against Black women and girls; Black men’s racist colorism against Black women; African-American women being programmed to be self-martyring “mules,” and so on) were dismissed and rejected out of hand. Both by heavily Black-male-identified Black women, and by various categories of sexist African-American men. That was then.

This is now. Now, the conversations have changed. Various life-enhancing ideas have spread among African-American women. Through the cumulative effects of our work, various Black women bloggers have gradually forced a change in the conversations. Christelyn’s recent No Wedding, No Womb initiative kicked the door wide open, and forced a blast of fresh air into the stale atmosphere of mass African-American acceptance of oow. Various African-Americans who like the current status quo, and would prefer to keep any questions about it off the table, have been forced to talk about these issues.

As a result, increasing numbers of African-American women are thinking that just maybe they do deserve to have a similar range of life options (such as being protected and provided for in the context of marriage) as every other ethnic group of women on this planet. These women are beginning to question and reject various status quo-supporting behaviors such as “Sister Soldiering.” Praise God!

THE CURRENT TACTICS USED BY THOSE WHO ARE OPPOSED TO ABUNDANT LIFE FOR BLACK WOMEN AND GIRLS

BWE bloggers are at the dangerous intersection of resistance against some deeply entrenched pathologies:

  • The general, overall sexist harassment of women online. See the Washington Post story “Sexual Threats Stifle Some Female Bloggers.”
  • The African-American cultural bias of defining “Black people’s interests” solely in terms of what’s best for Black men, without any consideration of the impact on Black women and children.

Whenever a Black woman openly resists and rejects the above two things, she will face hysterical belligerence from Internet Ike Turners, and their supporting chorus of heavily male-identified Ikettes (who are similar to the Arab and Afghan women who support the so-called “honor killings” of other women).

Well, as the proponents of abundant life for African-American women and girls have changed the dynamics of Black women’s online conversations, the opponents of abundant life for Black women and girls have shifted their responses. At first, those who are opposed to abundant life for Black women and girls tried to bully the pioneers into silence with stalking, threats and coordinated online attacks. That failed. The various BWE bloggers persevered in their efforts.

Trying To Separate “Good” BWE Bloggers From “Bad” BWE Bloggers. One current Internet Ike Turner and Ikette strategy is to try to redefine various BWE bloggers into separate, conflicting categories. Previously, the Internet Ike Turners and Ikettes defined all BWE bloggers as “bitter,” “extreme,” and “divisive.” These are some of the Ikes’ and Ikettes’ favorite buzzwords. They’ve now decided that some BWE bloggers are “moderate,” “reasonable” and “sincere.” While others are still “bad.”

This little trick is a repeat of what White racists did during the Civil Rights Movement. White segregationists tried to characterize and position some African-American organizers as “good, moderate” Negro leaders, and other ones as “bad, divisive” Negro leaders. [Incidentally, I hope to remain firmly in the "bad" category. I believe that God does not like people who are lukewarm about issues such as justice and human dignity.]

White segregationists failed with this strategy during the 1960s. The Internet Ikes and Ikettes are failing with this strategy right now.

Hoping That Making False Claims of “Infighting” Will Lead to Actual Infighting Among BWE Bloggers. Another Internet Ike Turner and Ikette talking point is to loudly proclaim the existence of non-existent “infighting” among various BWE bloggers. This is another strategy from the White segregationists’ handbook. Like the previous strategy, it’s a cheap, transparent ploy to try to pit various BWE bloggers against each other. White segregationists failed with this strategy in the 1960s. The Internet Ikes and Ikettes are failing with this strategy right now.

BWE ideas continue to spread, and increasing numbers of African-American women are quietly deciding to stop:

And instead to seek abundant life for themselves. The same way African-American men freely seek abundant life for themselves without factoring in how this affects the already-dead African-American collective.

WHAT THOSE WHO ARE OPPOSED TO ABUNDANT LIFE FOR BLACK WOMEN AND GIRLS WILL DO NEXT

The Internet Ike Turners’ and Ikettes’ tactics will continue to morph as the BWE message continues to spread. As increasing numbers of individual Black women decide to seek abundant life and go wherever their dreams lead them, the Internet Ike Turners and Ikettes will start claiming that they always supported the goal of abundant life for Black women! So, you’ll see them start to concede various points that they previously denied. They’ll ultimately concede that:

  • Black women are as entitled as any other race of women to be provided for and protected.
  • Black women and children deserve the protections granted by marriage and legitimacy.
  • There is a problem with African-American men and their racist colorism against Black women.

They’ll ultimately concede these (and other) points. But they’ll also say that they disagree with the means used by BWE bloggers to solve these problems. The Ikes and Ikettes want the current status quo to continue. They want African-American women to stay in place, and remain available to continue serving as unreciprocated mules to prop up the African-American collective. They don’t want African-American women to imitate the moves Black men make to seek abundant life. Moves such as dating and marrying whoever they want, without factoring in race. Such as moving out of Black residential areas as soon as they can afford to do so. Such as doing whatever works best for them, without considering how their choices affect the so-called community. Which is their right.

Ultimately, as the BWE message continues to spread, the Ikes and Ikettes will falsely claim to support portions of the BWE platform. But they’ll want Black women to keep doing what has already failed—hanging around waiting for Black men to do their part. Like the other failed ploys used by Ikes and Ikettes, this also won’t work. As increasing numbers of African-American women watch other Black women live in abundance, there’s no going back to voluntary, unnecessary deprivation and suffering. Freedom is contagious!

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108 Responses to “A Very Short History Of Human Survival, And How It Relates To The Black Women’s Empowerment Movement”

  1. Monique says:

    I am a long time lurker to your site, Khadija, but I too wanted to congratualte you and the several other BWE bloggers who have been insturmental in getting BW to wake up and truly see the plight we have found ourselves in. Your work is timely, necessary and incredibly important. I enjoy reading your work and learn something new each time… many, many thanks.

    Keep up the phenomenal work, the message is getting through

  2. Miss V says:

    Sista Khadijah,

    I give thanks for you, Evia, Lisa Vasquez, CW, Halima and so many others for your willingness to sound the alarm to the rest of us bw, who either didn’t have a clue, were in denial, or both (that was me until I was left with a son to raise by a DBM). I was with that ‘pro black/saveallaourpeeples/giveus-usfree’ nonsense as well. You all have confirmed for me EVERYTHING that I’d been feeling and seeing around me. For a long while, I began to think that I was the only bw who felt this way.

    I have some sista friends who accuse me of ‘having problems with men’ (namely bm) because I’ve been telling them those very same things that I’ve noticed, as well as what you’ve been saying on your blogs.

    I’ve noticed that they have YET to challenge me on any of the things I’ve been saying to them. It’s been quite interesting. I always tell them that they can call me whatever they want to but they can’t call me a liar.

    Anyway, keep it up!!

  3. PG says:

    Khadijah,

    I am so incredibly grateful for the work that you and the other BWE bloggers/contributors (Gina, Evia, Faith, Halima, Sara, CW, Lorraine S. et al) have done on behalf of BW and girls. Truth P. wrote eloquently about the themes/lessons that we (those of us who would consider ourselves e-mentees) have learned via BWE blogs, so I’ll just co-sign with her and ask that you and the other women to please continue your amazing work. You are helping women change their(our) lives for the better.

    Best,
    PG

  4. Monique,

    You’re welcome, and thank YOU for delurking as well as your kind words and support. I truly appreciate it!
    _________________________________________

    MissV,

    You’re welcome, and thank YOU for your kind words and support. I truly appreciate it!

    Expect Success!

  5. To The Reader Whose Recent Comment I Deleted,

    I deleted your comment that gave a lengthy critique of another blogger’s method of dealing with trolls. I did this because how somebody chooses to operate their blog is THEIR business and THEIR choice. It’s not for anybody else to try to dictate how somebody runs their blog.

    I don’t think that was your intention, but your (unpublished and deleted) comment could have been interpreted that way.

    Anyhoo, it’s all good—onward and forward. :-)

    Expect Success!

  6. PG,

    Thank you for your kind words and support; I truly appreciate it!

    Expect Success!

  7. KM says:

    I just want to add my thank yous to this post. From when I first stumbled upon Evia’s site in 2008 to now, my eyes have been opened as well as other ladies. We are on our way to living better, richer, fuller lives and many more BW are waking up with us. And I thank God everyday that my eyes and others were opened to BWE.

  8. rainebeaux says:

    Khadija, you said in part:

    One gap was the feeling that most of these blogs really weren’t for grown-ups who had been grown for more than a minute. It felt like most of these conversations were taking place exclusively among 20-somethings. And their attitudes were often quite dismissive toward anybody over say, 32. I felt unwelcome and old—in a bad way—when I read some of those conversations.

    Other conversations were filled with triumphant women commenters trumpeting their perfect, problem-free-environment lives. I felt unwelcome and somewhat inadequate while reading some of those conversations. I kept wondering, “Well, what about the rest of us who’ve made some mistakes and wrong turns along the way? What about those us of who aren’t already part of “Team Perfect”? Is there nothing we can do to find abundance?” [emphasis added]
    ____

    Before I continue, I must thank you, CW, Halima, Evia, and the others who’ve paved the way for BW like myself…the ones who were submerged (born, raised, socialized…) in this underclass mess, more specifically. If I hadn’t stumbled onto this wing of the blogosphere, there’s no telling where I’d be in general, much less mentally.

    Oh, can you imagine my initial disdain toward “Team Perfect”? I was all, “well, gee, I must be failing miserably at life.” *eyeroll* nonetheless, I kept looking for answers and kept reading.
    Of course, I’m “under construction”/a work in progress, but I still feel the need to pay it forward. I’ll make a concerted effort not to beat anyone over the head as I go.

    As it turns out, working through the anger–
    –may take a while. I can accept the AA collective’s warp-speed descent into planned obsolescence (aka the impending permanent black underclass–insert *shudder* here), but what drives me nuts is AAW’s insistence on continuing the unnecessary struggle. I can’t let this go on unnoticed. Even if other BW/BG don’t get their light bulb moment from my perspective(s) immediately, it looks to be sinking in from all of us here.

    In short, it’s good for me to know that we’re not all struggling or continuing to struggle.

  9. KM,

    You’re welcome, and thank YOU for your kind words and support. I truly appreciate it!
    _______________________________________

    Rainebeaux,

    You’re welcome, and thank YOU for your kind words and support. I truly appreciate it!

    Some more thoughts about “Team Perfect”:

    I’m reminded of Elijah Muhammad’s saying that “a cake slices on both sides.” On the one hand, it’s good see and hear of AA women who are leading more or less carefree lives in problem-free-environments. It’s a good antidote to the normalization of “we ALWAYS be struggling.” And, people ARE entitled to rejoice in their blessings. There’s nothing wrong with that.

    On the other hand, a certain type of trumpeting or celebration of blessings can be demoralizing and discouraging to bystanders who have haven’t achieved/found that yet. Or to those bystanders who (thought they) had it, and lost it. And it’s hard to even discuss these sorts of issues, because anybody who starts to feel lacking in the presence of Team Perfect’s self-congratulations is automatically branded as “jealous.” Which is often a type of put-down in itself. And “jealousy” is not always—or even necessarily—what’s going on with that reaction.

    I’ll put it this way: My concept of the what “jealousy” means is somebody who’s resentful of another person’s blessings. And an extremely jealous person wants the other person to lose their blessing. Some will go so far as to try to sabotage the other person’s blessing. This sort of reaction is rooted in misplaced anger. Jealous people react as if the blessed person somehow stole the blessing from them.

    However, I don’t think it’s “jealousy” to have the reaction of, “Well, that’s great for So & So on Team Perfect. But where’s mine?…When do I get mine?…How will I get mine?…Can I ever get mine?…Will I ever get mine?” This sort of reaction is rooted in worry. Sometimes worry tinged with disappointment or sadness.

    All I know is that I came away from some BW’s blogs feeling overall worse than I went in. So, I stopped reading them. Now, I’m not saying that this reaction on my part was those particular bloggers’ or commenters’ faults. Like everybody else, I have my own share of self-generated, irrational reactions to things.

    I’m just saying that this issue of inadvertently discouraging people is something that I try to be very careful about. On the one hand, I refuse to engage in the modern AA cultural norm of the false affirmation of sub-standard lifestyles and choices. So, I’m not going to pretend that certain inferior things are actually okay. They’re not; they’re less than okay. People can still survive and eke out a life with sub-standard things, but that’s not the same as thriving. And we need to stop pretending that it’s possible to thrive surrounded by that which is subpar.

    On the other hand, I try to leave people feeling hopeful and encouraged even though I’m telling the unvarnished truth. And I’m not pretending that everything will be easy. My point is that, as long as one is still alive, it’s not too late to make a change. No matter how far one has mistakenly travelled down the wrong road, it’s not too late to turn around and start heading in the right direction—toward the Promised Land.

    I think about the BW…the peers…I’ve known who are now dead. Who can’t make any changes because death caught up to them before they came to their senses. Where there’s life, there’s still the opportunity to chart a new course.

    You said, “As it turns out, working through the anger–
    –may take a while. I can accept the AA collective’s warp-speed descent into planned obsolescence (aka the impending permanent black underclass–insert *shudder* here), but what drives me nuts is AAW’s insistence on continuing the unnecessary struggle.”

    What I’ve found is that the long-term solution to the anger is to focus more on SELF, and on maximizing SELF’s pleasures. The more comfortable and pleasure-maximizing SELF’s experiences are, the more the anger begins to drain away. Even so, it still takes time. The overall pattern of how AA women are used, abused and exploited IS outrageous.

    Expect Success!

  10. **Everybody,**

    Thank you!

    I think we’ve more than covered all the angles to this particular topic for now, so I’m closing the comments to this post. Onward and forward!

    Expect Success!